Luigi: Oh crap! We're all gonna die!
Wario: What the crap are you so scared about? It's just a stupid old house.
All but Wario: Gasp!
Luigi: Shhh! You'll make them angry...
Wario: ...Who's them?
Bowser Jr.: You mean you've never heard the story?
Wario: Well, no.
Mario: In that case... roll flashback!
Luigi: (spookily) On this very day 10 years ago, two local kids named Bob and Frank-
Bowser Jr.: No, it wasn't Bob and Frank. It was Ryan and Shawn.
Mario: You've both got it wrong. It was Ted and Phil.
Peach: (yelling from outside) No, I'm pretty sure it was Jim and Scott.
Mario: (suspiciously) How can you hear us if you're outside the house?
Peach: (quickly hides her supersonic listening device) Oh... umm... I don't know.
Luigi: Moving on, Bob and Frank decided to explore the house. They were walking up the stairs when they noticed a loose floorboard. Lifting up the floorboard, they were met with the terrifying sight of-
Bowser Jr.: 20-year-old mac and cheese!
Mario: Wario's fifth grade school picture! (snickers)
Wario: Grrrrrrr...
Luigi: ...the skeleton of a murdered man.
Mario and Bowser Jr.: ...Oh.
Luigi: Suddenly, the skeleton came to life before their very eyes and said, "You will pay for disturbing my rest!" and then he turned them into ghosts. Bob and Frank haunt the mansion to this very day, getting their revenge on anyone who visits. The skeleton of the murdered guy still doesn't like to be disturbed. The end.
Tip #2: The person who doesn't believe in the whole ghost story behing the old mansion is usually the first to die.
Wario: ...That's got to be the fakest story I've ever heard. Hey! Is that a loose floorboard?
All except Wario: Don't!
Wario doesn't pay any attention and lifts the floorboard.
Wario: See, nothing bad is going to happen.
Mario: Ummm... guys, i think now would be a good time to-
Luigi: Run away!
Mario and Bowser Jr. follow Luigi. Just then the skeleton of the dead guy comes to life.
Skeleton: You will pay for disturbing my rest!
Wario: ...Oh snap.
The skeleton zaps Wario with his evil ghost powers, and Wario disappears in a puff of smoke.
Peach: Hey, why wasn't I in this chapter very much?
Staple Sauce: Don't worry, you'll get a big part in the next one.
Peach: Ok. good.
Mario, Luigi, and Bowser Jr. finally stop running. They find a large closet.
Mario: Let's hide in this closet!
Mario opens the closet door to find...
Mario, Luigi, and Bowser Jr.: Yoshi?
Yoshi: Yoshi-type sounds
Bowser Jr.: Yoshi, if you don't get yourself dubbed, we're just going to ignore you.
Yoshi: Hi guys!
What the crap is Yoshi doing here? What happened to Wario? Will they ever escape the haunted mansion? Find out in the next chapter (or so)!
To Be Continued...
