A/N: Hello all and welcome to chapter 11. Kinda sad that this is already more fun to do than most of my other shit and it was written for a laugh. But whatever. I've finally settled in at my new place and I can get to work on this again.
Also, a lot of my work recently has been inspired by music I happen to listen to. So kudos to you if you ever notice what song the chapter name is.
An Unlucky Drunken Marriage
Summary: Qrow just wanted to relax after a long time away on a mission. Celebrating by hitting the new nightclub that opened up seemed good in his mind. Too bad he ended up drunkenly marrying a cute blonde knight in the process.
*Stressed Out*
The next class Joan had with Qrow, she was dreading a little. Not because she was going to get her ass beat, but because she knew how her husband was. Once challenged he wasn't going to back down. And now that she had challenged him to get payback on her for kissing him, she was pretty sure he was going to get even some way or another.
'I definitely made a mistake.' She took her seat, half expecting a whoopee cushion or a tack to be on it. She knew how childish her husband could be when he wanted to. Joan was relieved to find that there wasn't. But her relief was short lived as she noticed that Qrow didn't even glance up from his desk. He had to be plotting something. Why else was he not saying a damn thing?
She took her seat and he finally did look up when the bell rang to signal the beginning of class. With a great stretch he picked up a sheet and took attendance. "Alright, when I call your team's name, please answer so I can make sure you're here. And nothing funny, please; I've had a rough morning and don't need more stress added to it. Team RWBY?"
"All accounted for!" Ruby chirped up, smiling broadly.
He checked RWBY off the list and moved on to the next team. "Team CRDL?"
"Present." Cardin smirked.
"Something funny, Winchester?" Qrow raised his eyebrow. "If so, please share with the class."
"No…sir."
"Good. Then sit properly and take off that stupid hat. You look like a failed cosplayer." Joan resisted laughing at Cardin's red face as he took off his hat with a glower at her husband. It was always nice to see him taken down a few pegs.
"JNPR?" Qrow asked, ignoring the dirty look.
"All accounted for," Joan answered.
"Really? Then you mind telling me why Miss Valkyrie is missing?" Qrow asked.
Wait, what?
Joan looked to her left and saw that Nora had indeed vanished. "What the…she was here like five minutes ago!" 'Goddammit Nora. Where did you run off to now!?' Of all the times to run off somewhere…Nora was going to be renamed, 'Captain of Shitty Timing' at this point.
"Would someone please head to the cafeteria to clean up what appears to be a food fight? And place an order to replenish our stock of maple syrup. Thank you. Bzzt."
…
"Fuck's sake, Nora." Joan let her head crash onto the desk. "This is why I hate my life." How the hell was she supposed to deal with a teammate who caused this much chaos in her daily life and made her job as team leader harder than it needed to be? She already had hard times sleeping peacefully. What did she need to do, tie Nora up and throw her in a closet?
Yeah, right. Like she'd be able to successfully outmuscle a girl who swung a giant hammer around like it was made of feathers. She was going to get right on that.
The blonde looked over at Ren for any kind of help and he too wore an exasperated look on his face. He looked completely done with his partner's shit. She was too, to an extent. "Ren…please tell me you know how to make Nora chill the fuck out for a day."
His silence and defeated sigh was enough to tell her that he didn't have an answer. Beautiful. Just fuckin' perfect.
Qrow pinched his brow and took a deep breath. "Team JNPR, once your missing teammate has been brought here, see me after class please. We need to talk. For now, we'll have Valkyrie put as 'in hell."
"…why?" Joan dared to ask.
"Because trust me, you do not want to be on the receiving end of Goodwitch's riding crop. Not like that, Yang. Get your mind out of the gutter." The red eyed man rolled his eyes at his eldest niece's snickering. "I've graded all of your papers and I have to say, most of you did very well. I wouldn't expect less from the class that Ozpin speaks so highly of. There were a few exceptions, but that's fine. I can work with this."
He began to walk amongst the classroom, handing their test results back. Joan's heart thumped in her chest, fearing that she had done horribly like she usually did, but when her paper was given back to her she saw that she had done a lot better than she thought. A red eighty seven was circled in the top right corner and only a few marks were on it, so that was a relief.
Though she did notice the small note he scribbled right underneath it and she scowled at him after she read it.
Nice thigh highs.
"Real funny…" She fought her blush and stashed the paper into one of her textbooks to prevent prying eyes. It was bad enough Team RWBY knew about her unorthodox marriage to one of the most renowned huntsmen on the planet.
If only Weiss knew that her actual dad was at the one teaching them. Still, he was a much better than Professor Port; she'd give him that much credit. When it came to teaching he was a natural. He had a hell of a lot more patience than she initially thought. She just wished that her first impression of him was better than her waking up to his bare ass in her face. Joan was definitely not going to be able to forget that anytime soon.
Qrow went back to the front of the class and he pointed to the whiteboard with one finger. "All eyes on me please. Some of you forgot one of the main weaknesses of the Deathstalker so I'll have to go over that with you again. The eyes and legs are some, yes, but there's one crucial one you didn't remember to list. Does anyone want to take a guess?"
Weiss and Pyrrha both shot their hands up at the same time. Qrow's eyes found Weiss's first and he nodded. "Weiss."
"The stinger," she answered promptly. "If you cut it off or disable it, it will be without one of its best defenses. However it will become more vicious as a result if you don't kill it quickly after."
"Bingo." Qrow snapped his finger. "The stinger. At first glance it looks tough, but the flesh connecting it is actually relatively thin and has no armor plating. In a team scenario, one would try and handle it while the rest of the team gets its attention. It might have eight eyes but it can't see through the back of its head. There are two ways to handle this situation. Either you pepper at it from distance or you get in its ugly face, dodge the pincers, and cut it off."
"Or you could, you know, call in an airstrike," Yang tried. When the entire class turned to look at her she slumped down a little in her chair, embarrassed by the attention. "What? It's an idea…"
"Or yes, you can call the nearest Atlesian battle cruiser to drop a bomb on it," Qrow deadpanned. "That works too, if you have a piece of highly expensive military equipment in your pocket. Seeing as you are all huntsmen and huntresses in training, I seriously doubt you have such resources at your disposal."
"I mean…you never know…" Yang grumbled and folded her arms.
Qrow sighed and mumbled something under his breath, not having it today. "Anyway, barring any other ridiculous suggestions, the stinger is the other weakness of the Deathstalker. Before we move on to the Grimm of Mistral, I want to cover some of the seafaring Grimm that call the oceans of Remnant their home. Most of these, you will need military grade equipment to deal with. A cruiser or giant mech suit is how you'd handle them, but who can list the two of the most dangerous Grimm for anyone traveling by boat?"
Joan knew this one at least, having grown up on an island off of Vale. Aquatic Grimm was always a worry, with only a few huntsmen stationed in the town. "Well…there are the Leviathan-class Grimm, said to grow massive in size. There's also the Sea Feilong, but I was pretty sure that was nothing but speculation."
"Not anymore." Qrow shook his head. "Now it is still considered to be only a rumor, but there have been more than a dozen confirmed sightings in the waters to the southeast of Vale, near Menagerie. I suspect that is where it makes its territory, in warmer waters. The Leviathan, well…that one is definitely confirmed. Atlas's base in Argus took one down about a month ago after it attacked the city during a mass riot. All that negativity drew it in and thankfully Atlas's military was fast enough to respond before it could do any damage."
"Good job on the press for managing to cover that one up," Weiss muttered dryly. "Hate to think what would have happened if someone heard that their precious hard-light dust was no match for an overgrown lizard."
"I heard that." Qrow gave the heiress a hard stare. "And yes, it was all squashed down. The last thing the general populace needs during a time of peace is uneasiness. It'll only bring in more of them. As for your answer, Joan, you are correct. Those two are the most dangerous Grimm in the ocean, as far as we know. There's always a bigger fish."
The door to the classroom burst open, making everyone turn around save for Qrow. The huntsman merely took a sip of coffee from his mug, looking completely unsurprised at the sight of Glynda dragging Nora behind her with her semblance. Joan wasn't sure what concerned her more between the furious glare on the blonde's face or the fact that Nora looked like she dunked herself in a giant bucket of syrup. Either way, she was definitely going to be the one getting all of the blame for it. "…Nora, only you, I swear…"
Qrow looked at the levitating Nora and sighed. "Pinky, hit the showers. I'm not scrubbing syrup off my damn seats. Glynda, go. I have this one handled."
Glynda swallowed back a lump of anger and glowered at Joan, who shrank into her seat. She really wished she could just melt into a puddle. "Joan…please keep a better eye on your team in the future."
"Yes, professor…" Joan mumbled. She had never been so glad to see Glynda stomp away, lashing her riding crop at Nora's hands on the way out. The blonde knight winced. Aura or not, it still hurt getting whacked by it.
The doors closed shut and Joan sent a pleading look to her two present teammates. "This…this is why I'm stressed out to hell and back. We have to do something about her before she ends up getting us sent to an insane asylum."
"Agreed," Ren mumbled with a huff.
"How though? Isn't Nora always like this?" Pyrrha pointed out.
"Not really." Ren shook his head. "Hyper, yes. But this chaotic? No; this is new even for me. Something is up. Not so sure what though."
"Ahem." Qrow's cough got their attention and they all went back to facing him. "Now, before we were so kindly interrupted by the Great Syrup Monster, we were getting a little off topic. Joan already answered the first question correctly, so we're moving on. I'm assigning you all some readings for today while I make a little field trip later for next lesson."
A series of groans rose up from the class and he shot them right down with his piercing stare. "Don't want to hear it. Every huntsman and huntress you see had to go through the same damn classes. If they can do it, then you can too. Suck it up, Buttercup. I want you all to read pages 14-27 and give me a two page summary of it. Believe me, that's me being easy on you. If I wanted to, I could make it ten."
He would, too. He was a jackass like that. Still, Joan would rather have him teaching then Port any day of the week. It was nice having someone who knew what they were doing as opposed to someone who just told grandiose tales about himself in his youth, many of which set off Joan's built in, 'Bullshit Meter'.
The blonde heard the bell ring after Qrow finished giving them their assignment and Team JNPR slowly made their way to the front of the class. The raven haired professor took a sip from his mug and he sighed, waiting for everyone else to leave before speaking to them.
"Alright, what the hell is wrong with your team?" he asked.
"With all due respect, professor, we are in the top two teams of our year," Pyrrha answered, her face a little flushed. Being one of the best, it was hard to imagine she had ever been caught up in trouble like this.
"That's not what I'm talking about. You misunderstand me." He shook his head. "There's no real bonding here. No chemistry. It's a goddamn miracle you've managed to make it this far. Joan, as team leader you need to take responsibility for your teammates, which includes keeping them in line so they don't do dumb shit like Valkyrie did. However, that goes for all of you. Blondie's under enough stress as it is with the two of us being in a relationship. Nikos, you're her partner, for God's sake. Ninja Kid, I've heard how she talks about you. She sees you as a brother figure. Act like a goddamn team."
"So…in conclusion we suck?" Joan asked dryly. "Because I worked that out for myself, funnily enough."
"No. If anyone sucks, it's that idiot Winchester and his crew." Qrow rolled his eyes. "You're just scattered. Once you get your shit together you will be an unstoppable force. Not every team was coordinated; look at my niece's team for example. It took what, a few months for them to get their act together and work as a unit? I see no reason why you can't do it either, and remember Ruby is two years younger than all of you."
"Really enjoying the pep talk, coach." The blonde let out a grumble, earning a sympathetic pat on the shoulder from Ren and Pyrrha. "To be frank with you, I don't know why Ozpin chose me to be leader."
"I'd give you the usual bullshit spew about how he sees great potential in you, but that won't cut it," Qrow answered. "To be honest with you Joan, Oz is the most fickle son of a bitch on Remnant. When you all went through initiation he was looking not so much for skill, but passion. Passion to become better. You know you're not the best, Blondie, which is why nowadays you fight dirty to keep up."
"…is that a bad thing?"
"Nope. It's a good thing. You know your weaknesses now and are working around them. Combat isn't always fair. It's like life. Sometimes, you have to bend the rules in order to progress."
"So, what do you suppose we do to handle Nora?" Joan asked. "It's not like I could physically restrain her. She'd throw me across the room with one hand."
"Well, I do remember a certain teambuilding exercise Oz gave my team when we were being chaotic." Qrow smirked and the blonde immediately started to sweat nervously. She did not like that look one bit. It reeked of bad news. It got worse when Qrow held up a flyer for the Beacon dance coming up.
"Oh no…"
"Oh yes."
"I hate my life." Joan let out a groan. "You know I can't dance, right?"
"And I didn't wear a skirt for two weeks before realizing it wasn't a kilt," Qrow shot back. "Your point is null. Now, grab Pinky once she's clean and meet me in the gym in an hour. I'll show you how to own the dance floor."
"…you know how to dance? Seriously? This seems ridiculous."
"There's no school like the dancing school and I'm the fucking headmaster. Now get going."
"Yes, sir…" Joan and her team fell out, the blonde sighing at the thought of their clumsy team trying to do anything coordinated. Why the hell couldn't things be nice and simple for once? Was that seriously too much to ask for? 'Me, dancing? I couldn't even do it while completely plastered. What the hell makes him think we can do that?'
"Oh yeah, Blondie. Did I ever tell you how good you look in those thigh highs?" Qrow chuckled, undoubtedly looking at her backside.
The blonde's face flushed and she glowered over her shoulder at him. "Will you ever cut that out? Have a little bit of decency, old man."
Not a second later, Joan nearly fell due to a small dent in the floor that she hadn't noticed until now. "QROW!"
"Blame the semblance, not me." Qrow yawned. "By the way, have fun in Goodwitch's class later. Remember what I taught you and you'll do fine."
"So basically just throw dirt in someone's eyes. Gotcha." She rolled her eyes.
"Pretty much. Have fun, wife of mine."
"Jackass…"
She hated to admit it, but he really was growing on her. 'Of all the goddamn people in Remnant to marry…'
Still. Could be worse. At least being around him sometimes made her less stressed out.
That had to count for something, right?
Though she shuddered when she realized he hadn't made any moves to get payback just yet.
"…fuck."
"Language."
A/N: And here we have it. I'll see you all soon sometime this month probably but you never know with me lol. See you!
A Lovestruck A2#5371
