THE END OF PARTY SEASON
"That party was terrible," Amanda said, sliding into the booth. She shivered a little and drew her coat over her shoulders.
"Yeah, it was definitely a clunker." Lee tugged at his tie, a beautiful green that brought out the emerald in his eyes, and unbuttoned his collar. "Sorry. I thought it'd be like other years. They must have changed the caterer. And the band. And the bartender."
"I don't really mind," she said, smiling at him. "I'm still here with you."
"The best part, easily." He reached out and caught her hand, the way he so often did, and a thrill went through her. "I mean that we're here together."
"Uh huh, I know what you meant."
She'd spent a long time choosing her dress. She'd even gone shopping with Francine this time, catching the post-Christmas sales, and let Francine convince her to buy this dress in flame red. She knew she looked spectacular in it, but she was freezing — she'd counted on dancing and a room packed with people to keep her warm, though she knew Lee would make a joke about warming her up in other ways. Instead, the dance floor had remained largely empty, likely due to the terrible band, and dinner had been cold, unappetizing enough that neither one of them had really eaten. Two watered-down drinks and some decidedly cheap wine had made Lee suggest, rather irritably, that they welcome in the New Year somewhere else. And so here they were, at the Pie Plate at nine o'clock, looking for a late-night dinner.
The last week had been full of family obligations. Her aunt had come to stay, the boys had been home from school, and she and Lee had mostly been off the duty roster, with a couple of exceptions — they'd had to finish up their reports on the Titan Toys case, mostly. They'd had very little time to themselves, but she'd blocked off New Year's Eve as time for the two of them, alone. The boys were at Joe's, her mother was on a date, and she was spending the night at Lee's apartment.
"You know, there was a time you'd have considered this a failure." She gestured at the room, decorated in cheap Christmas lights and fake garland, half-full of patrons, mostly regulars.
"This is far from a failure." He shut his menu and set it at the end of the table, decisive as always. Amanda knew it was because he almost always got the same thing.
"Beef dip, huh?" she asked, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.
"Yep." He tilted his head back, looking at her through narrowed eyes. "It's good, you should try it."
"It's too much."
"You eat like a bird." He circled her wrist with his thumb and forefinger, purposely stroking the sensitive skin there. Amanda's hand curled in an involuntary fist and she shivered, though not from the cold.
"I do not." She drew her hand away and settled primly in her seat, her eyes on the menu. "I've never understood that saying. Birds eat twice their body weight in a day."
"Bird," he insisted. "You'll get soup and then pick at my fries like a little scavenger."
"You like it." She shut the menu. "And I'm not getting soup."
"Salad?"
"No. A sandwich. Turkey with cranberry sauce, if you must know."
"I thought your mother was cooking a big turkey tomorrow."
"I talked her down to a roast." She rested her elbows on the table, tilting her head to look at him. "Did you have fun yesterday?"
They'd taken Phillip and Jamie snowshoeing, something neither boy had ever done and Lee had only done as part of survival training, which he'd quipped to her in the car wasn't much different than what he was doing that day. As was so often the case with things outdoors, Amanda was the expert on that outing, showing them how to walk through the drifts, leading them on trails, showing Phillip how to extricate himself from the well of a tree while Jamie and Lee looked on, laughing — and then showing them the exact same thing twenty minutes later.
"Yeah, it was fun, actually," Lee said. "Though I'm not sure Jamie was totally sold on it."
"I think he was just tired. He's been kind of whiny all week."
"It's a lot."
Amanda laughed, watching guilt bloom on his features. "We can be kind of overwhelming, I know."
"I didn't mean it in a bad way," he said.
"I know you didn't." She sipped her water. "So much for easing you in."
He chuckled. "Yeah, well. I'll get used to it."
"You think so, but I don't know if any of us are used to it." Their waitress appeared at the end of the table, her order pad ready and an expectant look on her face. She probably wanted to go home, Amanda thought as she gave her order, and resolved to tip extra.
"Did you miss your guacamole and champagne?" she asked, as they ate.
He chuckled. "A little, once or twice." She raised an eyebrow in question, and his cheeks colored. "Every time your Aunt Lillian cornered me with all her questions."
"Oh, yeah." Amanda laughed. "She's persistent."
"I thought your mother was persistent, but…" He shook his head. "We should recruit her."
Amanda leaned back in her seat, laughing. "Can you imagine? There'd be state secrets flying everywhere. I'm sure she's already given half her neighborhood the rundown on you. I bet she's already planning a wedding."
"Well then she has good instincts, I guess."
"I guess."
His expression changed, then. He grew more thoughtful. He sipped his water, fiddled with his cufflinks, lined up his cutlery until Amanda reached out and covered his hand with hers.
"Lee. What is it?"
His hand stilled under hers, but he didn't look up at her right away. "I don't know. I guess I'm… being there with your family over the holiday, and…" Lee shook his head. "It's silly."
"Feelings aren't silly," Amanda told him. "They're real."
"Of course they are," he said, but he rolled his eyes a little, the way her sons did now when she talked about anything remotely emotional.
"Well, then. Tell me. What's up?"
He sighed. "It was nice, is all. Everyone together. I've never really had that. I mean, not that I can remember."
"Lee Stetson, I don't believe it. You've been neck-deep in suburbia and family togetherness all week, and…"
He grinned. "And I kind of enjoyed it."
Amanda laughed. She'd been anxious about him all week, especially around Dotty, but the two had seemed to hit it off in a way she hadn't expected. She'd caught them having conversations away from the rest of the family once or twice, as her mother recruited him for one little task or another. She had worried at first that Dotty would begin an inquisition, but she hadn't — she'd left that to Lillian, and Amanda was sure there had been a lot of late-night reconnaissance between the sisters.
And things had been better once Joe had left for his parents' place. The boys had wanted their father there so badly that Amanda had invited him without fully thinking about how strange it would be to spend the holiday with him and Lee in the same room. Her ghosts of Christmases past and future.
Her mother had seen that one coming a mile away, which was maybe why she'd gone easy on Lee. That, and he'd looked decidedly shell-shocked when Dotty had plucked them off the doorstep, just as he'd been trying to get out of coming inside. Later she'd remarked to Amanda that she'd been sure he was about to make a run for it, and Amanda had just laughed and said "Wouldn't you?"
"Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it," she said, wiping her hands on her napkin, the diamond on her left hand glittering in the light. "I think this is going to be a good year."
"The best yet," he said, and Amanda couldn't help smiling at him. She wondered where they'd be in a year — they'd been dancing around the idea of keeping their marriage a secret, and she couldn't help but hope they'd be able to figure out a way to be together for real, in a way everyone knew about.
Amanda sometimes tried, late at night when she was alone or he was asleep beside her, to imagine what their life would be like if they could just be open with everyone. More and more, she was beginning to realize their jobs were incompatible with the kind of life her friends had, or the kind of life she'd wanted to have with Joe. The realization filled her with a strange kind of frustration, which in turn had given rise to a kind of paralysis.
What she was hoping, though she didn't say it out loud, was that he'd come around to the idea of having a more regular life. The family Christmas was one little snapshot, her way of showing him what it could be like if they made different compromises than the ones they were talking about now. Hearing he'd enjoyed himself gave her a little hope that maybe, just maybe, they'd be able to balance the Agency and their family somehow.
She pushed those thoughts aside, reaching out to steal a french fry from his plate. Just enjoy this, she told herself. The rest will come. She didn't know what it would look like but she knew they'd work it out, the way they always did. That was why they were such good partners in the first place. That was why she loved him so much.
He polished off the last bite of his beef dip and moved to slide the plate out of his way, and as he did, the bowl of au jus tipped over, splashing down the front of his shirt. His brows drew together in a scowl of irritation, an expression that reminded her of their early days working together. "Looks like I can't get through a New Year without wearing dinner," he muttered, swiping at the spots on his shirt.
"Oh, Lee," she said with dismay. "You have some on your tie, too."
"Dammit," he groused, righting the dishes and mopping at the table. Amanda slid her glass of ice water across the table, toward him.
"Blot it," she said, "quick."
"This is silk," he muttered as he dipped his napkin in the glass.
"The cleaners'll get it out," she promised. "It'll be good as new. Don't rub! Blot." Amanda pushed her plate out of the way and leaned across the table, propping herself on her elbows and slipping the tie out of his hands. He leaned forward in the seat, his face close to hers, as she took the napkin from him and dipped it in the glass again. "See?" she said. "Like this."
"Uh huh," he said, but she knew he wasn't listening. He was watching her with a strange half-smile, his eyelids at half-mast. Amanda caught his eye for just a moment, laughing, before she turned back to the spot on his tie. Her heart thumped.
"There," she said, after a minute. "That's as good as it's gonna get for now."
She let go of his tie and moved to sit back down, but he caught her arms and held her for a moment. She balanced across the table, her elbows pressing into the cold Formica, hoping she wasn't leaning in an errant drop of gravy. "What?" she said.
"Amanda, that dress…"
She smiled. Her cheeks prickled with heat. "You like it, huh?"
"We're going to have to find another party to go to," he said, his voice low.
"I don't know about that," she said, her eyes twinkling. "Party season's pretty much over now."
"Another reason to wear it, then," he said, his hands warm on the backs of her arms. His thumbs traced lazy circles on her skin.
"Oh, I only wore it for one reason," she told him. "And it had nothing to do with that party."
He let go of her then, chuckling with surprise, and she sat back down. She took a sip of her Coke and set it back down.
"Do you still want a piece of pie?" she asked, her voice low.
He quirked a brow, digging his wallet out of his pocket. "I'll get it to go."
