Disclaimer: negative on the owning
Maxoline: And the Mood Wave
Max quietly sneaks into the apartment. Upon noticing Caroline already in bed, she shuts the door and tip toes over to her bedroom. She's an inch away from the doorknob when Caroline springs up.
"You dirty bitch," she declares turning on the light.
Max turns on her heel. "Excuse me?"
"Here I am slaving away working the graveyard shift by myself while you're slacking off!"
"Relax, it was just this one time."
"Try fifth," Caroline grimaces. "This week."
Max gives a long-drawn-out sigh. Considering her options of going right to bed or listening to Caroline for two hours, she decides to go with the one that will cause her the most pain. For whatever reason.
"I promise I will start coming in."
"For real?"
A loud knock on the door causes both to jump back involuntarily. Max goes to retrieve it. "Don't hold that thought."
She opens the door and in walks Sophie sporting her usual glitzy ensemble.
"Hey, girls," she greets. "Oleg is distressed."
"Why?"
"Don't ask!" Max yells. "This is like when you asked what the zipper was used for."
"I wanted to know for future reference," she defends. "You never know what people are into."
"That is true," Max nods. "I had a guy once that was very into urination... and I did things."
"Yeah, circling back to me now," Sophie says, pointing to herself. "Remember when he couldn't get it up?"
"How can I forget that? It's edged into my mind, unfortunately," Caroline grimaces.
"Alright, well, now he can't get it down. Yeah, and It's harder than trying to make Baked Alaska."
"Just show him something to, you know, calm it down."
"Good idea, Caroline," Sophie smiles. "Do me a favor? Go upstairs and start talking."
"That always does it for me," Max smirks.
"A compliment and an insult wrapped into one."
Sophie exits quickly to tend to Oleg.
Caroline folds her arms and turns to Max.
"So, what exactly are you doing when you're not coming to work?"
"Nothing special," she dismisses.
"Max," Caroline says sternly.
"Okay," Max sighs. "I've been hooking up with a guy."
Caroline attempts to hide her jealousy. "Ooo, fun!"
Max smiles.
"Would you say you're, I don't know, getting serious?"
"Maybe."
Caroline enters the diner the next day getting automatically flagged over by Earl.
"Good evening," she greets.
"No Max again?"
"She's not feeling too well."
"Tell her I hope she feels better," Earl nods. "It's not the same without her here."
"I will, Earl."
Han comes out of his office looking around with a big grin. He goes over to Caroline and gently taps her on the shoulder.
"Notice anything different?"
Caroline turns around, studying him. "You finally got a sweater that's not down to your knees?"
"No!" he exclaims. "I grew an inch."
"More like you lost an inch," Oleg says peeking out of the pickup area. "The thick, meat is up and also the sausage is done."
She maneuvers around the counter to the plate and hands it to table four. Han looks around again, more thoroughly, with a fixed expression of confusion plastered on his face.
"Where is Max?" He asks. "I was wondering why my blood pressure wasn't through the roof!"
"She took today off."
"Again?" Han yells. "That's the fifth time this week!"
"She's not feeling the best," Caroline whispers going into the kitchen. Han follows. "Han, it's only a couple of days. When was the last time Max called off?"
"Let's see today is Wednesday so, never," Han admits. "But that's beside the point!"
"Don't worry. She'll be in tomorrow."
"She better!" Han shouts. "Because the only thing worse than one waitress pretending to work is two waitresses pretending to work!"
"I think you meant-"
"Just make sure she's here!"
As soon as Caroline steps foot into the apartment loud puking sounds bounce off the walls and into her ears. She immediately drops her purse and runs to the bathroom.
"Max, are you ok?"
"Do I sound ok?" Max yells. "I've thrown up more times today than I have in my entire life."
"I'm coming in," she announces, giving up yelling through the door.
Once she's in she pulls Max's brown locks back into a ponytail. "How long have you been in here?"
"Twenty minutes. I feel like I just threw up everything I've ate, ever."
"Well, you have to come to work tomorrow," Caroline says. "Because Han has been bitching all night."
"Tell him to get off my back. I didn't realize we were married."
Caroline chuckles as she helps Max up. She guides Max to the couch and gently helps her down.
"You're probably just sick."
"No way. I don't get sick."
"Everybody gets sick."
"Well, I don't. I'm fine. It was probably something I ate," Max shrugs, getting up off the couch. "I'll just go in early tomorrow."
She walks to her room the same time Sophie runs in. She grabs Caroline's hand and runs out the door.
"Sophie, where are you taking me?"
"Upstairs. You have to see this!"
Once they get into Sophie's apartment Caroline tries to leave, but Sophie pulls her back. "Where are you going?"
"I don't want to see Oleg's penis."
"Because it'll be a constant reminder of your hole that will never be plugged?"
"Because it's Oleg's penis," Caroline grimaces. "I think that is a great explanation."
"Don't be such a prude," Sophie says. "You know, in Poland it's considered rude not to show your penis."
"Thanks for reminding me why I will never go to Poland."
Oleg comes out whilst holding his erect dong. He lets go once he sees Caroline. "I didn't know we had company."
"How long has that been ... going on?"
"Only two days," Sophie responds.
"The doctor said it's "priapism". It should go down I just have to inject this," he points to the needle Sophie's holding. "Into myself."
"Where does it go?" Caroline questions, shyly.
"You don't want to know."
"I am so mad!" Sophie exclaims.
"Why?" Caroline asks. "Did the police take your donuts again?"
"Yes, but that's not why," Sophie sighs. She gets up and lays down in her regular booth. "I haven't been plugged for three days. I'm getting desperate. Yesterday I tried to do an electric toothbrush."
Max lags in saving Caroline from an uncomfortable situation. Before getting into the door, she stumbles twice almost falling down. She goes to help the nauseous woman from falling on her face.
"Are you drunk?"
"Surprisingly not," Max answers propping herself up on the counter. "I'm tired from vomiting all night."
"Well, someone's pregnant," Sophie calls out from her previous position.
"It's just food poisoning, Sophie," Max says.
"Everyone knows that when you vomit all night long, you're either pregnant or dying and in Poland it could also mean both."
"Well, you did eat that french-fry and god knows where that's been."
"Oh man, you know what I could go for?" Sophie asks.
"Pickles and ice cream?" she questions.
The two furrow their eyebrows in judgment.
"What? For some reason I want that."
"No. French fries."
Oleg pops up suddenly ringing the bell at the pickup. "Pick up, pregnancy test."
"Nobody ordered that," Caroline points out.
"Were you eavesdropping on our conversation?" Max inquires.
"No, I was just listening from a far unknowingly."
"Yeah, that's eavesdropping."
"Oh, then I was," he nods ringing the bell again. "Pick up, pick up."
Max unwillingly grabs the box. "I'm only doing this to shut you people up."
"Well thank goodness," Sophie mumbles. "You can only take so much Caroline."
"Just so you know I'm taking that as a compliment."
"Yeah, well, you're not welcome."
Max comes out of the bathroom minutes later with an almost crestfallen look hanging from her face. The diner goes silent for a moment until Caroline- no surprise there- decides to break the awkwardness.
"What did it say?"
She says nothing going over to get her coat and then making a swift exit. They all exchange glances around the room.
"Way to go, Caroline!" Sophie exclaims.
"Max, I know you're in there," Caroline says. "And don't tell me you're not crying because I know you are."
"How can I cry without any tear ducts?" she rebuttals.
"That story is as believable as having an immature man-child as president."
"Go away!"
Caroline sighs. "I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice!"
"What are you going to do? Kick down the door?"
"I would," Caroline defends. "But I'm wearing my good heels."
"They're your only heels!"
"Well, no wonder she doesn't want to come out for you," Sophie points out, clearly satisfied by her double entendre. "I mean, I wouldn't even come out for you."
"Thanks for being so helpful in this terrible situation," Caroline bites with clear, rounded crass.
"Hey Max, you want to get away from this intervention and light it up with an old pro?"
Earl says, taking his turn at the door.
For the first time since that morning Max cracks the door open and comes out.
The room goes dead once more.
"I'm fine, Earl," Max sighs, closing the door. "I don't need an intervention."
"This is not an intervention," Caroline assures. "Although, if it were, it would be the sixth one this week."
"What did the test say?" Sophie asks.
"It said, 'screw your hopes and dreams, you're having a baby'" she answers.
"Oh my gosh!" Caroline beams. "Max, you're pregnant!"
"Relax, I don't need a damn parade, Caroline. It's just a baby. I didn't bring home Poke."
"I heard that's unbelievably delicious, though," Sophie nods.
"Are we going to smoke weed or not?" Earl asks starting to get cranky. "Because, either way, I'm smoking weed."
"Nobody is smoking weed around Max," Caroline states going over to Earl's joint and throwing it in the trash.
"Hey, that stuff isn't cheap."
"Wait you're not allowed to smoke weed while you're pregnant?" Max gasps. Caroline nods slowly in return. "Damnit, Earl!"
"Hey," he says getting up. "Remember when we all hated Caroline? That was fun!"
"It was," Sophie grins.
Caroline goes over to Max with soft eyes, "I am deeply concerned about your welfare. Besides, you'll be smoking in no time. It's only nine months."
"Nine months!" Max shouts getting hit with a wave of nausea.
"This intervention is going great," Sophie comments while starting on the cheese plate.
"It's not a freaking intervention!"
"How is this for my Tinder profile?" Caroline asks. She hands her phone to Max. "I wanted it to be simple, you know, not like I was trying too hard. I put Christmas as my favorite holiday-"
"It sucks," Max states bluntly. "It might as well say, 'Ho, ho, ho. I'm a failure'."
"I'm a bit rusty," she admits. "And I'm nervous. What if I mess it up? What if I barf?"
She was more likely to barf at the thought of telling Max how she really felt about her. She especially couldn't now considering she was pregnant with an unknown man's baby. She guessed she just had to deal with it.
"Relax, Caroline. It's not like there's much to expect. Just make a good first impression and then do it in the back of the cab on your way home from the movies."
"Yeah, nothing says, 'I'm a classy lady' like doing it in the back of a cab on the first date," Caroline says, heavy on the sarcasm. She frowns upon hearing herself. Max raises her eyebrow. "You're right, I need to relax. How is this for my relaxed face?" she stands back a few feet, slouches her shoulders, and grimaces with too much force that it gives off a reluctant vibe.
"Are you constipated?"
"Damn it, Max," Caroline sighs. "I'm not doing this. I'll just die alone."
"Don't be ridiculous. Follow my lead."
Max goes around the counter to stand in front of Caroline. She exhales and then follows suit. Max does an effortless hair flip, Caroline does it with less sophistication.
"Hey, insert name here, I just came from my expensive town house where I did three-hour Pilates, so excuse my sweat."
"Hey, insert-" she pauses. "Wait, why would I be sweating?"
"Well, sorry Caroline, but you are always sweating."
"Says you."
Caroline's phone dings and she gasps. She shoves her phone in Max's face.
"I already got a hit," she smiles. "See I don't suck."
"Nothing to be bragging about, Caroline."
"Everyone stop what you're not doing," Han smirks coming out of his office. "Oleg can't come in tonight and it's going to be really hard!"
"Well, from what I hear, it'll be hard for him too," Caroline speaks.
"Why?"
"Remember how he couldn't get it up?"
"How can I forget that?" Max gags.
"Now he can't get it down."
"Sophie says it's harder than licking your elbow," Han nods. "And she knows because she tried once!"
"Hey everybody!" Sophie greets running up to the girls.
"How is Oleg?"
"He's on bed rest and no sex rest. It's been a really uneventful week," Sophie frowns. "For the south of the border."
"I know," Caroline nods. "I heard the electric toothbrush through the vent again. "Surprisingly, that is not the weirdest thing I've experienced today."
The little boss suddenly beams from the serving window and gestures over to the girls upon getting a notification on his phone.
"Why the big smile Han?" Max asks. "Is there a sale at Small Lots?"
"I almost forgot. In honor of national Employee Appreciation Day, I will allow a ten-minute break and one free bottle of liquor. It may sound like too much, I know. I'm just too damn generous!"
"If you were really generous you would allow Max to leave," Caroline says.
"You would think after puking in nine customers' orders that the boss would send you home, but nope. He's short and mean. That's why I'm calling Han Rumpelstiltskin from now on."
"Oh great. New short jokes!" Han exclaims, sarcastically. "You have a team of writers or something?"
"You would think, but no," Max grins. "I'm that good."
"Han, not that we don't care about what you're rambling on about, but Max has to get ready for the baby."
"Relax, Caroline," Max dismisses. "All you need to know how to do is feeding, changing, and burping. Not that hard. I used to do half of that stuff for my mother."
"Max, you need to start taking this baby stuff seriously."
"I told you, I'm going to wing it. I've been winging it ever since I was born. My mother told me she even winged the birth after the twenty-seven vodka shots she downed on her way to the hospital."
"The biggest question is are you keeping it? This is a big decision, and you need to be a grownup about this."
"Says the girl that owns a unicorn pillow." Caroline throws a warning look to Max. She sighs. "Look, I'm not good at planning stuff, ask any of my sponsors. This is a big deal and I'm totally ready." she pauses for a moment. "Caroline, what do I do?"
"This is on you," she starts which to Max sounds funnier than serious. "Don't laugh at that! You clearly aren't mature enough to raise a child. This was the best thing that happened to m-uh, I mean you."
Max gives a knowing glance, "Caroline?"
"What?"
"Don't what me. I see right through you."
Caroline sighs. "Okay, fine. I really want to help with the baby."
"That's all you had to say."
They smile at each other.
"How do I look?"
"Desperate."
Caroline huffs. "You're not even looking."
Sophie looks up, "Desperate."
Caroline chooses to put on a bemused smile as she playfully shakes her head.
"Well, I think you look great," Max smiles.
"Thank you."
"Well, I think you look stupid," Sophie laughs. "What? Did you get dressed in the dark or something?"
"I don't have time to change. We have to be there in 20 minutes," Caroline stresses. "And besides, I like what I'm wearing."
"In that case, don't expect it to go well."
"I'll ignore that because Max said I looked great."
Max grins as she looks down at her flat belly.
"So, how did he respond to the news?" Caroline speaks up.
"Who?" Max questions.
"I don't know his name! Your baby daddy!"
"Oh," Max looks down. "He dumped me."
"He dumped you?" Sophie exclaims. "What a little d-"
"I can't believe him!" Caroline yells. She quickly takes her earrings out. "I'm going over there to give him a piece of my mind even though I have no idea where he lives."
"Caroline, please don't. He's not worth it."
"Max, you can't just let him walk away and abandon you and this baby. That's so fucked up."
Max walks over to Caroline. "I know it is, Caroline, but I'm used to men leaving me. It's not that much of a loss, trust me. I have you guys."
"That's true, but you seemed to really like him."
"I did," Max shrugs. "But, whatever, it's over. No big deal." Caroline gives Max a big hug. Sophie can't help but "awww" at the two. "You'll be more of a dad to this baby than he ever would."
"I really appreciate that Max."
8 months later:
Caroline smiles at Max as the nurse hands her the baby. When she does and they're skin to skin, Max starts to tear up.
"She's so beautiful," she breathes.
Max could only nod in agreement. She was finding it hard to form words.
"What are you going to name her?"
Max's eyes go wide. "I don't know. I haven't thought about it."
"What about Victoria?"
Max grins. "Have you been thinking of names?"
Caroline glances away. "Maybe..."
"I love it," Max beams. "Victoria Ann Black."
"Has a nice ring to it," she responds. "What's your middle name? I don't think you ever told me."
Max snorts. "It's George."
"That's not that bad. Mine is worse."
"How much worse?"
"It's Wesbox."
"You're definitely right," Max giggles.
Caroline looks off for a moment. "Can I...do you mind if I..."
"Do you want to hold her?"
"Yeah," Caroline smiles.
She goes over and bends down to take Victoria. She holds her tightly in her arms while rocking her gently.
"Hi, Victoria," she greets softly. "I'm Caroline your..." she hesitated for a moment, not knowing what to say.
Max gave her an encouraging look. "You can say other mom."
This time it's Caroline that starts to tear up.
"Does that mean we're making it official?"
"Yeah," Max nods. "I mean, it's a little intense - I guess you can say - going from best friends to a couple, but I think we're both ready to take that step."
"Me too."
"I love you, Caroline."
"I love you, Max."
To be continued...
