A/n: That last section was very difficult to write and I'm not entirely happy with it, so I'll probably rewrite it in the future. Not that I'll change what happened, just some of the little things. I know it was probably painful to read as well, but I thought it was important to Remus's story, plus he needs to suffer, he's making Tonks suffer, so he deserves it really. Doesn't change how much I love him though. Hopefully this section won't be as painful.

A Werewolf's Prophecy

Part 5: Hello and Goodbye

I did it again, I lost control. Somehow I do not regret it though. I do feel as though I have some sort of closure now. Dumbledore was right, it was best that I talk to her. Hopefully now she can move on. She was so stubborn, she just could not understand what I was telling her. I don't think that I could've been clearer.

The way she looked at me, so expected. I can't be near her when she looks at me like that, I suddenly want to do whatever it is shewants of me. But now I can only hope that she understands that what she expects of me can never be again.

As for myself, I will not look to the past. I do not know what the future has in store for me, but I am ready to accept it, whatever it may be.

April 22, 1997

Remus walked down the sidewalk of Hogsmeade with his head down, going over the conversation he had just had with Dumbledore in his mind. When he thought back to his days at Hogwarts he realized that despite his lycanthropy, he thinks of those seven years as the best time of his life. He's not sure that poor Harry could say the same. Every year brings an even more daunting experience for Harry and this year was no exception. Remus ran his hand through his ever graying hair as he thought to himself, "The worst I had it was my first year before the Marauders knew I was a werewolf. That's nothing compared to dueling with Voldemort or watching Cedric and Sirius get killed…or what's going to happen… or what he's expected to do. He's so young… they're all so young."

Remus looked up and breathed in deeply, staring into the sun long enough to blind him for a moment. Despite his concerns for Harry, he could not help but smile slightly. He had spent eight months in the Underground, rarely leaving the dark and repulsive life with the pack. Now, several months after he left them, or more correctly, ran from them, he was still reveling in the chance to walk out in the sun and breathe fresh air. It was one of the first days of spring that the sun was shining, and things almost seemed cheerful. Remus lowered his eyebrows for a moment as he thought how deceiving it all could be. But he decided to accept this happy moment, however fleeting. One could never be sure when the next one would come.

His smile returned and grew even larger as he stepped in front of Honeydukes. "I could go for a fix." He reached into his pocket to count the galleons and sickles before he stepped inside. He wished he could afford more but he was grateful to have the money that he had, and he needed to make it last. Dumbledore insisted on paying him for the work he did for the Order, saying Hogwart's had an account for "Any services rendered to ensure the safety of the faculty and the students." Remus thought that since he had essentially failed at his objective to secure werewolf support and gain the trust of Greyback that he did not deserved any payment, especially since his mission did not directly relate to Hogwarts anyway. He could not argue with Dumbledore for long though; his stomach had grumbled as he finally accepted the compensation.

Remus sat down on a bench outside Honeydukes to enjoy his treat as he remembered the last thing that Dumbledore said to him before he stood to leave.

"Oh and Remus, I know you will be as stubborn as an untamed Hippogriff about this but please talk to Nymphadora. I know you've heard what has been happening with her and I'm very concerned for her welfare. Talk to her. Sort it out. Now is not a time to be pushing the people you care about away."

Remus could only look up with an expression of gentle frustration. "Professor, you certainly know, as well as I, that Nymphadora and I are," he signed, "impossible."

Dumbledore smiled and peered down at Remus over his glasses. "The only things that I know for certain, Remus, are that the sun rises in the morning and the moon rises in the evening… oh, and whenever you travel be sure to bring with you a good pair of thick, woolen socks."

"Good ol' Dumbledore, always there with a perplexing and bewildering response to life's most difficult problems," he thought to himself as he bit off the head of a chocolate frog.

He looked down, lost in thought and therefore did not realize that there was someone standing in front of him, only a few feet away. He saw her boots first, closed his eyes momentarily and open them again onto her face.

She looked defeated. He had heard from Arthur that her appearance was lately drab, and more noticeably, colorless, but he had no idea she had done this to herself. Then, when their eyes met, he saw woman he knew, the one he loved. She was still there, a rainbow of life hiding behind a shield of gray.

Her mouth was open as if to speak, but he found his voice first. "Hello…Nymphadora."

"Hello Remus." She broke eye contact and looked to her hands, which were idly fingering the strap of her bag.

He could not take his eyes off of her. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, thank you."

"And your family…?"

"They are fine… everyone is fine." She nodded her head and looked around herself, anywhere but at him, her embarrassment bringing life back into her face.

Remus clenched his jaw, holding back all the words that were so close to the surface. He knew he needed to talk to her, to follow Dumbledore's advice, but he was unsure if he could do it without falling apart. "Would you like to sit?" he asked, putting his hand on the bench.

"Yes, thank you." She moved quickly next to him, putting her bag between her legs.

"So, you have been doing work here at Hogwarts for Dumbledore?"

"Uh, yeah, I have. You know, keeping my eye out for trouble and whatnot. I'm afraid I'm not the best witch for the job though. I can get a bit distracted at times."

"I'm sure you do faultless job. Not much gets past you." He smiled slightly at her before looking away, just missing the hopeful expression on her face that she had as she looked up at him. Her face fell as she gazed upon the new scars on his face.

"Dumbledore told me that you left the pack. How long have you been back?"

"A little less than 3 months."

"I see." Remus could sense her disappointment. He longed to tell her how much he had wanted to go to her since coming back and how he could not find the courage to face her.

"I'd better get on with it then," he thought to himself as he sat up straight. "Tonks, there are a few things I wish to discuss with you."

"Oh…" was her only reply, her brow creased as she considered the change in his tone.

He began to speak, his words sounding well rehearsed. "My time with the pack was enlightening. I learned a lot about myself, what I am, what I am capable of, what my life's purpose is. I cannot say that I've figured it all out, I dare say that I have more time for that, but I know this…" Before he could continue, sheets of rain started pouring down on them and Tonks jumped up and ran down the street. Remus sat for a quick moment stunned before quickly rising and following her.

She stood under an awning for an empty shop, waiting for him. When he reached her he stopped much closer to her than he had realized and they stared at each other for an instant before he backed away slightly. Her mouth tightened before she spoke, "My flat's right up there." She pointed to the door somewhat behind her and took a deep breath. "Do you want to come up and finish… whatever you wanted to say?"

Remus looked around, looking for a suitable alternative. He did not want to go up to her flat. This was not going at all as he had hoped. He had wanted to be the one to contact her, to meet her in a suitable location where their conversation could be private but in a public space to reduce the possibility of her making a scene. He knew if he said yes that he would be alone with her and he did not do his best thinking when he was alone with her.

Finally he sighed and saw no other option. "Alright." He let her go ahead of him for a few steps before following. "Best to keep a good distance," he ordered himself.

Once inside her cramped apartment she excused herself to use the bathroom and he was left alone to look around. Things were as he imagined they would be. Stacks of books arranged haphazardly on shelves and on end tables. A mug of cold tea, with the teabag still in it, sat half-empty on the small table near the window. A Muggle television sat on top of an old, worn trunk. A stack of old Daily Prophets in one corner next to a duffle bag stuffed and drawn closed tightly. He sat down on the couch, near the edge and picked up the book in front of him, flipping through it without really looking at it.

"Do you want tea?" She asked as she reappeared, wearing torn jeans and a tight fitting black sweater.

"Oh Gods, I can't stay for tea, I need to just be done with it!" he thought to himself but instead the words, "Yes, thank you," were what came out of his mouth.

Moments later she placed the mug down on the coffee table in front of him and sat down next to him, her mug in her hands, blowing softly into it. She didn't look up when she asked, "So what were you trying to say before? You've had some sort of epiphany or something?"

"No, not really an epiphany. I just became more self-aware." He picked up the mug and took a small sip, wincing as it burned his tongue. He set it down and continued. "I've lived practically my whole life trying to hide what I am and I can't do that anymore. I've accepted what I am and made peace with it. I am a werewolf and always will be."

She gave him a quizzical look and ran a finger over her upper lip. "Remus... I think that it's great that you've accepted yourself and all that, but I'm a little confused about why you're telling me this. I mean, I've always known that you were a werewolf, even before I met you, and I didn't care then and I don't care now. It doesn't define you, it…"

"Yes it does! Don't you see? I've spent too much energy putting up this façade, pretending to be normal, trying to impress the right people, gaining the trust of ordinary wizards, just trying to fit in, to have the life that wizards like you have. But I can't have that, I never could. And now I've finally accepted that and I know that everything I've done up to this point in my life was fruitless because it was the wrong path. I kept forcing myself down the wrong road hoping it would turn out alright in the end, but it never did. Now I am determined to do things right, how it was meant to be."

Tonks sat in disbelief. It was obvious this was not what she wanted to hear, not the apology and the words of love she had anticipated when he first mentioned he had something to tell her. Instead it was a new version of an old story.

He was breathing heavily, watching her in anticipation.

"You are unbelievable, Remus, really unbelievable." She stood up and walked into the small, adjoining kitchen and dumped her tea into the sink. Then she leaned up against the entryway to the kitchen, her arms crossed. "Do you have clever and cheerful trolls in your world as well as delusional wizards?"

"What do you mean?"

She moved closer to the couch, her arms still crossed. "In your world. The one you created in your mind. The one where you make sense."

"I do make sense, Tonks. I've put a lot of thought into this." He stood and planted himself directly in front of her.

"Oh, I'm sure you have. I'm sure you've convinced yourself a thousand times over that you don't deserve a real life. That somehow you instead deserve to be punished over and over again for what you are. It's not your fault Remus! You can't help what you are. And you're right, you shouldn't pretend to be something you're not, but you also shouldn't pretend that being a werewolf is all that you are." She moved closer to him and took his hands in her own. "You are so much more than that. You're a brilliant wizard. Quicker and more talented than any I've ever known. For Gods' sake, you don't even need a wand! And you have an amazing way of talking to people, making them feel comfortable and at ease. Well, most of the time anyway. You're great with Harry and the others, always knowing the right thing to say." She took a step closer. "And you can charm the pants off any witch, when you want to." She was smiling and looking up at him hopefully.

For a moment he was lost in her words and stared at his hands within hers, temporarily fixated on the feel of her skin touching his. Then he abruptly pulled them away and shoved them into his pockets, taking a step back.

"No, Tonks. See, this is what I've been trying to tell you. I know that this past year has been hard for you. I, well, I didn't expect that you would take so long to let go of me. But you must, really you must. I beg of you, you can't go on like this, expecting me to come back and everything to go back to the way it used to be, because it can't, it never can," he ended firmly.

"That's because in your fucked up head you think you don't deserve me."

"I don't!"

"But Remus, that's ridicules! I am not some ethereal goddess, I'm just Tonks! Nymphadora Tonks from the East End. So I'm an Auror, big deal, I probably got the job because I can morph into whatever they want me to. I seem to fuck up everything else." She put her hands over her face and lowered herself clumsily into the chair behind her. "Remus I can't do this anymore. I feel like my chest is going to explode." She leaned her head on her hand, her elbow on the table. "I wish you would get it, I wish you could just understand that with all that's going on that… Gods Remus, I needed you this year."

He stood helplessly for a moment, fighting within himself to hold his ground. Finally a small part of him let go and stepped toward her and lowered himself to the floor, kneeling in front of her. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He gingerly took her hand, causing her to tilt up and look into his eyes. Slowly she lowered her forehead to meet his, their noses touching lightly. "Remus please…"

His stern resolve was losing the battle within himself as he felt her warm breath on his face. She was surprised when he moved first, their lips meeting, his arms wrapping around her. She put her hands on his face and deepened the kiss as she moved down to floor in front of him. He pulled away slightly and pressed his cheek against hers, pulling her tightly against him. "Nymphadora we can't do this…"

She whispered into her ear, "Is that what you want Remus?"

"No." He was holding her so close that she was unsure that she could get away if she wanted to, not that she wanted to.

"Then stay."

"I can't…" He moved his face directly in front of hers and found her lips once again, turning their bodies so he could lay her on the floor. In the same movement his hand found its way under her sweater and cupped her breast, her bra mysteriously disappeared and his lips made contact with the curve of her neck. His mind was blank expect for one thing, her. If he could think he would chastise himself for saying one thing and doing another, but none of that mattered now.

With the wave of his hand her sweater was on the floor above her head and he was about to do the same to her jeans when she made a small noise and then muttered, "The bedroom Remus." He nodded quickly and raised her up. Once standing, she kissed him lightly and took his hand, leading him down the hall into her bedroom. The loss of contact with her body jolted Remus back into reality and he almost let go of her hand. But once inside her room she turned back to him, her dull brown hair sticking up erratically from laying on the floor, her eyes pleaded with him, and he could not let her go.

"Just one night," he promised himself and swiftly lowered her to the bed.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Remus lowered the quill and placed in down on the table and then ran his fingers over her name. He took a small bar of chocolate out of his pocket and placed it on top of the letter before backing away from the table. He took once last look into the bedroom before apparating.

Dear Nymphadora,

I know that there is nothing more that I can say to change your mind. I can only pray that one day you learn to accept this and you are able to move on and have the life that you deserve. I desperately wish for you to be happy and I think I have proven time and time again how impossible it would be for me to bring you any happiness.

Last night was a dream. I cannot say that I regret it fully because I rarely know that kind of emotion that you seem to bring out of me. Because of this, I must leave before you awake, otherwise I do not know if I would have been able to walk away from you again. I am so sorry that I have not been there for you and I am so sorry that I cannot be there now or ever. I must go on without you and discover my fate.

If it brings you any comfort please know that I will always love you.

R.L.

A/n: I've been anticipating this chapter more than any other, even more so than what is to come. I wanted it to be a reiteration of their relationship – the shy beginning, the sexual tension that eventually becomes explosive, to it all falling apart again. I know - they keep going around in circles. I promise you that relief comes soon.