Chapter 53: All too much.
Jay/Hailey. Set after series 7. At Kim and Adam's wedding, Jay and Hailey finally confessed their feelings and spent the night together and now they are back in Chicago and hiding their relationship from their friends.
Warning: There is a panic attack in this chapter.
I do not own Chicago PD or any of the characters.
Here is the next chapter. Enjoy, read and, please, review. I'd love to know about what you think about this chapter and where the story is going :)
Hailey wasn't surprised when Kim texted her after their shift, asking if she was free for dinner. She was sure that Adam had called his wife to share Jay and Hailey's news and Hailey accepted it, not wanting to hurt Kim. She valued her friendship she had built with Kim and she wanted her to feel included. Hailey went home to change and texted Jay to say she'd see him later, before she left the house and went to the restaurant to meet Kim.
Kim left Maria with Adam and walked over to Hailey and, as she sat down, she cried, "I couldn't believe it when Adam told me! You and Jay are engaged! Hailey, this is amazing. Can I see the ring?"
With a small smile, Hailey showed it to her as she explained, in a soft voice, "I didn't want to wear it at work, because I didn't want to risk losing it."
"So, how did it happen? Give me all of the details! Was Jay romantic when he did it?"
Hailey blushed and smiled, before she replied, "He definitely has his moments. We were at home one night and he proposed, and I said yes and the next morning, we bought a ring." Kim wanted to know more, but she knew that both Jay and Hailey were private, so she didn't push her for details and she knew that she had pushed her boundaries before with Hailey. She didn't want to do it again.
Kim smiled and hugged Hailey before she looked at the ring again. "Do you have any plans for the wedding? Are you going to get married at the courthouse?"
Taking a sip of her drink, Hailey replied, "It'll be small, before the end of the year and we want to get married in a church, in Chicago."
With a huge smile, Kim remarked, "That sounds amazing, Hailey! It sounds very-very fitting for you and Jay. You guys really are perfect together and I'm so glad you guys finally worked out your feelings and got together." Kim took a bite of her dinner, before she asked, "I'll be your bridesmaid, won't I? If it weren't for my wedding, you and Jay might not be together."
"Of course you'll be." Hailey laughed as she nodded. "We're going to invite the whole team and Voight. Unfortunately, I can't get hold of Vanessa, but she'll be with us in spirit. I actually feel as if I should thank her, for making me realise I was in love with Jay."
Kim shook her head. "Hailey, you would've worked it out, eventually. You guys were the best partners ever. You had each other's backs, through it all, but we could all see you had feelings for each other. I wasn't surprised when I found out you were together, but it was inevitable. Inevitable, Hailey. I've never seen you this happy."
"Yeah, I'm the happiest I've ever been. Jay and I are going to have a wedding and be married."
Out of curiosity, Kim asked, "Are your parents going to be there? I'd love to meet them."
Suddenly, Hailey's whole body froze. She was suddenly hit with the image of her father turning up at her wedding, of him staring at her like he did when she was scared of him when she was a little girl. She could see her mum standing next to him, as she always did, and Hailey's vision blacked out. She didn't want that. She didn't want him there. Teras started to cloud her vision and she could feel her test tightening and her breath was quickening. Her eyes found Kim's and she asked, "Kim, can you take me home?" She knew that she was having a panic attack. She wanted to be home. She wanted to be with Jay.
Kim stood up quickly. "Hailey, I'm pretty sure you're having a panic attack. Do you want me to take you to a hospital?"
Hailey gulped in air, struggling to breath. With great effort, she shook her head. "No. Take me home." Her voice was pained. She could feel the panic. She was struggling to see, to breathe, and the only place she wanted to be now as home.
The house was quiet when Hailey finally arrived home. Kim insisted on staying with her, but Hailey sent her away, so Kim texted Jay to tell him Hailey was having a panic attack at home. Hailey paced the length of the sitting room, trying to get her breathing under control.
"Hailey? Hailey, can you hear me?" It was Jay's voice. He was standing in front of her, holding her by the arms. "Let's sit down. Put your head down, Hailes. Deep breathes, in and out. In and out."
With shaky breathes, Hailey did so and closed her eyes. She squeezed Jay's hand and he rubbed her back, soothingly and he made comforting noises. Hailey couldn't speak. The image of her father at their wedding was still in her mind.
Hailey wasn't sure how long it lasted, but eventually, she could breathe. Her chest felt normal, she could breathe, and her vision was clear. The panic was gone. Tears fell from her eyes and she openly cried and Jay pulled her into her arms, rocking her back and forth as she cried. He waited for her to speak. He respected her process. Hailey rested her head into Jay's jumper and cried into it, with her whole body shaking and Jay made soothing noises as he held her. Hailey was clinging to Jay for dear life. He was the best thing in her life and even the idea of her father being at their wedding had scared her more than anything.
Eventually, Hailey sat up and ran her hands through her blonde curls. She shook her head and just said, "I can't do it, Jay. I'm sorry."
Jay frowned and asked, "Can't do what?" He tried to stay calm, but he could feel his own panic building now.
Hailey couldn't bring herself to look at Jay as she shook her head and she closed her eyes. "We can't have a wedding. I can't have a wedding." She shook her head as she added, "I can't do it. It's all too much."
Shaking his head, Jay changed where he was sitting so that he was in front of her. "Hailey, what are you talking about? We want to get married, don't we? Hailey, what did Kim say?"
Opening her eyes, Hailey's eyes connected with Jay's green ones as she shook her head and replied, "It doesn't matter. I can't have a wedding. I suddenly realised." She paused, before she whispered, "Jay, I love you more than ever, and I want to be with you, more than anything. I want to be your wife and you to be my husband, more than I've ever wanted anything, for us to be together, always. Forever. They'll never be anyone for me, it's you. But I don't know how it can happen. How can we be happy if I'm so afraid of my dad turning up at the wedding? I don't want him to destroy the happiest day of my life, of our new lives together. Our new chapter."
A soft smile spread across Jay's face as he rested his head against Hailey's, looking deep into her bright, blue eyes. He kissed her temple as he whispered back, "Hailey, it's you and me, always. All I care about is marrying you. For you to be my wife. Hailey Halstead." He smiled against as he whispered again, "We'll figure it out. We'll find a way to get married. A way that works for us, so you can be happy when we do. We can get married without you feeling like this. I promise."
Hailey smiled and she wrapped her arms around Jay's neck before their lips met in a passionate kiss. They were together and they would work it out, together and they would find a way to be married in a way that didn't make Hailey feel that she was so scared she couldn't breathe.
