A/N: Well, here we are. I've never been good at this whole, 'finishing a fic' shit, but this is it. Not from lack of motivation either, just I think its time is over and it's best to end it here.

Also, fuck those Dust engines. Congrats, you put a rock in your engine bay. You're an idiot.

An Unlucky Drunken Marriage

Summary: Qrow just wanted to relax after a long time away on a mission. Celebrating by hitting the new nightclub that opened up seemed good in his mind. Too bad he ended up drunkenly marrying a cute blonde knight in the process.

*Stand By Me*

"You know he's coming. Especially after that."

"Yeah, I know."

"You prepared to see him again?"

"Fuck no. What the hell am I going to say?"

"That bad?"

"Yes! It's not like I can just say, 'Oh yeah, we're married now, please pass the pudding?' He'd lose his mind."

"Good point."

"Is it bad that I want alcohol to get me through this?"

"No. I feel I might need it too. I'm hoping you smack some sense into me before I do."

"Will do. I'll be sure to use something nice and heavy too."

"Thanks. I appreciate it. I thought you stopped drinking after the last time?"

"I did. But this is stressing me out to the point of considering trying my hand at it. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Don't say that…because it could always get worse."

"How?"

"Dunno. Attack by my sister? She's kind of a bitch."

"You mentioned that a few times, funnily enough."

"Har har."

The small talk Qrow was sharing with Joan while she let her Aura recover on a bed did nothing to quell his anxiety. He didn't like it, but he knew that he didn't exactly know what the hell he was going to say to Nicholas Arc once he came either. Probably something along the lines of beating Qrow to death with his own skull. No, he didn't care that it wasn't physically possible. An overprotective father who was also one of the best huntsmen on Remnant was not something he was looking forward to dealing with.

Especially once Nicholas was told the news of their marriage. Qrow knew from experience how hard he hit and he hoped to the Brother Gods that it wouldn't come to a fist fight. He was in no mood for a fight with his wife's dad.

"Fuck me, what the hell am I going to say to him?" Joan groaned and rolled over onto her stomach, burying her face into a rather stiff white pillow. "I don't know what to do. Is this how it feels having to break the news to your parents?"

"Dunno." Qrow shrugged. "I can't remember jack shit about my parents. You remember everything you and your old man did together, right?"

"Well, yeah." Joan lifted her head. "We used to have this little tradition in Anvil; we'd have a giant barbeque every other Saturday. For anyone who'd want to stop by. Being the only huntsman in Anvil made my dad a celebrity, so you can imagine the crowds that would show up. Asking me if I planned to follow in his footsteps, if any of my sisters were single, or how my mom put up with eight kids."

The blonde let out a weak laugh, coughing. "You have no idea how many times I heard someone ask if my mom was secretly a rabbit Faunus and just hiding her features. It was more believable than my parents just being horny bastards. I remember the look of horror on my dad's face when my mom started gossiping with her friends about him being an utter beast in the bedroom."

Qrow laughed and took a seat next to her, leaning back. "How's your Aura?"

"58 percent. Talk about a fast recharge. Also, why does Beacon have a pharmacy on the school grounds?" Joan asked.

The black haired man sighed. "Use your head. A bunch of hormonal young adults sharing dorms together? What do you think would happen?"

"…they'd fuck," Joan answered. Her head smacked back on the pillow and she groaned. "So that's where Pyrrha got that birth control from. Good to know."

"Don't worry; I'm not planning on kids anytime soon. Not while you're still in school," Qrow reassured.

"Good." Oh fuck.

Qrow looked up and grinned weakly at the sight of Nicholas Arc, offering a lame wave. "Hey Nick. Um…long time no see?" Yeah he had nothing.

Nicholas Arc was what he imagined an older male version of Joan would look like. His blond hair was tied in a neat ponytail and his thick beard covered most of his grizzled face. He shared the same blue eyes as his daughter and carried himself with the same aura of confidence, yet as his stare met Qrow's there was no malice or fury. He was much calmer than expected.

"Hi Dad," Joan greeted meekly.

Nicholas Arc took a few steps into the tent and took off his light grey cloak, wrapping around the nearest chair. His own blue longsword came off the belt of his white knight armor and he set it down before walking over to his youngest daughter and ruffling her hair. "Good to see you Joan."

Joan stiffened at his touch at first before she buried her head into his armor covered chest with a lame attempt of an attack hug. "I'm sorry! I was an idiot! I shouldn't have taken Crocea Mors!"

"Joan, stop." Nicholas's deep voice made her stop and she looked up at her old man. "You've done so well. Even if you did fake your way into Beacon, you are well on your way to becoming a huntress. I'm proud of you."

"Dad…" Joan hugged her father tightly and when she pulled away, she mouthed, 'Good luck' to Qrow.

Riiiiiiight. Like he had that on his side.

"Now, I suppose I should talk about the Goliath in the room." Nick's blue stare was now fixed on Qrow. "Exactly how did you find yourself in an official union with my daughter, Branwen?"

Fuck.

"I, uh…" Qrow scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "It wasn't my intention? I was just looking for a nice drink at a new club and ran into Blondie." Joan groaned at the nickname.

"Go on." Nicholas waved for him to continue.

"Well…she asked me for a dance. I accepted, and that's kind of all I can remember." The red eyed man resigned himself to his fate. "Look, I can probably guess you're pissed, but don't take it out on her. She's a good student. If you want to be mad at someone, take it out on me. I've accepted that I am not the best role model."

"So this union of yours…was due to massive quantities of alcohol being consumed prior." Nicholas took a deep breath. "Who authorized it?"

"Ozpin," Joan deadpanned.

"That is…more believable than I'd like, if I'm being perfectly frank." The blond huntsman did not try and give Qrow a piece of his fist. "Just like my own marriage. I see some things haven't changed since I last attended Beacon. Is the pharmacy still on campus grounds?"

"Yeah. Man, our year was really fucked up, wasn't it?" Qrow grimaced. He liked to think that not all the times Team STRQ had together were bad, but they certainly weren't the most cohesive unit during their first year. Taiyang head over heels for Raven, Qrow flirting with the upper classmen, not to mention the one time Summer drunkenly said to Raven that she was a bad lover. Raven, being Raven, did not take the insult kindly and rose to the challenge.

Not soon after Team STRQ's first year, Ozpin built the pharmacy into Beacon and didn't look back at it once, more than content to turn a blind eye. Not his business to know, nor did he want to.

"Indeed." Nicholas stroked his beard. "And yet, we set the foundation for the next generation to build from. We can only hope they leave the world in a better place than we did for them."

"Dad…?"

Nicholas gave his daughter a kiss on the head and smiled. "Qrow…make a promise to me. One man to another. Promise me that you will do everything in your power to make her happy. I'm not asking for you to guide my slightly wayward daughter, but to be there for her when she needs it."

"I will," Qrow promised, ignoring the, "Hey!" of protest from Joan.

"Thank you." Nicholas pulled out his beeping scroll and grimaced. "More work to be done. I'm needed back in Anvil. Joan, please do call home every once in awhile, will you?"

"I'll try," Joan replied, relief crossing her face at how smooth the meeting between her dad and husband went. "Don't worry; you won't have any more grandkids just yet. School first. Love ya, you big teddy bear."

"That's my girl." Nicholas stood up and kissed her head again. "Walk tall, my daughter. I love you."

Nicholas Arc picked up his sword and fastened it to his belt, dragging his cloak over his shoulders. "I'll be in touch."

That…went much smoother than Qrow thought and he was wondering what the catch was.

"Hey! Dad left us a reservation at a hotel outside of the city! In a place called Lestallum!"

There it was. Screw it. The qualifying rounds of the Festival would last for another two weeks. They could afford a nice little honeymoon.

What could possibly go wrong?


Everything went wrong. Literally fucking everything. Qrow grunted as he and Joan tried to push their black honeymoon car towards the nearest petrol station, which was half a mile away on the only road for miles and not a single other car in sight. "Not exactly a fairy tale beginning to this honeymoon of ours, eh?" Outside the kingdom's main walls and out of fuel. Talk about shit luck. Somewhere, Ozpin was laughing at him for this.

"Qrow, do me a favor." Joan wheezed for breath next to him.

"What?"

"Push this thing by yourself!"

"By myself!?" Qrow's eyes narrowed into slits.

"I'm sure you wouldn't notice if I just let go," the blonde tried.

"Don't even think about it, Blondie." Qrow grunted and put more of his back into pushing. "You're in this with me. Now save some breath for pushing."

Joan pouted but pushed with her husband, sighing in despair. "It looked so much closer on the map."

"Everything's smaller on a map of the world, Blondie." Qrow focused his Aura into pushing, hoping to the Gods that their car wasn't in fact out of fuel and something else was broken instead. 'Come on, give me a bump start…'

The car didn't start.

"Just fucking perfect," Joan said through gritted teeth. "Not even an hour into our honeymoon and we're doing manual labor. Whose lame idea of a joke is this!? And why didn't the fuel gauge tell us we were running on empty!?"

"Broken," Qrow answered, huffing with each push. This was so not what he had in mind when he said Joan would be breathless at the end of the day. There was bad luck and then there was this. "Why can't we have anything nice?"

"Dunno. Maybe each bit of bad luck we have is a test to see if we can push through it?" Joan tried. "Pun not intended."

"Yeah, right." Qrow grunted. Cursed Semblance. This was going to take forever.

"Hey, I think the road's dropping a bit. We're going downhill," Joan pointed out, looking relieved about the breather they'd get. "Not too steeply either. We'll make it."

Gods, he could only hope so.


After what seemed like the longest hour of his life (and one of the more stressful ones), they were actually on the road again with a full tank of petrol and Qrow thanked the Gods that there was a mechanic right next to the station. While he was a cranky old man, he certainly knew his way around a vehicle.

But 15,800 lien for a damn gauge replacement and service? Ouch. That was definitely going to hurt his wallet a bit.

He sighed and glanced over at his wife. Joan was leaning into the edge of her seat, one hand holding his. "How are you feeling? About this, I mean."

"Honestly?" Joan purred and got into an even more comfortable position, easing her seat back. "More relaxed than ever. It's just nice not having to worry about things all the time. I'm more surprised that my team didn't try and find a way to make me stay."

"Pinky grew out of being chaotic?"

"More like Ren put his head between her thighs."

No surprise there. Qrow could see Pinky's closeness with Ninja Kid; he just wondered how long it would take before they actually officially got together. Good for them; Ninja Kid seemed like he was the only one who could properly calm the hyperactive girl down and he didn't look as stern when they were together.

"You must be happy then. But why did Weiss looked so flustered when we left? I didn't give her details, just that we were going on vacation." Qrow checked the map to make sure he didn't take a wrong turn somewhere. Nope, still on the right road. It was difficult to get lost when there were only a handful of roads that led out of the main kingdom, but he knew better than to underestimate his luck. Even with his good luck charm of a wife balancing it out.

His Semblance was a real bitch at times.

"Oh Pyrrha just finally grew the courage to ask her out," Joan replied with a bored yawn, as if it was also no surprise. "I had a woman-to-woman chat with her before our match and told her to go for it. Worst case scenario is what, getting turned down? Happens all the time; no reason to be miserable about the possibility or you'd never get anywhere in life."

So now his daughter had been asked out by one of the biggest celebrities on Remnant. The papers would have a field day if they were spotted out together in public. Weiss, being Weiss, hopefully inherited Qrow's remarkable ability to give zero fucks.

Shit, the world had changed a lot. Salem and Ozpin reconciled after feuding for a millennia, he was earning an honest paycheck, happily married, and even managed to connect with the child he had out of wedlock all those years ago.

"I feel old," he complained.

"What do you mean, feel?" Joan smirked.

"I will pull this car over." Red eyes narrowed and he lifted his foot from the accelerator pedal.

"Gonna spank me before the honeymoon~?" The blonde wiggled, giving him an amorous stare.

"Hah, you wish." Qrow gently shoved her face aside. "Go sit in Horny Jail for a bit; I'm driving here."

Joan groaned into her hands.


The door to the honeymoon suite was shoved open and Qrow stepped in carrying his wife bridal style, kicking it shut behind them. There was no need for words; anything he said would probably ruin the moment and he set Joan carefully on the bed. The blonde wasted no time in hiking her skirt up and beckoning him with a slow lick of her lips, eyeing the growing tent in his trousers as his shoes and socks were kicked off.

"Those look uncomfortable," Joan remarked. "How about you take them off?"

Qrow paused to briefly open the door and flip the sign dangling from it to say, 'Do Not Disturb' before undoing his belt. As usual, he had gone without the neck trap he called a tie and his trousers and jacket fell from his body.

A pair of panties joined the growing pile of clothes, along with a white sleeveless shirt and her miniskirt. She was keeping the thigh highs on during sex.

He always did like a woman in a nice pair of thigh highs…

Ahem.

The two of them shared a series of tender kisses, the blonde wrapping her legs around his waist and letting out groans as her bare chest rubbed against his. "Goddammit, stop teasing me already~."

"Tell me what you want, gorgeous." His mouth left hers to latch onto a breast.

Joan moaned and gripped his hair, feeling herself get more and more aroused as his covered length ground against her bare crotch. "M-make me…mm~!" She shivered in delight. "Make me yours~."

"As you wish, my darling."


Fifteen years.

That's how long Joan Arc had been married to Qrow Branwen. Of course, they had gone public with the news once Joan had graduated Beacon, and even then there were a handful of those who looked upon their union with scorn. Civilians wouldn't understand; it was huntsman nature to marry their own, seeing as their choice of career meant that an early death was a possibility and they'd rather have their partner be in the same lifestyle. Those trained to fight Grimm dealt with their mortality different and savored every moment they had with their loved ones.

Being married was something Joan got used to fairly quickly. But there was one thing that she was still somewhat coming to grips with, even though she was now into her early thirties and teaching the next generation at Beacon when Professor Goodwitch retired.

"Mum! Mum!" A small blond blur tackled her full speed, hugging tightly and refusing to let go despite her in the middle of cooking some lunch. "Dad took me out to see Signal!"

Joan and Qrow's now seven year old son, Flynn. Named after his great-great-grandfather who once served the King of Vale during the Great War, he was the spitting image of his mother. Same hair, same eyes, and even (much to Joan's annoyance for the amount of times she'd been called by his elementary school) the same sass. Qrow of course had tried to claim responsibility for the boy's sassy attitude the first time they were called into the office and was rewarded with a pillow to the face.

"Did he now?" Joan knelt down and hugged her son, ruffling his hair. "What did you think?"

"It was cool!" Flynn's eyes lit up excitedly. "There were so many awesome weapons! It made me want to become a huntsman, like you and Dad!"

Joan tried to prevent a wince. He was too young to really understand what being a huntsman meant; how they served the people and fought dangerous monsters. 'Dammit Qrow!' She knew she would have to have a proper talk about being a huntsman, but there was so much enthusiasm in those bright eyes of his. 'Parenting is hard. Is this how Dad felt when I said I wanted to go to Beacon all those years ago?'

"I'm happy you enjoyed it," she said instead, being careful with her words. "Where is your father?"

"He's coming with the groceries," Flynn explained.

"Does he need a hand?"

"I got it." Qrow lumbered in with at least a dozen bags hooked around his arms. "I might be older, but I'm not out of shape yet." No kidding. He didn't look to have aged a day despite him now being in his early fifties. His bedroom performance also hadn't dropped in the slightest, much to Joan's delight. Thank the Brothers for Aura keeping the body young.

Early on in their marriage after she had graduated, she wondered if he was secretly an energy vampire. Qrow always left her breathless and he would lie next to her with the smuggest grin when they were done.

Her eyes met Qrow's and he grimaced at her hard stare. "Hey Flynn, why don't you go and get washed up for lunch? Your mom and I have to talk."

"Okay!" Flynn ran away upstairs with enthusiasm and Qrow made his way over to his wife, now relieved of his burden.

"What's on your mind? Did I do something wrong?" he asked with a wince.

"Flynn told me you took him to see Signal," Joan said. "When I asked him about it, he said he wanted to become a huntsman like us. I don't know what to say! I have no idea what I'm doing! Was it bad to not say anything and tell him what it means to be a huntsman?"

Qrow kissed her head. "Hey…you're doing great. Parenting is never easy. When he's older, we'll tell him. If he really wants to be a huntsman, then who are we to berate him for it? If it doesn't work out, he'll always have a place to fall back on. You gotta figure the academies only take the best of the best. There are plenty of huntsmen and huntresses who don't make it to Beacon and instead become an apprentice underneath a professional to learn the ropes. They earn their license another way.

"Besides," he added with a hint of amusement. "If he's anything like how you are, he'll end up stealing Crocea Mors or Harbinger and run off to Beacon if we tell him no." He ducked under the lazy swipe with a laugh.

"He already has my looks and sass. I don't need him taking after more of my faults." Joan rolled her eyes. "But…thank you. Being a parent is a lot more difficult than I thought. I'm glad I'm not doing it alone."

"You know me. When I make a promise…"

"You keep it. I do know how to pick 'em." Joan purred into his chest. "You'll always stand by me?"

"As long as I'm alive, my love." Qrow shared a kiss with her.

Her father had told her to do one thing, and though it took awhile and was definitely rocky at first, she did it.

She walked tall.

A/N: So, that's it. An Unlucky Drunken Marriage is over. Am I happy with it? Yeah, I am. I had a lot of fun, more fun that I imagined when it first started. There were plenty of rocky bits, I will admit. Not everything fell into place quite liked I wanted to, but overall I'm satisfied.

So, what's next on the list?

Well, I don't know. There's still a few fics I'd like to get wrapped up before I become half a century old, but for now, I can say that a replacement for it is months away from release. It will be my first dive into the Knightshade pairing and it is an AU, but that is all I can reveal at the moment without divulging spoilers. Thank all of you who read this. I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing.

Walk tall, my friends.

-One Winged A2