Chapter 63: A promise.
Jay/Hailey. Set after series 7. At Kim and Adam's wedding, Jay and Hailey finally confessed their feelings and spent the night together and now they are back in Chicago and hiding their relationship from their friends.
Here is the next chapter. This chapter is slightly darker than the others, so here is the warning.
Thank you for all of the reviews for this story so far and I hope to hear your feedback on this chapter. I hope you're enjoying the story as much as I am writing it and for the journey that Jay and Hailey are going on in this story. All of your reviews are appreciated :)
I do not own Chicago PD or any of the characters.
A couple of weeks later, Hailey's period didn't arrive when it normally did. She had always been regular since her early 20s and she been checking that she was not bleeding for a couple of weeks.
She found Jay in the kitchen, making coffee for both of them. With a smile on her face, she walked over to him and said, "Jay, I'm late. I'm off by a couple of weeks."
A smile spread across Jay's face and a small chuckle left his lips, so he asked, "Have you done a test?"
Hailey shook her head as she replied, "No, I was waiting for you, I don't want to do it without you. Do I have time to do one now, before we need to go to 21?" Jay nodded, so Hailey practically ran into the bathroom to find one. When she and Jay had started to try last year, she had stocked up on the tests, but she had hidden them away, because they were always negative. Jay followed her into the bathroom. "How long does it take?" She asked, even though she already knew the answer.
For 3 minutes, Jay and Hailey stood together, in the bathroom, waiting, waiting for the test that was going to change their lives forever. Maybe all of their efforts had finally paid off. Maybe they were going to have a baby. Jay didn't allow himself to be excited about this, because he and Hailey had been here before and he wouldn't be able to bear his own disappointment as well as hers if Hailey wasn't pregnant again. They had been trying for over a year now and all of the tests Hailey had taken before had been negative.
It felt like the longest 3 minutes of their entire lives and, after what felt like an eternity, the timer went off on Hailey's phone and she looked at Jay, before she looked at the test and she held it out to him so that he could see. Positive. Hailey was pregnant. Their eyes met and their lips met in a passionate kiss as they held each other close. Whispering into Hailey's ear, Jay told her, "I told you we'd do it." They were both crying, with happiness and joy and also relief.
Hailey wiped away her tears and said, "I should make an appointment at the hospital, just to be 100% sure." She rested her head against Jay's as she repeated, "We did it, Jay. We've conceived our baby." She caught his lips in a delicate kiss and repeated, "We've conceived our baby. Our baby."
"Yeah, we have. And it means we can make love without thinking about that calendar. Not be so stressed." Jay kissed his wife and murmured, "I love you so much, Hailey Halstead."
Looking into Jay's eyes with her head against his, Hailey whispered back, with the biggest smile ever on her face, "I love you, too, Jay Halstead! This is the best day ever!"
On the way to the District, Hailey called the hospital and made an appointment for a check-up, after their shift. The pregnancy test had been positive and both Jay and Hailey were sure that she was pregnant, but they wanted to be totally certain. It was still early, but it was still the most exciting day ever. They were finally going to have a baby. Their baby.
For the entire shift, Jay and Hailey were smiling, because they were holding a precious secret, the secret of their baby. A year of trying to conceive had paid off. They were finally going to have their baby.
As soon as their shift ended, Hailey and Jay made their way to Chicago Med, where Hailey was going to have a check-up. Hailey was glad that the Dr wasn't anyone they knew, because they wanted this to be their secret, until they were ready to share it with the rest of the world.
"Mrs. Halstead, why are you here today?" The Dr asked. She was a young woman, in her mid-20s.
With a smile on her face, Hailey replied, "I did a pregnancy test this morning and it was positive and we wanted to come here, to check, to be sure that I am pregnant. I did a test because I've missed my period by a couple of weeks."
The Dr nodded, then asked, "Have you been actively trying to get pregnant?"
Jay nodded and replied, "Yeah, Doc. For over a year." There was pride in his voice, because it had finally worked. They were finally having a baby and this was the happiest day ever. Even hearing the pride in Jay's voice made Hailey so happy. The Dr left and, when she returned, she told Hailey to change into a gown, then to lie back and lift up her top so that she could do an ultrasound after she had changed into a gown. She said that it was the best way to check the pregnancy and also the calculate how far along Hailey was with the pregnancy.
Hailey changed into a gown and lay herself down, lifting her ponytail over the top of the seat and Jay sat down next on the chair and took hold of Hailey's hands. They looked at each other and smiled, before their eyes focused on the ultrasound screen as they waited for the first look at their baby.
The Dr placed the ultrasound machine onto Hailey's stomach and Hailey waited with an excited breath, waiting for the first sight and sound of their baby. There was nothing. There was no sound. Jay closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath, letting out a shaky breath, bracing himself for what he guessed was coming. He had allowed himself to believe that this was going to happen, that he and Hailey really were going to have a baby. He had been so happy and now he had to deal with his own disappointment, his own sadness, as well as Hailey's. Jay knew what the Dr was going to say and he opened his eyes again, to look at Hailey. Hailey didn't understand what was happening, so in a shaky, panicked voice, she asked, "Dr, what's going on? I did a test this morning and it was positive! It was positive! Where is our baby?" She fought against the panic that was building up inside of her.
Slowly, the Dr turned off the machine and pulled a chair up next to Hailey. She sighed and began, "Mrs. Halstead, I'm so sorry, but this is what we call a phantom pregnancy."
With shock in her eyes and her face, Hailey asked, "What does- what does that mean?"
"It means you weren't pregnant to begin with, Mrs. Halstead. You were never pregnant. The test gave you, what we call, a false positive and your period is probably late because of stress or because your body is craving a baby so badly that your body is mimicking the symptoms."
"Are you- Are you sure? Isn't it possible the baby's just hiding from the ultrasound?" Hailey asked as her voice started to break. "I- I thought it had finally happened, that we were going to have a baby." How had this happened? Why had her body lied to her, made her believe that she and Jay were, finally, going to have a baby?
The Dr nodded sadly. "I know. I'm so sorry. This should by no means discourage you two from trying to conceive. You can keep trying and, the chances are, it will happen, and if it doesn't within 6 months or so, you can go to see a fertility specialist." She stood up and said again, "Mrs. Halstead, Mr. Halstead, I'm so sorry about this."
Swallowing against the lump in his throat, Jay nodded. "Thank you, Dr."
The sound of the door closing sounding almost deafening loud against the stark silence of the room. Jay put his arm around Hailey. She ran her hands through her eyes and said, in a flat voice, "Can you pass me my clothes, please? I want to get out of here."
"Of course." Jay's voice was flat, too, and he left the chair and passed Hailey her clothes. She wanted and needed space, so he left the room whilst she changed. He needed to be alone, too.
Their drive home was in total silence and Jay groaned when he saw that Vanessa's car was outside of the house. Of all of the times when he and Hailey needed their space, needed time to be alone, it was now. They had been filled with such hope and love for the whole day and that had been shattered. They weren't having their baby. Their baby didn't even exist, but it had during their whole day together and now it was gone. Their baby had never even existed, except in their minds and in their prayers and wishes.
The silence was deafening as they entered the house and Hailey went straight to their room, wanting to avoid Vanessa. She couldn't talk to anyone right now. Jay stayed in the kitchen to make himself and Hailey hot chocolates and he internally groaned as Vanessa walked over to him. The tension in his body was clear, but, for some reason, the young woman didn't take that as a sign to stay away from Jay. The stress and the upset were building inside of Jay and Hailey was in shock, so they both wanted to be alone.
Vanessa sat on the counter and smiled, as if she didn't have a care in the world. Of course, she didn't know that Jay and Hailey were struggling to conceive, nobody knew, but Jay had hoped that his body language would have told her to leave him alone. He wanted to be left alone. "What's wrong with Hailey? She was really happy when I saw her earlier and now she's shut away in your room."
Keeping his eyes focused on the kettle, Jay replied, in a stiff voice, "She'll be alright. She's just tired."
"You don't look good either, Serg." Vanessa continued, worried by what she was seeing in front of her. In her concern, she jumped from her place on the counter, looking at Jay. His body language was screaming stress, but his eyes were also red. "Jay, did something happen? Are you and Hailey ok?"
Are you and Hailey ok? We thought we'd finally conceived a baby and we haven't. It was a phantom pregnancy. How can we be alight after that? Jay shook his head and said, in a clipped voice, "Rojas, please, back off, ok? Me and Hailey need this time."
Vanessa just nodded and, after giving Jay a worried look, left the kitchen. In a sudden fit of anger, Jay smashed one of the cups against the counter and hung his head by the sink as he started to cry. They were hot, angry tears. Having a baby was such a simple thing, but it hadn't happened for him and Hailey. Why? Why had it seemed as if they were going to have a baby, when that was only taken away from them?
Hailey was pulled out of her almost trace-like state from the sound of the cup being smashing and, even without thinking, she knew that it was Jay. Her husband, who was hurting just as much as she was. She pulled herself off their bed and made her way to the door, which opened and Jay walked in carrying two cups. Hailey could smell the hot chocolate. It was her favourite. Jay passed her a cup and said, "I thought you were sleeping."
Hailey sat down on their bed and tapped her fingers against the cup. She shrugged. "What's the point in sleeping? I'll still feel like this when I wake up. I- I thought it had finally happened, that we were finally going to have a baby and now- that's gone. I don't understand why."
With a grim look on his face, Jay shook his head and mumbled, "I don't know either, Hailes. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry, too." Neither of them really knew what they were apologising for, but they felt as if they needed to say it to each other. It had been a day with so many different emotions and they needed each other. "I'm going to take tomorrow off, if that's ok." She paused, then asked softly, "How are you feeling, Jay?"
"Not quite as bad as you."
Hailey tilted her head and asked, softly, "You think this is worse for me? I think it's just as bad for both of us." She took a sip of her hot chocolate and smiled sadly. "Jay, I was the happiest I've ever been when I thought that I was pregnant. I thought: We've finally done it and we're finally going to have a baby, but- it didn't happen, did it? It was my body being cruel, to both of us. Are you going to take the day off tomorrow, too?"
Jay pressed his lips together and shrugged. His green eyes were full of disappointment and pain, just like Hailey's were. "Only if you want me to."
Without a second of hesitation, Hailey replied, "I do, Jay, the only way we can get through this is together. I shut you out earlier and I'm sorry. I was in shock and I didn't want to believe it." She smiled ruefully and sighed, "There's always next month, I guess."
They fell into a comfortable silence, a silence of their shared pain of two people who were trying to conceive a child and not knowing what to do next. Jay placed his cup down on the nightstand and took off his dog tags and put his ring into Hailey's hands. She placed it onto his finger and she did the same with her wedding ring. Hailey took her hot chocolate back into one hand and she held Jay's with another, until Jay lay down, resting his head on her lap, wrapping his arms around her waist. They weren't sure how much time passed before Jay suggested, "Hailes, how about we take a month off? Or a couple of months? We have a break from trying to conceive and just focus on us?"
Running her hands through Jay's hair, Hailey sipped her drink before she whispered, "That sounds like a good plan, we're both so tired." She paused, before she added, looking down at him, "I love you, Jay, and somehow, we'll have our baby. I promise."
"I promise, too." Jay echoed as he sat up slightly to kiss Hailey's forehead, which she accepted with a small smile and they settled down to sleep, holding each other. All they had was each other and they were going to fight for that and for the family they wanted to create. They were a team and always would be, no matter what.
