A/N: Hello all. This isn't going to be the last chapter of this heresy; far from it. I do have a planned ending but…well, we'll cross that bridge when it comes along. For now, I just feel like being a total fluff bastard. I hit my lewd quota for a bit. Now because I've been playing Tales of Vesperia…I will reveal Joan's semblance properly. Also, fuck the money system of Remnant. I'm basing it off of yen. Sue me.
An Unlucky Drunken Marriage
Summary: Qrow just wanted to relax after a long time away on a mission. Celebrating by hitting the new nightclub that opened up seemed good in his mind. Too bad he ended up drunkenly marrying a cute blonde knight in the process.
*Radiant*
Joan looked down at the long black strapless dress she wore and grumbled. "I feel like I'm going to a funeral."
"You look stunning," Qrow corrected, wrapping an arm around her waist and walking with her down the brightly lit road. "You can wear black and not be an emo or ultra depressing person. Don't let those books fill your head with that kind of nonsense."
"Not what I meant. I mean I don't feel as though I fit this kind of style."
"Have you seriously never worn dark colors before?"
"Nope." Joan shook her head. "I'm not that much into fashion trends and just wear whatever's comfortable for the most part. Other times, it is definitely to get your attention and see how long you can resist letting your eyes wander. I notice a trend with you, you dirty old man."
"What? I'm a sucker for thigh highs and short skirts. What do you want from me?" Qrow grumbled. "It's not my fault I'm hardwired this way."
"I think you spent too much time in sleazy bars checking out barmaids." Joan looked at him pointedly.
"No objection there. Been on good behavior since we got married, so you can't yell at me for it." Qrow pulled her over to a small coffee shop still open even though it was evening. "Figured we'd go a little more subtle. I'm in no mood to run into Winter on a date again."
"Coffee? At this hour?" Joan followed him in, feeling somewhat conspicuous with the attire she was donning. "You do know that I have to go back to Beacon tomorrow morning and hope to the almighty Gods that I don't fuck up and choke in the Festival this week. I haven't even unlocked my semblance!"
"Is that what you're worried about?" Qrow took a seat in a nearby booth and patted down next to him. "You'll do fine even without a semblance. I might have had only a handful of months to train you, but you're in a better position than you were then in terms of skill. Yeah it might be behind other first years, but you make up for lack of skill with tenacity and sheer willpower."
Joan was aware of a few patrons turning and staring at her; the blonde rolled her eyes and leaned into Qrow's shoulder, putting on a disgruntled look to tell the nosey ones to mind their own business. "You think someone would have taught them that it's rude to stare."
"They're looking at the bite marks you neglected to cover up," her husband deadpanned. "Told you that walking around with them on full display like they're battle scars was a bad idea, but you didn't listen."
Okay, he had her there. there were plenty of hickeys and bite marks on display, giving her the look of someone who had been on the receiving end of the kinky almost shameful type of sex. In reality, it was more of aggressive cuddling.
Joan pushed her hair down to cover the ones on her back and shoulders, wiggling closer to steal her husband's body heat. And to maybe get a nice picture of the two of them enjoying their last date before the tournament.
They were both dressed to kill. Might as well take a picture to remember it.
"Come on, smile for once in your life!" Joan groaned as her husband stared blankly at her scroll's camera. "You look like someone kicked your puppy down a flight of stairs. Or fed it to a Grimm."
"I'm…not really a picture person," Qrow admitted sheepishly. He wasn't lying; in every picture of him she had seen when he was still with his team, Qrow was not smiling in them. He suffered from permanent resting bitch face syndrome.
The only times he was smiling in nearly any picture was him forcing it for Ruby and Yang.
Joan pulled out her ultimate weapon of big sad eyes. "Pleaaaaase? I'll even find a pair of fishnets for you~."
Qrow groaned in defeat and conceded. He tried to give the camera one of his typical lopsided smug smirks when an elbow hit his side and he looked to see tiny blue slits glaring at him. "Fine, fine. But if you show it to Oz, you're getting sent to Horny Jail."
"Handcuffing me are you~?"
"Nah. Rope is so much better. Doesn't leave bad damage if you do it right. Fortunately for you, I do."
"Ooooh yes please~," Joan purred. "Save that for after the tournament, will you?"
"Why, birthday coming up? You know birthday sex is really just celebrating your parents having sex right?"
Joan choked.
Qrow thought he was fast enough to smile without being caught on camera. Joan was quicker.
CLICK!
"Gotcha~." Joan stashed her scroll down the cleavage window of her dress and wiggled into his lap as one of the café workers came to take their order. "W-wait, what are you doing here Cardin?"
The tall orange haired young man was in full uniform; black slacks, matching shoes, and a light green button up shirt. He had changed since the beginning of the year; his bullying had stopped after Velvet's team threatened to kick his head around like a football. Half of Beacon's freshmen would have paid to see that.
As with anyone, he grew up. Cardin even congratulated her performance against Dove and Russell some time ago, saying that kind of ass kicking was what they needed to get their heads on straight.
"Working." Cardin shrugged. "Got a little part time gig to put some lien in my pocket while my team isn't out on missions. My way of keeping productive whenever we don't have class." Smart move. Huntsmen and huntresses needed experience in dealing with the general population in ways that wasn't related to hunting Grimm. Plus the extra pay didn't hurt.
"So, what will your order be today?" he asked politely, pulling out a pen and notepad. "We do have a special going on for couples. Two of our homemade chocolate cakes and two medium coffees for 1,400 lien."
"Sounds good to me." Qrow shrugged. "By the way, Winchester, it is a welcome change to see your grades going up. Keep up the good work."
"Thank you, sir." Cardin scribbled the order into his notepad and surprised both of them by giving a warm smile. "Your order has been placed and will take 5-10 minutes."
Well. That was a hell of a surprise. Even more surprising than Qrow giving a proper smile for once. Who knew that Cardin of all people would grow out of being an asshole this quick?
Oh wait. Look at who one of their main professors had been for the past few months.
"You certainly whipped him into shape," Joan remarked.
"Eh. Kid has potential. He just had to pull his head out of his ass first." Qrow grinned and petted her hair. "Once he did that, it's been smooth sailing. There hasn't been a murmur of complaint about him from any of the staff for a good time."
"Let me guess, Goodbitch still complains about me?" Joan groaned.
"She stopped after I had a few harsh words with her," Qrow answered. "Oz also gave her an earful. Told her to quit harping on you because you don't fit her idea of a model combatant. By the way, I have seen some of your little spars with Pyrrha. You're getting better at using the Dragon Swarm and Sword Rain techniques. Still leave yourself a little too open for my tastes."
"I have higher Aura reserves than anybody I've sparred with." Joan shrugged. "I can take heavier knocks and not have to worry about my Aura dipping below forty percent." That was for damn sure. Most students would have passed out from Qrow's kind of trainings; being forced to constantly block heavy blows from Harbinger would whittle away their Aura until it shattered.
Joan could take that kind of punishment and still stand up afterwards without flopping to the deck like a sack of potatoes. It was borderline masochism. He had seen her duels from the beginning of the year. Even though she was considered the worst amongst the first years at the time, her bouts still took longer than anybody else's thanks to stupid amounts of Aura.
"It is nice to see how much you've grown. And you still can." Her husband ruffled her hair some more. "Then you hit my age where it feels like you don't know any more than you did at Beacon. Your old man would be proud of you."
"How did you meet him?" Joan asked.
"On a job in Mistral. He was only a handful of people I could talk to about our work with the Red List. He was always overprotective of his family and worried if he really was doing any good in our line of work. It was messy. Shared a few drinks with him in Atlas and in Vale over the years after he retired. Good huntsman. Good drinking buddy and husband. Parent? Well…like I said he was overprotective.
"At first, it worried me that your father, being the man who he is, didn't come after you the second you slipped away to Beacon. But now I think I know why, even though you hadn't unlocked your Aura. He had faith you'd find a way to power through it. Though he'd still probably try and kick my ass when he finds out about us." Qrow chuckled nervously at that, having crossed blades with him a few times to keep himself sharp. Nicholas Arc may have settled down, but that did not mean his skills had fallen off a cliff.
The Arc tradition of being famous huntsmen and war heroes was in good hands. It began with Commandant Flynn Arc in the Great War and the legacy was now in Joan's hands to make do with. Nick didn't come after his youngest daughter for the sole reason Ozpin let her into Beacon despite the obviously forged credentials. He knew her potential. No one is born with that giant pool of Aura to be a mere receptionist or farmhand.
Unlocked semblance or not, his wife could become a formidable opponent on a battlefield.
Cardin came over with their order, setting the plates and mugs down along with milk and sugar in case. "Is there anything else I can get?"
"No thank you." Joan shook her head. "Good luck in the tournament, though." Even if they had started off the year on rocky terms, the two of them had gone through improvements of their own. Gone was the bitter and intense rivalry that put Yang and Weiss's to shame and in its place was a mutual respect for both combatants and their respective teams.
"Thank you. You as well. Enjoy your evening." Cardin left them alone to enjoy their cakes and coffee.
Qrow let out a content sigh. "It's nice seeing students be productive when they have time off. I wish we were half as smart as your generation when we were your age. The only way we made any money in my day was by sneaking out to private clubs and gambling. Or having bare knuckle boxing fights."
"Really Qrow?" Joan rolled her eyes.
"I was terrible at poker. Stupid semblance."
"Or you have a bad poker face."
"Don't you start." Qrow folded his arms with snort. "I hear enough from Oz." Joan would let him somewhat off the hook, if only because with his kind of particularly dirty work it would be handy. Plus, shady clubs were usually good sources of information.
"Any good stories?" she asked, taking a sip of coffee, not bothering with milk or sugar. Another sign of her having way too much stress at Beacon.
Qrow blushed and took a loud sip, turning his head. "…I may have had to win my clothes back with a series of fights after losing a game of strip poker once."
Joan proceeded to shoot burning hot coffee out of her nose. Qrow was lucky enough to not be hit and he offered her a nearby stack of napkins to wipe her face. The mental image of her husband nakedly brawling for his clothes in the middle of an underground was both funny as all hell and somewhat drool worthy.
No, no. Head out of the gutter. 'Definitely not thinking about his dick swinging with his haymaker. Or seeing those abs ripple.'
Bad horny. Sod off.
Joan wiped her nose to make sure she was not having a nosebleed. Thankfully, she wasn't. Bloodstains were difficult to get out of clothing. She didn't want to imagine how irritating it would be to remove blood from this fancy dress.
"Laugh it up." Qrow sighed.
"A-at least you won your clothes back?" Joan offered weakly.
Qrow slumped in his seat and shoved a forkful of cake into his mouth.
Nervous was not the right word to describe how Joan was feeling when her team took to Amity Arena for the first ever time. Not even close. It was pure terror. She hated dealing with crowds the size of her combat class. This was easily the largest crowd she had ever seen, with those from all over Remnant watching the Vytal Festival both live and from home. 'Oh God, I'm actually on camera live in front of who knows how many. Is this how Pyrrha feels every time she wins a tournament?'
Now she understood why Pyrrha hated the publicity and spotlight so much. The amount of pressure the blonde felt was enough to crush a Goliath. 'Easy. If I'm rattled, then my team will be off. I made it this far already.'
Joan readied Crocea Mors in her hand and waited for the environment simulations to be finalized. To her left, Ren was stretching out and Nora was grinning like a maniac. The bubbly hammer swinging young woman couldn't be more ecstatic to finally put her skills to the test.
On her right, Pyrrha was as calm as ever. Joan borrowed her partner's calm demeanor and leaned over. "Know anything about them besides being from Shade?"
"May Zedong is a marksman," Pyrrha answered. "So she'll likely put distance between the rest of her team and be in a position with the most optimal view and cover. Branwz, Roy, and Nolan like to get up close while May provides covering fire."
The environment randomization was complete. On Team JNPR's side, a large mountain rose up out of the ground, the arena's artificial climate slowly filling with dark rain clouds around the mountain peak.
Team BRNZ's side received a large forest. Perfect hiding place for their sniper. If JNPR lost sight of her, it would be a tricky matchup.
"Nora, get to the mountain. Ren, you have range so go after the sniper. Pyrrha and I will be on the ground." A lot of this hinged on Ren being able to distract May long enough to make sure Nora could get the high ground, as well as Joan and Pyrrha doing what they do best.
Ren spun his submachine guns in his fingers. "Done."
"You got it!" Nora beamed and gave her a salute. "As long as I get to hit them with a hammer!"
Joan didn't even bother trying to pretend to be surprised. "Yeah sure, whatever. Do what you do best once you get the high ground. I trust you to be smart about it." When it came to a fight, the blonde could trust Nora to do whatever it took to win and she wouldn't be an idiot about it.
'One thing I can always trust Nora to do. Hit things with her hammer.'
The roar of the crowd thundered in her ears and Joan took a deep breath. 'Time to show what we're made of.'
"Team JNPR from Beacon versus Team BRNZ from Shade!" Doctor Oobleck was in the announcer's booth with General Ironwood and Ozpin, and the doctor let the fight commence. "BEGIN!"
Joan rushed out into the center of the arena with her partner, Crocea Mors clashing with Brawnz's two wrist blades. 'Remember those techniques you've worked on! Hit him with Sword Rain!'
With her shield placed in front of her, her sword was free to jab away at Brawnz's Aura. The quick flurry was enough to catch him off balance, but his stumble quickly turned into a counter. Both of his wrist blades detached into boomerang buzz saws, the blonde knight grimly raising her shield and letting them bounce off. 'Sword Rain won't work on him after that.'
Brawnz caught his two saws and once again he pummeled down, each blow being absorbed. Joan gritted her teeth, her Aura slowly bleeding out and her shield arm jolting. 'Bad idea.'
Brawnz jumped back with a smirk and Joan barely got her shield in the way of a shot fired from May. 'What the hell!? I thought Ren was going to take care of her!' A look over her shoulder showed Ren currently on his back, temporarily incapacitated. "Dammit! Pyrrha, buy Ren some time!"
Nolan went after Pyrrha, him and Roy having their hands full with the Invincible Girl. Pyrrha's combat style was a work of art, putting on a show for those who wanted to watch this fight in particular.
Brawnz jolted her back to the reality of being in the middle of a fight. Two hits to her head sent her flying and the blonde stabbed her longsword into the floor to slow her down. 'Right. Screw playing clean.' "Didn't your mother ever tell you it's rude to hit a woman?" Her Aura was fine; it hovered at about 72% efficiency, more than fine enough to last for now.
"Looks like you have a mouth on you, Blondie," Brawnz taunted, bobbing lightly on his feet.
"Sorry. Married. You're not even close to my type. Though I will have to ask if your little sniper friend is single. Or be down to have a little bit of fun, if you get my meaning."
The leader of Team BRNZ choked.
Joan hit him in the stomach with the butt end of Crocea Mors, following through with a backhand smack from her shield. Brawnz's Aura flared brightly, showing signs of breaking soon, and Joan finished him with her version of one of Qrow's techniques, Dragon Swarm. Crocea Mors spun in a series of serpentine slashes, each one hacking away into Aura. The hilt caught her opponent in the jaw and Brawnz fell. The alarm sounded to announce his elimination and he groaned deliriously.
One down.
While she dealt with Brawnz, Ren had gotten back to his feet and began to spray the woods with suppressive fire, forcing May to relocate. Having to reposition meant Nora was capable of climbing the last few leaps up the mountain, letting lightning strike her hammer.
"I'M QUEEN OF THE CASTLE~! I'M QUEEN OF THE CASTLEEEE~!" Nora sang happily at the top of her lungs, her weapon shifting into its grenade launcher form. With mad cackles she proceeded to fire every single charged grenade into the forest, leveling it completely to the point where she might as well have called down an airstrike. There was nothing left, minus a bunch of burning trees and a soot-covered May. Nora cheered in joy at the destruction and leapt down from the peak, slamming her hammer down to create a massive shockwave.
Joan and Pyrrha shielded themselves from it, but Ren was not as lucky. Forget stumbling and hitting his head on a rock.
Ren quite literally went through the mountain. No buzzer sounded, which meant his Aura was somehow still intact after that; he just didn't know what day it was or where he was. Nora screamed and immediately went out after her partner and boyfriend, abandoning the fight and leaving Pyrrha and Joan with three very annoyed members of Team BRNZ.
With the remains of a burning forest behind them. Her Aura had dropped to 4% from just absorbing Nora's shockwave. What the hell did that girl eat to make her blows so damned devastating?
"That's got to hurt! And yet, ladies and gentlemen, Lie Ren of JNPR is still standing! But can he fight!?" Oobleck yelled excitedly. "Nora Valkyrie is trying to help him, but he doesn't seem to know where he is!"
Joan watched as one burning limb fell off of a charred tree for good measure and shared an exasperated look with her partner. "How did I know it was going to come to this?" So much for this going to plan completely.
"We can handle it," Pyrrha reassured. Ha. Bit tough for someone who has to make it up as they go along without the help of a known semblance.
Joan let her shield drop into its sheath form and didn't waver. "Right. We got this far." 'And I'll be damned if we get eliminated this early in the tournament.' She was not bowing out of the freaking Vytal Festival of all things. Not when the blonde had shed blood and sweat to get to the point where she was now.
'Everything I worked for has all been for this.' The sun overhead broke through the artificial cloud cover and Joan's body became cloaked in a vibrant white light. It was blinding and she could make out Doctor Oobleck's voice over the surprised roar drawing from the audience. "What is this!? It appears as though Joan Arc of Team JNPR is activating what appears to be her semblance!"
Semblance? Now of all freaking times?
'Oh you have got to be kidding me.' Joan raised Crocea Mors up to block some of the harsh sunlight and yet the longsword seemed to glow. If she didn't know better, she'd say she was absorbing sunlight.
Joan's longsword swung at the charging members of BRNZ and a series of spectral wyverns came forth, launching them skyward before crashing out of bounds.
Joan grinned weakly and didn't even need to hear the buzzer to know she was spent completely. Crocea Mors slipped from her grasp and she wobbled for a bit before the ground rose up to meet her.
"And we have a four-way knockout! Team BRNZ is eliminated by ring out and Joan Arc by Aura! Team JNPR wins!"
Qrow gripped the armrests of his seat at the sight of his wife seemingly unconscious on the arena. He'd been on edge for most of her team's fight; it was, for lack of a better way of putting it, a total mess. He'd seen sloppy fights, but this was a whole new level. It wasn't luck that got JNPR to the doubles. It was skill, as poorly executed as it was. Things were much simpler back in his day.
There's the opponent. Beat the shit out of the opponent. Go home.
The red eyed man got up and made his way through the crowd, pushing past a few shocked Vacuo fans. He couldn't blame them; of all the frigging times for Joan's semblance to activate, it did it during the most televised event in all of Remnant.
'Maybe I am her little good luck charm.'
Qrow leapt down into the arena and ran across to Joan's motionless form, scooping her up and looking at her battered but victorious team. "How are you all feeling? Now's the time to get patched up while I take Sleeping Beauty here to get her Aura back up."
Ninja Kid rubbed the large bruise on his head and gave a weak thumbs up. "Conscious."
"I'm sorry!" Pinky wailed, latching on to him like a giant sloth. "Please don't be mad Renny…"
"It's fine." Ninja Kid patted her head. "I could never be mad at you."
Qrow wanted to gag at the sheer sappiness of it.
Nikos didn't seem to have a scratch on her. Not unexpected, coming from the Invincible Girl. "Fine. Though a bit surprised…I didn't expect her semblance to come out. Is she going to be alright?"
"She'll be fine," Qrow reassured. "She just needs time to rest and get her Aura back."
"It was awesome!" Pinky jumped up excitedly. "She can absorb light energy like I can with electricity!"
Joan let out a soft whine and Qrow saw her clutching on to his shirt. The blonde was completely out, and after the display she just put on, he wasn't surprised. Qrow adjusted himself to brush her hair and snorted. "Good job out there, Blondie. You did well." He carried her out of the arena with her teammates not far behind.
He caught her lips slightly curving up and he rolled his eyes. 'Nice try, Blondie. You're not slick enough to pull it off.'
Qrow was so tempted to call her out on pretending to be unconscious for the sole purpose of being carried bridal style, but he couldn't. Not when one blue eye lazily winked open and her lips formed the most adorable pout possible.
He gave her a stare that said no funny business and she merely buried her head into his elbow with a purr.
"Talk about a sloppy performance…"
"I thought you liked me being sloppy?"
"Joan, I will bonk you."
A/N: Terrible innuendos. Wouldn't be the same otherwise. Now, as for what Joan's semblance is called and how it functions.
Radiance: Gather up light energy and release it in the form of spectral beasts. Think of it as a Limit Break, sort of. The more she absorbs, the stronger the burst. Doesn't necessarily have to channel it through weapons, either.
Why pick CRDL to not be cunt-holes and being decent people? Because bashing them seems pointless. Everyone was a stupid teenager at one point. We grow out of it.
-Kagerou#0007
