A/N: here you go, I managed this one quick for a change, hope you like it
Disclaimer: If you couldn't already guess I don't own the Buffy verse. Unfortunately. If I did I'd be much richer!.
Dawn woke slowly the next morning, coming out of a haze of sleep to see the sun streaming in through a gap in the curtains. She stretched and saw that her husband was already up. Glancing at the clock on the wall she saw that it was already late and everyone would have left for work. She sighed deeply and pulled herself out of bed. It took a few seconds for her brain to kick into gear and she remembered the events of the previous day.
"Buffy" she whispered. A sudden wave of nausea overtook her thought she was unsure whether it was morning sickness, or a response to her thoughts.
She hurried across the room and entered the en-suite and quickly found herself emptying the meagre contents of her stomach. When she was done she moved over to the wash basin, consciously avoiding looking in the mirror above it.
She filled the basin with cold water and dipped her hands in, sighing with relief at the cooling sensation. She stooped down and splashed some on her face, then emptied the basin again. After she'd scrubbed her teeth clean she debated with herself whether or not to have a full shower, but eventually decided she'd make do with a thorough wash. After she'd finished she took a nervous glance in the mirror. She was still very pale, and there were a couple of fairly large dark circles underneath her eyes, but she decided she didn't look too bad considering.
She returned to her bedroom and went straight to her wardrobe to select some clothes. After much deliberation she chose a pair of fairly loose fitting straight legged grey pants and a thin baby pink long sleeved sweater. To keep her feet warm she pulled some black socks on, then, almost as an afterthought she yanked on her low heeled black ankle boots.
She moved to her dresser and picked up her hairbrush and ran it through her long brown hair so that it fell in a silky mane halfway down her back, then decided she wanted to keep it off her face and pulled it into a loose low ponytail. She brushed some powder over her face to brighten up her complexion a little and then just sat staring into the space behind her head in the mirror. She took a few long deep breaths to calm herself down.
'You can do this' she said to herself 'It's okay' before standing up swiftly and breezing out of the room. She went straight downstairs and into the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of orange juice, and threw some ice in it to keep it cool. She made herself some toast, thinking that even though she didn't want to eat, she would need her strength for what was coming. However, when she lifted the toast to her lips, she was overwhelmed with such nausea that she crossed the kitchen and dumped the whole lot straight into the dustbin. She left the kitchen and walked through to the den where she collapsed into one of her favourite overstuffed chairs that sat looking out of the window.
As she sat there she watched the street outside, and the people that passed. She'd always loved to watch people and would make up stories in her head about them, like that youngish man passing now, she decided that he'd not long left his girlfriends house after a night of passion, and was now going home to his wife to look after their three kids, and that was the reason for the downtrodden manner about him. She giggled to herself. Remembering the trouble she used to get into when she was younger and just used to spout out these stories loudly to whoever was near her. Although she knew for a while now that her childhood memories were fake, she'd come to terms with it, and accepted it. To her they were still her memories, and all the people she knew and cared about shared them, so she was past caring.
She lapsed into silent contemplation and stayed there at the window watching for quite a while, until she heard a quiet cough and a shuffle behind her. Startled out of her reverie she jumped and twisted in her seat. She was surprised to see Buffy standing a few paces behind her waiting patiently to be noticed.
"Buffy" she said quietly standing to face her. Buffy stepped forward closing some of the gap between them.
"Dawn, … I" Buffy started moving to embrace her sister, Dawn took a couple of steps back, out of her sisters reach. Buffy looked up at her, hurt shining in her eyes.
"No, Buffy, … I think we need to talk." She gestured at the sofa a little further into the room. Buffy looked a little disappointed and conflicted, yet went and sat as Dawn suggested. Dawn sat down at the other end, as far away from her sister as she could physically get while still on the same sofa. They were silent, each watching the other for a few minutes until Dawn sighed angrily and broke the awkward silence.
"So, Talk." She told her sister, a hint of frustration in her voice.
"Well, I uh. That is um… I really don't know where to start" Buffy stammered uncharacteristically. Dawn took a long look at her and started to speak coolly.
"Well, Why don't you start at the beginning? hmm? Start with telling me why the sister I've thought dead for the past six years, suddenly appears out of the blue, saying 'Oops, Sorry I wasn't dead after all' Why not once in those seven years you didn't even try and contact any of us? Why I, no, WE have been mourning you for the last seven years when you've been off god knows where doing god knows what! Oh yeah – and exactly how was Spike out in broad daylight yesterday? Ooohh! Here's a good one, how about you tell me WHY exactly you're gone for seven years and the minute you appear, you start making judgements and trying to tell me what to do.? And you act like nothings happened, like everything's just like it used to be. Well it's not Buffy, so you'd better start talking." Dawn's voice had been growing steadily louder, and she was getting more and more agitated. Sometime during her rant Dawn had stood up and was now facing her sister. Now she was feeling light-headed and dizzy and had to put a hand out to steady herself slightly as her legs trembled a bit. She took a few deep breaths, glaring at her sister.
"Dawn, I, I'm sorry" was all Buffy said, standing up to match her sister.
"Sorry doesn't cut it Buffy" Dawn spat, her voice dripping with ice. "What did you think you could just turn up after so long, and everything would be all, … all hugs and puppies? Well, Did you?" Buffy just stared at her speechless. "Answer me God Damn you!" Dawn screamed at her.
"Dawn we didn't mean to hurt you"
"But you did" Dawn stated quietly, "You Did and you can't imagine what it's been like, how hard its been for all of us. You can't just pop up and expect us to carry on like nothings happened, like you weren't dead for the last seven years!"
"I wasn't dead Dawnie" Buffy reminded her quietly.
"You may as well have been" Dawn shouted, "Did you even think about the rest of us? Did you wonder, or even care, whether or not we actually survived?"
"Of course we did Dawnie"
"Don't call me that, Only people who are close to me call me that" Dawn spat, Buffy flinched at her words.
"Dawn, we did, Do, care" Buffy said taking a step towards her sister.
"That's why you disappeared then, is it?" Dawn said coldly "Because you cared so much?"
"N – No – we didn't know, we couldn't – How could we have known where you'd all go? Which direction you'd head in?"
"Well you could have taken an educated guess. I mean, it's not much of a stretch to say we'd probably go to LA at some point to see Angel, check in with him, tell him you'd…" Dawn broke off, her voice full of emotion. She looked at the floor trying to stem her tears, she gasped as a thought occurred to her and she looked back up at Buffy, "God, Buffy, does he even know?" Buffy looked away, breaking their eye contact, and Dawn knew the answer.
"I- we – uh, I couldn't face you, any of you, not after the way I'd been behaving, not after what happened down there. And something happened. To Spike – we needed some time. Time alone together to deal – to sort things out. We couldn't have done that around you guys."
"Oh well that makes everything ok then doesn't it? You needed time, so you took it, and damn the rest of us." Dawn scoffed sarcastically.
"No that's not what I meant, you know that" Buffy pleaded regaining Dawn's eye contact.
"I don't know anything about you anymore Buffy" Dawn informed her. "You didn't even think to at least let someone know you were alright - alive even. God, you are so selfish, Buffy. It's always been about you, You couldn't handle it, you had to lead, you were the slayer, we should all pity you and bow down. GROW UP! Life just isn't all about you, you know – the rest of us are here too."
"well you seem to have done just fine without me." Buffy snapped, fed up of being shouted at.
"What?" Dawn asked quietly with a dangerous edge to her voice that Buffy either didn't detect, or ignored.
"You've all done just fine – You didn't need me. Look at you. You and Xander, Willow and Giles. Everything's worked out fine. You're married – to Xander – and you're pregnant! Willow's got a girlfriend and from what I heard last night they seem pretty happy. And Giles is fine, he seems happy enough. You didn't need me at all, you were probably better off without me."
"Jesus, you have no idea at all do you? No idea of the hell it's been, how hard we've worked to get to where we are? Yes we've moved on and learnt to put masks on to hide the pain, We've had to. There you go again making everything about you. It's been seven years Buffy, we've had to move on, put our pain behind a façade." Dawn was almost in tears.
"You weren't there for anything, Buffy, nothing important in my life. My eighteenth and twenty-first birthdays, the day I first fell in love, got engaged. You weren't there for my wedding! And you should have been, Could have been. It's your fault. I lost Mom, and then you, - twice in two years. And I didn't have to, I didn't. You could have been there." Dawn ranted, her tears now cascading down her cheeks before she finally collapsed to the ground in huge heart-wrenching sobs.
Buffy knelt by her side and pulled her shaking sister into a tight embrace. Dawn, lost in grief, took a few moments to register that her sister's arms were tightly wrapped around her. She pushed her way out of Buffy's arms and stood up, backing away.
"No, it just doesn't work like that" Dawn said backing into the doorway. "You don't get to just say you're sorry and have everything be alright again. I'm sorry but I just can't do that. Can't pretend like I didn't think you were dead for seven years. It's not that easy. It's gonna take some time" Dawn told Buffy, more tears forming in her eyes, but not falling.
"O-okay" Buffy said shakily, climbing to her feet, grateful for the small amount of hope Dawn had given her that they'd be alright eventually.
Dawn could see the unshed tears inb Buffy's eyes but wouldn't allow herself to comfort her sister. She gave her sister a final look, a plea evident in her eyes. 'please don't make this hard, give me time'
"I'm going for a walk – clear my head" Dawn announced.
"No, Dawn – you can't – what if you collapse again?" Buffy rushed stepping towards her sister.
"I'm a big girl now, I can take care of myself, besides – you're not really in a position to tell me what I can and can't do. I need to be alone" With that Dawn spun on her heel and walked out of the house slamming the door behind her, as Buffy just stood there mutely, unshed tears finally over spilling to flood down her face
