Disclaimer: As before please, for the love of God, don't keep making me write it out people:O) Ysabeau and Alesia are 13th C. names, but I thought they fitted the story quite well.
All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.
'Thoughts'
"Speech"
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KING ARTHUR:
Fallen Knights Return
Chapter Twenty-Nine– Explanations
As they walked to the stables Lucan decided to deal with Gawain. He had been thinking; he would find out the knight's intentions, then he could decide what to do. If Gawain loved his Bethan as much as he, then he would step back and let them be happy together. It would kill him and tear his heart in two, but so long as Bethan was happy….
"How much do you love Bethan?" he turned to look at the knight walking next to him.
Gawain had to struggle to keep his face blank, he still marvelled at how Tristan could do it, "A lot, why?"
"Then I will leave her be…"
"Why?"
"Because she loves you and you love her…."
"Ah, I see; but I do not love her like that, and she does not love me in that way either."
"But you just said…."
"And it is true; Bethan and I love each other very much, but there are all sorts of love Lucan. You love your father, correct? Does that mean you do not love Bethan?"
"Of course not! I love her with all my heart – all I want to do is marry her when I am old enough."
"She feels the same way; but the knights are dear friends to her. Even Arthur; well, except for Tristan and her mother."
"Aye, but she loves you."
'The boy has got it bad!' thought Gawain, stifling a smile "aye, but as a friend; only as a friend, Lucan. I am 15 years older than her anyway!" he laughed "butyou must control this jealousy of yours, or you will drive her away.
Bethan will not be controlled, no more than her mother will; and the more you try to, the more she will resist you. Eventually she will tire of it and caste you aside; then you will have more problems than you know how to deal with.
I know of at least three of Bors' boys who are smitten with her, Gilly not the least, as well as a few lads from the fort. Yet still she remains true to you; but it will not always be so if you continue on this path, so give her some breathing space.
She is like her parents, a wild thing – I have seen her in action, she will not be tied down and boxed in. She needs to be free, Lucan.
As for me, and the other knights, we are her friends. We love her; we adore her, but not as you do. Believe me now?" he smiled at the boy "but it is a nice thing to offer to stand back for her to be happy, for I know how much you care for her."
Lucan beamed "Thank you Gawain; I understand much more now."
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A while later Gawain fetched Bethan back to the stables and the three settled down for the night.
He watched the two deep in conversation; at first Bethan looked annoyed, but Lucan pressed on with his point. Finally they ended up hugging, and slept huddled together for the rest of the night.
Whilst he was watching over them, he heard someone enter. Drawing his sword, he spun on…..Ysabeau, one of the twins from the Tavern. "What are you doing here?" he asked surprised.
"I thought you might be hungry? Galahad said you would not be coming tonight because you were being a surrogate father!" he rolled his eyes; he would deal with Galahad later. He noticed that she had a light voice and a laugh like a little bell. She held a plate of food in her hand.
"What is it?" he gestured to the plate.
"Do you know, I am not sure - but it smells palatable at least. I think it is some sort of stew!" she smiled again.
"Where is your sister, Ysabeau?" He took the plate and began to eat – realising he had fed the children, but not himself.
"She is lavishing attention on Galahad. But how did you know it was me? No one can usually tell us apart." She was surprised.
"You have a mole just under your chin and Alesia does not."
"You are very observant."
"I am a knight, I have to be. If I was not, I would probably be dead by now. For the same reason, you were greeted with a sword when you entered here." He grinned.
"Ah, I see. How fare their mothers?" she changed the subject, she could feel herself blushing whenever he directed those unwavering dark green eyes at her.
"Little scout's will live, and so will Lucan's – but there will be no more siblings for these two."
"You seem sad, and which one is 'little scout'?"
"I am, they love children; it seems so unfair……" he explained about Bethan's arrival with her mother and their 'tribe' "however it is not to be…I am only glad San survived. Little scout is Bethan, Tristan's daughter."
"Aye, I have seen her with him; they make a good pair. She is apparently almost legend with her fighting and tracking skills for one so young."
"She is part Sarmatian and part Briton. Her grandmother was descended from Merlin's line himself. They are both of them ethereal; they must be, no one else could truly have captured Tristan's heart they way they have."
They conversed like this long into the night; by dawn both felt a connection to the other…..
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Sandrina was beginning to feel like she should wake up, but her eyes were so heavy.
Eventually, two days after the birth of her son she finally managed to force them open. Tristan was where she had last seen him, sat by the bed holding her hand – Bethan, like the last time she had felt death brush past her, folded into his lap.
"Good morrow, Tristan" she whispered, pulling herself painfully into a slightly more upright position. "Where is the baby?"
Tristan had opened his eyes the moment her eyelids moved – a smile spreading across his handsome face as she woke. "Bethan fetch your brother from Van and Bors", the little girl only lingered long enough to kiss her mother before darting away.
"Has he been good?"
"Aye" he smiled "Van has been helping him to feed from you. She was concerned about the bonding if he did not."
"She is a good friend…." Her dim eyes were beginning to glow again, he noticed with relief.
Merlin came in, after colliding with Bethan on the way to fetch her brother.
"How are you child?"
"I am recovering well thanks to you and Van, Merlin." She smiled "Once again you have saved me. I think I owe you my life three times three." She smiled using the old rhyme her mother used.
"Nay, I merely ministered the herbs and suchlike, you were the one who fought with the tenacity of a bear to live." The shaman smiled.
"How will I do?"
"You will do very well, but things have changed this time…." He looked to Tristan, San began to worry; they were not telling her something "Ilara, she is well?"
"She is recovering; like you she was brutalised by the Romans. She will not bear anymore children. Neither will you." he said bluntly.
Tristan felt her hand still in his, no perceptible movement at all – it was as if she had been turned to stone.
"No more?" she turned her head away and would not meet Tristan's eye. She gazed blankly out of the window.
"I care naught for that; we have two beautiful children of our own - that is more than Ilara will have" stated Tristan. He tilted her chin back to him. "I love only you San; I could not stand to see you go through this again; I am glad."
Her eyebrows shot up and she looked away again, "Look at me, Look at me Sandrina." She met his gaze once more "I love you more than life, I am lucky for the family you have already given me."
She smiled a teary smile and rubbed her thumb over one of the tattoos on his cheeks, a small habit she had developed "I am sorry" she whispered.
"Do not be…..there is naught to apologise for" He gathered her into his arms, and neither spoke for some time, Merlin had left.
"Marry me." He whispered. Raising his head and drawing away. He stared intently into her eyes, making her pulse race.
"What?"
"Marry me."
"Why?"
"Because I love you and want you always with me."
"And I you and I always will be; I do not need to marry you to know all this."
"Then marry me."
"But you do not believe in marriage….."
"I did not – past tense…."
"So what changed?"
"You nearly dying - again."
"I do seem to be making a habit of it." She smiled.
"So, marry me."
"Aye…in truth I could do naught else" her smile widened, lit her face and the room around her; his arms were around her and his mouth on hers, before she'd even realised he'd moved. She felt safe again.
Amila and Lancelot entered the room "How are you sister; better obviously" smiled Lancelot at the couple kissing in front of him.
"Brother, what have you done to your hand?" She saw his bound hand, and then horrible realisation dawned "did I do that?"
"It is naught to lose sleep over. Van told me whatever pain you inflicted on me, even if you had beaten me with a large stick, it would still not have touched the surface of the agony you suffered." He smiled again.
"A word…." Tristan beckoned Lancelot outside.
Once the other side of the door, he embraced a surprised Lancelot "Thank you brother".
The dark knight returned the embrace, his voice thick as Tristan rarely showed such emotion outside of the two women in his life "I love her full as much as you Tristan. Could I let my sister die and leave her soul behind?"
Tristan's face, impassive as always, held eyes that were full of emotion – he nodded at Lancelot. "She would have taken mine with her…."
They heard the voices of the women talking; what they were saying caught their attention and they could not help but listen.
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Amila looked at San "How fare you cousin, truly?"
"I have felt better admittedly – but I am back."
"You love him that much?"
Sandrina looked out of the window; her face expressionless, her voice low "you have no idea Amila, he is so much to me. Where would I be without him? He accepts me, not just….what happened to me." Amila nodded, knowing what had been done to her cousin "but also my dark side; the side of me that kills without compunction on the battlefield."
"So he kept you with him?"
"What joy would Heaven hold without Tristan?" she regarded at the younger woman before her "As beautiful as it must be, it would all be grey to me without him there. How would I find my way without my scout to guide me?"
She shook her head "Nay, God took pity this time and did not even bother to call me; Death merely touched my shoulder, naught else. For what would be the point to do more? God would know I would not stay; I would rather be a wraith and stay earthbound with him, even as a shadow at his side, than dwell for an eternity in Heaven without him….."
The two knights outside the door, stood silent and dumbfounded at her quiet explanation of why she did not die.
"Dear wonder!" exclaimed Lancelot quietly "she loves you deeply my brother, for you know what her God and her Heaven means to her."
Tristan merely stood silently; his eyes a war of emotions.
Amila hugged her, "I hope that my love for Lancelot deepens to that level. Though in truth, I would not lose him now."
Blue eyes swivelled from the window, and regarded her quietly "I think it is close already, otherwise why not tell him you are with child? Is it because you know he will be fearful because of me, and so you hold back to spare his feelings" she smiled "But cousin, he will notice soon enough."
Amila froze, as did Lancelot outside the door, "He says he does not want children; what am I to do?"
"How far are you?"
"Two month, to the best of my reckoning."
"Then for seven months there is nothing you can do." She smiled "But you have not been injured as Ilara and I have, so your time may well be easier."
"I know that, you know that, even Tristan probably knows that; but I doubt Lancelot will accept it."
"Well, I will have to…." Lancelot strode in, his face as like thunder. "Two months and you never told me."
Amila looked concerned, until he picked her up and swung her around his face breaking into a grin "we will cope, I only hope you have San's will to stay with me as she has to stay with Tristan. If you do, I do not fear losing you."
San looked at Tristan "You heard, how much?"
"Enough", his eyes full, he hugged her tightly.
Just then, Bethan entered the room with Van, Bors and everyone else.
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Bethan ran to Bors and Vanora's…..no.9 opened the door as the older child shot inside "Mama is awake and wanting Milo." She grinned.
Vanora handed her brother over and they left with her, collecting Gawain and Galahad on the way. Bethan cooing to the baby all the way, "Milo you are so sweet, I could eat you!" she feathered little kisses on his cheek making him gurgle.
Dagonet leant over the gallery "What is it!"
"San is awake and wanting Milo!" called Bors.
"Thank the Goddess! Tell her we will be to see her as soon as Ilara is able." He went back to their room. "San is awake."
"Thank the Goddess! How is the baby?"
"Well, apparently. It would seem he was fine from the start, it was San they nearly lost."
"Could I go and see them?"
"Not today you are still too weak. Plus…there is the baby." He looked concerned.
"I cannot avoid seeing another baby for the rest of my life Dagonet. What about Bors and Vanora, will you cut yourself from your brother?" She smiled sadly "We will go to see her. You can carry me…"
So it was that even Dagonet and Ilara came to see them.
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Sandrina was delighted to see them all; even Merlin, Arthur and Guinevere came. She and Tristan announced their impending marriage - the tumult that followed was overwhelming.
She looked to Merlin "will you carry out the ceremony Uncle?"
"It would be my pleasure, niece…" the older man smiled.
"Thank you, and will you all attend?" She asked the assembled knights. "For there are none that I would want there more than you….except….but then they are all dead…." Her voice caught and tears welled.
Tristan touched her arm and began to lead everyone out of the room. Merlin stayed, "why do you weep?"
"God is punishing me Merlin. That is why I will not bear Tristan more children. It is my penance for what happened to my village." The tears began to flow freely "If I had not struggled and fought, my family would yet live and so would my tribe."
"You punish yourself for naught; your God does not strike me as the sort for vengeance like that, not from what Arthur speaks of Him. You were but a child then, 11 is no age. You had a destiny to fulfil, and it is sad that they perished to help you follow that path – but it was necessary."
"I got my brother, parents….Dear God, my entire tribe wiped out; my people are no more because of me!"
"Nay! It was not your fault; and you saved so many others, Lancelot, Tristan and Dagonet – not to mention all the children – you not only brought those men back, you have saved them in battle more than once. You have given the scout a life he could only have dreamt of….children, a wife!"
"I have killed without compunction, slaughtered even! Look at the battlefield after Odell died!"
"Did they not deserve it? Your view to Arthur was the right one - have we had more raids? Not recently I know, and because word has spread that we are not easy on our enemies any longer.
I know you feel sorry for Odell's death; but his fate was sealed when he challenged the path destiny had laid out for you. Would you undo what you have done?"
"Dear God forgive me; nay, nay I would not – I would choose Lancelot each and every time. He is kin to me; blood tie, not heart one." She closed her eyes against the guilt, tears sliding from beneath her lashes.
"I would expect no less; you made the decision you had to." He laid his hand on her arm "You have been true to destiny, at whatever the cost to yourself, my niece; and she will be true to you. Mark me well; you have earned her favour full as much as Odell lost it."
Before she could ask what he meant, he was gone. Lancelot strode in; his arms around her before she could move. His voice thick with emotion "I love you San…."
"You heard - why do you always listen at keyholes my brother; eavesdroppers never hear good of themselves!" She tried to lighten the moment. For once her brother would not bite.
"You are sister to me, and I would choose the same – if ever I had to." He mumbled into her hair. Her hands snaked round his shoulders.
"I have family; aye, I have a brother."
"You have more than I; they all love you dearly, even Arthur. As for Tristan, I think he would soon follow you if aught happened to you; by his own hand if necessary."
"He would not leave the children, Lancelot." She drew back "they would remind him of me; he would be there for them. As for me, I would not stray far from him…"
"I heard that too" he smiled, blinking back the tears.
"So what did he want you for?" She changed the subject, not wanting to upset him further, as she knew he was not one to show all his emotions quite so willingly.
"He wanted to thank me for helping you. Of course we were transfixed with what you were saying. Continue in that vein and you will be giving us both big heads!" he laughed.
Sandrina smiled, she gripped his arm as all the knights would do together. "My brother…"
He tugged her into his arms once more "My sister…"
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They talked about his becoming a father, and San went a long way to reassure him that she would do all she could to ensure Amila was safe, and Merlin and Van would ensure the delivery went smoothly.
Lancelot left when Dagonet came in. He stood for a few moments just staring at the woman who had once held his heart before he gave it to another; she looked so ill, but resigned. She held out her arms "Dagonet" she whispered.
He went to her then, and sobbed – she held him, muttering into his ear her support, love and devotion. It broke her heart to see this noble and wonderful man brought so low, this friend who she would walk through fire for.
Eventually, she noticed he had stopped and was starting to draw back. "I will always be here for you Dagonet. You and Ilara, you are family to me; I will never desert you."
"I know, I know; she is so sad San, I know not what to do." he wiped his face. "I love her and only want her; but….it is hard". He sighed.
"Do you wish for me to talk to her? I have been lucky to have Milo I know, but Merlin said there would be no more children for me; and the reasons are the same as Ilara's. Would it help?" She swallowed; it still hurt to think about it.
"It might; would you?"
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Later that day, Dagonet brought Ilara to her and left them alone. As he had, so she cried in San's arms. The women talked of the brutality they had endured that now affected their futures as well as their pasts.
Sandrina realised she was fortunate to have two children, one her lover's – Ilara had had one child murdered, and would only ever have an adopted son – he, not even her lover's blood.
However, they realised they had this evil thing in common, and it would be something they could talk about whenever they needed knowing the other would understand.
San persuaded Ilara that leaving Dagonet was not an option.
"He will die without you Ilara; there are none that could take your place for him. He would spend the rest of his life searching for you. I know you say he had feelings for another, but those feelings are naught compared to what he feels for you; trust me."
Ilara looked at Sandrina, she had found it hard to like the woman opposite her in the beginning – knowing she had unwittingly hurt Dagonet, had had his heart, and a connection to him she could never hope to have. She had been jealous of her…..
But now she realised that she was not this legend others spoke of with such awe – she was merely a woman; fallible, and with her own faults. She smiled.
"I will stay with him; how could I do otherwise? But I only wish I could give him just one child."
"Tristan told me he would not have wanted Milo if he knew he might lose me in his stead." She swallowed "he told me he was glad I was now barren, that there would be no more children; that that meant there would no more worry I might die in the birthing."
Ilara nodded"You think Dagonet feels the same."
"I do; I know you are both sad at not making a child between you. But Lucan is a fine boy; you should both be proud.
I learnt long ago, that children have a way of finding you if they need you. I had fifteen with me when I first came, and they gradually found the ones to love them for always; I wanted more of my own, but I have two." She shrugged; her throat too tight with tears to speak further.
Ilara embraced her "you speak true; we will cope….we will…."
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And so the wheels of Destiny begin to slow; her path for this story now at last turning final corners to the end….…but what of the players on Fate's game?
