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'Thoughts'

"Speech"

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KING ARTHUR:

Fallen Knights Return

Chapter Twenty-One – Changes

"Tell me…" Tristan had waited just long enough to reach their room and close the door.

Sandrina hesitated, she had been shocked herself with the news – though she had suspected it for a few weeks. She finally had it confirmed yesterday by Merlin; she had hardly been able to wait to tell him.

But now the moment was here, she was strangely nervous; his gripping her shoulders, almost shaking her, brought her out of her reverie "TELL ME!"

She stroked his cheek "do not fret so Tristan, I am well; in fact I am very well." she smiled at him.

"Then tell me what is wrong…"

"I am pregnant..."

"What?"

"I am having a baby….your baby, Tristan…"

The embrace she was swept into almost crushed her "I take it your pleased?" she grinned.

"Pleased is not enough of a word…"

"We must tell Bethan…."

"I will fetch her…."

He called her in from the compound, the other knights too wrapped up in their concerns to hear him.

Bethan and Lucan came running in "What is it Father?"

"Your mother is to have a baby - my baby." he smiled at her, rather stating the obvious San thought with a smile.

"Oh…I see…." Tristan hesitated; he thought she would be pleased. "You will have your own child…"

Suddenly realisation dawned "Nay, I will have two children."

"Really? You would still want me?"

"What sort of fool question is that!"

"A question of a child worrying she will lose her father to another; she is only seven, eight next week, Tristan – sometimes we all forget she is still a child at heart." interjected Sandrina.

"I will have a daughter, and hopefully a son. But if the child is another girl, so long as she is like her sister I will be well pleased. Come to me daughter." She flew into his arms "I will always love you Bethan."

"I will always love you too father…" But inside her heart she worried; what if he did like the new baby more than her - if her mother had a son, what then? Would he still teach her to scout, to fight, to bow?

"Bethan, I do not want the other knights to know yet - will you give your word, not to tell them?" San wanted it to be their secret, for just a little while.

"Aye, Mama of course – you have my word. We need to go and play - I will leave you to your……celebrations."

After the two children had gone, Tristan looked concerned "she still worries does she not? I can see it in her eyes."

"She does – but only our actions will soothe her; she will believe us soon enough that she still has your love and support."

"Come here…." She went into his embrace "I love you; I love you so much Sandrina."

"No more than I love you; Tristan you are in every fibre of my being, I never thought I could love anyone such as I love you."

They sank onto the bed; his hands in her hair, he stopped kissing her for a moment –he let his hand rest on her stomach. "How far?"

"About a three month; the baby will be here, if God is good, six months from now."

He smiled and kissed her stomach; then, opening her shirt as he went, he kissed his way to her lips. Their breath coming in short gasps as passion overtook them…..

Sandrina could hear muffled voices and scuffling outside the door. She tried to ignore it, losing herself in Tristan's embrace; his arms about her, holding her to him.

There it was again, only louder now and angry; what were they doing! "Ignore them…" Tristan breathed against her neck, his lips making hot lazy circles on her skin. His hands seemed to be everywhere at once, driving her senses mad.

She heard Bethan's voice, saying something about having to wait…."I cannot! Damn them….let me tell them and they will go!" She reluctantly withdrew from his embrace.

"So much for the secret…" but there was humour in his voice, they would have this time for just the two of them; later he would speak to his friends, his brothers, and they would settle things with Bethan - for he hated the child to doubt him so…

"With that lot, I am surprised I made it this long!" She sighed with a smile; before flinging open the door, mock anger in her face…

"NAY, they won't! If I tell you, will you GO AWAY!"

They all nodded.

"Bors is right; and Arthur? I am ashamed of you - listening at doors, and you a king!" She shut the door laughing at the sea of shocked faces, including Arthur's guilty one. Tristan laughed with her…

She lay next to him "where were we?" he asked, his warm brown eyes full of love and passion.

"I think we were about here…." She pulled open his shirt and began kissing his chest.

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After Bethan and Lucan had run outside, Bethan had sat down on the ground abruptly.

Lucan sat down and put his arm round her "Are you not happy about the baby?"

"Nay….aye…I do not know. Oh Lucan, what if he does stop loving me? What if he decides that a son is the one he wants to teach to be a scout and a warrior?"

"He will not – why would he? Did he not save you from those Celts? Did he not save your mother? You did 'the tie that binds' - your souls are as tied as if he were your blood. He loves you so much – as much as my father loves me - I know he would not desert you."

Bethan leaned against him and sighed "you make my heart happy Lucan, you really do." She took his head and leaned her forehead against his "as my soul kisses yours never doubt how much I love you."

They settled into an easy silence – his arm draped around her shoulders, she leaning against him; Lucan knew her fears were still there "I will always be here for you Bethan".

"And I you…"

Dagonet, watching from across the compound felt a certain sense of peace, that at least his son's love was returned.

Merlin, watching also, approached the children "Your young friend speaks true words Bethan. What concerns you most about your father, mayhap I can ease your worries?"

Bethan liked Merlin, he spoke wisely and never made her flustered. Her mother said he was a Woad Shaman, able to do strange things "I worry if I have a brother he will wish to teach him to be a scout and warrior instead of me; that he will not love me as much any more."

"I see….well, now those are great concerns indeed – we needs must address them. So - close your eyes, take a deep breath and look deep down into your heart. Go over all the memories you have of your father, all the feelings from when you first met him; then think about whether he has ever said aught at all to you that would make you doubt his word. Has he?"

After a moment's pause "nay."

"Then you have your answer; whatever words he spoke to you before are true. You can trust him Bethan."

"I do…"

"Then look forward to having your sibling, in your family. Mayhap you could be the teacher?"

She got up and, freeing herself from Lucan, touched the old man's arm "Thank you." she whispered.

"All is well, little scout – for your family all is well." He looked across at Dagonet "but not for all others."

The children ran off to play - only to see Lancelot and Amila arguing again….

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A little later in Lancelot's bedroom, the door was closed and they sat on the bed "So let me understand you - you thought you were in love with Guinevere, but you would not act on it not only because you would not betray your friend and brother; but because of the dire consequences Sandrina told you about, though not in detail. Is that correct?"

"Aye, it is; though I believe my feelings for Guinevere will eventually resolve themselves".

"How so?"

"I find I am attracted to another - I cannot see the point anymore in pining over someone I cannot have, when there is someone who is free to chose me if they wish…."

"I see…"

"So what of your lost love?" he quickly changed the subject.

"Almar was my love, my betrothed. We loved each other very much; then he fought you knights and he died."

"He fought us; when?"

"A year ago; it was a skirmish in the woods, a little south of the wall."

"I see; do you hate us…me?"

"I did, but I do not now – I see you as the honourable men you are. You were merely following what you had to do, as we all do. But I missed him for the longest time – that is why I say I understand. But I cannot completely…"

"Nay, why not?"

"Because Almar is dead he will always be evergreen to me; a true love. But Guinevere is a ghost that haunts you, constantly reminding you of all that could have been yours. I admire your strength and sense of honour that stops you from acting on your feelings."

"Feelings that are waning - I am sure of it." He smiled sadly.

"Eventually even the most devoted hearts give up on a love they cannot ever obtain."

"You speak true."

She got up and kissed his cheek "one friend to another…." She smiled, their eyes met and locked…

He dipped his head to kiss her lips gently – a feeling unlike any other he had ever known spread through him. He lifted his head slightly, stunned - and saw she had the same look.

He bent his head again, this time kissing her more forcefully; she allowed him to gently deepen the kiss, her hands creeping into his curly hair running her fingers through it; before letting them caress his face.

She felt him almost growl at the back of his throat - his hands running up and down her back. She could feel him keeping rigid control, trying not to let the situation spiral away from them.

She realised she did not care; she wanted this, she wanted him; she pulled away slightly "It is alright…."

She saw the passion flaring in his eyes…..and something else. Worry, concern, guilt; but was it for her or another?

"Do you think of her, is that the reason for your concern and guilt?" She spoke softly, but she knew as soon as the words left her mouth she should not have said them.

He almost flung her away from him "WHAT! How can you ask that? Now, now when I want to show you my heart; how can you ask something like that!" he moved to the door and went to leave.

She dodged in front of him and blocked it "I am sorry if I hurt you – that was not my intent. I know how hard it is for the heart to let loose one and to love another; but I only wish to know if you kiss me because you care, or because you are trying to forget her!" Her voice rose at the end.

"I have plenty of 'friends' in the tavern who would allow me that favour!" he spat at her. Then seeing the hurt in her eyes, he softened "You are different…"

He swung away from her, raking a hand frustratedly through his hair "you drive me insane! I do not know whether to throttle you or kiss you most of the time! I find you stunningly beautiful, even with this" he indicated the ugly scar on her arm, without turning round "maybe even because of it; you tried to save me - me, who you hardly knew at the time! You have a smile that would light the Heavens, and a temper that would bedevil Hades!

Sometimes I want to throw you over the gallery because you argue so bloody much; and others I want to hug you to death because you can be so damn sweet! You can make me laugh out loud, and make me so angry that I want to punch a wall. You have fought me every step of the way these past weeks; challenged me, argued with me…." He began to calm "and yet….and yet I have been strangely drawn to you.

San said I would be as I did 'the tie that binds'. But it is more than that; I care for you Amila, though you drive me to the point of madness – I care….

I thought I would never care for another, that Guinevere would be my curse for all time; then you came, and now…now I find that every day she fades from my heart a little more - and you, you take her place…."

While he had been speaking she had walked to him; she put her hand on his arm "and I feel exactly the same - you drive me mad too. You are so stubborn and arrogant, but you have a softer side as well – not everyone sees that. You play a part out there…" she indicated the door "but like San, I see the real you. In here" she touched his chest "beats the heart of a noble and honourable man."

He looked at her "A man I care deeply about; I never thought…I…" but she never finished; his mouth came down on hers, stopping all further talk.

Her hands were in his hair, his arms tight about her "I care…I do care" he muttered against her lips.

"And I want this Lancelot; let me be with you." His hands were on her, running around her body – making her gasp.

He laid her gently on the bed "Let me love you?"

"Would I do anything else?" She smiled at him.

"You might bite me?"

"I might…." She raised an eyebrow, causing him to laugh shakily "Then again, I might not…"

And so they both took a step forward, away from old loves and towards new ones……

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Outside the room Odell and Merlin heard the exchange "he is brave to take her on." Odell smiled.

"They need each other; they are as bound as Tristan and Sandrina. Their life will be a little more…fiery than most, is all." The shaman smiled.

"I plan to speak to Sandrina".

"Why? You will not take her from the Scout, particularly now she is with child…...his child. Do not torture yourself, as so many do, for a love that cannot be yours" he watched Dagonet playing with the children; his laugh ringing out around the compound, a rare occurrence these days.

"I only wish her to be with the Woads, to embrace her heritage - her birthright."

"She has done so; the scout is more at one with nature than you think. She is happy in this life, leave her to it."

"She has great power Merlin, I have felt it and so must you. You know the potential she carries - you have seen the darker manifestations of it, as well the light. She should be with her people…."

"And you!" the shaman rounded angrily on his lieutenant "Do not meddle with the path of Destiny, Odell. She does not take kindly to those who would thwart her plans; things are as they should be."

"She is not with her people; this is a half life to her - if she only but knew it!" Odell's anger was rising.

"By whose reckoning? She has embraced her abilities – as has the child. Why do you think they call her 'little scout'? She sees all and hears all, nothing is missed; she has the man she calls father to thank for that; the abilities are from her mother, but he is the one teaching her to use them!"

"Until he gets his own child!"

"He will not forsake her; she is his own child, she is his in every way that counts – and he knows it, and loves her for it. His friend said he is a man who only gives his heart once and forever, like the boy, and he was right; and it is to the child and her mother he has given it to. Aught else to him is naught but a bonus."

"But ….with us….who knows what they could accomplish?"

"What they could accomplish? They have accomplished so much here; brought the three knights back, fought and battled their way to ensure destiny's path is followed, the gathering dark is forced back, brought light, laughter and joy to the hearts of men who were becoming black with hate and bloodlust. Is that not an accomplishment? What more would you have them do!"

"But it is no life for a Woad!"

"But she is half Sarmatian; and what of Guinevere and your own sister, Odell? True Woads; Britons born and bred - why do you not want to carry them back to the tribe? I will tell you, because they do not own your heart as she does; and that will be your downfall.

Leave this woman be, let your heart find another; if you do not, then I fear for you - Destiny will not forgive you."

"Do not fear for me; I have my own path to follow!" And he strode off.

Merlin watched him go "So be it - the die is caste once more" he sighed as he too walked away.

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And so the wheels of Destiny move forward again. Warmth for one knight with a broken heart, a Woad intent on self destruction, another knight with saddened eyes…..what will become of them?