Chapter 11: Their new thing.
Jay/Hailey. Set after series 7. After Kim and Adam's wedding, Jay and Hailey finally confessed their feelings and spent the night together and now they are back in Chicago and hiding their relationship from their friends.
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One of the team's most challenging cases since Vanessa had left concerned ex-Army members being targeted for a terrorist group. Nine ex-Army men and women were killed by the group. During the case, Hailey could see that Jay was struggling and she would have seen it even if Jay had not been staying at her house. The tension in his whole body, including his voice and eyes, was so clear and Jay knew that he could talk to Hailey about it, but he couldn't bring himself too, until the mission was over. He had trained his brain to be that way, but, unlike Erin, he knew that Hailey would be there for him. The rest of the team noticed Jay's behaviour, but they knew that Hailey was with her partner and she had his back, no matter what. Jay knew that this case had triggered his PTSD and he was hoping that it would remain at bay until the case was over. He did not want anyone to know how much he suffered.
The case only lasted for a couple of days, but, for Jay, it felt like years. It was too awful to understand that men and women were being targeted by a terrorist just because they had been in the military.
Finally, the case was over and Hailey breathed a sigh of relief: It was over and now she could support Jay, help him, to deal with the daemons this had brought back and she would be there for him, as his partner, as his best friend and girlfriend. The case was over and, like many times before, it was time to do 'their thing.' Even if their relationship had changed for the better, that was still the same. She was still his partner.
It was just paperwork left and Jay and Hailey were the only ones left in the bullpen, but Jay could not focus on the words on the page. His eyes were fixed on the photographs of the dead men and women, and they were being replaced by the friends he had lost in Afghanistan and he closed his eyes and rubbed them, trying to rid those images from his mind. Even when he closed his eyes, he could see them. He could feel his hands shaking and he knew that sleeping tonight was going to be almost impossible. Whenever he had suffered from nightmares when he had been with Erin, she had asked him to sleep on the sofa so that her sleep was not disturbed. Jay had kept the memories, the flashbacks, at bay, but now, they were hitting him with their full force and he could feel himself on the edge of a panic attack or a PTSD episode.
There was a voice that he was focusing on. "Hey, Jay. Jay, can you open your eyes, for me?" He did and his green eyes met blue. Hailey. She was kneeling in front of him, with a kind hand on his knee, in a comforting way. She stood up and collected his jacket in her arms as well as hers. "Let's go. Time to do our thing."
Jay closed his eyes and, when he opened them, Hailey was still there, patiently waiting for him. She knew not to make any sudden movements, so she waited. On shaky legs, Jay stood up and, not knowing what else to do, needing to hold onto something, he put his arms around Hailey, hugging her close to his chest. He wasn't sure how long they stayed there, but Hailey smiled at him and led him towards her car.
The drive back to Hailey's house was in total silence, but Hailey turned on the radio so that Jay had something to listen to, to focus on. It might help him to not to become lost in his memories, in his flashbacks.
As soon as they were back at Hailey and Vanessa's house, Jay sat down on the sofa and Hailey brought two glasses of whiskey over to the sofa, sitting down next to Jay. She passed him a glass, but his hands were shaking, so he put it down on the coffee table, staring at the wall, trying to make his breathing under control.
Putting down her drink too, Hailey put her arm around Jay and whispered, "Jay, I'm here. You can talk to me, or just drink, whatever's best for you."
In between shaky breaths, Jay inhaled a deep breath and continued to stare at the wall. "I keep seeing their faces. My friends who died. They died and I made it home. I think about them every day, but today it's- They made a sacrifice so I could come home." He closed his eyes for a couple of seconds, before opening them again. "I can't stop it. I've kept it bottled up and now it's"- he broke off, inhaling deep breaths, trying to stop himself from panicking. His eyes found Hailey's and, without saying another word, all of the emotions broke and he burst into tears, resting his face in Hailey's knee, holding onto her arms. Hailey kept her arms around Jay and rocked him back and forth as he cried. It was more than crying. It was sobbing and it wasn't just because of this case. It was tears from years of dealing with the trauma, the pain.
Rocking back and forth, Hailey ran her hands through Jay's hair in a comforting way and planting a kiss on his hair as he continued to sob. "I'm here, Jay. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."
Through shir exhaustion, Jay fell asleep on Hailey's lap and Hailey smiled, because she was glad that he had finally fallen asleep and she also glad that he had allowed his emotions to come out. She knew that he would call his therapist tomorrow and would talk to him. It was what he needed and, as soon as she was sure that Jay was asleep, she allowed herself to drift off into sleep, but she knew that Jay would soon be woken by nightmares.
Two hours later, Jay's sleep was disturbed by a nightmare and Hailey was the first to wake up, because Jay was shouting and crying in his sleep, as well as throwing his arms around, so she left the sofa and knelt in front of him on the floor. Jay was crying in his sleep and it was painful for Hailey to watch. "Jay, it's Hailey. Can you hear me? Jay, you're in Chicago, can you hear me? Jay, wake up. You're safe, I promise."
With a yell, Jay woke up, his eyes snapping open. His breathing was heavy and he looked disorientated, unsure of where he was, but he could hear Hailey's voice. In a shaky voice, he repeated, "I'm with you, Hailey, and I'm in Chicago. Not Afghanistan." He sat up quickly and almost jumped off the sofa, running to the bathroom, where he vomited into the toilet.
Hailey poured a glass of cold water for him and waited for him outside of the toilet. She knew that he needed space, but he also knew that she was there, when he needed her. She could hear the water in the bathroom, so she knew that Jay was finished and he was washing his face. In the bathroom, Jay wiped his face, wiping away the sweat and tears and he saw how ghostly he looked. His face was so pale, making his freckles even more pronounced against his dark hair. During this time together, Jay had suffered from nightmares, but none of them had been like tonight.
As soon as he left the bathroom, he accepted the glass of water and ran his hands through his hair. In a shaky voice, he said, "Hailey, I'm sorry. I could've hurt you."
Smiling at his softly, Hailey murmured, "But you didn't and you never do." She paused, then asked, "How about we go and watch something in bed?"
Before getting into Hailey's bed, Jay changed into a spare top and shorts that he had brought in an overnight bag and Hailey was in bed, waiting for him. Jay was initially anxious, but, eventually, he settled next to Hailey in her bed and he wrapped his arms around her. In a voice that was barley a whisper, he looked into Hailey's blue eyes, and said, "Thank you."
Hailey kissed his cheek and rested her head against his shoulder. "No need to thank me, Jay. You're my partner, my best friend, my boyfriend." She paused, then added, "Don't be afraid about falling asleep again, because I'll be here."
With a small smile on his face, Jay whispered, "I know you'll be here. I know I'm safe when I'm with you." He turned his eyes towards the TV, but he kept hold of Hailey's hand. She kept him grounded. His PTSD was a part of who he was and she accepted that and she helped him through it. This was their new thing.
