Act Five: The Awakening—
"Do you love me, Sebastian?"
He looked up from his newspaper and found her eyes looking at him intently.
"What brought this question on?"
Kathryn shrugged mischievously, letting him know that it was more of a game.
"Do you?"
"You know I do."
Her eyes twinkled in triumph and he scowled at letting her win.
"More than your moronic conquests?"
"More than you love sex and drugs."
He returned and was met with a real chuckle.
"That's saying a lot."
While she laid beside him in the darkness, they both never slept. Eyes of sea and eyes of jade stared at the shadows obscured in the room, their bodies warm from pressing against each other's.
Sebastian preferred the silence yet he wanted to talk to her, to claw his way back into her life and have things as they were before. His descent had led him right there, at that moment, and suddenly with them like this, at the way she breathed evenly and at the way her hand rested on his stomach, he knew this was where everything would end.
Her smile alone wouldn't be the end of him. She would.
But oddly enough, it was an end he wouldn't mind meeting.
"Who was she?" Kathryn finally said, looking at him. Her face faced his and the curiosity was alive again in her features.
The girl she'd caught him with. The one who possessed her hair and Annette's eyes.
"I don't know her name."
Her mouth pursed, obviously he had given the wrong answer.
"Were you pretending?"
As always, she was right on spot. He wanted to lie to her, because after all, he did have his dignity to keep intact. Yet the intimacy of the situation compelled him to tell the truth, and there was something in her eyes that moved him to ways not even Annette could.
"Yes."
She nodded, her cheek brushing against the soft pillow.
"Who was she?" she asked again.
He paused for a long time before answering. His hand stroked her lovely cheek, trying to clean off the blood and when he came upon her mouth; his eyes stared into her to let her know that he wasn't toying with her this time.
"You." He answered, still caressing her. "She was you."
If she was surprised by this, she didn't show it.
"I thought so."
"Kathryn…" he began, his heart so full with words and apologies.
"Yes?"
"I'm not leaving you again."
She rolled her eyes, taking his hand away from her. "I'm perfectly fine, Valmont. Don't worry, he will be severely punished. You know that."
"I don't mean just that."
Her mouth opened and closed, looking like she wanted to say something more but opted not to.
"Oh."
Something about her hardened and suddenly she was all business again. Kathryn pulled away from him and headed to her closet, tearing off whatever clothing she had and looking for something. Pieces of nightgowns flew over her shoulder as she sought for the one she favored and she sounded angry again.
"I've changed my mind. Please fuck off right now, Sebastian." She said coldly.
He'd had enough. The last line had snapped, his veins have all simultaneously been pumped with adrenaline and his anger was enough to rival hers. Sebastian jumped up and ran to her, grabbing her arm and twisting her around to face him. His gaze was cold and unforgiving, yet they both knew it spoke of something contrary to coldness. It was hesitant warmth lingering beneath the depths of such a low temperature.
Her reaction was that of immediate surprise. Eyes of infinite jaded proportions slightly widened; a mouth of rose and softness slightly parting before sense and pride overtook her. Then she changed and morphed into the haughty monster she was raised to become. As Kathryn jerked her arm back, Sebastian persisted, tightening his grip hard enough to make her gasp. Her bones felt like they're about to pop under the intensity of it all.
"Why?" he asked, no, demanded.
"Why what?"
"Why are you doing this to me?"
"Doing what?"
The fact that she could be so innocent of all this, that the possibility that she's genuinely flummoxed at his bizarre actions only enraged him more. Didn't she see? Didn't she know that instead of sleeping fitfully next to Annette while she was wrapped in his sheets, the virginal angel kept warm in the lair of Satan, he was straining to hear Kathryn from the other side of the room, realizing with heavy clarity that a few feet might as well be on the other side of the world? Didn't she know that he inwardly cringes when she brushes past him uncaringly even in their private moments without even starting or playing along with their deprecating banter?
"You're shutting me out!" he yelled to her face, uncaring if she recoiled. She doesn't. "I hate it! You're pretending I don't fucking exist!"
It must have been something in his voice, although he could never tell. His anger had made him forget, because now the wrath of everything concerning Kathryn's treatment of him was overtaking him. Despite the destructive turn, something about him caught her attention. Was there a slight crack in his reply? Was there the tiniest flaw in his argument? In his expression? Did his shoulders slump?
Whatever it was caused him to feel out of himself while she touched his cheek, cupping his jaw line with the palm of her small hand. Her skin is summer, her heart a never ending winter. Her world autumn and her thoughts fall, everything about her happens simultaneously and the four seasons collide to create the chaos and beauty that was her. He felt lightheaded under her touch, the seducing heat of evil emanating from her and onto him. When their eyes met, he realized she was staring intently at him and understanding all that he kept within.
"You can't have it both ways. It doesn't work that way and you know it."
"I'm supposed to love Annette, but this thing between us…"
"There's nothing." He was interrupted by a sharp cut that only results to the bleeding of rationality and irrationality alike. "There's nothing between us, Sebastian. It was just a bet. You said so yourself."
Bet.
"Oh come on, Kathryn, it was just a bet."
"I never meant it."
"Yes, you did. You know you did, Sebastian. Don't lie to me, don't you fucking dare try to sugarcoat everyfuckingthing that had happened. You left me for her, it's crystal fucking clear, Valmont. You love her. You love her more than you love me, I told you that once remember? What did you say? You didn't reply. What did that silence mean?"
"I thought I did, okay?" he retorted bitingly, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Well, yes, I meant what I said at the time! But things change!"
Kathryn shook her head, "No. You're just bored with her now. You're looking for the next conquest to quench your thirst for something new; well I'm not going to be one of them. I refuse to be another entry in that fucking journal to be sneered and mocked at."
"That's not true. You were never like any of them."
She laughed softly, "I wasn't? Tell me, Sebastian, what exactly did you do to me after we fucked?"
He looked away.
"You fucked me then you left me to go to the next unfortunate twit, didn't you? Well, isn't that what you did to the others?"
He closed his eyes and saw her again, naked and raw in her abandon, the passion that of all the poetry written from the turmoil of the writer's soul possessed clothing her in its sensual embrace. They were joined not only in their consummation but through their eyes, connected in a long adieu. Their voices were strangled and hoarse but still quiet and discreet, the various moans, pants and groans suppressed but the physicality of the act was not. He had kissed her mouth, tasted her tongue and licked her skin. She had ridden him as though he were the only way to a place of peace and free of the hypocrisy from the world she sought to please. The sweet friction created by their young bodies soundless in its course, but there was no denying the tightness of her hold on him. After his mouth had stung from kissing, Kathryn had buried her head in his neck, squeezing tighter while she grinded against him in a leisurely pace.
"Goodbye."
Blue eyes opened and it was still her he saw, standing before him and acknowledging his confusion but not making an effort to relieve it.
"Do you really want it to be this way?"
"You chose it!" she hissed, slapping him in fury. "I warned you! I warned you of the consequences! I warned you that you'd lose me!"
"I know but why did you have to act like this? It's driving me insane!"
"Why? Why? What do you want me to tell you?" she yelled, shoving him. "That that night was the best thing I ever did? That it was my biggest regret as well because I let you have me? You want me to tell you that I hated myself for not hating it at all, or would you like me to tell you about how I've envisioned elaborate plans to break you and your slutbag whore girlfriend up just so things would be as they were before? Well, it's not! It will never be as it was because you destroyed it! What else do you want to know? That I couldn't go through with it because I couldn't fuck you up? No, Annette, I could have easily destroyed, but you! You fucking, insolent bastard!"
"Kathryn…"
"If I'm not going to be in your life the way I was, I don't want you to take part in my life either! You're dead to me now!
Sebastian grabbed a hold of her and pulled her close, startled to realize that she was shaking.
"You're like a drug, Kathryn." He murmured in her hair, "Tell me a secret. Tell me how to give you up."
She struggled against him roughly, "You already have."
"No."
He placed his mouth on her, kissing her with all the fervor he felt at that instant. She pushed and clawed at him and his skin stung from her nails but the pain was mingled with the feeling of warmth on her lips that it made for the pain. She didn't respond to the kiss and only fought harder, finally succeeding when she dug her nails into his neck and drew blood in the process.
He was rewarded with a sharp slap on the face from Kathryn, her chest was heaving and her face flushed.
"Bastard." She snapped, slapping him again to hurt him more.
They stared at each other, breathing heavily.
The tension was thick, he wanted to apologize but his pride kept him from doing so and she wanted to keep her pride by rejecting him but something… She didn't know what it was about him, whether it was the way he looked at that instant, whether it was the way her nails had scratched that irritatingly handsome face of his, whether it was the fact that he looked remorseful and aroused and ashamed all at the same time, but she found that she couldn't.
Just say it, Kathryn.
Tell him to leave.
Tell him there was no going back. Tell him he's not worth the trouble. Send him off the way you did before, mock him for his weakness even though this weakness of his turned out to be you. Have someone else fill you up; fill you to the brim so you can dispel your hatred towards him by torturing him like that.
He'd be hurt.
You'd be getting your revenge.
Who would be happy?
And as Kathryn searched her troubled self for an answer, it became quite clear as the bright blues of his eyes contrasting the expanse of tanned smooth skin she found velvety to touch.
No one.
No one would be happy.
This time it was she who lost her control.
"Why can't I hate you?"
With that, she attacked and they kissed, exploring each other's contours heatedly. He felt so full and warm at the same time when he was with her. When his tongue slipped into her mouth, she moaned in agreement and their tongues met and made love into their own unity, she slipped her hands under his shirt and scratched his pectorals before slipping inside his pants.
He sought to please her, to touch her and make her feel the way she was arousing him. He began to leave her mouth and place moist kisses down her neck, undoing her bra with one expert flick. As she started to stroke his girth, he hardened more and more under her touch.
"Sebastian…"
There was something about the way she said his name…
He took her breast and gently kneaded it while he slammed her against the wall; she could only give a small groan of encouragement and recognized that they both had the feral and raw need to be inside of the other. Placing his thigh between her knees, he heard his belt buckle and somehow his pants were gone.
"Tell me again." She moaned when he started rubbing her moistened slit through the fabric of her underwear. He didn't know whether or not to keep on looking at her or to pay attention to the enticing hardened nipples that begged to be suckled because he didn't think she was aware of just exactly how beautiful she was at the moment. Her face was flushed red and her eyes darkened with desire and half shut, now she had started to rub herself against his thigh and he gasped at the feeling of her wet sex rubbing against his bare skin.
"I'm not leaving you anymore."
"Never?" she whispered, ripping off his shirt and tossing it to the floor carelessly.
"Never." He responded, meaning it entirely.
She started to reply but her words were turned into a low hum when she felt a warm mouth encase one erect nipple. His tongue laved the hardened bud, biting it gently before soothing the slight stinging with his sucking mouth.
"Oh, God…"
"Not a god." He replied, his middle finger inserting inside the wet cavern. "And most certainly not a saint."
"Sebastian…"
"I'll never get tired of hearing you say my name like that." Sebastian returned, paying attention to the other neglected nipple, his pink tongue swirling around the surrounded areas. Upon finding a particular spot he liked, he sucked on it hard enough to leave a mark and grinned when she arched her back towards him. His finger found a soft area behind her pubic bone and he drew an S on it, almost making her come in the process.
As he repeated this, she gave little purrs and brought his face back up to kiss again, and how he had missed kissing this… this… conundrum. She practically dripped against his thigh while she continued riding him; the feeling of their skin rubbing against each other only increased the ferocity of the moment.
"No more games." She whimpered when he concentrated on the soft spot that drove her wild. "You. Inside. Now."
He decided to tease her, he wanted her to lose control and it wasn't everyday he saw her eyes glazed over and her pretty mouth red and swollen from kissing him.
"But I'm having fun as it is." He complained, causing her to glare at him dangerously.
"NOW!" she yelled just as he thrust another finger and started pumping it, his fingertips brushing against her spot. "I swear! If you don't fucking do it right now…"
His erection sprung free from the confines of his boxers and with a guttural moan, but before he could penetrate her, Sebastian felt her grab his face, peering at him in a warning, cautious glance.
"I'm not looking for a savior or for redemption. I'm not some fucking charity work, I'm not some misunderstood poor little spoiled princess to amuse yourself with. I'm Kathryn fucking Merteuil, don't you ever, ever feel sorry for me. Do you understand that?"
It was clear that she wanted him to realize and comprehend it, to place it to memory and he nodded silently, leaning in her cupped hands.
"You don't need to take care of me." She replied in a low voice, "Tell me you know that."
He smiled a little, the closed mouth smile of his that melted her icy exterior into warm water.
"I know I don't need to."
And then he kissed her bruise, the one on her right cheekbone. His lips barely brushed the skin when the warm air came out of his mouth as he spoke again.
"But I want to. Don't hold it against me."
He sheathed himself inside of her. They both gave a slow, delicious hiss at the feeling of warmth and hardness adjoined.
"So tight…" he groaned, kissing her neck when her muscles clenched around him. "So perfect."
He grabbed her buttocks and squeezed the firm globes, lifting her up. She wrapped her thighs around him, hooking the bottoms of her feet into his back while he drove into her in quick, successive strokes. By then they were too breathless, too tired to kiss or play or explore each other's physical attributes, no, they concentrated on their joining. Kathryn had her forehead on Sebastian's and watched the firm concentration on his face, noting how he bit his bottom lip and how he appeared and disappeared inside of her, his hardness encased with their combined fluids.
"Welcome home." She said, looking at him directly.
At this, his eyes met hers and he smiled that smile of his that warmed her. He continued plunging into her, this time the pressure building up between them threatened to stop this passionate fusion and so he changed his rhythm, wanting this to last. He slipped and returned at a slower pace, angling it to hit the places that made her weaken beautifully, he loved how red she was and how she met him halfway. Perhaps the question as to why he had forsaken her would never be logically answered, but what he did know was that he was back, and that was what mattered. Never again would he stray from this, never again would he leave her.
"Just like that… Fuck… Fuck… OhgodSebastian…"
"Missed you…" he answered as his words came out in tight, heavy exhalations. "Kathryn… Fucking hell…You skin… Your taste… How could I have… I'm… Right here… Ah…"
The paintings that hung nearby clattered as the force that joined them grew in intensity and fervor, their lips brushing across each other's bodies, any part gave them a searing heat that only seemed to strengthen and renew their vigor. At one time he seemed like he was about to give in right there but it was suddenly dampened when he seemed to slam her against the wall too hard and she winced. He immediately stopped, breathing hard but almost kicking himself. She was injured, almost raped oh fucking hell what had he done?
"Oh, fuck… Are you alright?" he asked worriedly, peering at her and fighting back the urge not to kiss her when she looked so damn beautiful all flushed and aroused like that. "I'm sorry I forgot that…"
"Shut it." She smiled, contracting her inner muscles to clamp around his length and using her thighs to push her hips up and down. His eyes rolled back and all coherent thoughts fled his mind save the fact that Kathryn really was amazing.
"I need you." he gasped when she tightened her muscles around him again, "Kathryn, I…"
The compelling force that had been accumulating in his repeated thrusts exploded and it was apparent that she felt that way too. They simultaneously locked eyes and kissed, their screams of released drowning into the other's mouth and dueling tongues. Kathryn slumped against him, breathing heavily while he held her close, his own breathing not at all normal. Her legs slowly unwrapped around him and he carried her to the bed, kissing her forehead.
"Is the naughty vixen tired already?" he said in a deep, whispered tone that would have melted the most frozen of hearts. He nuzzled her damp neck with his nose, hiding his smile when he felt her hand play with his hair and heard her give a slight moan for her reply. "Though I don't know it, I probably missed you ever since we were separated. I don't even care that you're tired when you usually have a rather vigorous appetite for sex; you look so fucking perfect right now… Just here… Just us… This is how it's going to be."
Her eyes opened and she shot him a naughty, impish grin.
"Tired? Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? I bet I can even outlast you."
To prove her point, she reached down and stroked his already hardening sex while licking his jutted out lower lip, her sparkling green eyes full of vibrancy.
He gasped when she started poking the tip at her damp entrance, giving a loud groan before capturing her mouth with his again.
"You're one of a kind." He said when they broke apart, fighting the urge to roll his eyes back at the pleasuring of her hand on him. "I do hope you know that."
She smiled mischievously at his reaction only to have that smile wiped off clean when he started attacking her pebbled nipples with renewed fervor. "Ah… You're not playing fair…"
He pinched her swollen sex before inserting two fingers into her, noting the slippery friction between the two. He knew where a woman liked to be touched and pleased with his vast experience in the department and now he was quite thankful of that fact because a loud mew escaped her lips, biting her lip and pulling his head closer to her chest.
"Well whatever game you're playing, Valmont…" she moaned, wetting her lips. "I don't care… That feels so good."
Sebastian froze and slowly pulled away from the breathtaking brunette in front of him, frowning slightly. His handsome features turned into a serious look and he stared intently at her.
"This is not a game." He said in all honesty, "Whatever happens here tonight in this room… It's real. At least for me. This is more than sex…" He murmured against her neck, starting to nibble and suck at random parts which turned pale red when his mouth left them. He stuck out the tip of his tongue, briefly flickering over her hardened nipples before letting his tongue trace a line down her stomach. Kathryn gasped when he realized where he was headed and gripped the blankets tightly, fighting the need to be touched everywhere all at the same time by Sebastian.
"Definitely something more than lust as well…" he punctuated his point with a love bite on her inner thigh, the musky scent of her fluids reaching his nostrils. "… More than passion…" he wiggled the tip of his finger at her opening, wetting his lips when she whimpered. "…More than any emotion that could be comprehended."
His nimble fingers caressed the pink rose petal skin glistening under the dim lights and parted it because taking a long lick.
"Because what we are to each other… it's beyond understanding." He blew softly into the heated, soft lips and she bucked her hips towards him, aching for more.
"Oh… Fucking hell… I'm not going to last if you keep doing that."
"Doing what?" he questioned innocently, thrusting his tongue as deep as he could and twisting it around her molten core while she writhed against him. His fingers eventually joined his tongue and Kathryn desperately grabbed his shoulder, wanting to feel him, to feel any part of him in her hands.
"That!"
"You're right…"
His tongue swirled faster and she gave a loud scream.
"Sebastian, I'm about to…"
Her voice trailed off and her eyes grew large when she felt his member replace his tongue and fingers, slipping easily into her. Instead of quickly pumping in and out, he filled her to the brim and leaned into her, going deeper than he'd ever been.
"I don't know what this is, if it's serious or if it's just some momentary lapse." He gave her a chaste peck on her soft lips while she sighed at the feeling of being filled by him. "But I like it."
"You talk too much."
His blue eyes twinkled as he winked at her. "Just making up for lost time."
"Yes, well." She huffed impatiently, staring down where they joined. "If you continue doing that I'll give you more time to lose by kicking you out of—"
He shut her up effectively.
"Oh, shit Sebastian… Sebastian…" she panted when he started building up the pressure of heat inside their bodies. Her eyes shut tightly as the warm feeling inside her stomach turned into a scorching fire that only increased at his continued thrusts. It seemed like he knew what she wanted and what she needed before she told him, because just as she was about to reach out and grab him, his arms left her waist and met her halfway. He looked at her, their hands touching palm to palm and fingers curling into the spaces between. When she nodded silently, he pushed her arms gently back so they rested on the mattress, hands still holding while his hips pushed against her slowly. It was as if he knew she was about to release the pent up heat inside her body and angled it so that it would hit her spot.
Her absence from his life only made him realize that he did in fact need her after all. That thing with Annette had been an illusion and a dream and now he was back where he was meant to be. When they both arrived at the highest steps of bliss for the second time that night, it was this time he who collapsed on her, feeling like he had run out of oxygen and was on the verge of dying. He felt her arms around him, not at all complaining at his weight. His cheek touched the pillow and her sex felt warm and hot encasing his own spent member, but it wasn't that feeling that came to his attention at that time.
It was her words and the combined feeling of elation that bubbled up in his soul, never did he even think that this would happen, he didn't think that she would be able to do this to him, to bring forth such thoughts and make him think of saying so many words and yet at the same time not be able to say it because he didn't want to destroy such a silent, intimate moment between them. She was the one who held him this time, their bodies covered with sweat and their arms wrapped around each other.
"Promise me." She murmured in his ear.
He propped himself up and looked at her.
"I do. I'll give you everything you want. I'll fuck up whoever hurts you… I'll give you the world and we'll tell it to go fuck itself together. I'll never leave you again."
She smiled her secret smile and he knew that things would be different from now on. He fell asleep with her curled against him, and before he dozed off, he remembered trying to fight the grogginess. He remembered watching her as she slept, he remembered noticing about her things had been different the last time they were in bed. Back then he had watched her sleep too, only her eyes would periodically shut tight and her fists would clench, wrinkling the blankets. She had whispered a 'Fuck you' to him when she thought he'd been asleep and then turned away from him, her petite body curling into a ball.
Now was different. They were different. Now, she wore an expression of utter blankness, sated, contented and… Dare he say it?
Happy.
Sebastian remembered how something had beaten unnaturally faster when she reached out slipped her fingers through his.
He remembered smiling before allowing sleep to overtake him.
He remembered these things well, every detail, every word, every heightened sensation… He would remember it even as the days would bleed into one…
Then… The blankness of slumber.
"Open your eyes." Came a whispered voice to his right hours later, raspy yet undecidedly the sexiest one he'd ever heard. When his lips twitched into a ill-hidden grin, his skin tingled and that odd fast beating inside his body returned again as soon as he felt a warm body against him, pressing and cuddling against him in such a manner that he usually hated because it stifled him. But no, not this one. With this one he would never be able to get enough.
"Kathryn?" Sebastian said sleepily, the irrationality of a newly wakened (and therefore fuzzy) mind robbed him of his common sense but what if… What if the woman beside him would turn out to have eyes of blue and hair of gold? What if it was just another torment sent to him by the gods who favored Kathryn and supported her ostracizing of him?
"It's me." She replied in amusement. "Who did you think it was? Unless you slipped out of bed last night and went to someone else…"
The beating grew faster and finally, Sebastian opened his eyes.
A/N: So… What do you think? I've already started the next short thing; I think I like stories like this better. I'm becoming fond of exploring their personalities as opposed to plots filled with action and intriguing other characters. I wasn't supposed to post this but I already started work on another one… And you're all thinking: (WHAT! ANOTHER ONE! FINISH THE OTHERS FIRST YOU CRAZY GIRL!)
Ocfan: Wow I was really surprised when you emailed me when you couldn't read the story here on because awww that's just sweet. Yeah, it was nice to hear from you, like I said in the email. And about that CI writers thingie, well you're not really missing out on much mainly because we really don't talk a lot in there. Oh, if you have questions or whatever, you can just email me if you want.
Cman: Wow, thanks a lot. I appreciate it. :D
Keri: Omg she's back! And she's written a new fic, which I love by the way! Well I don't know if that review I posted for your new story came out since it had some sort of glitch before but yeah, I missed you! Write more!
Katie: I know I promised spoilers but you promised an update so tough. Lol, but um, like a million times over, thanks for the feedback and for the birthday greeting as well. I feel generous when I posted this since I'll be getting my (advance birthday gift) tomorrow! Yippee!) Yes, I'm materialistic despite the impression of being philosophical I sometimes show in my fics. Hahaha!
CT
Ash: Wow belated happy 19th birthday! Someone my age! Well, this
chapter will have to serve as a suitable gift. Thanks for the greeting,
it was really nice of you.
