Chapter 9: The Coffee King and the Environmentalist

They entered the diner still laughing and found Lorelai already seated and deep in heated discussion with Luke.

As they joined her at the table Rory leaned over slightly and whispered in Logan's ear, her breathing tickling the sensitive flesh. "That's Luke, he is the owner of the diner and coincidentally also my mom's boyfriend. This should be entertaining so sit back and enjoy the show."

"Yeah" Lorelai cheered "Coffee!"

Rory let out a little cheer of her own "Not just any coffee but LUKE'S coffee...I think I have been going into withdrawals. You would think that with all the combined brainpower at Yale they could figure out how to make a decent cup of coffee but apparently that is too much to ask."

Luke rolled his eyes and grunted, "You do know that it is 10 o'clock at night and that coffee is supposed to keep people awake right?"

Lorelai just waved him away "You do know whom you are talking to right? I long ago down-regulated all of my caffeine receptors to the point where coffee for me is practically like taking Valium. I can only sleep like a baby if I have at least 7 cups, any less than that and I am total insomniac." she paused as if a thought had just occurred to her and then gave Luke a dirty smile "of course, insomnia could come in handy for you."

Luke flushed a little at the innuendo but it didn't stop him from tossing back a retort..."I'm definitely limiting you to only on cup, for your own good naturally."

"Naturally." Lorelai returned with a sexy wink.

"Ew mom, what have I said about sex talk in the diner...I have an impressionable young mind you know, just think of the nightmares." Rory shuddered.

"Too late for that, I think the damage is already done, talk to your therapist. You know," Lorelai continued in a solemn voice "Luke claims that it is the addition of nutmeg that makes his coffee so good but I have my doubts. My new pet theory is that there are little coffee fairies that live in the diner and who come out and sprinkle magic fairy dust on every pot of the black gold. I mean really, have you ever actually seen Luke making a pot of coffee? Oh sure, he pours it but does he really make it?"

Rory seemed to be seriously contemplating this hypothesis. Logan was pretty sure that he was in some sort of game show where they were going to jump out at any second and tell him he was on Candid Camera.

"You two have a seriously scary addiction to caffeine if this is how worked up you get just talking about the stuff."

Rory turned to look at him and said with an impish smile that he had not seen before "We talk our coffee VERY seriously.... its part of the Gilmore book of rules."

Lorelai cast her an admonishing glance "Now Mini Me what have I told you about divulging the secrets of the Gilmore girl book of rules to you. I would certainly hate to have to kill this nice young man just because you divulged the ubersecret number one rule in a moment of caffeine deprived babbling."

Lorelai saw Luke crook his head towards the counter and she quickly excused herself "I think my Coffee King beckons, I'll be back."

Sidling up to the counter she sat on a stool "What's up cowboy?"

Luke leaned in and said in a stage whisper "Who's the guy?"

Lorelai looked back at the table and saw Rory and Logan chatting animatedly "The guy is some hotshot who goes to Yale with her, he was sort of the hero of tonight's epic battle with the evil Gilmore clan so we are allowing him a reprieve from the normal inquisition for the night. They are just friends."

"Uh Huh." Luke looked skeptical as he observed the pair at the table.

"Just leave it alone for the night Luke, she needs a breather after the night she has had.... I'll tell you all the details later but suffice it to say that if Logan hadn't come along we might have had to chop through the barbarian hordes to escape. Besides, nothing is going to happen with me there to chaperone, I am very hard to ignore." She patted his hand in reassurance and slid off the stool.

Luke approached the table a moment later with 3 cups. "So, what can I get you."? Logan noticed he gave him a particularly unfriendly glare but his attention soon snapped back to Lorelai.

"You know the drill coffee...lots of coffee and keep it coming, in fact you might as well just haul those coffee fairies right out here to our table and make then put in a little overtime."

His eyes rolled in exasperation but Logan noted he didn't even bother to comment...clearly this was an old game they played.

Lorelai continued as if she hadn't notice the eye roll. "And we will each have a cheeseburger, fries and a slice of pie.... and don't bother putting any of that scary green stuff on the burgers.... it just screws up the flavor and contaminates the whole thing."

Another eye roll, this one with a retort "I am going to go out on a limb here and translate "scary green stuff" as a reference to the lettuce and tomato that is the only half way redeeming part of the heart attack burgers that you have just ordered."

"Well Luke, I'm glad that you mentioned it. I've put a lot of thought into this and you see the way I figure it we are actually doing a good deed for the environment because if you do give us burgers with all that "scary green stuff " on them then I just have to pick off the offending things which means they go to waste and half the time I also have to send back the burger because that icky slimy stuff from the tomatoes infects the cheese and there is just no getting rid of the taste of lettuce. Blech!" Lorelai made a comically disgusted face at this. "So you see I am really being the conscientious, responsible inhabitant of the Planet Earth. Perhaps I should go and volunteer for Greenpeace, I'm sure they would applaud my cheeseburger sans lettuce plan for saving the world."

"Are you finished?"

"Only if you are bringing me coffee."

"Anything, if it will shut you up."

Rory piped in for the first time after watching this exchange with laughter dancing in her eyes. "Oh, Logan, do you want something different?"

"Nah, that sounds fine." He looked at Luke "only I will live on the wild side and have lettuce and tomato. What can I say, I'm irresponsible."

Luke just grunted but Logan caught a little smirk a he headed for the kitchen.

They were half way through their burgers and on approximately their fifth cup of coffee...each and Logan was watching the conversation like a tennis match, back and forth. He had seen a lot of things in his short lifetime but he wasn't sure he had ever encountered any odd couple as entertaining as Rory and her mother when they were on a roll.

The quiet, contained Rory he knew had vanished entirely and was replaced by a sarcastic, fast talking, wickedly sardonic girl that was currently buzzing like a hummingbird on 5 cups of coffee and seemed to have eaten more than twice her body weight in about ten minutes flat. Most the girls that he dated were so obsessed with their weight and fitting into their perfect sexy outfits that he was surprised if they even finished a whole salad much less the amount of food that was currently piled on the table in front of them.

Lorelai finally set down the burger and looked across the table "Now then, I think we have wasted enough with idle chit chat, let's cut to the chase. I want to hear the sordid details of this deal with the devil. No offense Logan."

Logan just shrugged and gave her a toothy grin "Hey, if the shoe fits."

"You don't happen to have a motorcycle do you?" he didn't know where this subplot was going but he opened his mouth to answer then was cut off by Rory.

"Don't answer that." she gave Lorela a stern look "What did I say about personal details mom?"

Lorelai pouted like a kid who had just been found with her hand stuck in the cookie jar, to add to the childish display she stuck out her tongue "You're no fun...so far, I like the devil better. On with the story, I want particulars. Oh, and we should really include Luke too if this is going to involve any acting on our part because you never know what lengths Emily will go to in order to root out the facts, so he has to know the party line."

Rory looked at Luke and hesitated "Okay, if you think we should. He's not going to like it though."

Lorelai just grimaced "Unless Logan here is a Prince waiting to be King he already failed Luke's test so I say we just jump in with both feet."

Rory and Logan looked at each other and then nodded in agreement.

Lorelai waved Luke over and pulled out a chair for him to sit in. "Okay Luke, you and I are about to hear about this little plot that these kids have concocted, now you have to promise that you will listen and not blow a gasket. Sometimes crazy sounding schemes are necessary in the heat of battle so just hear them out."

Luke made an exasperated face at Lorelai but then nodded to Rory. "Okay, I think I am ready."

Rory took a breath, where to start? "When I got trapped tonight at the matchmaking party Logan offered me a solution to get me out of the situation without creating World War III and I took it. We told grandma and grandpa that we are dating, we didn't mention a specific time frame but I implied that it had only been a few weeks. In case she asks for specifics I think we should say that we met on an outing I went on to research a story, so that would make it about 2 weeks ago. My half of the bargain was that in return for this favor tonight Logan can use me, if an occasion arises, as a stand in date for a similar family type function.... oh and I get a new dress in return." Rory decided to leave out the second part of the bargain, the extra secret event .... no need to clutter the situation with as yet undetermined details.

"Ooh a take a home prize!' Lorelai clapped her hands gleefully. "Well, given the extenuating circumstances I think that sounds like a reasonable plan. What about you Luke?"

Luke didn't look happy about what he had heard and they all waited with baited breath for his answer. Finally he sighed "I don't agree with this kind of dishonesty, but given my recent run in with your grandparent's I am beginning to see the necessity in select situations ...okay, I will go along with it if it comes up."

Rory nodded in relief "Now both of you just have to promise me that you won't tell Dean."

She was about to say something more when suddenly the bell at the door rang and Lorelai, who was facing the door looked at her with eyes wide with alarm. It was one of those looks that said that whoever you were just talking about is now standing directly behind you and heard everything.

Rory's stomach dropped to her knees and she felt the blood drain from her face as she slowly turned in her chair.

"Dean, hi."