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'Thoughts'
"Speech"
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KING ARTHUR:
Fallen Knights Return
Chapter Eighteen –Waiting
The gates swung open and the rider entered; head dipped in exhaustion…
Bethan sat on Tristan's horse; hers tied to the saddle - Tristan bundled across in front of her blood dripping on the ground, the hawk flying overhead keening…..
The knights left the horses they were about to mount and rushed forward. They stood in disbelief; none of them could believe what this child had seemingly managed to do.
Merlin stood on the gallery with Arthur and Guinevere. Although his heart went out to small girl below them; he was also immensely proud, she was a true Woad - strong, resilient and determined. She had succeeded where some adults would have failed.
Sandrina rushed forward "Oh my God; Bethan….Tristan! What happened!"
Her face impassive, but eyes full of hurt and fear "Celts came….they attacked us……papa killed three" she shook her head as if to clear it "I…I…killed one."
Everyone stood in stunned disbelief. "Are you hurt?" Queried Dagonet quietly, lifting her from the large horse.
"Only a small cut..." she indicated her neck "a Celt held a knife…." She shuddered "But….oh, Dagonet you must help papa! Please, he is bleeding badly…" She hugged the large knight round the neck, fear causing her to use her father's pet name.
"Did you see where he was hurt?"
"Aye, the last Celt cut his shoulder; and he has other smaller wounds on his arms. I do not think they are too bad, but I do not know for certain."
"You were a good girl to check, and to remember so much."
"He wanted me to leave him; but I couldn't…."
Lancelot carried Tristan to the room he shared with Sandrina, who seemed in shock "Bethan..." he muttered.
"She is safe my friend; you taught her well, you and Sandrina. She brought you back…" But Tristan had already lapsed back into semi-consciousness.
Arthur came, and took the child from Dagonet's arms "Bethan, were there many Celts?" he carried her to her room.
"Nay, only four; I checked them before we left, they were all dead and I retrieved our daggers in case they knew them….and I brought their own to see." She didn't make much sense, but Arthur understood. She had the foresight to think there might be some kind of identifying marks to their daggers, and so had brought them back and had brought the Celts as well to for others to make sure it was they and not some new enemy.
Arthur checked the enemy blades, they were indeed Celtish. I want to be with my father…please…" A little voice brought his attention back.
"They are treating his wounds; as soon as I may, I will let you go to him. You are an amazing child Bethan; I am immensely proud of you."
"PROUD! How can you be proud of me!" Eyes blazing, she struggled off her bed, wincing as she caught her neck. "I amat fault! He let his guard down because of me! If he dies it will be on me…..my fault!" she punched at her chest with a fist.
Arthur hugged her, "Nay, Bethan, nay; it was merely an unfortunate coincidence. It would have happened even if you had not been there; indeed I could argue that you saved his life.
If he had been defeated by those four Celts and you had not been there - he would have died, without any of us knowing where he was…" she stood rigidly in his arms; he drew back and looked at her "you do not believe me?"
"Nay." Her face impassive, but her eyes full of pain and guilt. His heart went out to her; only seven and already able to kill - to save another's life admittedly, but still a kill. She was certainly a warrior in the making – definitely her father's daughter……and her mother's.
"Why do you not believe me?"
""He would never be defeated - you are just trying to make me feel better."
"Nay, I am not; I am telling you the truth - have I ever lied to you before?"
"Nay."
"Then why would I start now..?"
She was silenced on that; but still felt wretched "I want to see my father."
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In the next room; San had taken control of herself – she, Dagonet and Merlin worked on Tristan.
His wound was deep and he had lost a lot of blood, but thanks to Bethan there was still a chance he might live. If she had done as he'd said and left him, he would probably have been dead by the time help reached him.
"You have a very brave daughter Sandrina; many adults would have faltered in the task she faced." Said Merlin, Dagonet nodded his agreement.
"Saving her father; that is all that would have mattered to her. I …I will never be able to show…my pride….and love….for what she did…" her voice faltered, tears welling as she looked at Tristan's damaged body.
His eyes fluttered briefly "Sandrina….."
"I am here, Tristan; I will not leave you, but I beg you do not leave me 5 days without sleep…" she tried to keep her voice light, even though her heart was pounding with fear.
He smiled "A joke…?" he whispered, before closing his eyes again.
"Do not leave me; all I ask, is you do not leave me…." She whispered, stroking his hair out of his eyes.
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A few minutes later, Arthur entered the room with Guinevere and Bethan; the little girl immediately going to Tristan's side.
She looked up at her mother "Do you hate me?"
"What? Nay! Why would I? You have done something I am not certain many would have had the courage to do; I am so proud of you I cannot express it!
You fill my soul with pride and my heart with love Bethan; because of you I have not lost all faith in mankind. I say this now, as I say it to every night to you as you sleep. You and your father are all that makes my world complete…." Mother and daughter embraced; tears filled eyes around the room.
Bethan climbed on the bed and gently lay beside him, snuggling close she bunched his shirt in her hand; a habit she had developed when her mother had been sick, and he had been her only real comfort. Her eyes wide; full of guilt, fear and love – her face as his, blank.
Until an arm snaked round her, holding her close. "You did well….daughter….I am proud."
"Nay, it is my fault papa; if you had not had me with you, you would not be injured...I…I was a burden…."
"Never that…."
"But…but…I…"
"Never…"
"You will not leave us….?"
"Nay..." His eyes closed again.
"Bethan, let him rest…" said her mother.
"Can I stay?"
"Of course; but in a while you must go and get something to eat." The child nodded, and dozed into a fitful slumber – still clutching her father's shirt; tears sprinkling on it…..her guard down whilst she slept.
Lancelot and the other knights came in "How are they?"
"Bethan is alright; she is in shock and she has a small cut on her neck that needs tending - but I want her to rest for now.
Tristan is the greater worry; he has lost a lot of blood, the cut is deep. But he is fighting; you can feel it in him, I think he will survive." Merlin said "but we will need to watch him closely."
Guinevere glanced across at Lancelot - he caught her look and deliberately looked the other way. "I must get back to my own patient" he sighed "The little harpy; I think I am being persecuted by a certain sister of mine." He glared in mock anger at Sandrina.
She smiled tiredly at him "I think not brother - I am merely making use of a wonderful knight….."
"Flattering wench, save your syrup!" and he left laughing; his eyes deliberately avoiding Guinevere. All the knights laughed; save one.
Arthur had not missed the exchange, the concerns he'd had for some time increased. He had not missed the fact that his best friend and wife had been studiously avoiding each other for a goof while now. As Sandrina left to get more dressings he followed her; something told him she would be able to help.
"Sandrina, a word please; I am sorry to bother you at this time; but I think that Lancelot and Guinevere are……..and you are his sister….I…" he tailed off, unsure of what to say next.
"They both love you dearly; I do not think you have anything to concern yourself with. But I will say one thing - I would not allow aught to happen to hurt you. Is that a help?" She smiled reassuringly.
"I value your advice Sandrina, and I will mark it; I am trying to be a better husband."
"And if you try, then you will ultimately succeed…" Guinevere came onto the gallery "A good friend told me that" She smiled "I love you my husband; and my friend guides me well."
She went to embrace Sandrina "But your support is still needed" she whispered in her ear "for the task, whilst lessening, hurts me still..."
Sandrina hugged her back "I am always here for you, my friend".
"I hope Tristan recovers quickly; I will come back to see him soon." She walked away holding Arthur's hand.
A breeze blew past Sandrina and around them as they walked; for the first time she felt things there might be turning a corner.
She got the dressings and hurried back to Tristan "How fares he?"
"Unchanged in the five minutes you have been gone." smiled Dagonet.
Bethan suddenly let out a shout "FATHER!" and sat up; eyes wide with fright, trembling….
"All is well, All is well – it is only a bad dream; you are safe now, you are safe." Her mother soothed; knowing she had been dreaming of the attack.
The child threw herself against her father "Please do not die, papa…..please….I beg you God…do not take my papa from me….."
Sandrina felt the tears pricking her eyes "he will be well Bethan, he will. He would not leave us; he would not." But the little girl picked up on her mother's worry.
"You cannot say that; you cannot…you do not know! It was my fault – it was all my fault!" she shouted.
Gawain had come in - he sat down next to her "Why?"
"What?"
"Why is it all your fault?"
Lancelot came running in – brought by the shouts, Amila following behind her right arm hanging loosely.
"What has happened?"
"She thinks she is to blame for what has happened to Tristan" Gawain replied without looking at him, his eyes still on his little friend "Now tell us why…"
As Bors and Galahad came in; Bethan told them all that had happened……….
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Twenty minutes later, the shocked audience stood in silence as Bethan finished "So you see, it is all my fault." Tears welled, but she would not let them fall.
Gawain gripped her by the shoulders, forcing her to look at him "You are not to blame Bethan. We knights, who are more than brothers to him, know that he would not have been able to fight all four Celts at the same time….."
"But they were not all at the same time!"
"Nay, but they probably would have been if you were not there; they used you as bait for him. When your father got hurt, you helped him; if you had not been there he would have died."
"But…"
"No buts…it is as simple as that, and when he wakes up he'll agree with me; and he will wake up - for I know how much he loves you and your mother. He would never willing leave you.
You are a strong person Bethan, brave and courageous too. I would be proud to ride with you into battle; and I think you will make a formidable scout one day, just like your father." He hugged her.
"I see now why you best my little bastards every time….." Bors chipped in gruffly, amazed at her resilience.
She hugged Gawain, "I am sorry I was mean before…"
"When?"
"This morning; when I pushed you over, you are a good friend. I am sorry."
"That is all forgotten; on one condition…."
"What?"
"You stop blaming yourself…"
"I will try…" he ruffled her hair.
"Get some rest, little scout." With that he, Galahad and Bors left.
As Sandrina was cleaning the small wound on Bethan's neck, she looked across at Lancelot and Amila.
"What are you doing up?"
"I heard the shouting too; I was worried for her. Is she well?"
"She follows me now! I cannot even escape the wench by leaving the bloody room!" Sighed Lancelot.
"I came to see the child! I care naught for you, you arrogant pig!"
"Quiet!" commanded Merlin "the attraction between you is obvious. But if you wish to ignore it…well, that is your choice. However, I will not have you fighting it, and each other, in here. Go back to your room Amila and take Lancelot with you."
"I…...her!"
"Me…him!" they retorted together.
"GO!" They slunk out.
"They would make a good couple." Merlin smirked.
"Aye, If they do not kill each other first they might!" smiled Dagonet.
Lucan came in "Bethan;want to come out and walk with me?"
"Nay, I wish only to stay with my father."
"Then I will stay too…" he looked at his father, begging him to understand. Dagonet smiled his agreement and ruffled the boy's hair; she was right, it was a 'forever thing'. He could be near her that way, one day.
Lucan settled into one chair as San did the other. Dagonet and Merlin left them.
Once outside, Merlin touched Dagonet's arm…."You are a good man."
"Why?"
"I think you know…."
Dagonet looked down, he sighed "Do not speak of it…it will serve no purpose."
"I would not, for I know Destiny has decreed it this way – she is for him. But I wished you to know; I respect you greatly, Dagonet. Your boy will be with Bethan; rest assured. They are as one heart, I know. I do not mean to hurt you…"
"You do not; it is good to know, she is an admirable little maid." He walked away.
Merlin watched 'one day, you will not always be alone' he thought.
Back in the room, Bethan whispered into her father's ear "I will not leave until you wake; until you are well. You are all to me papa; I would gladly have given my life to save you this suffering." As a single tear coursed down her cheek, a matching one fell from both Sandrina and Lucan's eyes.
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Three days later, Sandrina sat in the chair – Lucan in the other and Bethan on the bed. None of them had strayed beyond the door, unless they'd had to, in that time.
Bethan had spent the time merely snuggled to her father - bunching his shirt in her hand and listening to the steady beat of his heart.
Lucan sat watching her, occasionally snuggling up to her to reassure her; only leaving for a few hours at night.
Sandrina, would constantly hold Tristan's hand – she had already performed 'the tie that binds' and 'to cut the pain'. Having had Tristan tie his soul to hers already; she knew it would not make much difference, but she wanted him to know that she felt the same; it was a shock, however, to find that Bethan had also done 'the tie that binds'….
"If you both die, I will not want to go on without you." Was all the answer she got, when she tackled her daughter about it.
At night she would join Bethan on the bed; her arm draped over her and Tristan, comforted by the fact she had not lost them - still marvelling at her daughter's courage.
At this time, Lucan would creep back to his father – hugging him close and asking again and again why these things happened. A question Dagonet could never answer.
But after three days, Tristan did seem to be rallying; the fever he had developed that first night, had been waning for almost 4 hours now. Each time she felt his head it seemed cooler than before.
Bethan was asleep when she felt a movement under her cheek. Her eyes flew open – 'was..?' she held herself as still as she'd seen him do, hardly breathing 'there it was again'.
Then an arm came round her shoulder….
"Sandrina? Bethan?" he croaked.
"I am here father…." Her voice was steady, but her eyes held tears that she could not, would not, hold back; and they quickly soaked his shirt.
"Still here little one, are you not bored?"
"Never! Mother! Mother he is back!" She finally sat up and saw the familiar eyes of her father regarding her. She braced herself for recriminations, blame, and hate; instead the arm pulled her back down.
"I have missed you both whilst I was asleep."
"You will never know how we have missed you."
"I think my shirt bears witness to that."
Sandrina moved out of the chair"A jest? And only three days; I thought you might at least try and pay me back for your five?"
"I'd thought about it…."
"Did you see Heaven?"
"Nay, I'm looking at that right now…"
She kissed him hard "Do not you ever frighten me like that again! When Bethan brought you in, laid across your horse; I thought…."
"Shh…I did not perish, did I? But still I see you felt the need to tie me down." he held up his hand, wincing at the pain in his shoulder.
"Well, I thought you might run away; and I was not the only one" She indicated Bethan's wrist.
"Never, even if I was able."
"Oh Tristan!" and she wept 'the first time she had ever really wept', he thought; at least where any might see her.
"Mother, please do not cry; look even I have stopped now." though her tears, Sandrina laughed. A little breeze fell through the window; it would alright now - he would live.
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Some time later, when Sandrina had gone to fetch them some food, and Lucan had gone to see Dagonet, Bethan and her father were left alone.
Clearing her throat, she sat in the chair and regarded him solemnly "It was my fault; I know, I know, what everyone says…." She waved at him, before he could speak "But I was a burden at best, and a liability at worst." Her father struggled to sit up, wincing at the pain "Does it hurt badly".
"A little; 'but pain is good…when you are in pain you know you are alive.' " Another of her mother's favourite sayings, they both smiled. "You were not to blame, and I want to hear no more about it."
"But…"
"No buts…I have spoken to your mother and the other knights and they all say the same as I; without you I would be dead."
"Aye, I know what they say…but.."
"There is no but…" His voice held a note of finality. "I love you daughter; nothing will ever change that."
She flew to him….enveloped in his arms, that was how San found them.
He looked over Bethan's head, his eyes full of love and he painfully raised his bad arm for her to come to him; soon all three were close together - souls bound for eternity; a family that even fate could not now pull apart.
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Destiny's path for these three was now nearly complete; but Fate has a funny way of always staying one turn ahead……
Fate's game takes a new turn, a knight and a Woad were the new players, these three too, would play their part; the wheels of Destiny move forward once more….
