A/N: Well, time for chapter 3 people. This one is been bothering me a little bit with my inability to sometimes write for it and I want to get on track with it. Especially since I had some free time open up for me with a story getting finished.

An Unlucky Drunken Marriage

Summary: Qrow just wanted to relax after a long time away on a mission. Celebrating by hitting the new nightclub that opened up seemed good in his mind. Too bad he ended up drunkenly marrying a cute blonde knight in the process.

*Aftermath*

While Ozpin was refusing to answer his scroll, Joan was following Qrow through the streets of Vale with her head down in an attempt to keep the sun out of her eyes. The bright light gave her a killer headache and she let out a weak groan of protest as she felt her stomach churn. "Ugh…I think I might be sick…" 'Never doing this again, no matter what Nora says. Drinking is a terrible idea and leads you to do stupid shit.'

"Hey, don't throw up on the fuckin' street now," Qrow shot over his shoulder, red eyes narrowed. "Someone has to actually clean that shit up."

"Oh fucking bite me…" Joan groaned again and held a hand over her mouth as her stomach churned again. 'Oh shit, I'm actually going to throw up!' Her eyes searched for the nearest trash can to relief the contents of her stomach and she found a metal one sitting by itself on the corner of the street. With her hand covering her mouth she wobbled over to it as fast as she could. She had never been so happy to see a garbage can in her entire life.

"Easy there, Blondie," Qrow murmured. He at least had the decency to hold her hair back as she doubled over and threw up the contents of the previous night. "Damn you are a fucking lightweight. Don't they teach you kids how to hold your shit?"

"Fuck…off…" Joan said between wheezes, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Her headache made her feel dizzier and dizzier with each passing moment and she could feel her legs start to buckle.

She tried to steady herself, her hands firmly gripping the cold metal of the can, but her world still swam around her and she could feel herself slipping. 'Goddammit, this is the worst.' She wanted to let her head crash onto a pillow the second she got back to her dorm at Beacon and just pass out until next weekend. 'And then, I'm going to deprive Nora of pancakes for a month as punishment. Fuck this.'

Qrow put a hand on her shoulder and shook his head. "Kiddo, you're not going anywhere in your current state. Climb up; I'll carry you back."

"I'm fine." She really didn't want to accept help from him, not after everything that happened in (what she presumed was) the last twenty four hours.

"Like hell you are." Qrow narrowed his pale eyes and crouched down. Before Joan could utter another protest she was scooped up onto his back, her head nestled into the back of his neck. She could hear him mutter something about damn kids needing to know when to get drunk and when not to, and though she wanted to retort, she was afraid that if she opened her mouth she'd throw up again. So instead, she shut her mouth and let her head go limp.

Either way, once she got back to Beacon and recovered from her hangover, she was going to murder Ozpin and Nora.

'Now that I think about it…where the hell did Nora and the rest run off to?'


Pyrrha looked at the nude heiress, her cheeks bright red, and the normally composed champion was unable to form words properly to describe her situation. She had woken up to find herself naked in the same bed with Weiss Schnee, though she had little to no recollection of the event.

Sadly, the heiress appeared to have remembered everything.

Weiss was also blushing heavily, but she was at least capable of speaking. She covered her petite body with a pale sheet and narrowed her eyes. "Pyrrha. Under no circumstances does this get out. What we did last night is…does not leave the two of us. Is that clear?"

Pyrrha silently nodded yes, still unable to really speak.

"Good. Now help me find my clothes before Yang worries I've been kidnapped and sends the entire police looking for me."


Ren hummed a cheerful tune as he flipped over a stack of pancakes, his long hair free of its usual ponytail. When he woke up after last night's activities that he knew he would refuse to tell anyone about, he found he had another pink stripe in his hair and several splotches of pink lipstick on his chest. He wasn't particularly surprised or bothered. He knew Nora.

Nor was he surprised that the bar they had been in last night was already suffering structural damage. He did warn Joan that Nora was chaotic and that going with her choice for a team bonding exercise was only going to end in disaster. But Nora's sad eye stare made the blonde knight crack and she reluctantly agreed.

He had a heck of a headache that pounded away in his head but he was mostly fine, and he didn't feel nauseous at all. Overall, he considered himself lucky to wake up without immediately wanting to clutch the porcelain throne.

Ren felt a pair of arms wrap around his body and soft breasts pressing into his bare back. "So, you couldn't wait, huh?"

Nora giggled and squeezed his shoulders. "Nope. Not when you're making delicious pancakes~. They're the most important meal of the day!"

Ren merely shook his head flipped the pancakes again, lightly browning them before sliding them onto a plate. To no surprise, Nora pounced on them in a second, hungrily devouring the stack in little less than five minutes. Ren was placing his bets on it being only three.

He did have to wonder what the hell happened to rest of his team after they went their separate ways. Pyrrha was drunkenly giggling about something incomprehensible and Joan disappeared into the night with some old drunk in a cape after the two started dancing. 'If any of them are conscious right now, it would be Pyrrha.' He hadn't heard anything from Joan, which was a little worrying, but she was their team leader and could easily handle herself if needed.

He fended off Nora trying to attack hug him and fished out his scroll, dialing Pyrrha's number. It rang for a few seconds before she picked up and spoke hesitantly. "H-hello?"

"Hey Pyrrha. It's Ren."

"Ren! Oh thank goodness you're alright. Where are you and Nora at!? I haven't heard anything from Joan at all after last night!"

Ren frowned. That was a little worrying. Usually if she was in trouble, Joan wouldn't hesitate to call her partner. Either she lost her scroll somehow or she was in big enough trouble that she couldn't get it. "Me neither. Nora and I are at Celestial Tower in downtown Vale." He peered out the window. "Actually, speak of the devil and he'll appear. I see Joan right now."

"Oh thank Oum!"

"…she is currently unconscious and being carried by the guy she left with last night."

"Oh for…I'm on my way." Pyrrha hung up abruptly and Ren let out a sigh. Yep, he was going to scold the blonde when he got his hands on her. Though if the way she was being carried was any indication, she was really not in the physical state to be lectured about why listening to Nora was possibly the biggest mistake she's made as team leader.

"Hey, Nora, can you do me a favor and put on some water for tea?" he asked kindly instead. "I'm afraid someone is going to need it."

"What about class?" she asked thickly through a mouthful of pancake.

"It's Sunday. We don't have classes today." He double checked their schedule on his scroll just to be sure. He was right. "We're free for the day. Good thing, too. We all need time to recover from…that adventure that was called last night." He really didn't think he'd ever forget the way Joan and the man she was with were dancing anytime soon.

Ren walked downstairs, fully confident that Nora wouldn't be able to destroy the hotel completely in the time it took him to open the door. Normally, it would be disastrous to leave her alone. But she was guaranteed to be occupied with pancakes for the next five minutes, which was more than enough time to get Joan in the house and have her sleep off her hangover.

When he reached the bottom of the stairs to open the door, he could hear sick groaning from outside. 'Poor girl. Looks like she can't handle her drink like me or Nora can. But she'll use this experience to not make that mistake again, I hope.'

Even if he felt a little sympathetic, he still had to give her a proper chewing out. That is if Pyrrha didn't beat him to it.

He opened the door to greet his team leader. "Joan! Thank goodness you're alright!"

The man carrying her looked at him with a confused look. "You part of her team, kid?"

"Yes."

"Good. Take her, will you? I have to yell at your headmaster."

Ren started to sweat a little as the man pried Joan off of his back and shoved her towards him with as much grace as a bull in a china shop. "Um…can I ask why?"

"You don't wanna know, kid. Trust me on this," he replied seriously, his tone brooking no argument. "If that's all, I'll take my leave." He stormed off in a hurry, leaving the two alone.

Ren gave Joan's back a gentle rub, escorting the barely conscious blonde up the few steps and into the building. "Alright, come on. I had Nora put some tea on for you. How are you feeling after last night?"

"Like shit," Joan said with a weak rasp, groaning in pain and clutching her stomach. "Everything hurts…"

"Then I'll do you a favor and not tell you, 'I told you so'." Ren smirked a little as he assisted his incapacitated team leader up to the kitchen. He could hear the sounds of water being poured and sent a silent prayer that Nora had enough sense to pour some tea.

"Ughhhhhh…I wanna die," Joan moaned. "Ren, do me a favor and shoot me already, please? I'd be grateful. Do it right and you won't have to worry about getting blood on you."

"No can do. I don't think Nora or Pyrrha would like that." Ren chuckled and patted her back. "Come on, shake it off. Try using your aura."

"I did."

"And?"

"I nearly fell face first into a garbage can that I just threw up in," she answered dryly, lifting her head with a hint of a scowl. "I could probably sleep for an eternity right now if I wanted to."

"And you will. But have a cup of tea first," Ren insisted. "It'll help your hangover a little and not make you feel like vomiting everywhere."

Joan stumbled a little, but with her teammate guiding her, she was able to make her way into a nice comfortable chair and tried to weakly smile at a beaming Nora. "H-hey Nora…"

"There's our fearless leader!" Nora cackled and nearly swatted her onto her back with a friendly thump. "Where were you?"

"…can this wait until I'm not hungover?"

"Nope~."

"Nora, not now," Ren pleaded. "She'll tell us when she's feeling better. Won't you?" He gave his leader a knowing look.

"Y-yep." She covered her mouth briefly and swallowed. "False alarm. Probably."

Ren only sighed and rubbed his temples before he handed her a steaming mug. "Bathroom is down the hall on your right if you feel the need."

He had a feeling today was going to be a long day. He glanced at his scroll to see the time and noticed that it was only ten thirty in the morning. He went into the kitchen to make himself a pot of coffee and heard a nauseous burp and someone sprinting to the bathroom.

Yep, he was going to need that caffeine today to deal with this. He just hoped Pyrrha could get here soon.

"Nora! Stop eating the pancake batter!"

A/N: Sorry it took so long. Have not had a whole lot of motivation recently thanks to some things in my personal life that have happened and needed a little bit of time. But I felt the need to churn one out.

So, Pyrrha and Weiss? Really, Strife?

Yes. That came from a smut comic of them that I found. I thought it would be funny.

Cal II 141#5371