Chapter 72: Won't let go.

Jay/Hailey. Set after series 7. At Kim and Adam's wedding, Jay and Hailey finally confessed their feelings and spent the night together and now they are back in Chicago and hiding their relationship from their friends.

This follows directly from the last chapter. I am not a medical expert, I am simply using it for a device in the story. Jay and Hailey are going to work through this before there are happier times ahead :)

I appreciate all of the reviews for this story and I hope that you are interested about where the story is going. In a response to a review for the last chapter, I will say that Natalie's pregnancy will probably not feature heavily in this story; it was merely a vehicle to illustrate Jay's pain and to make his brother aware of the situation. I appreciate every review for this story and I hope that you enjoy this chapter:)

Will thought that his brother was acting distant that evening, but he hadn't thought about it too carefully, until Jay had practically run out of Molly's and Hailey had followed, after giving the couple kind words. Will hadn't thought anything of Jay's behaviour before; ever since Jay had returned from his second tour in Afghanistan, his behaviour was sometimes unusual, with mood swings and depression because of his PTSD, but this had been different. There was something different and Will had sensed it with his sister-in-law, too and he knew that Natalie had seen it, too. Natalie saw everything.

Very confused, Will turned to his wife and asked, "What was that about?" he turned to the table and asked, "What's going on? Has Jay been like that all day?" In a second, he looked at Kim, Julie and Vanessa and he knew that there was something wrong. What was wrong with his brother? The two of them were closer than they had been since their father died, so he assumed that Jay told him everything, but all of Jay's body language tonight hadn't been right.

Natalie took her husband to the side as he said, "I don't understand. This is a happy day. We're having a baby. Why- why would that make Jay so upset? I don't even think he and Hailey want to have kids."

"Maybe, you need to go and ask him. Be his brother, Will." Natalie smiled and kissed her husband gently and Will nodded, knowing that she was right. Of course, she was right. This was the happiest day ever and he wanted Jay to be just as happy as he was. Jay was going to be an uncle.

Without waiting, Will made his way to Jay and Hailey's house and he knew that they were in because both of their cars were outside. For a second, he hesitated. He was sure that, if Jay or Hailey were ill, Jay would have told him, but the thought had planted itself now and now Will was more nervous than ever. He needed to know that his little brother was alright. Jay had been through so much and Will could see how happy Hailey made his brother, but he knew that there was something wrong and he wanted to know what was wrong.

Holding his breath, Will knocked on the front door. He was so nervous, because this was his brother.

In their bedroom, Jay and Hailey heard the doorbell and Hailey moved to answer it, before Jay sat up and told her, gently, "I'll go, Hailes." His voice was weak and rough from the crying and Hailey ran her hands through Jay's hair affectionately and kissed the top of his head, before Jay finally left her lap. With sad eyes, Jay kissed her gently and wiped his eyes, before he left their room and Hailey stayed where she was. This was a conversation for Jay and his brother, but Jay knew that she was there and that was what mattered. Ever since they had received that awful news, Jay had held her when she cried and told her everything would be alright and now, it was time for her to return that love to her husband, now that he needed it. Now that Will and Natalie having a baby of their own had forced Jay to confront his own infertility. Within the past 24 hours, they had both been forced to face their situation and the pain they had both been holding back. With a small sigh, Hailey remembered that they had their appointment in a couple of days, for other options of having children. Jay had focused so much on that, that, even if it wasn't as they had thought, they could have their baby. It was possibilities and it was hope, but they needed to be strong enough to hear it. Hailey thought that, strangely, they were now. She had talked about her situation with her friends, albeit in a drunken state, and, now, she hoped that Jay would open up to Will about it.

Will wasn't surprised that Jay looked quite emotional when he opened the door, but it was clear that Jay was trying to control his emotions, something he had always done since he had returned from Afghanistan. Will found it frustrating sometimes, but he also knew that it was how his brother dealt with everything that had happened. Without a word, Jay invited him into the house and offered him a cup of tea. "Jay, what's going on?" A blank stare was what met him, until Jay sat down and he could see the emotions in his green eyes. "Jay, what's going on? You know you can tell me anything, I'm your brother. This was supposed to be a happy day. I wanted you to be happy about being an uncle, and Hailey, too."

With a slight twitch of his head, with a tight, clenched jaw, Jay forced a smile and replied, "No, Will. I am happy about becoming an uncle. So is Hailey. It's great news. Really."

"Well, what's going on? And I know when you're lying, Jay. I'm your brother, you can tell me anything." Will added, this time in a softer voice than before. He needed Jay to hear him. "If you and Hailey don't want kids, that's none of my business. It's your decision."

Jay's eyes snapped into action as he said, in a tense voice, "It's not always about what we want, Will. It's not always that simple." Jay ran his hands through his short, dark hair and exhaled a deep breath and closed his eyes for a couple of seconds. When he opened them again, his voice was gentler as he said, "Will, this- this is really hard to talk about. I didn't tell you because I didn't want your pity, so, please, don't pity me, or Hailey."

With an uneasy chuckle, Will said, "Jay, you're sort of scaring me! Please, tell me what's going on. I can tell it's eating at you, whatever it is."

Running his hands across his legs, Jay quickly stood up and placed his hands on his hips, a sure sign that he was stressed. He inhaled a deep breath before he began, not able to look at his brother, "Will, Hailey and I have been trying to have a baby for over a year. We-" he broke off, looking down at the floor, before he looked at his brother, "Just over a week ago, we both had fertility tests and… they weren't good. My sperm has low mobility because of toxins in Afghanistan, so it can't reach the eggs and Hailey has something called hostile cervical mucus. So we can't naturally have a baby." Jay hadn't spoken those words to anyone besides Avery and now that Will knew, Jay exhaled a sharp, shaky breath, then sat back down.

There was a dead silence. Will understood all of what his brother had said and he guessed that Jay and Hailey had gone to another hospital. He couldn't believe that Jay hadn't told him that he and Hailey were trying to have a baby, but now wasn't the time for that. His brother needed him. In the voice that Jay called his 'Doctor voice', he said, "There are alternative ways to have children, Jay. You and Hailey shouldn't give up."

Jay nodded, curtly and sighed. "I know, Will. We have an appointment in a couple of days." He smiled wistfully, before he added, "I've been focusing on that because it will give us something. Some way of having a baby. I told Hailey we'd figure it out. I had to tell her the information, when it killed me inside. I'm supposed to be the strong one and then when you and Nat- I'm sorry, Will."

Leaving his seat in a second, Will walked over to his brother and knelt in front of him. "Jay, don't you dare say you're sorry about this. You're my brother and I'll support you and Hailey through this." He paused, then asked, "I'm assuming you haven't told anyone else?"

"I told Avery and she told Gail and Danny. Hailey told Kim, Vanessa and Julie last night. She was very drunk." He added, with a loving smile. "She hasn't told her mum, just like I couldn't bring myself to tell you."

Will pulled Jay into a hug and told him, "I'm here now and I'll support you and Hailey through this. You're not alone and you guy'll be great parents."

By the time Will left the house and Jay returned to his bedroom, Hailey was fast asleep, under the covers of their bed, with her wedding ring and engagement ring on her finger. Jay removed his ring from his dog tags and put it on his finger, before he changed and then made his way into their bed, without waking Hailey. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her blonde curls before he whispered, "I love you, Hailes. And we'll figure this out. I promise." The evening that they had had in mind this morning, of being together for the first time since they had had their fertility tests, had gone because of Will and Natalie's news, but there was no rush. There would always be time for them to be together.

The next morning, both Hailey and Jay were awake before 5, feeling ready and anxious for their meeting with Dr. Lawrence and Jay left their bed to make coffee and breakfast whilst Hailey had a shower. Hailey changed into a pair of blue jeans and a blue jumper, putting her hair up in a high ponytail and Jay into a pair of black jeans with a green shirt. "Jay, mmmm, these waffles are amazing." Hailey told him, with a smile, before she asked, "How did it go with Will last night?"

Jay passed Hailey a cup of coffee before he replied, "It was OK. It was really hard. Last night just- it really hit me. The reality of it, you know?"

Hailey smiled and said, "I've always got your back, remember? I can't count the number of times you've held me crying since we were told, so it was my turn." She paused, before she added, "I can't believe it's only been a week. It feels like the longest week ever."

Nodding slowly, Jay agreed, "Yeah, it has." He put his coffee down and wrapped his arms around Hailey before he whispered into her ear, "We'll hear what the Dr. Lawrence has to say. We'll figure it out, Hailey."

"I actually feel like I'm ready for this conversation, I feel stronger now." Hailey admitted, in a husted tone, before she turned and caught her husband's lips in hers. She rested her head against Jay's. "I'm still so sorry for what I said when I was drunk."

"Hailey, these results- this pain- has done a number of both of us. It's total crap and it hurts, so much. But we're in this together."

With a small smile on her face, Hailey nodded, "Right you are, Halstead. I know I wouldn't have survived this without you."

They arrived at the hospital early, so they spent about an hour in the waiting room. Jay hated hospitals and today was no different, but he was doing his best not to let his anxiety show. Hailey knew her husband better than anyone, so she laid a calming hand on his shoulder and smiled softly. The last they had been here they had done their fertility results, convinced that everything would be fine. It had been the exact opposite.

After what felt like an eternity, Hailey and Jay were called into Dr. Lawrence's office, but she was finishing some work in another room, so she would be with them as soon as she could be. The room had 2 blue chairs in front of the desk, so Hailey sat down and held her hands in her lap. It really had been such a long week. Jay remained standing, with his hands on his hips, looking around the room, wanting to know what they were going to be faced with this time. Last time he had been totally unprepared for that awful news, but not this time. Both Hailey and Jay had done research into this. Jay had done it first and Hailey had done it also, not wanting the burden of the research to lie with her husband and she knew that Jay had done it as a way to be focused, to have something rather than the negative news to focus on. With the idea of knowing that they could have a baby, even if it wasn't the way they had imagined.

It was only with the sound of the door opening that Jay sat down and he and Hailey shared a small smile of love and reassurance before Dr. Lawrence walked into the room and she smiled, before she began, "I'm very sorry that there weren't better results from your tests last week, but I wanted you to know that there are other options. Your chances of conceiving naturally are very low, considering both of your conditions, but this appointment is to go through other options for having a baby and, luckily for the two of you, that is something which this hospital specialises in. There are many other ways, when there are barriers to natural conception and pregnancy. Hailey, are we OK to keep going?"

With a small smile, Hailey nodded, "Yes, of course, Dr. Lawrence."

"Well, given your situation, the options with the most likelihood of success are: Surrogacy, insemination with sperm doner, or an egg doner, depending on if we examine your ovaries, Hailey. Or, if neither of those are right for you, you could always adopt." Jay and Hailey exchanged a glance and nodded; even though they had both done their research, they had not discussed these options together, wanting to wait until Dr. Lawrence affirmed what they had found on the internet. "It's very important that the two of you discuss this, so that you can work out what is best for the two of you. Do either of you have any questions?" Jay shook his head and so did Hailey. Dr. Lawrence continued as she stood up, "Ok, then, take your time to discuss it and please call me if you have any questions or when you've made your decision."

Hailey and Jay stood up, too, and Jay shook her hand, saying, "Thank you, Dr. Lawrence."

Hailey shook her hand next, thanking her too, before she and Jay left the hospital, walking out to the street in silence. They walked in silence together, lost in their own thoughts, before Hailey finally asked, "Jay, what are you thinking? Where's your head right now?"

Jay shook his head and shrugged. "To be honest, Hailes, I'm not sure. I'm going over the options in my head right now. What about you?"

Nodding her head, Hailey's curls fell into her face. She hummed and nodded, "Yes, me too. Insemination with sperm doner, surrogacy, adoption. Even though we both researched it, it's a lot of process." They stopped walking and she rested his head against Jay's chest and Jay wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close before she turned to face him.

Just like the night at Kim and Adam's wedding, blue eyes meet green and Jay looked into Hailey's eyes and told her, gently, "We have our options on the table. It's all there. And we have each other. We're not giving up, Hailey Halstead. We're not letting go."

With a smile, Hailey tilted her head and replied, "You bet we're not, Jay Halstead. Not now, or ever."