Chapter 65: Difficult case.
Jay/Hailey. Set after series 7. At Kim and Adam's wedding, Jay and Hailey finally confessed their feelings and spent the night together and now they are back in Chicago and hiding their relationship from their friends.
Next chapter. Please leave your reviews, I really appreciate al of the reviews so far and I'd love to know what you think of this chapter and if you're still enjoying reading the story as much as I am writing it :)
I do not own Chicago PD or any of the characters.
Hailey and Jay were still taking a break from trying to conceive a baby and they were just enjoying being together, as well as resting and Jay was glad to see that Hailey was sleeping better than she had for over a year. They had needed this break, after trying for over a year, after the heartbreak of the phantom pregnancy. They were focusing on each other, on being together without the stress of trying to conceive, with their secret promise that, somehow, they would have their baby, when they were ready to try again.
Kim had told Adam not to ask Hailey or Jay any questions about having a baby. She hadn't told him why, but he knew that she wouldn't have said if it wasn't important. Kim didn't want to cause the couple any more stress or pain that what she guessed they were already enduring. Vanessa still thought that there was something wrong with Hailey. Kim provided silent support for Hailey, going to dinner or lunch with her every week.
It was 5:00am when the sound of Jay's phone woke Jay and Hailey up and Jay rolled over and answered it and Hailey kept her eyes closed, snuggled under the covers, wanting to stay warm and it the almost-state of sleep for a little bit longer. The phone call ended and Jay left the bed and found an old pair of jeans and a black hoodie before he slipped off his wedding ring and put it around his dog tags. He called Kim and Kevin, so Hailey left the bed too and put on a pair of old jeans and a bright, blue hoodie. She took off her engagement ring and put her wedding ring around her neck on her neckless. As she was putting her curls up in a high ponytail, Jay came off the phone, so she asked, "Have we caught a case?"
Jay walked over to her and reached out for her neckless. His eyes were dark as he just replied, "Dead kids. The Superintendent's called us to the scene." Hailey could see the darkness in her eyes and she knew that this case was going to affect him, so she rested her hands against his chest and looked into his eyes. Jay kissed her on the head quickly and walked away, "Come on, partner."
Jay and Hailey were the second to arrive at the crime scene. Adam was the next to arrive and Kim and Kevin were already at the 21st District. The crime scene was horrific, which was why Jay told Hailey and Adam they didn't need to see it in person. He had seen it and that was enough. Adam was going to protest, because, normally, that wasn't how it worked, but he could see that there was look in Jay's eyes. A haunted look. Hailey could see it too and she patted Jay's shoulder lightly before she and Adam made their way back to the station. In the car, Hailey sat in total silence, thinking about the look in her husband's eyes and Adam babbled and, for once, Hailey was glad of it.
After Jay had a meeting with the Superintendent, he made his way back to 21st District, where Adam and Kevin were in the process of setting up the board and Hailey and Kim were gathering information. The board included pictures. Kim was 7 months pregnant, and he knew that this case was going to be hard for her, considering she was pregnant and had a 2-year-old. She had children. He swallowed. Kim and Adam had children, so this case had more right to affect them than him or Hailey. As Jay walked past Kim's desk, he just said, "Burgess, my office." For a second, his eyes connected with Hailey's and they shared a look, before he went to his office and took off his coat, waiting for Kim.
"Is there something wrong, Sarge?" Kim asked, as she sat down opposite Jay.
Jay shook his head kindly. "No, Burgess, there isn't. I just wanted to give you an out, if this case is too much for you. You have Maria and the new baby on the way."
Kim couldn't believe Jay's kindness right now. She knew that he and Hailey were trying to have a baby and he was the only one of the team to witness the crime scene which she was sure had affected him and, yet, here he was, making sure that she was alright. Kim offered Jay a small smile as she replied, "Sarge, I appreciate it, but I'm good. If anything, having a child might make more determined to find these monsters. But, just so you know Adam might be a different story. Ever since we had Maria, he's treated cases like this differently. I guess it's a Daddy-daughter thing."
Nodding, Jay replied, "I'll keep an eye out. And, Burgess, the offer stands if you change your mind at any point."
From the glass through Jay's office, Hailey saw the conversation and her stomach turned. She remembered Kim going in there to tell Jay that she was pregnant with Maria and she remembered thinking that, one day, it would be her and Jay having a baby. Almost 2 years ago. But Hailey shook her head and pushed that thought out of her mind, because she and Jay were having a break, a break from trying to conceive and a break from being stressed about it, but, deep down, they were both still thinking about it. That couldn't be helped, no matter what they said. Her fingers went to her neckless, where her wedding ring was and she squeezed it, with her fingers, wanting to be close to it. Her wedding ring and what it represented. Her life, her future, with Jay.
The rest of the unit briefed Jay on the information they had gathered so far and Kevin and Adam went through the information on the board. Jay lent against Hailey's desk, with his arms folded across his chest and Hailey could see the tension. She guessed that the scene had reminded him about his time in Afghanistan, of the terrible things he had done and seen as a solider. As always, Hailey would wait, until he was ready to talk about it. Jay gave Kim and Kevin their assignments and told Hailey and Adam to go to talk to the parents, whilst he left the bullpen to go to speak to the techs at the scenes to see if they had found any leads. No-one said anything, but they were all thinking that this case was affecting Jay more than others.
For Hailey, there was no worse part of the job than delivering the news of a child's death. After the second set of parents, Adam practically ran out of the house and kicked the car. "I can't do it! I can't! I keep seeing Maria and the baby!"
With a kind smile and in a slightly firm voice, Hailey told her partner, "Go back to 21. See Kim and I'm sure you can Skpe Maria's nursery. Go on, Adam."
"Thanks, Hailey. I really owe you one."
Hailey shook her head and gave Adam a small smile, "Don't mention it, I'll see you back at the District."
When Hailey was interviewing one of the parents, a mother asked, "Detective Upton, you're married, I see?"
With a small smile on her face, Hailey nodded and replied, "Yes, I am, ma'am." She wondered why the older woman was asking her this when she had just lost a child. From other pictures, Hailey could see that she and her husband had two other children.
"Do you have children, Detective Upton?" There it was.
A lump formed in Hailey's throat and the swallowed it down slowly, trying to think about what to say. The simple answer was no. She and Jay had no children, but it wasn't that simple because they were trying. That wasn't right either; they had been trying, but, now, they were taking a break from trying, so that they could rest and focus on each other and they would try again when they were ready, mentally and physically. Hailey hadn't told anyone about her and Jay's problems with conceiving. Kim had offered her support, but Hailey had turned her down. No, she didn't have children. Hailey shook her head and simply replied, "No, I don't, ma'am."
The older woman nodded and remarked, "In a way you're lucky, Detective Upton: Children are the greatest blessing, but they're also the greatest cause of pain."
As Hailey stepped into the District, she let out a huge sigh and closed her eyes. She ran her hands along her blonde ponytail and, when she looked up, she wasn't surprised to see that Platt was watching her. She made eye contact with the older woman and smiled before she walked up to Intelligence. Like with everything and everyone, Trudy Platt missed nothing and she had seen Hailey and Jay's behaviour.
Kim and Adam were in the middle of a Skype call with Maria and Hailey sat down at her desk and smiled as she listened to the interaction between the parents and their daughter. Maria was 2 and Kim was having another baby. How had that happened? Jay was still at the crime scene, talking to forensics and Hailey knew that it was going to affect Jay.
After 12 hours, the case was not solved, but the unit needed a break. Kim and Adam wanted to go home to see their daughter, so Jay told the unit to go home and sleep for a couple of hours before returning to the case, but Jay remained in his office, going over the reports of the crime scene. Hailey waited until the others had left before she walked into Jay's office. She sat on the edge of his desk and he gave her a small smile. She tilted her head. "I could ask Platt to order us a takeaway, if you're staying here? I've still got reports to go over. We need to look at every piece of detail we can find."
Jay looked away from the reports and rubbed his eyes, leaning back on his chair. He closed his eyes and rubbed his eyes again and Hailey knew that was a sign of PTSD creeping its way in. Finally, Jay said, in a low voice, "I need a couple's hours sleep and you, Hailes."
With a small smile, Hailey stood up and nodded. "That I can do. Come on, partner."
As soon as they arrived home, Jay set an alarm to wake them in 2 hours before they changed into their PJs and Hailey crawled into bed. Jay stayed where he was, staring at the wall. Hailey stayed where she was, totally still and silent, waiting for her husband to speak. Finally, Jay sat down on the bed next to her and told her, in the same low voice was earlier, "The crime scene- it was like this one time in Afghanistan. With the dead kids. They were-they were just kids, but they were killed. I-I had to kill a kid when I was over there. The Taliban had wired him up to a bomb and I-I had no choice. It-it also made think about Morgan. It was an accident, but I still killed her. I still carry that with me and I-it'll always be there, like Afghanistan." Jay bowed his head and closed his eyes, steadying his breathing. "I'm sorry, Hailey."
Sitting up next to him, Hailey told him, "Jay, look at me. You have nothing to be sorry for, it was awful, but you did what you had to do, as a soldier and you carry that with you. You carry it with you and you remember, but you don't let it control you." She kissed his temple and sighed. There was a dead silence and Jay lay down and she could tell that he was starting to relax. Hailey lay down next to him, resting her head against his. "I had to send Adam back to the District earlier. It was too much for him."
Jay swallowed and nodded. "Yeah, it was. I had to see the crime scene. I didn't want anyone else to see it." He paused, then asked, "Platt said you looked upset when you came back. Do you want to talk about it?"
A lump formed in Hailey's throat, but she swallowed through it. In a whisper, she replied, "One of the mothers asked me if I had kids. I didn't know what to say. No seems like the wrong answer, but it's the simplest one." She closed her eyes and rested her head against her husband's as she whispered, "We'll get there."
Before falling asleep, Hailey reminded Jay to take his medication before he settled down into bed next to her and they fell asleep, both wanting to believe that, even though they were taking a break, somehow, their baby would happen.
