A/N: Hello all and welcome to chapter 17 of this. I never expected it to become this long to be perfectly honest with you, let alone get a dedicated fanbase. Like many things I've done it was only meant to be a bit of a laugh. Now because I am a naughty bastard…enjoy.
An Unlucky Drunken Marriage
Summary: Qrow just wanted to relax after a long time away on a mission. Celebrating by hitting the new nightclub that opened up seemed good in his mind. Too bad he ended up drunkenly marrying a cute blonde knight in the process.
*Teasing*
Joan crawled into Qrow's lap, feeling his stubble brush against her hair. There were very few things more comfortable than him and she decided she could very easily fall asleep if she wanted to. The blonde heard the chair creak a little under their combined weight and she drew breath, waiting for her husband's accursed semblance to kick in. But it didn't and she blew out the breath she was holding in relief.
But, ah, there was another problem. Specifically, a problem in the trouser department. Joan blushed as she felt something hard poking her from behind and tried to not wiggle too much. Qrow coughed awkwardly and tried to continue grading the exams from earlier. "Um…right."
"I-it's not like I haven't seen it before?" Joan offered weakly.
Qrow merely sighed and tried to look like a dignified professor despite Joan's lipstick dotting his neck. She indeed had spent the last twenty or so minutes kissing him and she really, really didn't want to leave despite him having a class soon. Too comfortable to give a damn about getting caught.
If a teacher walked in, she'd give zero fucks and refuse to budge from her seat. Even if it happened to be the headmaster himself. She was comfortable and that's all that mattered.
"You know, if the rest of the school finds out, the newspapers are going to have a field day with a student and teacher being married," the raven haired man said with a grumble, finishing off the last few exams and letting his pen drop. Joan peered over to look and her husband flicked her on the nose. "Nope. No being nosey."
"I wanted to know if I did as horrible as I think I did." Joan folded her arms with a pout. Damn it brain, stop finding her behavior cute.
"Sorry, but no sneak peeks. You'll know when I hand them out tomorrow." Qrow yawned and wrapped his arms around her waist. By the Brothers, this damn paperwork was one of the reasons why he quit teaching at Signal. Beacon didn't fare much better, considering it was packed full of hormonal teenagers who also bunked together. Why Oz thought it was a good idea, he'd never know.
"Not even I ask nicely?" Joan purred at his touch, spinning around to straddle him. Qrow groaned inwardly as a certain part of his anatomy appeared to like that very much. He hated when his dick did the talking instead of his brain.
'Behave,' he mentally scolded. 'You have a class in ten minutes and do not need to be giving a hands on demonstration with an erection.' Oh the horrible screams and laughter from Ozpin that would ravage his ears.
"Joan…behave." He wasn't as amused by her antics as she was. "No means no. Do you hear me?" Without waiting for her to answer he reached for his cup of coffee and took a sip.
Joan leaned her lips close to his neck and blew out a soft breath, making the hairs stand on edge. "Yes, Daddy~."
Qrow choked and shot burning hot coffee out of his nose. He had heard Ozpin bitch and moan about how much it hurt, but he always thought the headmaster was pulling his leg. But now that it happened to him, he knew the old man was only partially telling the truth.
It really fucking hurt.
The problem in his trousers also got worse.
The huntsman wiped his face and set his cup down. No point in drinking it anymore now that he choked on it hard enough to shoot out of his nose. "Joan…you're not helping."
He didn't know why he was so taken aback by the comment. She said she preferred older guys, so why was her having a Daddy complex a surprise? To be fair he wasn't expecting it; it did come out of fucking nowhere.
He just wished his dick didn't act like one of Ironwood's soldiers and stand immediately at attention. His blonde wife blushed at the sight of his manhood pitching a tent and continued to stare for a few moments silently.
"T-that…turned you on that much." It finally sunk in.
"Yeah, it did," Qrow deadpanned. "Look if you want me to rail your brains out, wait until my class is over and I have time. You have a class of your own to get to. Don't be overly difficult because you hate Goodwitch." Two months of this and still she hated Goodwitch's guts.
"Fine~." Joan got off of his lap and may have purposely let him get a flash up her skirt.
Qrow sighed and resigned himself to the fate of teaching while sitting down for the first twenty minutes or so. Damn flirty huntresses in cute schoolgirl uniforms. The next class was full of upper classmen who for the most part, didn't know much about the weaknesses of the Grimm of Anima all that well. Good God, did Port teach anyone anything these days or was it all just stupid stories from his youth?
It was funny to think that he once resented teaching, mainly because he was mostly hungover and the combat instructor for Signal. Now, he didn't want to leave when Port came back next week from his little excursion. These students desperately needed a new teacher. Someone who could properly train the future generations even though Salem didn't have a desire to do much besides have tons of filthy makeup sex with Ozpin. The Grimm would still be around and have to be dealt with. Port had done his part; he was nearing his early sixties now and could look forward to a nice peaceful retirement if he knew Qrow would be more than willing to remain at the position. He could be responsible when he wanted to. Sometimes.
Joan leaned down to give him both a quick kiss and a peek at her cleavage, winking at him when she pulled away. "Don't worry; I'll be back soon. In the meantime, you might want to take care of that. Dirty old man~." She gestured to his pitched trousers.
Qrow pinched his brow as she skipped out of his office and off to her next class, which happened to be one that she absolutely hated. Glynda wasn't a bad teacher, but her methods weren't suited for those who had different combat styles or lack of. Perfect for him to teach, as unpredictability was his strong suit, but for Goodwitch…the blonde professor hated it.
The huntsman let out a weary groan and heaved himself out of a comfortable slouch as a few minutes ticked by and the bell rang to signal the beginning of his next class. Mostly fourth year teams, but a few third and second years were mixed in. He rolled his eyes when a particularly flirty fourth year girl batted her eyelashes at him.
'Damn hormonal youngsters. Always letting their sex drive do the talking instead of that stuffing between their ears.' This was going to be a long fucking day, he just knew it. Especially when a few students noticed the hickeys dotting his neck.
"Damn Teach, who are you sleeping with?" someone asked from the back. "Got yourself a freaky girl huh?"
Oh he had no fucking idea.
"My private life does not matter to you." Qrow rolled his eyes and tried to not think about the things he and his wife had gotten into last period. "Turn to page 394." 'Go down, go down…'
Goddammit. He hoped Joan had it better than this.
Funnily enough, Joan was not faring much better in regards to not daydreaming about thirty minutes ago. Not even Cardin soaring across the ring thanks to getting punched in the chest by Yang was enough to distract her. The blonde blinked when she felt a sharp pain in her arm and she glared at the culprit. "Weiss what the fuck?"
"Pay attention!" the heiress hissed. "You're drooling at the thought of something pleasant, I bet, but for the love of God concentrate. Goodwitch might call on you next!"
"Yeah, drooling about how great of a kisser your dad is," Joan whispered back with a smirk, wiping the corner of her mouth clean. "I found quite a few things that make him tick, by the way."
"And what the hell makes you think I want to hear them!?" Weiss glared at her. "I didn't even know he was my dad until two months ago! I always thought…"
"I get it. Yes, Qrow can be an asshole, but he's not cruel. He's a good man. Just have to ignore his mask that he puts up on the surface." Joan patted the heiress's arm.
"…how are you going to try and give me a comforting talk with hickeys all over your neck?" Weiss deadpanned. "At least make it look like you made an attempt to cover them up. God, one would think you slept with him in his class."
"I'll keep my lips sealed." Yes, the blonde knight knew how wrong it could sound out of context. No she didn't care. Her mind had already sodded off to Lewd Land. Now, her brain was reminding her of how suddenly his trousers pitched when she uttered merely two words. It took no time at all for him to get turned on despite also shooting coffee out of his nose.
Cardin went flying again, Yang letting out an angry bellow as she gave chase, and Joan sighed dreamily. "I will say…nothing surprised me more than finding out I could get him in the mood with just two words. I wonder what other combinations do the trick?"
BONK!
"Ow!" Joan rubbed her head and glared at the heiress. "What the fuck!?"
"Go the horny jail with him already." Weiss rolled her eyes and whacked her on the head again with her binder. Aura or not it still hurt. "God, you have become such a pervert."
"Am not. Just more confident in myself, that's all," Joan defended.
"That's a damn lie." Two amber eyes peeked out from the top of a smut book carefully disguised as a book about the history of Mistral.
"Blake, don't help her," the blonde pleaded. "If you don't, I'll give you tips on how to deal with Yang."
"You don't actually believe that, do you?" the cat Faunus asked exasperatedly. "I'm not into women. Yang's just being…well, Yang."
"Uh huh, sure. Keep telling yourself that if it helps you sleep any better at night." Weiss scoffed. Now that Joan actually thought about it, Weiss sounded so much like Qrow. They both gave zero fucks. Maybe that dry and cynical way of looking at things was indeed genetic like her husband insisted.
"You know, the more time I spend around you, the more I notice how much you sound like Qrow when he's feeling particularly pessimistic," Joan muttered.
"Excuse me?" Ah, there was the Weiss that was depicted so much in the press. The one who acted high and proud but it was only a mask.
"I'm just saying." Joan shrugged. "I don't mean it as though it's a bad thing. You should let your walls down every once and awhile. You do you and don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
The blonde would have loved to continue, but she felt her scroll vibrate in her skirt pocket. Thank fuck those existed. 'Who the hell would be messaging me at this time?' She pulled it out and saw it was a message from Qrow. He usually didn't message her; she just ended up on his lap most of the time.
Upon opening the message she was greeted by the sight of her husband's bare chest. It must have been just after a quick workout because she could see a bit of sweat dripping down firm packs of muscle. At the top of it she could make out that little smirk of his and Joan let out a needy groan. Oh how she wanted to throw herself on top of him right now.
"Joan? Your nose is bleeding."
Shit.
The blonde knight dabbed away at her nosebleed in annoyance, trying focus her Aura into mending whatever damage had been done. The bleeding stopped and just in time, for Goodwitch was calling on her next. "I want Joan and…how about something a little different? Dove and Russell, please step forward."
'Is Goodwitch seriously pitting me in a 1v2? You've got to be fucking kidding me.' Joan looked for a great way to get out of this one, for she knew damn well that her style, while great for 1 on 1 combat, was not suited for multiple opponents. She wasn't Pyrrha nor did she have a hell of a semblance to compensate for her lack of overall skill. Still, she wasn't going to learn if she didn't take an ass beating every now and then. She was being personally trained by one of the world's best huntsmen. She could handle this if she used her head.
"Any advice?" the knight asked hopefully.
"Dove is a ranged fighter while Russell likes being up close. You have been working on your Dust usage, right?" Weiss's stare bored into her.
"A bit. I wouldn't call it masterful," she reluctantly admitted, fitting Crocea Mors to her left gauntlet. "This is going to go swimmingly."
"Don't drown then," the heiress offered helpfully. Real funny.
"Fuck my life…"
Qrow peered over the inappropriate comic he borrowed from Ozpin's stash carefully disguised as a weapons catalogue. "You mind telling me why you thought it was a good idea to flash half of an opposing team in the middle of a fight?"
Joan kicked the floor of his office with an annoyed grumble. "It distracted them enough for me to knock them both out. It was all I could come up with. My skill level is shit compared to the rest of Beacon's first years, so I improvised. Flaunt if you've got them?"
Qrow wanted to groan. But he did teach her to fight dirty. Maybe fighting smart was next on the list to teach her, or hand to hand? She had much stronger Aura reserves than anyone else in her year; he and Ozpin both sensed it when they snuck to observe the internal trainings in the gyms to take notes on who needed the most improvement.
"I think it's time we moved on with your training," he finally said. "You're a good shittalker and know how to play dirty, but there's still room for growth. Our next match will be more…hands on."
"Hey now~. Speaking my kind of language~."
"Joan…"
Damn horny huntresses.
"Oooh, please do take that tone with me~." Joan shivered.
Qrow sighed into his fist and wondered what he did in a past life to deserve this. He definitely did not notice that the top two buttons of her blouse were undone to reveal a bit of cleavage. Averting his eyes lower wouldn't help much either. Damn short skirts and thigh highs.
"I'm flattered," he said dryly. "But the last thing I need now is you being in an amorous mood. Ozpin and General Ironwood will be coming any—"
Joan silenced him by vaulting over his desk and straddling him, batting her eyelashes. "They're not here right now~."
She wasn't wrong.
"And a certain part seems very thrilled by that~."
Definitely not wrong there either. Goddammit, of all the damn times, it was thirty minutes before a surprise meeting with both Ironwood and Oz. The headmaster he wasn't too concerned about. But James…well, he had a bit of a habit for sometimes being a little too gung-ho. He had a good heart, but the metal went to his head a little. There had been numerous occasions where both Qrow and James butted heads and Ozpin had been forced to break it up to make them focus on their goal. Which, thanks to Salem giving zero fucks about war after not having sex in who knows how many thousand years, was no longer needed.
Somehow, this had to be an intricate plot devised by someone who just wanted to see what would happen. He just happened to be caught in the middle. Not that he could complain, with his blonde wife straddling him and wrapping her arms around his hickey-covered neck.
If any of it didn't happen, he'd probably be the same drunk huntsman having cheap flings with cute barmaids and occasionally Winter when the opportunity arose. Now, he was married to a hell of a cutie and earning a respectable income that didn't involve him murdering rogue huntsmen and psychopaths. Whoever it was, he owed them a drink or two.
He was jolted out of his quite nice makeout session by hard banging on his office door. "Qrow? May we come in? We have quite a few things to discuss!" Shit. Of all the goddamn times, James…
"Shit!" Joan hissed in irritation. She looked at the underside of Qrow's desk and dove towards it as the door to Qrow's office opened and in stepped both Ironwood and Ozpin. The raven haired professor quickly adjusted his seat and folded his hands on the desk, looking at the two men before they had any idea what was going on only moments before their interruption.
"James. Oz. So what is this all about?" he asked calmly.
General Ironwood was clad in his dress uniform instead of his traditional combat gear, a hint of stubble now growing along his face. "Ozpin has informed me of the situation we now find ourselves in. Salem no longer having a desire to destroy humanity but rather aid it is…a surprising change. However, the Grimm are mindless. They will still attack as it is in their nature to destroy. We must not let ourselves falter in these new times."
"I know. That's why I'm taking this opportunity to teach as seriously as possible," Qrow replied smoothly, biting back a grimace as his knees planted into his wife's shoulders. 'Son of a…'
This was going to suck for the both of them if this dragged out.
"And yet, you are married to one who happens to be a student under your tutelage. Are you sure this is wise?" Ironwood's eyebrows rose. "There are some on the Vale Council who believe it will only bring forth a scandal if you remain at your current position."
Joan repositioned herself as quietly as she could and raised a finger to her lips, winking at him. Before he could even protest her hands were rubbing along his crotch and he took that moment to reach for his coffee to distract him.
Ozpin glanced down at the desk and smirked knowingly. Fuck, he knew. He had to have heard her shuffling underneath. The huntsman grimaced and purposely took a loud sip to try and cover up the sound of his belt clinking.
"Oh, I wouldn't fret too much, James." Ozpin's grin reached shit eating levels. "Qrow has proven himself to be responsible these past few months, I can assure you. A very hands on approach to his instruction."
Qrow choked to try and mask the groan of pleasure that left his lips thanks to his wife doing the unexpected and stroking his length. 'Ozpin you asshole.'
James hummed. "And Salem? Are you sure we can trust her? After fighting for so long?"
"Salem and I have a mutual agreement, yes," Ozpin answered. "By the way, how have things in Atlas been since the news broke out about the affair?"
"Willow Schnee has faced quite a bit of public shame, as one would expect," James admitted. "But she carries on with pride, speaking very fondly of Weiss and refusing to bow down to the pressure of the media. They want her to reveal who the true father is to garner viewers, as one would expect. But they don't realize all that negativity draws Grimm. Even if Salem renounced her control, they will attack."
Joan scowled at the mention of Willow and her strokes became all the more energetic. The raven haired huntsman bit his lip to stop himself from groaning out and he grunted out a reply, feeling the pleasure build up. "Nice to see her sense of honor has come back a bit."
Was this actually happening? Qrow pinched himself to see if he had somehow fallen into a coma and was just dreaming that he was receiving a handjob right in front of an oblivious Ironwood.
No such luck. Why the hell did he expect different?
Ozpin's smirk didn't fade. "Next month James, after the Vytal Festival of course, perhaps we can work on a joint operation? Qrow's students would love a chance to come with such a renowned huntsman and work with some of your own students." Asshole.
Qrow's gaze briefly flickered down and had to gather every ounce of self control to not groan out. He could feel the wet tip of Joan's tongue dancing around his manhood and he gripped the arms of his chair, hoping this meeting would hurry up and end.
"Are you sure you're fine with taking over Port's position?" the headmaster asked cheekily. "You certainly seem to be working very hard."
"I'm fine." Qrow's teeth ground together to prevent the moans from leaving. Dammit Joan, there was risky and then there was this. "Just…getting used to the stress." He made an effort to try and cover up a splotch of lipstick that was near his collarbone, hoping James hadn't noticed.
"I see no reason why Qrow couldn't take charge of a joint mission. He is an experienced huntsman and very few have the field knowledge he possesses." James straightened his tie and gave off a much warmer air than he normally did. Perhaps the relief of no longer having to stress himself out with the fate of the world had thawed the icy persona he so frequently adorned. Now if he could just hurry up and get a damn date.
The General's scroll flashed twice and he picked it up with a sigh. "I'm afraid to cut this short. But it seems as though there is something urgent in Atlas that needs my attention immediately. I'll be in touch. Good to see you again, Qrow. Ozpin."
"Leaving so soon? I'm sure there are others who could finish those tasks for you." Dammit. Qrow wasn't going to last much longer between the terrible innuendos and the soft hums of his wife bent on sucking him dry.
"I'm afraid so. I'll be back in time for the festival, don't worry," James reassured. "With you hosting, I don't want to miss out on what you'll have planned for the event."
The good general spun smartly on his heel and left, his arms folded behind his back. The minute the door shut, Qrow couldn't hold back anymore and groaned in pleasure before releasing into the warm wet mouth of his wife.
"You know, you really ought to be more…subtle." Ozpin pushed his glasses up and took a sip from his mug. "I'm surprised James didn't hear the sound of your belt buckle."
"Yeah, lucky me," Qrow drawled, scooting back a bit once he was finished. He hastily tucked himself back into his trousers and watched as Joan swallowed what she had caught in her mouth, licking her lips. Okay, that was actually kind of nice to watch…
No, no. Back down.
Joan wiped the corner of her mouth away and winked at Qrow, the blonde crawling out from underneath with a groan. "I didn't exactly hear an objection~."
Qrow coughed. "Hard to do that while I'm getting grilled by General Ironwood. And you were not helping."
"I fail to see what you could possibly be insinuating," Ozpin objected earnestly. Bullshit. "Now if you will excuse me, I do have some paperwork to fill out for the festival. Be mindful of what you two do in public; Vale's view on these sorts of untraditional unions is a lot more open than Atlas, and quite a few Atlesian politicians will be attending."
Great way to ruin the mood.
The headmaster twirled his cane merrily and Joan let out a needy purr, scratching at Qrow's chest. "So…how was that?"
"An unexpected surprise, but a welcome one to be sure." Qrow brushed her hair and kissed down her neck, nipping to leave some marks. "You know, it would be rude of me to not return the favor."
Joan could only meep at his grin.
A/N: *whistles innocently and leaves lood on the counter* Enjoy sinners. Now if you'll pardon me, I have an exquisite beverage that requires my attention. Tally-ho.
-Kagerou#0007
