Running Home

Chapter 1

Manhattan New York

It had been sixteen years since she'd seen him last, but yet she still felt a connection. Holidays, such as Christmas were almost unbearable, so many memories. Memories that continued to haunt her; but today was the ultimate reminder of what she had lost, it was 16 years today since she had left. It was for his own good she kept reminding herself. But that excuse quickly grew inadequate. Now all she felt was regret. The only bright spot in her life had been her daughter, but even she brought reminders of the love of a lifetime, lost by her own thoughtless actions. Kristen had his eyes and his dimpled smile that always made her go week at the knees. It almost made it impossible for her to say no to her when she was a little girl. But she wasn't a little girl anymore. And she was asking a lot of questions. Questions about him. She didn't know how to approach the topic, she didn't even know if he stilled lived in Port Charles. How was she supposed to answer her daughters questions, if she just didn't know. However, her avoidance of the topic was actually doing more harm than good.

"I can't do this with you, not tonight. Just not tonight."

"It's always not tonight, maybe another time. When, mom, I want to know who my father is! I want to know what happened between the two of you!"

"You will. I just can't talk about it tonight."

"Why! Tonight won't be any different than tomorrow, or the day after that! What is so wrong with telling me who my father is."

"Nothing, nothing is wrong with that sweetie, I just can't go there tonight, I'm sorry."

Angry, upset, and disappointed Kristen ran up the stairs, Alexis flinched as she heard the door slam. She didn't know what to do, when or how to tell her. It needed to be done, all she needed to decide was when. And tonight was definitely not that night, not the night she ran out on him so long ago. She walked over to the closet and took out a box, she only took it out once in a great while, it had to many memories enclosed. She placed it on the coffee table and pulled out the first thing he had ever given her, her sound machine. She turned it on and sat there and listened to the sound of the rainforest for a little while before continuing to look threw her past. Dried flowers, love letters, she kept everything right down to the very last thing she had ever received from him. A letter he had sent attached with the divorce papers…..

Dear Alexis,
I can't say I wasn't stunned when I came home two weeks ago and found that you had left. Honestly I was shocked, I thought we were happy, I don't understand what happened and maybe I never will. If I did anything to hurt you, I'm sorry. I only wish you had given us a chance to work things out. A love like ours could withstand anything, I hope you realize how much I love you, how much I am going to mss you. You asked me not to come and find you, not to come chase after you, I am going to abide by your wishes. It's against everything I believe in, everything I am feeling right now, but I am going to let you go. I don't know if I'll ever be able to completely let you go, but I am going to try. You are everything to me and I want you to know if you ever need anything I will be here, because "even a grown woman needs a friend." I love you with all my heart Alexis, that will never change.

All my love,
Ned

Port Charles

Dear Ned.,
You have no idea how hard this is for me, to leave you like this. But I have no other choice. By the time you read this letter I will be gone, I wish it could be some other way. The time we spent together has been some of the best years of my life. I only wish I could be here for more, that we could have that future we were planning. But we can't. I don't want you to blame yourself, if you need to blame anyone blame me. I can't really explain why I need to leave, I just do and as much as I don't want to I am. I need for you to do me this favor though, I need for you to not come after me. I need to know that you will move on with your life, even though you will always remain a part of mine. Trust me when I say it's for your own good. Please accept that, I need for you to do that. Live your life and be happy, it's the only thing that will make this easier on me, knowing that you are happy. You Ned Ashton are my world and I don't know what I am going to do without you. You will always have the key to my heart. I love you, I'll always love you

Alexis

He sat on the couch in front of the fire, sixteen years to the day and he still hadn't let her go. He had read and re read the letter so many times wishing it would somehow change things, it never did. Letting her go so easily was one of the biggest mistakes he had ever made. It was like losing a part of himself he never thought he would regain. To the residents of Port Charles he looked like he had moved on, he put on a front for his family so they would leave him alone. He went back to ELQ, without Alexis he had no one there to remind him why he turned in his key. He wasn't happy with the way things were going with his life. He hadn't been since he lost her, but he had to try to move on and the only way he got threw I was thinking that maybe she was happy. Hopefully things were good for her, and maybe one day she might just come back. Every once in awhile he thought he could sense her, like tonight, he just felt like she was there with him, and she was, she was in his memories….

Manhattan

She laid back on the couch listening to the sounds of the rainforest. Thinking of the night he gave her the world. One night had never been so perfect before….

Ned: (smiles) Pick someplace.

Alexis tunes into the sound of a rainforest.

Alexis: (closing her eyes, listening to the rain) Aww, I like that.

Ned takes the machine from her and places it on the table.

Ned: Let's stay there for a while.

He gets up and walks over to turn the lights off, leaving only the candles glowing. Alexis watches him seeming nervous. Then he walks around the couch to sit on the other side of Alexis.

Ned: That's nice. Now lean back here. (he puts his arms around her and she leans back against his chest putting her feet up in the couch) That's right. Relax. (Alexis shifts to get comfortable) Comfortable?

Alexis: Mmm hmm.

Ned: Close your eyes. (she does while he runs his fingers up along her shoulder and collar bone) Now where are we?

Alexis: It's not the rainforest.

Ned: No.

Alexis: It's a one room cottage. Very small village, somewhere near... the French Alps. (opening her eyes) And there are no phones, no faxes, no modems...

Ned puts his hand up over her eyes, to get her to close them again and she does.

Alexis: (continuing) ...nothing electronic.

Ned: Is there a bed?

Alexis: (opens her eyes again, but smiles, and closes them) It's right in the middle of the room. It's a fluffy bed, and down comforters, right in front of a roaring fireplace.

Ned: (looking down at her) And... are we lovers?

Alexis: (sitting up, she turns and looks at him seriously) Not yet

Port Charles

Ned and Alexis are in bed, after having made love, and they continue to kiss.

Alexis: (Ned leans back to look at her) Do you think it was incredibly brilliant, or unbelievablely stupid that we waited this long?

Ned: Incredibly brilliant.

Alexis: Really? Why is that?

Ned: (he kisses her hand, then intertwines his fingers with hers) Well, because enough time went by, so that we knew that once we made love, neither one of us would bolt towards the door.

Alexis: You're right, that is incredibly brilliant. (she pauses and looks at him, smiling) This is working out amazingly well.

Ned: (laughs) And it's only the beginning.

One night had never been so perfect. The night they first made love, they had connected on another level. A level he had never gotten to with anyone else. They were a part of each other, they always would be. He sighed as he got up from the couch and walked back over to the desk to reluctantly put the letter away. Before he closed the drawer, something caught his eye. It was a baccarat chip, a remembrance of Monte Carlo.

Ned and Alexis' hotel room. Alexis pours chips on the bed.

Alexis: I feel like I'm in a movie starring Cary Grant. (she flops down on the bed) And me! (Ned gets more chips out of his pockets and pours them on the bed.

Alexis rolls over to her side in front of the chips. )

Ned: It must be my charm. You were raised around money.

Alexis: (extremely happy) AROUND being the operative word. (she plays with the chips)

Ned: Au contraire. The operative word is play. (he searches for and finds more chips in his jacket) It's the game that counts and how you play it. (he showers her with more chips)

Alexis: (examining a chip) Oh no. It's the chips that count.

Ned: Lots and lots of chips. (he showers her with more chips)

Alexis sits up in front of him.

Alexis: (suggestively) I'll raise you.

Ned: I'm in.

He leans down to kiss her and pushes her back on he bed.

He lays down on top of her still kissing her.

They had many memories like that, but they also had their share of heartbreak; the day she left him being one of the worst. He headed upstairs to what once their bedroom and laid down, thinking of them and what they shared, but most of all just thinking of her.

To say I've loved and lost
just a thought
to know I had it all
times can change
but love will not grow old
turn the page
turn down this bed alone

Manhattan

She laid on the couch wrapped up in a blanket, his picture close to her heart, lightly tracing his face with her fingers, surrounded by their memories…

Ned: There are probably a thousand ways to say you love someone. You can say that she's beautiful and hope that she understands you don't mean the obvious by it. You mean the color of your hair, and the curve of your shoulder affects you the way music does. (a pause) That the sight of her entering a room makes you think forbidden thoughts. (smiles) And you feel blessed among mortals that they're not forbidden to you. (a pause) You can tell her that she's healed something in you (he's beginning to really feel what he's saying) that you thought was forever beyond reach. (Alexis looks touched, yet still uncomfortable; Ned's eyes fill with tears.) You can tell her that she makes you feel, for the first time in her -- (his voice catches on his words before he continues, his voice slightly ragged) for the first time in your life... easy in your own skin. That who you actually are, with no hiding or dressing-up, is all you need to live today, tomorrow, and all the days after, as long as she's there. (a tear escapes Alexis' eye, she exhales and leans forward to place her glass on the table; Ned grabs her wrists, afraid she'll run away, and makes her look at him again) Or, or... you don't worry about what it means, you just say it. Because in the calmness of your head, and in your heart, it's the truest thing that you know. And it's time that I say it. (He pauses, looking with intensity into her eyes.) I love you, Alexis.

Do you still remember me
how could you forget
you're everything I need

Port Charles

She made him a better person. She was the only one who actually knew him. The only one he trusted enough with the real Ned Ashton. Even before he admitted he loved her, he knew she was his soul mate, why he broke things off every time he thought she betrayed that trust.

Ned: (irate) Just one question, and then I'll go.

Alexis: (guessing his question, fighting her emotions) "Why?"

Ned: (seething) No. Who? Who is Alexis Davis?

Alexis: I can explain that (she bites her lip, fighting back tears) -- in time.

Ned: Oh, take all the time you need. You'll have it.


I'm out here on the ledge
there's no words for me to say

Ned's cell phone rings.

Ned: (into phone) Hello.

Alexis: Ned, please don't hang up again. I can explain.

Ned: (coldly) No one here knows who you are. (he snaps his cell phone shut; Alexis is seen closing hers, sadly)

and too much to regret

you're where I should be
do you remember when
I let you go

Manhattan

She sat up and pulled out a ring box. She just stared at it, thinking. She killed something that day, something in her, in them, but most of all him. She could have lost everything the day she ran. She never thought she would find someone to love, let alone love her back; she almost ruined the one good thing in her life, with one thoughtless action.

What was I thinking of
I'll never know

what it's like to love

Ned: (turning back to face her, beyond frustration) Alexis -- why didn't you just tell me how scared you really are? Why didn't you give me a chance to help you? (shaking his head) I would've taken your hand and we could've run out of that church, flagged down a semi, and just left them all wondering. And we'd be together right now. (pause, near tears) I ran after you. (pause, heart-broken) And you didn't stop.

Alexis: (attempting to convince him, though knowing that it's hopeless, whispers) I want you to believe me when I tell you that I love you.

Ned: (shaking his head) I don't want to hear you say that again because (yelling) it doesn't matter. (embittered) Obviously, I'm a threat to your independence, and that is a hell of a lot more important than your love for me. And I understand. I completely understand. (pointedly) There's obviously no room in your life for me. Ned begins to walk towards the door, as Alexis stands to follow.

Alexis: (quickly) Yes, there is. Ned spins around to face Alexis.

Ned: (incensed) No, there isn't! So just let it go. We gave it our best shot.


but there's no way
how can I replace
love so strong

Alexis: (holding up a finger) In case I forgot to mention it to you -- as I was being thrown to the ground and bullets were flying all over my head, the last thing that I saw (pointing to him) was your face and the last thought that I had was how sorry I was for hurting you and how much I wish I had the chance to tell you, whether married or not, (choking on her words) that I lo -- love you with all my heart. (Alexis looks down as she begins to sob. She holds her hand up to her face as Ned watches her closely, somewhat pained.)

Ned: (pause) I love you, too. (placing his hand on her head) I love you, too. (Ned sighs as Alexis nods and taps his leg, still sobbing. She wipes her nose with her hand before moving into Ned's arms. Ned rocks her for a moment and pats her back.)

when I can't forget your face

That night she found home again. She had no intention of letting that go. They did get married, and they were happy. Unfortunately circumstances changed. She wondered if he ever thought about her, especially on a night like tonight.

Do you still remember me
how could you forget
you're everything I need
I'm out here on the ledge
there's no words for me to say
and too much to regret
you're where I should be
do you remember when
I let you go

Port Charles

He laid on his back looking at the wedding band in his hand, one he should still be wearing. He wondered of she though about him. If she found herself suddenly thinking about them and their time together, just by looking at something as innocent as a purple iris. He didn't just remember he could feel her around him. He put the ring down on the bedside table and picked up the picture he had of her. He laid back and put it close to his heart, all he wanted to do was hold her again, but all he could do was remember.

We used to dance

I used to sing
do you remember

Ned: You know, they call this the Nurses' Ball, but how many people did you see dancing?

Alexis: (amused and surprised) So the musicians are going to start playing dance music now?

Ned: I just asked them to. Actually, I just paid them to. And why not? All our duties are done, everyone we serve and protect is home and safely tucked in -- or soon will be. Why can't we pretend to be people with lives of our own and just... dance?

you and me
'cause if I could
hold your hand

I'd be a king

Ned: I love you, a little more every single day. And I never would have hopped on this marriage-go-round if I thought that anything, anything, would come between us. And it hasn't, has it? (she shakes her head) We take time for each other. And we are going to come out of this stronger (Alexis rests her forehead against his) than we've ever been.

Alexis: (whispering) I adore you. (He puts a hand on her cheek. They look at each other for a moment, then gently kiss)

'cause I remember
everything

Alexis: (hesitantly) I've told exactly two men in my life that I love them: (pause) my brother and my nephew. Neither of which want to have anything to do with me right now, so I hope that's not any kind of a precedent. (Ned smiles slightly at her obvious, nervous rambling. Continuing, still nervous and trying to remain formal) It's not that we Cassadines aren't clever with words, I mean, we can explain the most complicated philosophical reasoning, but not (softly after a pause) the simplest emotion. (quickly moving back into trying to lighten the mood) For that we favor arsenic or a gentle push in front of a speeding car.

Ned: Not you.

Alexis: (with her head down) No, no, not me. (raises her head to look at Ned, her face serious) Not me. If I never told you that I love you it's because I thought that it would (becoming breathless and somewhat frightened, struggling with her next word) scare you away. (recovering)I was so determined not to do that one thing that I was willing to do the other thing in secret. But now that you mention it... (quietly) I do love you. (a pause as Ned's eyes fill with tears) Ned Ashton. (she looks for a moment frozen and shocked that she's just said it out loud, Ned chokes back tears)

Do you still remember me
how could you forget
you're everything I need

Manhattan

Alexis: (giving him his coat) You must be freezing. Why don't you take this?

Ned: No. (he puts the coat back around her, pulling her closer to him at the same time) Let's just keep it on you. Are you planning on staying out here all night long?

Alexis: Maybe.

Ned: You can come home with me. I'll make you a nice cup of hot tea. We can watch an old movie.

Alexis: I can't. But thank you.

Ned: (exasperated) Alexis, it's freezing out here! You have to get inside.

Alexis: I have a place at the Port Charles Hotel. I'll go there.

Ned: Fine. I'll drive you.

Alexis: You don't have to look at for me, Ned. I'm a grown woman.

Ned: I know. But sometimes even a grown woman needs a friend.


Alexis had fallen asleep on the couch thinking about what she had lost, she may have lost her lover, her confidant, but most of all she lost her friend, her best friend. And it was all her fault.

I'm out here on the ledge
there's no words for me to say
and too much to regret
you're where I should be
do you remember when
I let you go