A/N: So, what spawned this heresy? Honestly, a lack of motivation for A Drunken Marriage to Schneeze At, weed, a serious lack of sleep in the past few weeks, and a day off for the first time in forever. FemJaune drunk marriage fic sounded like fun in my stoned state, so there's the birth of this. I'll go to my shame corner now.
An Unlucky Drunken Marriage
Summary: Qrow just wanted to relax after a long time away on a mission. Celebrating by hitting the new nightclub that opened up seemed good in his mind. Too bad he ended up drunkenly marrying a cute blonde knight in the process.
*Ah Shit, Here We Go Again*
Qrow reverted from his bird form and landed in the middle of a dark downtown Vale street. It was the small hours of the morning and he finally got back into the kingdom after another scouting mission for Ozpin to find out more about Salem's plans. So far, it had been a total fucking disaster, to say the least. The Fall Maiden, Amber, had been attacked by a few of Salem's pawns and critically injured. He managed to save her before she was killed by her assailants, but the damage had been done. She was placed immediately in a cryotube that General Ironwood had spent a fortune developing, keeping her alive until they found a suitable replacement maiden to take her spot and train.
The huntsman let out a frustrated sigh and reached for the flask he carried on his person at all times, rooting through the pockets of his black dress pants before his hand finally made contact with it. 'Fucking hell I need a damn drink. This mission was a total disaster. Amber's never going to regain consciousness, Salem's making her moves, and the intel I got suggests that Ozpin's infiltrator isn't just another pawn and is in Beacon. Leo's been too damned quiet lately for my liking, too.'
He went to take a swig from it; however he didn't get to feel the familiar burn of whiskey pouring down his throat. At first he assumed he was already too drunk to feel it. 'What the hell?'
He gave the flask a half hearted shake and to his annoyance he found it was empty. Not a single drop of liquor was in it and he was tempted to chuck it across the street in frustration. 'Of all the goddamned nights I could really use a drink, I don't have any of my whiskey on me. Fuck me.'
Qrow massaged his temples to stave off his nonexistent hangover and slouched over with his hands in his pockets. He'd be able to find a nice bar on the way back to Beacon and leave a message for Ozpin to alert him of the news he was bringing back to the headmaster. He wouldn't be too pleased knowing the mission was a complete bust, but lucky for him Ozpin was someone who was very tolerant and understanding from the centuries he had been alive. That kind of experience taught him patience, something Qrow himself did not have. He was a professional and professional huntsmen like himself was expected to get results.
Qrow ran a hand through his messy black hair and let his feet carry him to the nearest bar. Something told him he was going to need at least four or five drinks to get through this night.
He eventually ended up no longer being in the seedier part of downtown Vale; instead he was in the city's party district, a well known attraction for teenage thrill seekers and huntsmen and huntresses alike. They were drawn to it like moths to a lamp.
Qrow shielded his eyes from the flashing neon lights of the many different nightclubs, biting back a resentful growl. He had been in pretty much all of them during the days of Team STRQ, when he was kicked out of their dorm during their celebratory orgies. He liked to think it was partially their fault he became an alcoholic at a younger age than most. 'I've been in all of these already. They're not serving anything new, either. Fuck.'
He was about to call it quits early, something he never did, when he caught sight of a new nightclub. One that he not only hadn't been in, but also didn't have those stupid neon lights surrounding it trying to blind him. Loud bass heavy music pounded from within and the huntsman let a smile form on his lips before he crossed the street over to it.
The name of club was drawn in cursive above the doorway in dull red lights and it spelt out Devil May Cry. "Huh. Interesting name for a nightclub. Hopefully the drinks are as good as the music."
The doorway was guarded by a heavily built bouncer, his muscular arms exposed for the entire world to see. "You comin' on in?"
"Sure. Could use some drinks." Qrow flashed his scroll to show his identification and the bouncer nodded.
"Go on in and enjoy yourself," he invited.
Qrow took his first steps into the club and looked around. He saw a few dozen others dancing to the music and laughing as they drank, unaware of the danger the world was in. Right now, the huntsman was a little envious of that ignorance. Things were much more simple.
Qrow made a beeline for the bar and took a seat. Within a manner of seconds the bartender zoomed across over to him, a friendly smile on his face. "Hey, welcome to Devil May Cry! What can I get for you?"
"Scotch. Double on the rocks," Qrow requested. "Been a long night." 'Yeah, that's a fuckin' understatement. Tonight has fucking sucked. That goddamned flight took way longer than it should have thanks to air traffic.' Who the hell ever heard of traffic jams in the fucking air of all places? It wasn't exactly a goddamned single lane highway.
"Coming on up." The bartender grinned and reached for a bottle on the top shelf, bringing out a single glass. He used it to scoop some ice into it before pouring him a drink, sliding it over to him expertly. "Enjoy."
"Thanks." Qrow raised it to his lips and completely downed it in a few quick gulps, having long since built up a tolerance to whiskey in general. He only got drunk when he knew he was going to have a hard time sleeping and this was one of those nights. The shit he had seen would make a lesser man break down into a sniveling mess. Drinking was his way of coping. It wasn't what one would call a good way, but it worked for him and that was all that really mattered.
He set the glass down, smacking his lips, and turned his attention to the dance floor. He wasn't what he would consider to be a good dancer, but he was confident enough in his abilities to woo members of the opposite sex. Nowadays, he picked up a lot more women that Taiyang did. Poor blond bastard couldn't dance to save his life.
He still remembered the incident when he managed to get into bed with that cute rabbit Faunus a few weeks back. His sick moves definitely were the sole reason she pounced on him. It definitely wasn't because he was shirtless the entire time and showing off his toned body to everyone in the vicinity. Nope, definitely was his dancing.
So far, no one was really standing out in the crowd of dancers. One ninja kid and a bubbly orange haired girl were retiring from the dance floor to either cuddle in a chair together or make out, a redheaded girl that looked a lot like Pyrrha Nikos from Mistral, and a cute blonde that was a head shorter than her.
The blonde glanced over at him and met his eyes. They stared at each other for a few seconds before the girl turned her head away abruptly with a bright red blush on her cheeks and Qrow had to resist laughing.
The music paused before changing into another beat and Qrow glanced over at the bartender, a few lien sticking out from between his fingers. The man got the message and subtly nodded, getting another couple of drinks.
He sat down at the bar and closed his eyes, letting himself zone out with the heavy beat echoing in his head. It wasn't his usual taste in music, but it was far better than that one uppity place he visited during a mission in Atlas. They refused to let him in at first because he didn't look rich enough. Pompous uppity bastards. He wasn't giving them his business anytime soon after they did that shit.
Qrow wasn't alone for very long. A few minutes later the cute blonde he spotted earlier on the dancefloor came over and took a seat, pushing some of her long tresses out of her bright blue eyes. "Screwdriver, please?"
"Aren't you a little young to be here?" Qrow asked pointedly, looking at her up and down. Judging by her youthful appearance, she couldn't have been older than a first year at Beacon; he swore they got smaller each year.
"Hey, I'm an adult!" she protested. The bartender snorted in laughter at that.
"Uh huh. Sure you are." Qrow rolled his eyes and downed his second drink of the night. "I'll believe that when Atlas aren't a bunch of arrogant pricks with giant sticks up their asses."
"To be fair, you'd be miserable too if you had to live in the same kingdom as that asshole Jacque Schnee," the bartender said with a shrug. "I'd move in a heartbeat. I don't blame his eldest daughter for joining the military to get out of that house."
Ah, Winter Schnee. Also known as his last score. He had more than a few run ins with the Atlesian Specialist, many of which ended with them both sweaty, tired, and in the same bed. She couldn't stand him as a person and he hated her Schnee arrogance, but sex with her was incredible. He'd deal with it as long as he got to have a drink in hand and a shit eating grin on his face after sleeping with her. No matter how hard she tried, he simply outlasted her every damn time.
The blonde's drink came and she took a hesitant sip. Yeah, she wasn't a heavy drinker like Qrow was. This was probably her first time in a place like this. "Woah…this stuff is good."
To Qrow's surprise she chugged the entire glass in less than ten seconds. He watched in amusement as her eyes glazed over and she let out a drunken giggle. He had to admit, she was kinda cute. But his consciousness wouldn't let him take advantage of her. He was much better than that.
"Hey, can you dance at all?"
At those words, judgment went soaring out the window and Qrow stood up with a smirk. "Can I dance? Blondie, I got moves for days."
That was the last thing he remembered saying before his vision started to go out and the floor rose up to meet him.
Qrow let out a groan of pain and sat up gingerly, wincing as he felt the bones creaking. "What…what the fuck happened last night?" He was in what appeared to be a decent hotel room, but that wasn't his biggest concern as the thin sheet fell away from his naked chest.
No, it was the fact that he wasn't alone in bed.
Sleeping next to him curled up with her back turned to him was that blonde he met the previous night. Or at least he assumed it was last night; Qrow wasn't a stranger to passing out for several days at a time or waking up naked.
He groaned at the inevitable phone call he was sure to get from Ozpin for this one. The last thing he wanted to deal with first thing in the morning with a splitting headache was a stern lecture from the headmaster about sleeping with his students. Even if they were legal. "Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me." 'Son of a bitch. I have got to stop this shit.'
The huntsman got out of bed as cautiously as he could and when he went to run a hand through his messy hair that reeked of sex and alcohol he caught sight of a flash of silver. On his hand was an extra thin silver ring, lined with what appeared to be encrusted rubies. Precious enough to come with a very hefty price tag. "What the…?" 'A ring? Just what the hell happened last night?'
He stumbled across the room, nearly tripping over a bunched up pile of clothes in the process. A few pieces of paper were scattered on the desk and he took the one on top to see if it could help him remember just what the hell he did with that blonde girl who was still asleep.
By the authority granted to me as the headmaster of Beacon Academy, I hereby declare Qrow Branwen and Joan Arc to be lawfully married.
Qrow's eyes widened, his face paled, and worst of all, he could feel a sudden sense of murder in the air.
"…I'm going to kill you Ozpin."
A/N: Yep. I did it. I'm going to go build my sin throne now and hope to God I don't get publicly executed for this. I'll see you all again! Unless the fandom kills me XD
C. Strife#5371
