Chapter 73: Nothing to lose.

Jay/Hailey. Set after series 7. At Kim and Adam's wedding, Jay and Hailey finally confessed their feelings and spent the night together and now they are back in Chicago and hiding their relationship from their friends.

I do not own Chicago PD or any of the characters.

Here is the next chapter. I am not a medical expert, the information is being used for the story. I appreciate all of your reviews and I hope that you are still enjoying this story. Another trying chapter for Jay and Hailey, but happier times are ahead. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter or where the story might be going. I do have some happier. lighter chapters in a couple of chapters' time :)

In the car on the way home, as Hailey drove, Jay went over the packs of information that Dr. Lawrence had given to them at the hospital. Surrogacy, insemination with a sperm donor and/or a doner egg or adoption. Three very different ways of having a baby. Three very different options. Hailey couldn't see the information in print like her husband could, but she was thinking about all of them. None of them were as she had ever imagined having their baby, but it was what they had and it was their new reality. Their baby. Their baby had only ever existed in their dreams and prayers. These were only some options for having a baby. Even after they picked one, it was no guarantee that they would have a baby. A baby. Their baby.

Surrogacy. Insemination with a sperm or egg doner. Adoption.

Their shift started in an hour, so Jay and Hailey read through the pieces of information together before they had to leave for work. Hailey chose the pages on insemination with a sperm doner. Hailey hummed quietly as she looked through the information. "The idea is it bypasses the hostile mucus," she repeated, reading the information, "they directly put the sperm inside, which bypasses my hostile mucus. Why can't they just use your sperm if it's going to be inseminated, why the suggestion of someone else's?"

Shaking his head slowly, Jay just replied, "I don't know, Hailes."

Running her hands through her long, blonde curls, Hailey asked, "What's to say that my body wouldn't reject the eggs or the sperm after it's inseminated? Then we're right back where we started." Hailey voiced, outload. "And it could be my egg, but that might not work, so it would be someone else's. Not my egg and not your sperm- we may as well adopt, if that's the case."

A small smile danced across Jay's lips with Hailey's words because it was all so ironic and so painful. With a sigh, Jay told her gently, "Hailes, we don't have to rush this. Let's put it away and go to work, ok?"

"But you're the one who said you wanted to know all of this, so that we know what our options are, we can work out which one to do and go from there." Hailey insisted, looking at her husband, finally looking away from the information. "We need to look at all of this, so that we can decide what is best for us, so we know what we're doing."

Without thinking, Jay snapped, "Hailey, you went straight to insemination with a sperm doner. You've already made your decision!" He stood up, putting his hands on his hips. "We're supposed to be looking at this crap together."

"This crap?" Hailey repeated, with her voice dangerously slow. She stood up, too, with the information pack clutched in her hands. "This crap, as you say, is how we're going to have a baby. I don't want to be looking at any of this any more than you do, but we have to, because of my cervix and your sperm and that is the reality of our situation here, Jay. The fact that it's the two of us makes it so much harder!"

Letting out a scoff, Jay asked, "You think I don't know that? If I could go back in time and not go to Afghanistan just so I could get you pregnant, Hailey, I would! I'd do it in a second."

With tears stinging her eyes, Hailey dropped the information and shook her head. "But it wouldn't work anyway, because my uterus won't fertile an egg and what if we- if we go through insemination and we get our hopes up and my body fails again? What do we do then? What do I do then?"

Jay shook his head and told her, in a slightly rough voice, "Hailey, your body didn't fail. Or, if it did, it didn't fail any more than mine did." His eyes went to the clock on the wall and he sighed, "We've gotta go. Can we talk about this later?"

In a quiet voice, Hailey just nodded and wiped away her tears. "Yes, we can and, next time, we'll do it without arguing."

"I'm sorry, Hailey."

"I'm sorry, too, Jay." Their eyes met and they shared a hug and Hailey rested her head against Jay's chest, fighting against the tears that were threatening to fall. "I love you so much, Jay. I can't lose you."

In barley a whisper, Jay broke their hug and looked into her eyes, "Hailey, you won't. I promise. We'll figure this out." As always, they took off their wedding rings and put them around their necks.

At the 21st District, Jay was having a meeting with another Sergeant and Hailey and Adam were interviewing a witness and Hailey noticed that Adam kept answering his phone more than usual. Once they were in the car, she asked, "Ruze, is everything OK?"

"Yeah. I'm just talking to Kim."

"Is she OK? Are Maria and A.J alright?" Hailey asked, genuinely concerned for her friend and their children.

Adam nodded, but sighed and shook his head. "Yeah, they're great. Kim's great-it's just-" he broke off and rolled his shoulders, "You can't tell anyone, Hailey." Hailey nodded and gave him a reassuring smile, before he continued, "Kim's pregnant again. I guess we haven't been careful enough since A.J and-yeah- we're having another baby. Baby Ruzek-Burgess, number 3! Can you believe it?" Adam looked at Hailey, then sighed. "Kim's really happy and I am, too, but 3 kids? It was happy with 2. A boy and a girl, you know? I can't imagine 3."

With a raised eyebrow and a low chuckle, Hailey joked, "Well, you and Kim are a very fertile couple!"

Adam looked at her confused, before he shrugged and smiled, "Yeah, we are. And they've all be accidents, too. That's why I said that you and Jay should have alcohol when you're having sex. I can promise you, it'll conceive a baby." He paused, then asked, "I know you told me not to ask and so did Jay, but not politely- Are you guys still trying? You were off a couple of days last week. We still don't know why. And Will and Natalie are going to have a baby."

"Ruze, Jay and I are fine and, no offense, but I don't think that alcohol will help us and that's the last thing I'll say on the subject. Is that understood?" Hailey fixed her ex-boyfriend with stern, blue eyes and Adam nodded.

"Copy that. And, trust me, I won't ask Jay this time."

After shift, Hailey and Kim went to have some dinner, Adam went out with Kevin and Vanessa and Julie went to the gym. Jay went for a run and ended up at the Memorial for soldiers. Hailey and Jay had agreed that, after this morning, they both needed some space and time apart, to process all of the information.

When Hailey and Kim were having dinner, Kim was surprised to see a text from her husband, telling her that he had told Hailey that she was pregnant. Kim had told her husband not to tell Hailey and she rolled her eyes and locked her phone. Taking a bite of her food, Hailey asked, "Is everything OK?"

Kim sighed and shook her head. "I told Adam not to tell you. I told him! Will and Natalie are having a baby and now me- it's not what you and Jay needed right now."

With a soft smile, Hailey assured Kim, "Kim, you don't need to worry about that. I'm so happy for you and Adam, you really deserve to be happy and to have healthy children, after what you went through."

Smiling, Kim replied, "Thanks, Hailey." She paused, before she added, "I know I've said this before, but you can talk to me. I know what you and Jay are going through must be so hard."

"I want to see all of your children, Kim, and be as close to the new baby as am I am Maria and A.J." Hailey told her friend with a smile. She bit her lip and shrugged, before she continued, "Jay and I had a meeting with the fertility doctor earlier today, about our… options for having a baby. It felt good and we were ready for it and then I was reading all of it and- if we go through all of the work of an insemination, what if my body rejects it? That would be sperm and egg donation wasted. All of it would be for nothing, just like Jay and I trying for over a year. Nothing." Tears pricked at the edges of Hailey's eyes and she closed her eyes and wiped them away, quickly, but, of course, Kim had seen them. Kim didn't miss anything and neither did Jay.

Carefully, Kim asked, "What are the other options?"

"Surrogacy or adoption."

Kim finished her bite and had a drink, before she asked, very carefully, "Have you talked to Jay about it? What does he think? I'm sure all of this must be hard for him, too. I saw how he was when Will told us all that Natalie was pregnant. It must have hurt, a lot, for both of you."

Hailey sighed and released a dark, humourless chuckle for a couple of seconds as she thought about how to answer that question. It had only been this morning. Both she and Jay were finding this whole situation upsetting and stressful. She shook her head. "Jay was upset because I went straight to the page about insemination with a sperm doner. He said that it was something that we were supposed to be doing together. I-I guess I feel as if, if we use sperm donation and insemination, even if it's with a doner eggs and its works, I won't feel as if my body's such a failure. I think that's why I went to that page, because, if it worked, I would be able to carry… the baby. But I didn't think about how that would make Jay feel; if I were pregnant with a baby who, biologically, wasn't his."

After a couple of minutes of silence, Kim asked, "Do you think Jay would feel better if you asked Will to be the sperm doner? At least, that way, the baby would be biologically related to him."

Shrugging softly, Hailey replied, "Maybe, but I think I need to tell him why it's so important to me first." The idea of carrying the baby. She gave Kim a small smile, before she said, "I'll see you tomorrow, Kim, and, congratulations."

When Hailey retuned home, she had a shower, then sat on the sofa, watching TV. She knew that Jay was having dinner with Avery and she was glad. On Facebook, Hailey saw Will's latest post. It was a picture of Natalie's latest sonogram, captioned: 'A mini me is on the way. Boy or girl, this baby will be a Halstead.' It wasn't clear that Natalie was pregnant, but Hailey was sure that it would be soon. She had seen Kim pregnant twice and she was going to see their friend pregnant for a third time. If only it had only been Hailey's cervical mucus or Jay's sperm mobility. That would have been so much easier for them to have children, if it hadn't been both of them; one of them would have been easier to deal with. To fix. Abstractly, Hailey picked up the pack of information. Her eyes fell again to insemination with a sperm doner. She could get pregnant that way, but the baby wouldn't be Jay's.

Hailey was pulled out of her thoughts by the sound of the front door opening and closing and she turned to see Jay walking into the sitting room, with his jacket still on. With a sigh, he sat down next to her and offered one of his arms against the sofa, where Hailey rested one of her arms and she turned around on the sofa to face him, pulling her legs up to sit underneath her bottom. She stroked Jay's arm and gave him a soft smile. Jay cleared his throat and shook his head. "Hailey, I'm sorry for this morning. I shouldn't have snapped like that."

Shaking her head, Hailey replied, "No, Jay, you were right; I went to that page for a reason, a very specific reason." Jay frowned and raised his eyebrows, in an open way, so she continued, "I felt as if, if I could get pregnant by insemination with a sperm doner, or a doner egg, even, that I would feel like less of a failure. As if my body didn't fail, because it would mean that I would actually be pregnant and that's why I focused on that page, Jay. I wanted to find the best solution for us, the best way for us to have a baby and I'm sorry for saying the fact that it's the two of us makes it harder. It would be so much easier if it were- just me, or just you. It would be easier to fix, to solve, for us to have a baby."

"You said you didn't want to get your hopes up."

"That's also true, but I just- I felt like the best thing to do, but I'm still so scared about what happens if it fails, if my body rejects it. What do we do, then? How would I deal with that and with your disappointment?" Her curls fell into her face as tears appeared in her eyes.

Gently, Jay wiped away her tears and moved her blonde curls so that he could see her blue eyes. "Hailes, I get it now. Why you focused on that one. It's the most logical one." He swallowed the lump in his throat and told her, "Hailey, if you want to try insemination with a sperm doner, we can try it. I'm willing to give anything a try if it means we could get our baby. Hell, I could even ask Will if he could donate his sperm."

Our baby. Hailey closed her eyes for a couple of seconds and Jay squeezed her hand. In a quick motion, Hailey dropped the information and stood up, running her hands through her curls and Jay stood too, patient and steady, as ever, but his anxiety was clear. Hailey opened her eyes and her eyes met with Jay's green ones and she knew her husband just as well as he knew her. In a firm, but gentle voice, Hailey shook her head, "No, Jay, I don't want that, I don't want to try insemination with another sperm doner or a doner egg. I don't want to carry a baby who isn't ours."

Jay tried not to look too happy when he heard those words, so he bit he lip and asked, "What? Are you sure?"

With a small smile, Hailey walked closer to Jay and replied, "Yes, I'm sure. Jay, if I can't get pregnant by you, have our baby, I don't want to get pregnant from anyone else."

Relief flooded Jay's eyes and face and he pulled Hailey into a hug, before he chuckled. "I'm so glad you said that, Hailes. I hated the idea!"

In a moment of joy, Hailey fake punched her husband and they laughed together for a couple of minutes, just looking at each other, before their eyes met and their laughter died and Jay didn't want to be the one to break it. Putting her curls behind her ears, Hailey sat back down and Jay settled himself on the floor in front of her, with his hands along her legs. "So, it's adoption or surrogacy. Which should we try?"

"How about we have a look?" Jay suggested and picked up the information. In a manner of seconds, both of their eyes landed on gestational surrogacy. It would mean that the egg were Hailey's and the sperm was Jay's. In a gentle voice, Jay asked, "So, are we going to try surrogacy?"

With a smile on her face, Hailey looked up from the information and put her arms around Jay's neck and nodded as she replied, "Yes, we are, Jay Halstead. That is how we're going to try to have a baby. My eggs will be fertilised with your sperm, in a lab, and then they'll place them into a surrogate. It could work."

Jay's lips found Hailey's as they kissed before he smiled and looked into her eyes. "Yeah, it could work, Hailey Halstead. We can try it. We've got nothing to lose." He paused, before he added, "I told we'd figure it out."

With a smirk, Hailey responded, "Well, you are always right, aren't you?" They both chuckled, before Jay moved back to the sofa and Hailey fell into her arms, where they remained for the rest of the night, just holding each other. They would never have their baby naturally, but now, at least, they had a plan. More importantly, they had each other and they would never let go of that.