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'Thoughts'
"Speech"
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KING ARTHUR:
Fallen Knights Return
Chapter Twenty-Four – Choices
The other knights saw, knowing the choice she had to make "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Yelled Lancelot, as she cut a path to him….
"SAVING MY BROTHER - I WILL NOT LOSE ANOTHER!" She shouted back; the anguish clear on her face "I will face the consequences." she whispered.
She saw the Celts close in on Odell, he went down fighting – but she saw him fall 'Odell…..I am sorry….' Tears coursed down her cheeks, her rage building as it had when she faced Jarlath.
After many minutes the fighting slowed, the knights and Woads began to finish the fight. The Celts began to retreat, but San followed them…..
She chopped, hacked and cut at the retreating Celts; even the injured enemy lying on the ground were finished off as she ran through them. Screaming at the Woads and Knights "RRRROOOOUUUSSS!"
The knights looked on in shock; but Woads, sensing the kill followed her through the enemy, cutting them down as they went - Guinevere and Amila joining them; their bloodlust high. Within minutes all the enemy except a few stragglers had been killed, the Woads following even those few into the trees – their dying screams echoing out of the forest.
But still she went on stabbing and beheading; her screams of rage and anguish echoing round the now silent battleground.
Lancelot and Tristan rushed to her; it took both of them to restrain her.
"Enough! Sandrina – enough!" Tristan shook her gently.
"I had to choose, I had to choose!" she cried out uncontrollably.
"Was there need to slaughter them like animals, San?" Asked Arthur quietly.
"AYE! Dear GOD Arthur!" dragging herself away from the two men holding her - she spun on him, her rage flaring in her eyes. Gone was the control she had had for so long "why do they return! Because we spare their Godforsaken souls!
The only good enemy is a DEAD one! They will not return again, because there are none left too! Word will spread that we are now as brutal as they; others will think twice before constantly assaulting us!" With one great heave she buried her blade in the ground next to Odell and sank to her knees in defeat, head bowed….sobbing.
Amila, her arms aching from fighting, spotted her brother "ODELL!"
Sandrina looked at her as the girl dropped beside Odell's body "I am so sorry Amila; I had to choose…I had to! I could not leave Lancelot to fall again, he is my brother. We have fought together….I…..I…"
"San it is alright…whichever choice you made it would have broke my heart – I would have lost brother or lover. None would have been acceptable. Even you could not save all. Odell faced Destiny's wrath like the warrior he was, I am proud he died well in battle – our ancestors, our family, will accept his soul beyond the veil of shadows." She hung her head and began to sob deeply.
Lancelot helped her to her feet; she threw her arms round his neck; no words were spoken as he picked her up in his arms and began to move to his horse and back toward the fort.
On the battlements Merlin's head dipped – the choice was made and Destiny had had her revenge. He wished Odell had listened to him, but fate had a way of deafening people to good counsel.
Arthur stalked towards Guinevere "I will have words with you my Lady!" his eyes flashed angrily.
"Arthur! Do you not think there has been enough rage on this battlefield this day? If you wish to rant at me, us; IF YOU ALL WISH TO RANT AT US" she raised her voice, stopping all in their tracks – particularly Tristan and Lancelot "then at least let us bury our dead, mayhap this evening you can chastise us silly women for coming to aid you – aye, and mayhap next time we should not let our love for our men folk cloud our listening to their orders!"
With that she turned on her heel and stalked away from him.
Rubbing a hand over his eyes, Arthur sighed and began to move back to the fort.
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It was actually after Odell's funeral that evening that tempers flared. Merlin had consigned his soul to the Goddess; Amila had felt a sorrow at letting her brother go, but accepted he would be with their ancestors and family. Her brother would want it no other way if that was what Destiny had decreed.
As they moved back to the fort, Lancelot made a comment that caused the whole situation to boil over.
His arm slung around her shoulders he said "I wished you had remained at the fort Amila – I wanted you to care for the others…"
"Oh so I could lose you also, as well as Odell!" She spun on him angrily "Have I not lost enough this day Lancelot?
If we had not come you also would have died, because San would not have been there to save you! Mark that fact Sir Knight!"
"I merely wished you safe! That was what we all wanted…"
"And what of what WE want? We are warriors, not little ladies to sit about and look pretty! Our men are in danger, we wish to aid them!"
"Aye, we wished to aid you - why should we not!" Said Sandrina angrily stalking over with Guinevere. Lancelot found himself quickly outnumbered.
"Aye, but now you are heartbroken because you could not save Odell." Said Tristan, joining them.
"But I would not have been there to save Lancelot either - or Dagonet, or Guinevere…"
"Guinevere would not have needed saving if she had stayed at the fort!" Arthur strode over.
Dagonet took Ilara's hand "This is going to get nasty – best we leave them to it."
"Would you have been angry if I had joined them?"
"I do not know - did you help them? We noticed they went missing before we rode out, and you kept saying they were either indisposed or you could not find them."
"Aye I did, I said I would help them if they kept you safe; are you as angry as their men?"
Dagonet thought for a moment "Nay, unlike the others I understand it. But if you were with child, as Sandrina and Guinevere are...…" he sighed "then, possibly. As for Lancelot, he loves Amila far more than she realises, and would not wish to lose her – plus he has a quick temper!"
"I see…"
They slowly made their way back to the fort – ignoring the raised voices behind them.
"Well, I call it bloody irresponsible – if I ask you to do something, I expect to be obeyed!" Yelled Lancelot to Amila.
Smack! She punched him hard in the face "Well, you can bloody find a dog for that – because I will NEVER OBEY YOU, YOU ARROGANT SHIT!"
"If you feel the same, you better say Tristan!" Yelled Sandrina.
"I think it would have been better to stay at the fort and do as we say…."
"So I could lose my brother as well as my cousin? Where is that better?" she cried sarcastically.
"You and the baby would have been safe…."
"I would have very little family left to share it with; but who bloody cares about that so long as you men are obeyed! I suggest, like Amila, that you all get some dogs if you just wish to be obeyed for the rest of your lives!"
She went to walk away, but an angry Tristan swung her round. She raised her hand to strike, but found it caught in a vice like grip "Do not act as if we merely intend to dominate…." His eyes glittered dangerously.
"Is that not what you wish to do! We are WARRIORS Tristan; we FIGHT, we want to be with our men. You worry for the babes in our bellies; you fear for them, as well as us, on the battlefield? But you think we would long survive you if we were shut up in there" she stabbed a finger at the fort "and you perished out here for the want of our aid!
"You know us not as well as you think, my lover! We are not weak willed ninnies who need protection - we are fighters.
I made….." she stumbled on the words "I made a choice this day that would kill a weaker soul; but I made it nonetheless, and it will be with me the rest of my days. But I saved the one I love as a brother; who is, as far as I care, my blood.
What if we did not come to your aid? Lancelot – dead; Dagonet – dead! Amila, me and Ilara devastated; and for what? So you could come back to the fort and feel you had protected us! NAY! I am not going to spend the rest of my life following your orders like your horse – if you feel that is what you need then maybe you need someone who is more dog than woman, a dog would accept being ordered about and kept to heel – but not I!"
"Why did you care so much for Odell, that you grieve so hard? I thought you barely knew him." the words were out before he could stop them; the thoughts lurking in his mind, his jealousy of the dead Woad raising its head again.
San's eyes widened with hurt and anger "you think I preferred him to you! If so why did I let him die? He was my BLOOD Tristan! I did not have time to tell you before you brave knights rode into your battle – but he, Amila, Merlin and I are all related. We are….were cousins, he and I, and I am great niece to Merlin - as is Amila.
But I am sorry if my grief at losing more of my blood, my family, to a bloody death causes you any distress my love; especially as I had to choose between my brother and my kin!" Her voice dripped icy sarcasm.
She avoided his eyes, the first time in a long while; and wrenched her arm from his grip, knowing from the sudden pain it would be badly bruised later. "Come sisters; let us leave the men to their lamenting for being saddled with such harpies as we! Lord knows we have nothing to cry for!" all three shot looks that would kill on the spot and went down the hill to the fort.
Tristan moved to grab her again, but Bors stepped forward "They are too angry to listen, Tris - leave it now mate. They are hurting and they are mad; you will only make a bad situation worse. Continue down this path, and you will all find yourselves in the barn for the night - even you my king!" He smiled ruefully at Arthur.
"But we wanted what was best for them; Vanora does not mind…" said Lancelot.
"Vanora is not a warrior, Lance. That is the difference; she is happy is my Van to have babies and love me. If I fight, she waits and prays I return.
But you three, you wanted more. You wanted fighters; well you got what you wanted. This is the down side lads - trust me, it will get worse before it gets better if you go after them. They are seriously pissed off at the lot of you.
By the looks on their faces, I would not bet on you ending up in the stables anyway!" He laughed walking away to see his Vanora. He stopped and turned "But I agree with them on one thing – without them you and Dagonet would be dead, Lancelot. Think on that." And he ambled off down the hill.
"He has a point, on both counts…." offered Gawain "Though I did warn San you might kill her yourself you were so angry Tris, so she should have seen this coming!" he smiled.
"Aye, but they are upset at losing Odell" Added Galahad "no one has really thought of that have they?
That must have been an impossible task for San, to find out you were related to someone and then to choose between that real blood tie and a heart one…." He sighed "It is not a choice I would wish to make anywhere, least on the battlefield." With that the younger knights followed Bors.
"Do you think they'll all be alright?" He asked Gawain "I would hate for them to split up."
"Who?"
"Any of them."
"Nay they will not, of that I am pretty certain; though San was seriously pissed at Tris was she not? Those two have serious anger issues; talk about clash of the titans. I would not want to be in their room tonight. Let us see if Dag can have Bethan…."
They hurried to catch up with Dagonet who already had Bethan with him, Lucan and Ilara. Nods were exchanged and the little girl headed off with them.
"Do you think Mother and father are seriously angry?" she was worried; she had never seen either of them this mad at each other, ever.
"Aye, but they will calm – all couples disagree" said Ilara, softly; Her voice, as good as it would get now, was soft and slightly gravely - but in its own way beautifully hypnotic.
Dagonet nodded, "they love each other too much Bethan, stay with us this night and soon all will be well again!" he laughed.
Ilara saw he no longer flinched when speaking of San and Tristan's feelings for each other; her heart was glad. Mayhap there was hope for her yet….
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Tristan's steely gaze told the other two that he would not let this lie. "I am going after mine; what you two do about yours is down to you." he stalked away.
The other two exchanged looks, "better to get it over with than having it hang over our heads like the Sword of Damocles." Lancelot murmured "The barn will not be so bad….."
They walked slowly down the hill. Lancelot looked to the Heavens "I hate women sometimes…."
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Tristan turned the handle of the door and found it locked. He gritted his teeth and kicked it in. "Do you honestly think locking the door, would keep me from you!" he raged as he came in. His temper was barely in check. He strode across the room, until he was inches away from her.
"You know, at this moment I do not care Tristan. I……." his mouth crashed onto hers. She struggled to free herself "Not this time…I will not be swayed; I will not let my heart…."
"What! You will not let your heart what!" he hissed.
"Betray me - I will not let my heart betray me! It has already done that once to me today. I followed you out there because I did not want to lose the father of my children; I did not want to lose my soul!
I meant what I said on the hill – how long do think I would survive you? I would rather go to battle and try to protect you, than stay here and pace and sweat like Vanora. She has to because she cannot fight; well I do not because I can! I would lay down my life for all of you; God knows did I not choose one of you over my own blood today?
What more do I have to do to prove I am worthy - that I can fight? Why make me a knight? For FUN! There is no other reason to do so and then say I cannot fight and then, worse, ask Amila to stay and protect ME! I told you once I would always fight with you; you said you accepted it - you said that was another reason why you loved me; you lied!"
"YOU ARE PREGNANT, WENCH!" Shouted Tristan, all patience gone "THAT is the ONLY reason we wished, I wished, you to stay. I could not stand to lose both you and my baby! What would I say to Bethan, if aught happened to you, when I had the chance to make you stay and be safe? Your PRIDE is what drove you out this day, nothing more!"
She once again went to slap him, once again her arm was caught in a grip of iron "I am sorry you had such a choice to make, and I am glad you were there to save Dagonet and Lancelot – but I still wish you had not been. Sandrina if the truth be known, I would rather have you safe, than they alive – as much as I love them like the brothers they are to me." He let her go, raking his hands through his hair in frustration.
Grabbing a blanket, he walked to the door, suddenly calm again "we will talk in the morning; I think it is better I sleep in the stables this night."
He left her speechless…..as he strode past the broken door, he heard her sobs break out; his step hesitated, before he straightened his back and walked on.
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When he got there, Lancelot and Arthur were already ahead of him. Lancelot had a black eye, and Arthur a cut lip. All sighed as they settled for the night.
Tristan regarded the other men "Well, what happened with you….?"
Lancelot spoke first "what, you mean after she threw every piece of pottery in the room at me! Well, let me see – she ranted and raved about how I was a domineering shit; she cried and lamented the loss of her brother, then she hit me in the face when I said that maybe she wished it were me there instead of him" he indicated the general direction of the hill. "The thing is – I was trying to be sympathetic, but apparently I am a 'heartless bastard' as well as a 'domineering shit' now…"
"You?" Tristan nodded at Arthur.
"She threw everything round the room- she seemed most mad that Alima had been asked by Lancelot to stay behind and protect her and San. But beyond that she said I was trying to make her something she was not - I got this" he indicated his lip "when I got hit in the face by a cup…" he sighed "I knew she had a temper, but…. You?"
Tristan recounted his story. They all sighed again. After some minutes silence Lancelot spoke "they make you a bit homesick for the Saxons, do they not?"
The other two nodded and smiled. "But we love them and wouldn't be without them would we?" murmured Arthur. Tristan and Lancelot nodded again.
"I hate women…." Sighed Lancelot.
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Destiny's path is still being followed….but what of the knights?
