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'Thoughts'

"Speech"

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KING ARTHUR:

Fallen Knights Return

Chapter Nine – Accepted

Lancelot and Dagonet had skidded to halt at the door, after hearing Bethan run screaming from the room. They hadn't been able to hear what she'd said, and had assumed the worst.

On being confronted with, the normally icily controlled, Tristan weeping, holding her arm and having some bit of cloth tied round both their wrists - they thought she had finally passed.

The two knights were paralysed with grief…but only for a moment.

"NAY!" cried Lancelot "She can't be! I won't allow it! I can't lose another sister! Is this how this God of Arthur's treats us! To keep taking away the ones we love!" He flew to her side, but then realised her chest was rising and falling. "What sorcery is this Tristan! Has she passed or not! For the sake of the Heavens tell me!"

Tristan looked up startled, for the first time in his life caught off his guard, and now calmly regarded his fellow knight and friend "She has not passed Lancelot, never fear – she has come back to me…..to us".

"Her fever, it has broken?" It was Dagonet who spoke.

"Aye, it has….finally. She sleeps the sleep of the good."

"She has always done that my friend…." the large man said, his hand resting on the scout's shoulder.

The other knights came running in from all over the compound, alerted by Bethan that Sandrina was back. Bors being the first and the loudest "Where is she! Where is the wench that nearly cost me my sanity!" he cried happily.

"BORS! Hush, she is sleeping…." Dagonet hissed.

"Again? What the bloody hell has she been doing for the last 5 days then! 5 DAYS Dag….I've not even been able to sup my ale properly for the worry."

"That's why the tavern's nearly out of business then!" Muttered Gawain to Galahad, who smirked.

"She was in a fever; it is not the same sort of sleep Bors."

"Nay, it is like a hangover sleep….you know you closed your eyes, but wonder why you bothered!" Said Lancelot – causing the knights to laugh, even Tristan.

Merlin could only wonder at the way her presence drew these men together, these knights and warriors; first in friendship, then grief and fear and now in good humour.

He had watched them in the tavern, or the stables trying to calm the fractious animals, discussing their fallen friend, their sister. Trying to think of ways to amuse Bethan; though finally giving up, as they realised that she was happier with Lucan or Tristan - to think up new, or very ancient, remedies for the fever that dogged her.

Reminiscing about some of the things she'd done or said, chuckling, and then chastising themselves for laughing whilst she was sick – though she would not have wanted them any other way but making merry– or acting as if she had already passed.

Lancelot was the strongest critic of this "Why are we speaking as if she's already dead? Why do we not hope that things will work out for the better? Enough of this idiocy!" and he would stalk off.

But still they had pulled together, every day visiting her – speaking with her, even though she was unconscious. Though it had driven the poor scout, who had never left her side, almost to distraction; through this Merlin had developed a deeper respect for all the men.

The whole reason he had sent Sandrina here was to change fate, destiny had a new path for these men and she would be the one to lead them down it; he knew they would accept her, that one in particular would choose her as his own, but he had never thought they would take her to their hearts and souls as deeply and completely as they had.

Tristan looked out the window, and noticed the rain had finally stopped……………

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It took a few minutes for all the knights to assemble in the small bedroom that evening. Merlin and Tristan had refused to allow them all to enter in the morning, except for Dagonet and Lancelot.

Bors was not happy "I love the wench full as much as every one else here!"

"I know" said Merlin impassively "but she nearly passed on Bors, surely you don't want to risk sending her back whence she came?"

Bors shook his head, "Well, I'm not moving until I see her!" he moodily stood his ground as Dagonet and Lancelot left the room. "Oh, Right! They get to go in but not me….WHAT!"

"Child!" Vanora said as she punched him, but then hugged him "Want a beer? Just this once in the day – to celebrate?"

Bors was easily persuaded to retreat to the tavern, with Gawain and Galahad trailing behind, asking Merlin to pass their love to San. Happily accepting that she would now recover and they could see her later.

And here they all were, watching closely the woman in the bed before them; her normally pale face now as white as snow, her blond hair making it look paler still. But despite everything she smiled…..and they smiled back.

"So knights, you come to chastise me?"

"We should do more than bloody chastise you wench! If you EVER nearly die again, I will kill you!" threatened Bors in exasperation.

"Killing me would be a mute point surely, if I'd already died?" she smiled placidly at Bors; the mischief in her eyes, though her voice was still weak.

He laughed "Wench!"

"So you keep saying…"

She struggled to sit up, gasping at the pain in her side, "What are you doing now woman!" asked Lancelot irritably "can you not rest for more than a few moments? Do you have to continually test our patience?"

"I have rested for 5 days Lancelot, how much longer do you expect me to rest? I am also not used to sleeping on a bed…."

"Well, enjoy it then. How long has it been since you slept on a real bed?"

"I was 11…so some time."

"Never since then? I do not believe you!"

"Why should I lie? I was never allowed a bed at Marius' and then I have had the children to think of; it was no hardship to sleep on the floor, it was there long before beds." The knights all chuckled as she hesitated "Where are the children?"

"Farmed out round the fort; out of the 8 I think you might only be getting a couple back." Dagonet smiled.

"That is wonderful news Dagonet!" Her face lit up at these tidings "I will miss them of course, we have been through much together, but I am so happy they will finally have proper families of their own." she leant back against the wadded pillow behind her.

"I would rather have stayed with you, if I was them" muttered Gawain.

"They'll all be coming to see you tomorrow morning if you're up to it."

"I will be…."

"So, why did you do it?" asked Lancelot.

"Do what?"

"You know precisely what….why?"

A deep sigh "As you all left I had a very bad feeling that something awful was about to happen. Oh, you may scoff Lancelot" at a derisive snort from the knight she considered a brother "but that feeling has never let me down before, and the last time I had it that bad I was 11 summers.

None in my tribe believed me, I was a child after all – 2 days later the Romans came…. Well, I'm an adult now, and I wasn't about to let my friends, my family…" she looked around the knights, her blue eyes resting on Tristan longer than the others "have harm befall them if I could possibly prevent it.

All I know is my heart and soul were telling me I had to be with you, fight with you; protect you if I could. I know, I know – that sounds ridiculous someone like me protecting warriors, knights; but it was what I felt….." tears welled "I would NOT let you go without a fight. So I followed you…"

"Did it not cross your mind that you could be the one to be injured? Did it not occur to you the feeling could be for you and not us?" asked Arthur quietly.

"Nay, it was not for me, I would know. But if I took the blow meant for another of you" she looked at Tristan "well, I consider it a fair trade. Mark me Arthur, all of you, I would do it again. If I could have the same time over, I would follow the same path." She spoke defiantly.

Whilst exasperated, the knights loved her for it, Arthur smiled "I don't doubt it Sandrina, I don't doubt it for a moment. That is why" he nodded to Lancelot "we have got you this…"

Lancelot pulled from behind him and Dagonet a most impressive piece of armour.

"Hopefully this will keep you out of mischief!" Her eyes lit up, and as they handed it to her, Lancelot leant down and whispered "we need you safe sister….."

"It is wonderful; and made for me….that other armour…"

"That was not armour…." Lancelot snorted derisively.

"It was made from a fallen Saxon's jerkin. I am not very good at sewing and such, but I did my best…but this….this is…" she fell silent for some moments, tears in her eyes, overcome with their gift.

"I don't believe it! Arthur you have finally found something to render the harpy speechless!"

She hit Lancelot, jerking her side and causing herself to gasp at the pain.

"Does it hurt greatly?" Asked Galahad.

"Not that I can't cope with – pain is a good thing, I learnt that long ago. If you are in pain, you are not dead."

The knights exchanged a look, knowing…..Lancelot and Tristan both unconsciously clenched their fists, eyes filling with mute anger.

"We saw…" From Tristan.

"What? You saw what?"

"The scars – we saw them."

"Ah, I see ….I…" as she was about to speak she suddenly thought of something and held up the bed sheets, seeing only the wrappings covering her private parts she blushed "How….? You didn't all…"

"Nay, nay…." Dagonet spoke quickly "we were all here, but Merlin…..umm…dealt with the wrappings, but we helped with the wounds and things…and saw the scars. What did he do to you?" the question was out before he could stop it.

She closed her eyes, bitter memories flooding back but tried to remain light and flippant "oh, the usual – beatings with fists and the like, whippings, birchings. The worst was 'the cuts'…"

"The cuts?" Tristan again.

"Aye, he would take a knife and make lots of small cuts; sometimes up to a hundred. I often wondered I never bled to death, but he always ensured they were never deep enough for me to escape him that way."

If Marius had walked into the room at that moment; Arthur thought all the knights, Lancelot, Dagonet and Tristan first, would fall on him…and king or no king he knew he would be with them. Even Merlin, used to knowing allsorts of brutality, could not believe a man would do this to another living being.

Seeing the looks on their faces, she endeavoured to change the subject "Well, what have you been doing with yourselves?"

Gawain spoke first "Well, we've been coming to see you most the time, and Tris….OOOW" Galahad had punched him.

"What?" San was puzzled as to why.

"What?"

"you've been coming to see me all the time and…what?"

"Nothing."

"Knights, you are up to something..."

"NEVER! US? Nay….never." Lancelot blanked.

"Well, Tris….OOOOWWWWW!" Once again a thump, this time from Dagonet to Bors.

"What in Heaven are you punching each other for?"

"It's a new game!" said Galahad quickly.

"It is? Oh right, aye, it is!" said Gawain.

"Punching each other is a new game? What's it called?" she was suspicious.

"The…..um…punching game!" The knights all looked at Galahad derisively "What? Well, you think of a bloody better name then!"

"It doesn't look much fun…."

"Oh it is... it really is…see?" said Bors thumping Dagonet's arm so hard he almost paralysed it. Tristan dipped his head to hide the smirk.

Arthur rolled his eyes 'sometimes they were more like children, than the children themselves'.

But he smiled all the same as Sandrina retorted "Well, I can't say it'll be one I'll play overmuch….." She looked at the armour again and grinned "mayhap I should wear this, just in case?"

"Why do you wear breeches all the time?" this had been bothering Lancelot for some while. "Guinevere wear gowns most of the time and breeches only when she fights."

"I've never stopped fighting; I am always prepared for two things….fight, or flight - in either instance breeches are more practical." She smiled "I have never tried to be a lady, Lancelot, and I would never wish to be one. I am a fighter, that is my lot in life and I have learnt to accept it."

The other knights, though heartfelt sorry she lived her life like that, admired her spirit – her acceptance of the hand fate dealt her; Dagonet said as much.

"What can I do? I have to play the hand I've been dealt to the end of the game Dag; and only pray that I get a few good cards along the way." She smiled "I don't think I'm doing too bad; I've been given all of you…" she looked at Tristan and smiled "you all mean the world to me."

Her eyelids began to sag "come knights" said Arthur "we've stayed over long I fear, time to let her get some rest…" he put a hand up to still her protest "if you will not obey your king, would at least indulge a friend?"

"I could never refuse a friend anything…"

"In that case…." Grinned Lancelot mischievously, before being hit by all the others "You know, it isn't bloody fair to gang up on me; you don't play the game like that, it's against the rules…"

"There are no bloody rules!" Bors snorted.

Bethan and Lucan ran in; bouncing onto the bed."Careful boy, that's her damaged side, mind her stitches" warned Dagonet.

Her face lit up like a bright candle, Sandrina waved away his warning "they're alright Dag, honestly…."

'San! You're finally awake…my but you slept long! Days and days, they all thought you were going to die; and Tristan wouldn't leave you, and rowed with anyone who tried to make him - and he has got an awful temper hasn't he? And Bethan would only stay with me or him, not anyone else; because we love her and would protect her - though Tristan said….."

Before he could say any more Dag clamped a hand over his mouth and laughed nervously, as an embarrassed air fell over everyone in the room.

"We should've played the punching game with him too…" muttered Gawain to no on in particular.

All eyes were on Tristan and Sandrina; the scout staring resolutely out the window and the woman looking slightly amazed.

"I….I never dreamt it then?" The question was more at him than the rest of them.

"What?"

"You…all of you actually….calling me back…they called me back too" she indicated the other knights "because of you as much as themselves…but you….you always with me…stopping me from….from…" Her voice trailed to a whisper and faltered.

"Come knights I think it is time we took our leave…." The others followed Arthur out of the room, trailing the children with them, murmuring goodnights as they left.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Nothing to tell…"

"I heard you….calling me back..." she looked at her wrist – the thin piece of fabric still there "you did the tie that binds…"

"Aye, it seemed prudent."

She then noticed her dagger sticking out of the floor close to her bed, though the circle of salt had long been scuffed out of the way "to cut the pain - You did that too?"

"Aye."

"Can I see?"

"What?"

"I don't know, whatever has your undivided attention outside the window."

Chocolate brown eyes calmly swung over to her "I couldn't lose you."

"Just that?"

"Aye, you are with me in here…" he touched his chest "and here" he touched his head.

She smiled "as you are with me….."

He sighed "You are the first thing I think about in the morning, and the last thing I think of at night. I thought I was dying with you these past days."

Brown eyes held blue ones; then he stepped to the bed and knelt down beside her.

"You are for me Sandrina…now and for eternity." He said calmly and with certainty. Then his lips met hers in the lightest of kisses.

"I always have been; my heart and soul, myself is yours…" She put her hands on his chest, strengthened by the steady beat of his heart beneath her fingers.

She smiled again "I love you..."

"And I you…"

They kissed again, and this time it was a kiss of belonging. Outside in the night air….Merlin smiled.

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But Fate's game had not finished, there was still more that had to be played out; so once more, Destiny allowed its wheels to move forward.