LEMONADE

Amanda pushed her menu aside and leaned her head in her hands. "I feel like someone put my brain in a blender and turned it on full-speed," she said. "I can't think straight."

"Yeah, that makes two of us." Lee sighed and flipped the pages of his menu, front to back then back to front. The two of them had spent the entire day working cases with a group of new agents, and the constant questions were still ringing in their ears. Amanda didn't mind the questions — they kept her mind off other things. But Lee had those same things on his mind, and as the day wore on she'd seen shades of the old, irritable Scarecrow make an appearance. On the way out of the office she'd suggested coming to the Pie Plate for dinner. It felt like a day for comfort food, and she had neither the energy nor focus to cook.

"Wish I was on that road trip right now," he mumbled, shutting the menu and leaning against the apple-red vinyl on the back of the booth.

"I'm sorry," Amanda said, reaching for his hand. "The boys do, too."

Lee's brows drew together in a frown. "How were they when you dropped them off?" he asked. "I didn't get to see them this morning."

"Oh. You know." Amanda shrugged. "Okay, I guess."

"Did Jamie feel better about going?"

"Nope." Amanda shut her menu with a snap. "Mother talked him into it."

"How'd she manage that?"

"I don't know. I didn't listen and she wouldn't tell me. She had to climb up into the treehouse to do it, though, and after she came down and he came down she said the first thing on your honey-do list is to take down that ladder because she wasn't doing that again."

Amanda would have climbed the treehouse ladder without a second thought — and in fact had, in the past — but rope ladders were still on her list of no-go activities. It was a list she was happily watching get smaller every week, as she grew stronger and started to feel more like her old self.

"She's making me a list?"

"I think she's just mad about everything and she's looking for a way to focus her energy."

Lee chuckled. "Now I really wish we were on that road trip."

"You could go next week," she suggested.

"I can't. There's that summit and it's all-hands-on-deck. Including mine. And then the week after that Billy wants to send me to some conference."

"He's grooming you for management," Amanda said, laughing a little. Billy had admitted as much to her the week before, when they were catching up after a meeting. He had an idea brewing — a way to get Lee out of the field but not completely — and all he needed was sign-off from the higher-ups.

"And then they go to camp. So there's the summer," Lee grumbled as if she hadn't said a word.

"We still have a few weekends," she said, though she was secretly pleased that he was disappointed rather than relieved about missing out on time with Phillip and Jamie. There had been a rocky period that spring where Jamie was unsure and openly jealous of Lee, but to his credit, Lee had persevered and never once demanded more from Jamie than Jamie was comfortable giving. Amanda knew it had taken every ounce of his willpower to not try to force the situation, and she was immensely proud of him for it.

By the time school finished Lee and Jamie had started a project together, heading out regularly with a camera and a bag of snacks to shoot pictures of whatever they could find — Phillip's baseball games, cars on the freeway, the light in the trees at the park. Jamie's interest in photography had far outpaced Lee's or even Amanda's (that minor in photojournalism really hadn't amounted to much, she had to admit), but it had given them something to focus on together, and whenever Jamie said he wanted to try a technique he'd read about in one of the twenty books stacked beside his bed, Lee made time for it.

Lee had planned to take the boys on a road trip, and they'd been excited to go. Amanda had a feeling he'd gotten the idea from one of the twenty books stacked beside his bed, books with punny titles about step-parenthood, but it didn't matter. She enjoyed listening to them as they sat around the dining room table with maps and guidebooks, plotting out a route that included something each one of them liked. She'd expected the boys to argue but it turned out they were happy as long as there was a beach day, and since Lee also loved the beach they planned two.

But three days before they were supposed to leave — when they were talking about what to pack and getting detailed enough to give Dotty a list of 'road snacks' to pick up from the grocery store — Joe had thrown a wrench into the plan with the announcement that he was taking another overseas job. He was getting married that weekend and leaving the following Thursday. So instead of hitting the road with Lee, the boys had crammed themselves into summer suits and attended a hastily planned wedding at a local restaurant. And that morning, in their usual shorts and tee shirts, Amanda had dropped them at their father's house for one last overnight stay.

The news had come as a surprise to everyone with the exception of Dotty, who had muttered under her breath that she'd had a feeling this was coming, it was just a matter of time. When Amanda had asked her what she'd meant, she'd refused to elaborate.

"Why don't you take Friday off and take them somewhere for the weekend?" Amanda suggested as they ate. 'I know it won't be the same but you'd probably still have a good time."

"Do you think they'd even want to go?" he asked. "They might not want to bother now."

"Well, you could ask them. Maybe there's some part of the trip you can salvage. But if they say no it's not because they don't want to go with you, you know that. It's because of —"

"Yeah, I know." He pushed his fries around on his plate.

"You look just like Jamie did this morning," Amanda said.

"Yeah, well, I probably feel a little like Jamie did this morning." He picked up his sandwich to take a bite, then put it down again. "How are you so calm about all of this?"

"I'm not, really," she admitted. "But I guess I'm used to it."

He made a noise in the back of his throat, and she knew he wanted to say something more. She also knew he probably wouldn't. He didn't really need to — Amanda knew how he felt about her ex-husband and the way her marriage had played out.

"Look," she said, "what am I going to do? I can't fly off the handle, because Mother was right, it was going to happen again anyway. I wanted to believe it wouldn't, but it has. And me getting angry will just make it worse for Phillip and Jamie, and it's already bad enough for them."

"I guess," he said, his eyes on his plate.

"It's not about how I feel, it's about how they feel," she said then, and thought she sounded as if she were trying to convince herself. "But yes, I'm angry."

It had really been all she could do to be polite to Joe when he'd broken the news, stopping by when he knew she'd be home but the boys would be out with friends. They sat on the patio together and she knew what he was going to say before he'd even opened his mouth. She'd seen the expression on his face before, when he'd decided to go back for another six months after promising he was coming home for good.

This time, when he said how sorry he was, she'd simply nodded. "I'm not the person who needs to hear this," she'd said, her chest full of butterflies and her head full of fire. "They'll be home in an hour or so. You can stay and wait, or go and come back, but you need to tell them yourself this time."

He hadn't wanted to stay, and she didn't blame him.

She thought about what Jamie had said in the car that morning. "You always say he's a good guy, Mom, but if you stop and think about it he isn't acting like one."

"Jamie," she protested, trying to catch his eye in the rearview mirror.

"Nah, he's right," Phillip said from where he was slouched in the passenger's seat. "Good guys don't take a job halfway around the world from their families. Twice."

"He wants to help people," Amanda began.

"He can help people here, can't he?" Phillip argued, then crossed his arms over his chest and turned his face away.

She had started to explain that sometimes people made complicated decisions that didn't mean they weren't good people, but her words felt half-hearted and they didn't want to hear it. So she sighed and said, "I'm not going to try to tell you how to feel about it all. You fellas are big enough to have your own opinions. But you should talk to him about it."

She knew they wouldn't. The looks on their faces when she rang the doorbell with them told her they wouldn't. Uncomfortable, closed-off. When Carrie had answered the door the boys had trooped sullenly inside, waving a brief goodbye as Amanda called out that she'd see them tomorrow, to have a good time.

"I'm sure Billy will give you a day," Amanda said now. "He knew how much you were looking forward to it." Billy's dark eyes had shone when she'd told him about the trip — he'd been curious about why Lee was booking a week off and she wasn't. He'd offered to pull some strings so she could go too, if she wanted, but she'd said no, it was their thing and she was just as excited to send them off together as they were to go.

"Yeah, he probably would. It won't be the same, though."

"No, it won't be the trip you all planned. But —" She hesitated, then, unsure how he'd take her suggestion. "But maybe you can all make a plan B together."

"You really think they'll still want to go?" His brow creased with uncertainty and she felt a rush of love for him. He was trying so hard. He had no frame of reference for this kind of relationship and she knew he was desperate to create something that was different from what he'd had with his uncle.

"They were really excited," she said. "I think they'll still be excited." She wasn't sure how to explain to him that even if they said no, him offering to take them would speak volumes on its own. It wasn't going to fix things with their father — she wasn't sure what could do that now — but they'd at least know Lee was still there. Still willing and still trying.

He nodded, thoughtful, then he grinned at her suddenly, and it was like a light had come on in the room. "Lemonade," he said.

"What?"

"You're really good at making lemonade, you know that?"

Amanda laughed. "Not always."

"About eighty percent of the time, I'd say," he allowed. "It's one of my favorite things about you."

"I wish I didn't have so much experience at it but it comes in handy, I guess." Amanda paused, watching him for a moment. "I think it's really lovely that you want to go on this trip with them so much."

"Did you think I didn't?"

"No, but I know you're a little nervous about it. You could have seen this as an out, but you didn't."

"They're good kids, Amanda. And they're part of my family." Lee drew in a deep breath, then straightened in his seat. "I think you're right about the weekend and making a plan B. I think that's a good idea. But you could come, you know."

She shook her head. "I think it should be your thing. Besides, I can't take any days off. I've already missed half the year and I want to save a week for us." She wasn't going to call it a honeymoon. It felt like a jinx. She knew it was silly but she was afraid of placing too much weight on it. So in her head it was just a week off for the two of them, something they'd agreed would be quiet and just a drive away this time, because even though they weren't superstitious they still didn't want to push their luck.

"I guess we should plan that, huh?"

"Yes, but you guys should plan your trip first."

He nodded, and the dimple appeared in his cheek again. She felt her mood lift with his. "Yeah. We'll do that."

Amanda reached out and stole a fry from his plate, and he caught her hand, playfully.

"You know, speaking of lemonade, we do have the whole night free," he said, his thumb sweeping gently across her knuckles.

"We do, don't we? What do you want to do?"

"Well, I think we should finish up here."

"Mm hm." She drew her hand away and ate the french fry, then reached for another.

"And it's a nice night, so maybe a glass of wine on a patio somewhere?"

"That sounds lovely. Keep talking."

"And then I was thinking we could go back to the apartment, and…" he stopped speaking, then, and leaned closer to her.

"And?"

"And you could help me make sense of these reports that gaggle of rookies keep leaving on my desk, so I can take that long weekend with the boys."

She laughed. "You're impossible, you know that?"

"I've heard it once or twice."

"But I'll do it." She stole another fry. "It's for a good cause."

"It's for a great cause. You'd be helping make memories for your children."

Amanda laid a hand over her heart. "Gosh, you really know how to amp up the emotional appeal on that front. I thought you'd have tried harder in other areas."

"Well." He shrugged, leaning back in his chair. "I find that if the appeal's strong enough in one area it just naturally spills over to… others."

"Huh." She folded her napkin and pushed her plate away. "You could be onto something there. I'm not saying you are, but you could be." She sipped her iced tea. "But we'll never know if you don't finish your sandwich."