Chapter 28: Not giving up on you.

Jay/Hailey. Set after series 7. At Kim and Adam's wedding, Jay and Hailey finally confessed their feelings and spent the night together and now they are back in Chicago and hiding their relationship from their friends.

Here is the next chapter, following on from the last one, exploring Jay's PTSD.

Please enjoy and review. I'd love to know where you think this story is going :)

I do not own Chicago PD or any of the characters.

For both Jay and Hailey, the stress over the next couple of weeks was almost unbearable, as a result of the shooting. For Jay, his anxiety and stress levels were through the roof because of his PTSD, even with his medication. He was jumpy, anxious, with quick mood swings. He was talking to someone, but it didn't seem to be helping. This time, it was taking longer for his body to recover back from what had happened, mentally and physically. For Hailey, Jay's high level of anxiety and mood swings were hard to deal with, which was why, for a couple of nights, they spent some nights apart, hoping that this help Jay, by giving him space. It wasn't working that way and Jay's moods and anxiety was affecting the team, as well as Hailey. Jay kept apologising to Hailey, but she didn't accept the apology. She just wanted him to get better. His medication level had been altered, so they both hoped that would make a difference. Hailey was speaking to Will every day, giving him updates on Jay. Will was very concerned about his brother. The good thing was, as opposed to when this had happened before, Jay was accepting help, from Hailey, from his brother, but he felt awful. His anxiety was making him so tired, thus affecting his PTSD, and he hated that he was putting Hailey through this. He hadn't even had a chance to tell her he was in love with her. Sure signs of Jay's physical anxiety was that his hands were shaking and he was ringing his arms in a stressed manner. The only blessing was that, with the anxiety, the depression hadn't come back, yet.

It was 7 in the morning and Jay had been in the bullpen since 5 that morning, unable to sleep. He was trying to focus his brain on their most recent case, but his anxiety wasn't allowing him to focus on anything. This was making him annoyed and irritable. For a second, Jay considered calling Hailey, but he shook his head and banished that thought. He didn't want to cause her any more stress than he already had over the past couple of weeks. Jay gave up on staring at the file and paced the length of his office, running his hands through his hair. He was doing his best to handle all of this, but it was hard and, what was worse, it was affecting everyone around him, especially Hailey.

His thoughts were interrupted by Platt knocked and opened his office door. In an uncharacteristically kind tone of voice, she said, "We're ordering some breakfast downstairs. What would you like?"

Jay just shook his head and replied, in a tight voice, "I'm good, Serge."

Platt had a sceptical look on her face, because it was clear to everyone that Jay was anything but 'good'. Everything about his body language, his voice, made it clear that he was struggling with his moods and anxiety. She just nodded and left Jay alone, closing the door behind herself.

About an hour later, Jay was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear Hailey, Kim, Kevin and Adam entering the bullpen, but he could feel his anxiety levels rising even higher. As Hailey walked into the bullpen, she could see Jay. He was pacing and he was holding his hands on his head as he was pacing. They all saw it, but Kim gave her husband a look and he knew not to say anything. He didn't want to get on Jay's bad side, especially not at the moment. Hailey saw how the sound of the phone ringing made every nerve and part of Jay's body tense and jump, before he answered it, continuing to move his hands in a stressed way.

The phone call ended, and, with shaking hands, Jay placed the phone down in its holster and ran his hand across his face, before he walked out of his office, into the bullpen. He stood there, with his hands on his hips. His hands which were shaking. "We've caught a case."

Adam frowned. "At this time? Serge, it's only 8 in the morning."

Jay's eyes flared with anger and anxiety at Adam's remark and he snapped, shouting, "Yeah. Criminals don't work their schedules around your social life, Ruzek! Evil people will be evil, no matter what time of day it is!" When there was no movement, he snapped, at the same volume, "Didn't you hear me speak- let's move!"

Everyone jumped to move, except Hailey, who just stared at her boyfriend. Jay looked right back at her and she could see all that he was feeling in his eyes. Before he had a chance to say anything, she walked over to him and just stated, "You and I are going to talk later. No arguments." Her blue eyes fixed his with a steady stare and Jay just nodded, already with an apology in his eyes. He looked resigned, as if he had given up.

Whilst he was talking to another Sergeant, Jay was doing his best to control his anxiety, but he knew that it was showing. He knew that Hailey would notice. It wasn't just clear to Hailey; it was clear to the entire unit.

As soon as they returned to the District, Kim, Kevin and Adam saw Hailey take off her jacket and make her way to Jay's office, closing the door, walking in a determined way. It was clear that Jay was struggling and the only person Kim and Kevin thought Jay would allow to help him was Hailey. Adam thought that if Jay talked to him like that again, he would respond in kind. He didn't think that ignoring it was a good idea, but he also didn't really know Jay or understand his PTSD. With his PTSD, the anxiety and mood swings which were a result of the PTSD, if he felt attacked, he would shut down and that was the last thing in the world Hailey wanted. It was the last thing that Jay wanted, feeling so bad for this and he was doing all that he could to deal with it since the shooting.

Jay ran his hands through his hair as Hailey closed the door and stated, in a tired tone, "Hailey, I'm fine. I'm dealing with it."

Hailey just shook her head and replied, "No, Jay, we're not doing that anymore, not after how you just talked to the team. I've been giving you space, but that isn't working, is it?"

The irritation building up inside of him, Jay stood up and shouted, "Hailey, I'm doing the best I can. I'm speaking to someone. I'm taking medication and I still feel like crap."

Not missing a beat, Hailey's eyes fixed into Jay's and she responded, in the same tone of voice, "But you're not getting better, Jay. You're getting worse. I don't know what to do anymore and I know you don't either and I don't want to lose you."

Jay's eyes flared as he glared at Hailey, with his hands on his hips as he snapped, "Is that so, then why are you doing this here? Now? In my office?"

"Because no-one else will, Jay, and I care about you too much." Without saying another word, Hailey left the office, slamming the door behind herself. Jay collapsed into his chair, running his hands through his hair. He didn't know what to do, but he was worried that he had lost Hailey.

12 hours later, when Hailey returned home, she saw Jay's truck in the driveway. He was sitting in the living room, in the dark, and she saw one of his overnight bags on the floor, but they were empty. Jay continued to stare into space before he just said, "I didn't want to move my stuff before telling you what I was doing. That-that wouldn't be right. Wouldn't be fair." He stood up and walked over to her, slowly. "I hope you know you'll always be the best partner and friend I've ever had."

Hailey couldn't help but smile as she titled her head and asked, "Jay, what are you talking about?"

The anxiety was clear in Jay's eyes and he stated, as if it were clear. "The fight we had. The way I spoke to you. It wasn't right. Not when you've been supporting me through all of this and I can't bear to lose you as my best friend."

Without saying another word, Hailey wrapped her arms around Jay's neck and kissed Jay, before telling him, "Jay, we had a fight, but it doesn't mean we're over, because we'll work past it. Your PTSD, your anxiety, we'll work through it, together, just like you support me with my problems. We're a team. Best friends, partners and we're not giving up on what we both know is great after one fight."

A smile spread across Jay's face. It was the first time he had smiled in weeks. "Wait- so I haven't lost you?" Hailey smiled and rested her head against his, looking into his eyes. Jay's voice cracked as he added, "I'm so sorry, Hailey!"

Keeping her head where it was, resting against Jay's, Hailey just whispered, "It's alright, Jay. I'm never going to give up on you, because I know you'd never give up on me."