[a/n: First off, like it says in the summary, this fic goes into detail. Even though this is fiction times two, please don't read this if you're in a position where this will negatively affect you. Please don't replicate anything in this fic either if you're considering, as there are tons of other options out there. Please, stay safe. That said, enjoy.]

This is hard. Really hard. Hold it in, you're at Hero's house. Aubrey hugs her pet Bun-Bun close for the last time, she won't be able to take care of him anymore. She couldn't fathom taking him to the pound, so instead she's decided to let Kel of all people care for him in her place, having seen him babysit Hector and Sally home alone in his big brother's place while he's at college. He's actually gotten pretty responsible lately, she'll give him that.

Kel was confused upon seeing her at his door all of a sudden, but it looked urgent. She gave him his transport cage and food and told him all the bunny's little quirks, all his little tells that he's hungry or needs to stretch his legs, his feeding cycle, and all the places he likes being rubbed the most among a bunch of other miscellaneous details to stall for more time together before she had to go carry out her business. She hugs her sweet bunny close to her chest like it's the last time they're seeing each other for quite some time, which it is. Kel only looks on with a puzzled face. This isn't like her.

"Now bunnies are not low maintenance, got it?" she looks up at Kel to warn after snuggling her bunny some more. "If you even dare neglect him I-I'll never forgive you."

She's not even threatening to hit him... something's up. He can't place what it is exactly, but there's a strange sense of finality in her tone. Guess that would come naturally to somebody under the circumstances they would give away the light of their life to somebody they haven't seen in months, but it's no less jarring.

The optimism in his stride has since rusted for the same reason her drive has, but he's had to keep his chin up for Sally's sake these past few months. There's been a lot of doubt and uncertainty, but he's somewhat pulling through. No matter how many times he wants to just crumble under the weight of his life, he has others to help along through theirs. He has obligations he can't just give up on anymore, and that's how Aubrey knew he can move past this and she can trust him with the most important animal to her.

She'll miss him. She'll seriously miss him.

Kel notices the look on her face as she stares at him. "Hey, it's okay," Kel tries consoling, as odd as this situation is. "He's safe here, don't worry."

She rips her gaze from him embarrassed, realizing where her eyes were. "I-I'm fine, why do you keep asking me that?"

Kel's not convinced as both of them know she answered a question that wasn't even asked. She really doesn't look like she's doing that well... this is far from the Aubrey he knows, who would never trust anyone else with her little fluffball even if it really was what was best for it. But why can't she take care of it anymore? Why does he have to? He gives her a worried look, "Are you sure you're okay? It's just... you're different."

Different? She almost laughs, she hasn't changed. She's still the same bitter person who bullies and degrades people until there's nothing left of them, literally. She gives a small self-depreciative smirk, "How so?"

"Well..." Kel thinks out loud, "I dunno, you're just... not yourself."

Aubrey scoffs quietly with a hint of sadness, knowing what he's getting at. He's right, she's been skipping classes to sleep in most of the day, whereas she spends all of her time alone without even her mother to offer any love or comfort. Her former gangmates all text her and knock occasionally to make sure she's alright and say they're sorry about what happened, but what happened wasn't their fault. That's not their guilt to bear, they were just following her orders.

If she had just snapped out of it and apologized sooner, or actually stopped to notice how miserable he was...

...Aubrey gets her train of thought back on track as she prepares a reply, but she was too slow as Kel speaks first.

"I'm gonna be honest. You don't look like you're taking things too well."

What gave it away? "Heh, no way."

"I'm serious. It wasn't your fault, nobody could've known he'd do that."

Aubrey's ready to shoot back with a deflection, but remembers she's not here for a pity party. "...I know."

Kel nods and looks down at Sally to take his mind off the tension between them. Aubrey takes the cue to check on her too; she's in a new playpen in the middle of the living room with a bunch of stuffed toys around her, already starting to try to walk but failing humorously. Such innocence... it reminds Aubrey of when she was little, her only concern then being how many acorns she could fit in her hands to take home with her... It also gives her hope knowing how bright the little girl's future is with such a supporting family, how good a person Hero was raised to be, and even Kel, one of the best friends she's ever had no matter how many petty things they've fought over, taking care of his dog and baby sister while his parents are out. Her eyes switch to focus on his facial features, warped into a concerned, caring frown. That long hair he's had since they've known each other, even thinking he was a girl when they first met. She smiles a tiny bit remembering how flustered he was...

There was a time in her life where they could all get together without any awkwardness or lingering animosity. A time where everybody just had fun. Most memories of such a time now just bring pain and sorrow knowing where it all led up to, nowadays the only bit of happiness she gets being from imagining them all if Mari never died. If she never bullied Basil. If she had at least taken into consideration that maybe people have reasons for their actions.

These thoughts should be saved at least until she's out of the house and her precious bunny's in safe hands. Her focus should be on his well-being right now, anyway, then she can focus on what she'll do next. She hands him over to Kel with shaky arms, Kel looking back at her and cautiously taking him in his hands while making note of her body language. They've all been through a lot, but he knows she's taken it the hardest. He's tried his best to make her feel better after everything that happened, but quickly realized that this just isn't something he can ever help anybody with. Kel in particular is a bit surprised she would ever trust him with Bun-Bun at least not in her presence, but it's not like he's in a position to question it. Maybe she'll change her mind later anyway.

She almost feels bad about dumping yet one more responsibility onto the damaged teen, but there were only so many places she knew she could trust. Kim already has her bat since she dropped out from the gang and put her in charge, and that was the farthest she was willing to go in terms of interacting with them. She can't bring herself to show her face to the people she dragged into her mess, or anybody else at school for that matter who all have heard the story and would find it in their best interest to stay as far away from her as possible.

"...Let me hold him again," she demands, holding her arms back out. She needs this.

Kel looks back, confused again. She only just handed him over, but he obliges. Aubrey takes in her bunny one last time, holding him up to her shoulder and nuzzling her cheek against his soft, white fur... soft as a frizzy cloud. She wants to stay like this forever... but it's not about what she wants. For now she holds him tight, giving him a hug fit for a goodbye.

His long, soft ears. His fluffy coat. His red, beady eyes. His nose constantly twitching as he sniffs everything... how he hops around in his den as his main method of transportation... the way his chin moves rhythmically in a circle when he eats...

She whispers soft as she can over her trembling voice into his ear, "I love you, Bun-Bun."

Her lips twitch and her nose starts to burn when she slowly extends her arms back so Kel can take him again, Bun-Bun gently removed from her hands and moved further and further away in Kel's hold as her heart continues to break... She takes off running and darts out the door. Kel reaches out for her, setting Bun-Bun on the couch so he can run after but turns back around at the realization he'll have left him, Sally and Hector alone. He can't chase her.

Aubrey finally lets her tears out as soon as she's turned the corner down the sidewalk.

Goodbye, Bun-Bun...

Goodbye, Kel...

...

...She killed Basil.

He was already dealing with the suicide of somebody close. She should've listened to him when he tried to talk about what happened. She should've been friendlier, but she always let her anger cloud her judgment... no, what judgment did she ever have to bully her best friend to death? He was so sweet... so kind... until he did that to Mari's memory, at least. But he apologized over and over, and showed regret for that and so much more until the light from his eyes was gone. Why didn't she just hear him out? As messed up as a thing it was to do they were his personal property anyway, and he had the right to do what he wanted with them. That didn't make him obligated, sure, but did he really deserve her treatment for almost four long years? Did he really deserve to die over a bunch of old photos? That time at the hangout spot could've been the very moment his life hinged on... His last attempt at making amends before she pushed him into the water and almost killed him herself.

Not only did she have so much time and so many chances to make things right, she was the one to bring him into the friend group in the first place. She sealed his fate. She's the one that caused this chain of events that ultimately led to his death from the very moment they met.

She doomed him. She killed him.

She had four years.

Aubrey reaches her house and stands at the front door, trying to dry her eyes. Think of something positive. She had an okay life before all this, didn't she? Seventeen years is a long time. That's good. She impacted the lives of others, both positively and... catastrophically negatively. She indirectly caused the death of somebody a year younger than her, meaning she's already lived a fuller life than he has. Her actions have also led to even further heartbreak and trauma among those left to have bore witness...

This isn't getting her to feel any better, so she just decides to put a cap on it at least until she's alone again. She finally opens the door, the sunlight engulfing the living room as the sun sets at just the right angle. She has everything she needs in her bedroom, so she passes through to the hallway past her mother in front of the television set.

Her mother... the woman that neglected her. The woman that got custody of her so she could ignore her. The woman that... birthed her and gave her a life in the first place. The woman that despite all she's never done since the divorce, still tried her best during her early childhood before apparently giving up.

Say something nice... this is your last chance to.

She turns back around to face her, still planted in front of the TV with various shows and ads passing the airwaves. "I love you, Mom," she states sincerely, a tear streaming down her cheek. "Thanks for everything... Th-Thanks for having me."

...No response, the woman staring blankly at the set like she always does.

Aubrey isn't sure why she expected any different this time as she looks down in defeat. Her mom will be just downstairs the entire time she carries this out too... but hey, maybe she'll never notice her missing. She wasn't the best mother by any stretch of the imagination, but no mother deserves that, so her catatonia could work out in the end. It's sad, though, her final words falling on deaf ears. She wipes her eyes, sniffs, and enters the messy hallway towards the ladder to her room, having said all she needed to.

Her eyeline meets the floor and keeps ascending until she's on her feet again in her domain. She catches herself in her makeup mirror opposite of her, slightly skinnier, hair longer with black at the roots, all the will to take care of herself gone. Fitting, she thinks. Her eyes glance past Bun-Bun's empty den as she takes in her surroundings, and then the framed photo of her and Kim, remnants of a much simpler time. She was so happy in that picture, likely a stark contrast to how Basil felt then...

Where was he when she took this picture? What was he doing whenever she was living it up with her gang?

...That reminds her.

She takes her phone off her nightstand to scroll through the bunches of messages she's gotten from friends since the last time she's touched it. Messages of love and support, good will, sorry-for-your-losses and the like. She can't particularly care. Nevermind.

She turns it back off before she can get all sentimental and tosses it onto the bed. She doesn't need that now. Right now, she needs this. She looks herself in the mirror one last time for prosperity, her outside about to be just as rotten as her inside, before opening her closet door to the left. A plastic stepstool sits on the floor inside, below a noose made from the playground's tetherball rope hanging at just her height above it. It swings gently, almost calling her name, from a metal punching bag hook she got from Fix-It screwed into the ceiling. Buying a real rope at the same time would've been suspicious, as if anybody would've been wise in being concerned for her safety. She folded this one once before looping it on the hook and tying it, both because it was way too long and because it would have to hold.

Such a delinquent thing to do to steal a tetherball rope of all things. Heh, they probably won't be wanting it back...

Eyes tearing up in her final moments despite her attempt to humor herself, she steps onto the stool and puts the noose on, pulling it tight and giving a quick test yank. It's not coming off.

She stops to think. She's... really doing this.

...What if she doesn't? What will be different? She's already thought long and hard about this, the world will move on without her. But... still, she's going to die. Now's good a time as any to think existential stuff. Where will she be tomorrow? In a year? In five? In twenty? Will she look back at this moment and wish she saw this through, or cringe at her stupidity?

She's planned this since shortly after Basil died to get away from her. It had to be something fast, but preferably no mess. There are tons of slow ways, be it emptying her mom's entire alcohol reserve into her system, drowning in the lake, taking pills, or other products of her self-destructive imagination. Also maybe one that was symbolic. She probably would've carved a hole into her stomach just like Basil if she hadn't already tried self-harm and immediately realized she just couldn't take the pain. But, Mari hung herself. And if she and Basil both knew what they were doing, then so does Aubrey. Once she's gone she won't have to think about anything either way, be it all her mistakes in the past or the uncertainty of her future. She shakes her head and closes the door behind her, convinced she's just overthinking things anyway.

It's pitch black, save for the tiny amount of light peering through under the door. Silent save for the low ringing of absolute silence, the sound of her shaky breaths bouncing around the tiny room. With this being her last opportunity to think happy thoughts, she thinks back on the good things in her life. The comfort of her childhood friends after a bad day. Cooking with them. Playing with them. Crushing. Chasing Kel around the block for her stolen Mr. Plantegg. Snuggling against Sunny's stuffed animals together. Smiling for Basil's camera.

All the friends she's made after Mari's death that followed her. All the late-night vandalism, delinquent stuff. Taking care of her adorable ball of fluff. All the candy. All the bullying. All the times they followed behind when Aubrey beat Basil down, physically, emotionally, mentally. All the times she made the trauma victim ball up crying on the ground, begging for forgiveness. Begging her to just not hurt him. The time he would rather dig into himself and die horribly than to keep risking her abuse every time he happened to be outside.

Aubrey kicks the stool.

...

...

"Hi! I'm Aubrey! What's your name?"

"Oh, u-uh, I'm Basil!"

"Aw, that's a nice name. Are you new here?"

"Y-Yeah, well, I'm here with my grandmother, she lives here."

"Cool!... What kind of flowers are those, there on your porch?"

"Oh, they're, uh, daisies."

"Awww! I love daisies!"

"Thanks, heh... do you w-wanna try watering them?"

"Sure! Thank you!"

...

"Say, do you wanna meet some of my friends? They're just down the road!"

"U-Um, I shouldn't, I need to be getting back inside..."

"Oh come on, they won't bite! You can just say hi."

"...Well... o-okay. Sure!"

"It's okay! Here, hold my hand!"

...

...

...

...

Intense pressure is put on Aubrey's windpipe immediately, making her sputter instinctively and try to grasp at the loop. Her hands try wriggling in between it and her neck but she tightened it too much to give any space as her heartrate suddenly skyrockets, realizing the danger she put herself in. She keeps trying to dig underneath the bight, but her fingertips only crush her throat more against it. In a sudden fit of panic her feet kick for the stool under her but she can't find it anywhere.

Her thoughts race. This wasn't supposed to happen. Her neck was supposed to snap, it should've been instant. Instead she's choking. Slowly, painfully. It hurts. It hurts so much. Her stomach sinks like a rock upon realizing her mistake. She didn't want it like this.

Is this how she dies? What if she actually stayed like this? Why is she scared? Why is her heart beating out of her chest? She wanted this, she deserves this. She's waited so long for this. Why is she trying to get down?

She deserves this, but...!

She's gotta get down. It hurts so much. Her phone's just outside. She can talk to Kim. To Vance. To Mikhael. To Angel. To Charlene. They still care about her, they care enough to text her. To knock on her door every once in a while. How would they take this? How would Hero react to yet another suicide? How would Kel? How would Sunny? How would Mom and Dad?

She doesn't want this anymore. She wants off. She wants down. With this newfound will to live, her fingers claw at the rope around her neck in a last ditch effort to free herself while her legs try to kick her up off the walls to relieve the pressure on her throat but only manage to knock down clothes. She grips the standing part and tugs in an attempt to pull herself up to buy more time. Maybe she can kick the door. Make some noise. Her mom's just below her. She tries to scream for her, for somebody to save her, but all she manages to push out are strangled, pathetic whines and gurgles as she does nothing but swing her limbs around helplessly in her self-made trap, starting to feel lightheaded from her quickening shortness of breath.

She doesn't wanna die.

She doesn't wanna die!

She doesn't wanna die...

She wants to live. She wants to answer her friends' texts. She wants to tell her mom she loves her. She wants to live. Her thrashing turns increasingly desperate as she tries anything she can to ward off any urge to fall asleep, her lungs feeling like they're crumpling from the pressure when she tries drawing in a breath. She can't die in her closet. No, please... not like this...! She has so much to do... So much to say... So much to-!

The hook rips out of the water-damaged ceiling. She falls against the floor with it, landing on her knees and smacking against the tipped stool with a crack of the plastic. Not taking the time to wince in pain she yanks the noose off and throws the door open, rushing out onto her hands and knees and holding her throat while she gasps and gags. As her windpipe slowly opens back up so she can breathe again, one particularly deep cough sends her arching forward, doubling over and starting to dry heave with hoarse wheezes.

She's out... she's alive... she almost...

As soon as the gagging's passed, she tips over on her side and curls into a ball, pushing out rough, painful sobs into her knees on the aged wooden floor with her hands over her burning throat. She was so scared... in so much pain... but she's alive...

She's alive...

She wanted to die but she was so scared...

After airing out all the complicated emotions built up in that prison for a little longer in her relief and quietening down a bit her attention turns to the muffled noises of the television downstairs, her mom most likely still in front of it practically hypnotized... She would've wasted her breath on mushy shit she didn't deserve to hear even if she was all there. Some mother she is, blissfully unaware while her only daughter dies.

Now what, though? She didn't exactly plan on surviving...

Aubrey looks up and around her room, making sure to face away from the rope and hook on the floor as well as the absolute state of her closet. Everything else looks the same, just like she knew it would. Nothing's changed. The bedsheets are in the same disarray as she left them, her bunny's den is still empty... She could go outside now and the crickets would still chirp. She could go outside in the morning and the sun would still rise, the birds chirping too as nature's alarm clock. But she isn't sure if she's changed, the feeling of immense guilt over what she did washing back over her as her solace subsides. Is she even really happy to have failed, or was it just self-preservation? Did she just tell herself what she needed to hear to try and pull through? She just fought for her life. For the comfort of her bed, the safety of her room after trying to throw it all away. And she won. The fact she knows how much it hurts now so she probably won't try hanging herself again makes her feel secure, but even in her reprieve she feels like she can't even take what she dished out.

She did it wrong, anyway. She's kicking herself, but first and foremost she's... ashamed. She was filled with so much pure terror in such a short amount of time that she doesn't think she'll ever try that again, let alone tell a single soul what happened here tonight...

She pulls herself up and looks in her mirror once more. Her hair's a total mess, her makeup's streaking from tear streams and there's a new large red mark over her neck she'll definitely have trouble covering completely. It doesn't look like she was strung up long enough to cause any major damage...

Maybe this all happened for a reason? No... bullshit. For what reason did her big sister figure leave her? Why did she kill Basil? If everything really does happen for a reason, it must be malicious intent.

...She grabs her phone on the bed. Various unread messages of support from her friends still line her inbox, though one particular text catches her eye.

Kim: 13:14 - "were here 4 u ok? call if u need anything. ur bats still urs"

Her heart warms a little, but then shivers. Kim's one of the people she coerced into killing her friend. She can keep the bat, she decides as she takes their photo on her nightstand and sets it facedown.

Kel also left a few messages, but she'll read them tomorrow. It's nighttime. That's something to look forward to, at least. Something to anticipate so she can try to live again, if she can. But now she's tired, too conflicted and confused to process everything she's feeling right now as she puts aside what she'll do next for later. First, she has to fix herself and get ready to sleep... and text Kel for her Bun-Bun back. She looks over at his empty den again... That might give her more willpower.

Whatever she does, though, she can't help but think she couldn't make it up to Basil even if she tried. She can see herself trying again in the future, and the thought terrifies her. It hurt in so many ways. But maybe that's a good thing? She'll sleep on it but only time will tell.

She doesn't really care to make herself presentable again actually, nobody's gonna see her. She takes off her shoes and jacket, leaving both on the floor before crashing on the bed she fought to sleep in again...