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Explosive Decompression

altunderscore

5


Max wasn't sure what Alice Marsh's opinion on acoustic guitar and violin duets was, but if the rabbit's strawberry-smeared sleepy expression was anything to judge by, she figured the flopped-over and almost catatonic bunny couldn't be too uncomfortable.

It had taken her a while to figure out how she and Kate could play together considering how different their instruments were, but it turned out that having Kate's violin play the vocal line while Max's guitar played lead sounded about as good as Kate playing lead and Max covering rhythm and singing the vocals did, as long as she knew the words.

So that's what they'd do.

Tea with Kate was generally a few hours of happily passing songs back and forth between each other interspersed with idle chatter and occasionally Max teaching Kate a few chords to play on the church guitar for her youth group.

'Occasionally', because Kate was actually a crazy good musician. If the dirty-blonde girl wasn't more passionate about drawing, she could have easily made her way into Blackwell on a scholarship with her violin alone.

Even a week without Balmorhea's slow strings bringing in the sunset should have been enough of a clue for Max to have known something was wrong-

She fumbled, her guitar-pick slipping out of her grasp as her fingers tightened around it awkwardly.

She watched it drop in half a daze, letting the botched chord ring out into the now mostly silent room. Kate's violin had stopped, too.

The other girl was looking at her from her perch on the corner of the couch with a conflicted expression on her face. Kate seemed to make a decision; setting her bow on the pillow at her side and standing, pausing only to set Alice safely onto a bundle of blankets.

Max shook herself out of her daze and smiled wanly at the approaching girl, but Kate wasn't deterred. She knelt down across from Max with a knowing expression on her face, smoothed out the surface of her skirt, and looked at her.

"It's fine, I just-" Max began, but Kate shook her head disbelievingly.

"Max, I know what this looks like, so please don't play ignorant with me." She said, rocking sideways off her ankles and onto her backside to settle a bit more comfortably on the floor.

Kate exhaled softly and rested her hand across Max's, stilling the fingers the brunette was anxiously tapping against the face of her guitar.

"You of all people should know it's not healthy to internalize this much." Kate said softly, trying to find Max's eyes through the dark sway of her fringe.

"I do, Kate.." Max said, then paused for a moment to collect her thoughts.

"It's just-" She huffed, harsh and sharp- "I know it's a cliche to think that nobody could understand, but really, Kate.."

Max sighed.

Why does being open have to be so hard?

She took the luxury of a slow, deep breath before she continued.

"There are just so many things, -completely normal things- that I can hear or see or think and it's like my brain just turns off and I feel like I'm trapped in my own skin or something." Max said, trying very hard to keep the anxiety out of her tone.

Kate's warm grip on her hand tightened briefly.

Max swallowed hard and kept speaking before she could lose her nerve.

".. Except that's not what it really feels like." She said. "Something happens to set me off and I get this wild urge to do something to fix it, except most of the time nothing's really wrong and there's nowhere for the anxiety to go except-"

"-In." Kate said at the same time Max did.

".. Yeah." Max mumbled, focusing on the hand holding hers.

"It goes in, and then I'm staring at a bathroom door or a selfie or latex gloves or just fucking dirt under my fingernails feeling like someone walked over my grave and something deep inside my head is absolutely convinced that whatever mundane thing I made the mistake of glancing at is somehow a threat to my life and everyone I care about." Max said, her voice heavy and hot with something she couldn't quite put to words.

The hand that Kate wasn't holding in her own slid up to her face and over her eyes. When Max continued, the heat in her voice was replaced with a frustrated sort of exhaustion.

".. Except five seconds later, when I can actually breathe again, I realize I'm having a fucking panic attack because of a storm on TV and everything drains away except the anxiety and the knowledge that I'm losing it over things that don't make sense to anyone but me and I-"

"Max." Kate interrupted, bringing her other hand up to tug the hand she was subconsciously bringing into her hair back down and onto her lap.

Max looked at her, finally.

Kate's expression was equal parts understanding and concerned.

"Max, you definitely have some sort of post-traumatic condition-"

-Max laughed-

" -but that's not the only thing going on." Kate finished, not liking the look on the brunette's face.

"You seem to think the people that care about you have to understand what you're going through to be sympathetic, but that's not true." Kate said. "I don't have to have walked the exact same path as you to want to walk down it with you, Max. I care about you, and I think that's enough."

Max heard Kate's voice break a little around her words and felt her eyes sting.

"Kate-" Max began, but was cut off as Kate continued.

"I know you know that too, Max." She said, pressing both of Max's hands together to hold them more easily.

"If you really believed that, then you wouldn't have felt comfortable helping me the way you did."

Max felt Kate's grip tighten, as if the blonde girl was trying to keep her from backing away.

"I think it's just something convenient you're telling yourself so you can justify not reaching out for help."

Max flinched.

"As long as you tell yourself that someone has to understand your situation to help you through it, all you have to do to deny yourself help is to not let people understand."

Kate's voice was firmer, now.

"I think a part of you believes you deserve to be miserable. That's common with survivor's guilt, because it's easy to want to blame yourself for what happened as a way to try to atone for mistakes you feel like you made."

Max opened her mouth to respond, but Kate kept going.

"You've gone through hell, Max. Even still, you found time to help me through everything that I was dealing with, so the last thing anyone needs is you refusing the same help you were willing to give to others because you think your feelings aren't appropriate or valid. I don't pretend to know everything that's happened to you, but I do know what intrusive thoughts and self-hatred look like." Kate said, her eyes not leaving Max's own for an instant.

"Beating yourself up doesn't change the past or make the future a better place. There's no amount of pain you can let yourself suffer before it'll feel like enough that you can love yourself again. Trust me, Max-"

-She saw something wet spill down Kate's cheeks from the corner of her eye-

"Trust me when I tell you that that kind of hate burns you out and only dies when there's nothing left for it to feed on. It only dies once it's taken everything keeping you alive, too."

Kate's grip on her hands was almost desperate.

Max bit her lip, paused, and then nodded her head softly.

"I understand, Kate." She said. "It's just hard to feel like what I'm feeling is real when it's the smallest things that tear me down. I know it's not right to blame myself, and it's not fair to you or anybody else if I push you away just to curl up in a ball somewhere." Max pulled one of her hands out of Kate's grip to settle on Alice, who had wandered over towards them as though she could feel the stress in the room.

"I really do believe everything is going to be okay, I just really want to be done with this week, Kate."

Max leaned back on the floor and stared at the ceiling, breathing slowly through her nose as she sighed.

She missed Chloe's ceiling; anarchist graffiti and all.

Fuck

Without breaking her unseeing lock on the dappled tile above her, she scooped Alice's warm and fuzzy form up and set her down on her chest. The little rabbit didn't seem to take too much of an issue with the change of scenery if her relaxed flop onto her side meant anything.

Can't I just be a rabbit for a day or two? Is that too much to ask?

Max laughed softly to herself. Alice's nose twitched as she was jostled a bit by the sudden rise of Max's chest, but quickly settled back down.

"Hey Kate?" Max's head tiredly rolled to look at the blonde girl at her side as she reached into her purse for a pack of tissues.

Kate turned at the sound of Max's voice with a questioning look on her face.

"Can I trade spots with Alice for like, a week? I promise I'll behave."

Kate sniffed and shook her head as she laughed bemusedly.

"I don't think Alice's cage is big enough for you, but you can sleep over if you want. She looks too comfortable to disturb right now, honestly." Kate said, gesturing over her shoulder at the very sleepy bunny that was using the natural terrain of Max's chest as bedding.

Alice did look really sleepy..

"Thanks, Kate." Max said as her phone quietly buzzed somewhere off the her side. "I really didn't mean to come in and drop all of this mess on you-"

Kate muttered a denial as she rummaged through her closet for a spare pillow and blanket for Max. It was only around sundown, but it was also never too early to get comfortable on a slow Saturday evening.

Max carefully reached out and took the pillow Kate was handing to her, pushing it under her neck as softly as she could to not disturb the sleeping rabbit on her chest before she spoke up again.

"I'm really not trying to be a big ball of sad." Max said as she blindly fumbled to find her phone. "Every now and then I just get ambushed by things that really shouldn't mess with me as much as they do, and then I feel dumb that something that small got a reaction out of me is all.." Max trailed off, flushing slightly.

Kate pulled a bottle of water out of her minifridge and took a sip, swallowed, and then responded.

"It's not stupid, Max. It's trauma. You're not actually scared of the things that trigger you; not directly, at least. It's what they remind you of that you're actually afraid of."

Kate looked meaningfully at the bottle of water she held in her hand.

"I know a thing or two about dumb triggers, Max." She said, crushing the now empty bottle maybe a bit more forcefully than she needed to before dropping it somewhat more evenly into her recycling bin.

"I can't drink out of anything I didn't open myself anymore, and even then if I've taken my eyes off of it for any amount of time my throat locks up and I physically can't swallow." Kate confessed as she sat down on her bed.

"My point is, don't focus too hard on the little things that remind you of the big things. Be aware of them, but don't take them personally if they set you off. They're just a symptom of a bigger issue."

Max thought that over, and honestly it made sense.

"One of the seniors I eat lunch with at the center is a World War Two veteran, and he's told me some things that people had told him over the years about dealing with PTSD. One of the biggest things for him was that he couldn't go celebrate the 4th of July with his grandchildren; the loud noises and flashing lights didn't agree with him. He knew they were just fireworks, but still he'd have the same response. It hurt his pride to know that he, a man that had jumped out of airplanes on the other side of the world, could be brought down by bottle rockets thirty years later."

Max nodded in understanding and Kate continued.

"The way he explained it to me, it took a therapist that had served through Vietnam and who he could relate with breaking things down sort of like we just did. It wasn't the fireworks; not really at least. It was the fire in the sky, the concussion in his chest, and having people that looked up to him under his care that kept bringing him back to Europe. It's okay to be scared, when you look at it that way."

Kate adjusted her position on the bed.

"It didn't immediately fix his issues, but it did give him some context. He understood what was likely to trigger an episode, but more importantly he knew why. His body was telling him to protect his grandchildren from a threat he had experienced before, which is fine. The issue was that it was happening at an inappropriate time. That was a lot more palatable to him than just being afraid of fireworks."

Max swallowed.

"I'm not a hero though, Kate.." She said quietly as her eyes unfocused.

"I'm just a girl afraid of flickering lightbulbs and the way gunpowder smells."

And black-rimmed glasses and bright white lights and duct tape and medical alcohol and -needles-

Her jagged exhale was enough to wake Alice up.

Could she not go five minutes without flashing back to that fucking room?

No.

She was safe. Kate was safe. Victoria was safe.

-Chloe was-

No.

Arcadia Bay was whole. Chloe had asked her to go back herself.

All that was left was to keep moving forward as best they could, and never take even a minute for granted.

Max's right hand itched like there were ants underneath her skin, but they moved slower than usual. There wasn't any pressure in her head like there usually was when her reflex told her to rewind, either.

She looked at her hand, slightly curled on the carpet at her side.

She hadn't used her power since she had merged into this timeline fully on Friday. A part of her still wasn't sure what the source of the Storm was.

It was either Chloe herself, or the use of the rewind. All she knew was that not using her power to save Chloe resulted in no storm hitting the Bay and killing everyone else.

What fucking grudge did the world have against Chloe Price?

Max's hand balled into a tight fist and the muscle in her jaw tensed, but she was careful not to grind her teeth together or lose control of herself.

This anger was conscious and hers.

Alice sneezed and Kate looked up from the notebook in her lap towards her rabbit with both eyebrows raised, then down to Max's clenched fist.

Max followed her gaze and blanched a bit.

"It was the ceiling this time." Max offered with a sigh.

Kate nodded like it was the most rational thing in the world and spoke.

"Sometimes flicking my light on in the morning too suddenly gets to me."

"The flash, yeah. Me too." Max mumbled idly as she occupied her right hand with stroking Alice back to sleep.

She completely missed Kate's puzzled look.

".. Yeah. It's the flash that does it." Kate said quietly, seeming to become lost in though for a moment. A question rose in her throat, but caught on something before it reached her mouth. Instead, it escaped over her lips as a wordless sigh.

She tried again.

"Max? If you'd- I mean.." Max looked up as Kate uncharacteristically stalled in the middle of her sentence, her expression uncertain.

Max was confused.

"What's up?" She asked, careful not to alarm Alice.

Kate just chewed her lip nervously.

".. You know you can tell me anything, right?" She said.

-Something in her tone-

Oh, no.

Max's stomach turned.

Did Kate think she'd.. ?

There was the too-familiar pressure in her head.

Right on fucking time. Her hand was on fire.

No, Max.

She was very careful to keep her breathing steady as she turned to look at the blonde girl on the bed.

Kate's expression was equal parts concerned and alarmed. There was a little curiosity and horror in there too, but that was a given.

Max knew from experience that Kate was very trustworthy, and surprisingly willing to break rules if she thought it would help Max in a meaningful way. The conversation they'd had regarding breaking and entering into Nathan Prescott's room had told her everything she'd needed to know on that front.

That wasn't the issue.

If Max told Kate about the Dark Room, she'd have to explain -how- she knew, probably.

First problem: Max didn't want to lie to Kate.

Second problem: Even if she told Kate the truth, there wasn't exactly a way to do so without telling her the whole truth, time travel and all.

She had told Chloe almost immediately, so that wasn't really the problem. The problem was doing so without proof.

She felt confident opening up to Chloe because, first of all, it was Chloe, but also because she could -prove- everything she said even if Chloe refused to believe her.

She'd be asking Kate to take it on faith.

Kind of ironic.

She was stalling.

Max blinked, letting her eyes stay shut a little bit longer than they had needed to for a multitude of reasons before she opened them again and met Kate's own searching gaze.

"It's complicated.." Max said, wishing she was closer to the blonde girl so she could hug her or at least squeeze her hand. Kate looked like she was going to say something, so Max kept talking.

"I don't want to hide things from you, Kate. You're the most trustworthy person I know, really. There's just.. a lot of what I'd have to tell you would make me sound crazy if I didn't sort it out for myself first, you know?" Max said, trying very hard not to succumb to her habit of nervous laughter. The last thing she needed was Kate thinking she'd snapped or something.

Fuck it. She needed contact for this.

Being very careful not to traumatize the bunny on her chest, she pushed herself upright and wandered towards Kate's spot on the bed and sat down with a tired huff. She placed Alice down next to them and pulled Kate's hand into her own.

There. Perfect.

"If there's anyone here I can talk to about anything, it's you, Kate." Max said with a soft sort of confidence. "Trust me when I say that you'll be the first to know after I figure it out for myself?"

Kate's eyebrows furrowed together momentarily but after some consideration, she nodded.

"Alright, Max. I'll trust you." She said, before reconsidering. "I'll trust you, as long as you aren't intentionally hurting yourself."

She gestured towards the bandage on Max's cheek and up towards her hairline.

Was something visible on her scalp? What the hell?

Max flushed, but conceded. Kate's concerns were valid, even if they weren't exactly on the right track.

They were a convenient segue into something she could actually explain, too.

Max peeled the bandage off and dropped it into the wastebin next to Kate's bed before turning back to the blonde girl at her side.

Kate brought both her hands to her mouth to cover her gasp.

Max laughed.

"It's actually not what it looks like." Max said plainly.

"What happened?" Kate managed through her shock, one hand reaching forward towards Max's face without quite touching the marks there.

"Would you believe I got into a fight?" Max asked, idly tracing the fissures in her lips with her fingertips. Kate followed the movement and her eyes widened even more than they already had been.

"Are you being bullied?" Kate asked, and this time Max's sharp laugh was just a bit too much to disguise as a forceful exhale.

Max shook her head.

"I started it, actually."

"With who?"

"Who else?" Max asked rhetorically.

Kate paused while Max's words caught up with her.

All at once, they came together.

"You really- Her.. ?"

Kate was beyond bewildered at this point.

"Mhmm." Max confirmed. "I called Victoria a bunch of mean things until she punched me, and then I hit her back."

Max saw something else come together in Kate's head.

"Victoria's eye.. That was you, wasn't it?" Kate's mouth fell open in shock. "Max you could be expelled for that! You know how awful she can be, especially about you."

Max shrugged.

"It actually worked out better than I'd hoped, really. We talked things out afterwards and we have a bit of an understanding now." Max said as her phone buzzed twice back to back from its spot on the floor.

"She probably won't be at my throat in public anymore is what I'm trying to say, I guess."

Wait..

Max blushed heavily as her unintentional wordplay clicked together, but covered by standing to go get her phone from the floor.

Speak of the devil..

3 Unread from -'Tori-

Max looked back at Kate as soon as her flush had calmed to something more disguisable.

"She still hasn't paid her dues for her part in what happened to you, you know." Max said.

She liked Victoria, but the girl had a vicious streak a mile wide.

Kate looked down at her lap and didn't say anything for a few moments.

Max was content to just let the dirty-blonde girl process for as long as she needed to.

After only a few seconds though, Kate looked up and exhaled.

"Actually, she talked to me right after the funeral.. "

Oh?

"She apologized for doing what she did. In her words, she didn't know I was drugged and didn't believe her friend when she said she was skeptical that I was acting the way I was from just alcohol." Kate said.

She swallowed.

"She didn't go too deeply into detail, but Victoria said she'd requested the video be taken down as soon as everything with Nathan and Mr. Jefferson came out. I told her that didn't change the fact she'd tried to ruin me, but you know what she said when I told her that?" Kate asked.

Max quietly shook her head and considered how well she really knew Victoria Chase.

"She said that she knew it didn't work that way. She wanted to take responsibility for putting the worst moment of my life online for the world to see, and never denied what she did or what her intentions were. She told me she didn't want me to forgive her. She just wanted me to know that she knew she had fucked up."

Max winced at Kate's language and Kate laughed under her breath.

"Her words, not mine."

Max looked down at the phone in her hands as it buzzed again.

4 Unread from -'Tori-

Max looked back up to Kate.

"Was that enough for you?" she asked.

Kate just raised an eyebrow quizzically.

"I mean, do you forgive her? If you don't, I can always march over there and finish what I started. I already know who wins that fight, Kate." Max said, completely deadpan as she gestured through the wall towards Victoria's room.

Kate immediately went pale and Max made a show of casually inspecting her fingernails, her expression entirely blank.

Alice, who had been forgotten up to that point, made the strangest little noise from her spot on the bed and Max couldn't maintain her composure anymore. Her expression cracked, and the moment Kate realized she was joking, the other girl started cracking up too.

Max let her momentum carry her back down to Kate's bed and for a while she let herself just enjoy the sound of Kate laughing. After a moment or two the pair of them wound down into a comfortable silence.

Kate's ceiling wasn't so intimidating after all.

Max's smile was a small, grateful thing.

Eventually, Max brushed her hand across Kate's knee to get her attention and when the other girl looked at her from her spot towards the head of the bed, Max cleared her throat and spoke.

"You know, I was only half joking." Max said, and Kate looked at her in mild alarm.

"Not like that, Kate. I meant I'd talk to her about not being such an attack-dog all the time if you wanted me to."

Kate considered Max's proposal for a moment before nodding to herself.

"I'm not sure how much of the way she was acting was specific to me and how much was just 'regular Victoria', but I'd really appreciate it if everyone could just get along." Kate said, sounding like she wasn't sure exactly how realistic her desires were.

Knowing Victoria though, well..

Max would try her best.

Speaking of which

Max's finger reflexively slid through her phone's unlock pattern so she could finally read those texts.

-'Tori-: Gonna be talking over Vortex stuff with Thing 1 and Thing 2 until late tonight so if you text me and I don't reply right away, that's probably why. Lunch tomorrow?

Sent a little while after Victoria had given her that burger earlier that morning. The two that had arrived back to back a few minutes ago were a good deal less well-constructed than the first.

Was Victoria drunk?

-'Tori-: R you okay max? if that girl did anything to you so help me there will b blood

-'Tori-: only kind of kidding

Victoria was totally drunk. And was she jealous of Kate?

Kate? No way is she scared of -Kate- of all people

Max felt her cheeks heat up and a grin made its way onto her face of its own accord.

She looked up to find something to focus on that wasn't the dumb girl on her phone and froze like the proverbial deer in headlights.

Kate Marsh was staring at her with another one of those looks.

That wasn't good, so Max looked back down at her phone to read that last text.

-'Tori-: Hi Max, Victoria is a mess right now so I took her phone before she could embarrass herself any further. Cute pic btw ;) -T

Max's flush changed hue as she realized more fully that there was indeed no escape from the hell she had fallen into.

She swallowed.

'Path of least resistance', Max..

She looked back up at Kate and returned the girl's expectant stare with a nervous smile of her own and had to fight herself not to bring a hand up to rub the back of her head in embarrassment.

No hesitation. She had to play this quick or Kate would get ideas-

"Did Warren send you something nice, Max?" Kate asked demurely, her hands folded primly on her lap.

Max's revolted wince was immediate and sharp.

Something flickered behind Kate's eyes and just the tip of a smirk played across the corner of her mouth for only a moment.

Max paled.

Clever girl..

She coughed -trying to somehow kick start her brain- but to no effect.

"I.. can explain?"

Dog that sounded lame even to her.

Kate sat up completely, -careful not to jostle poor Alice-, slipped out of bed to go start her electric kettle, and then made towards the drawer where she kept her good jasmine.

"That's wonderful, Max. Order something to eat if you don't mind while I get the tea ready, please?" she said over her shoulder in a way that was polite, but also made clear that she wasn't really asking.

When Kate turned back around and Max could see the amusement mixed in with the, well, everything else, on the other girl's face, the nervous knot her stomach had turned itself into loosened somewhat. Not nearly enough to be comfortable per-se, but definitely better than the absolute doom she was feeling even five seconds before.

Still, no matter how well or poorly the rest of the night went, it'd definitely be an -interesting- conversation.

Max moved to comply with Kate's soft-but-definitely-still-absolute demands and did her best to ensure that her anxious groan stayed internal.

Fuck.