Sex, Tangerines and Chocolate

Okay, so the prologue was pretty serious, but the rest of the story will be fun and mostly light-hearted.

Disclaimer: Yah ok...I do not own One piece , and no matter how many times I tell myself otherwise, I never will.(If I did own One piece I'd get Sanji-kun to cook for me.)

Chapter One: Cleaning Out My Closet.

"Ne?...Sanji-kun?"

He was startled out of his trance by a sweet voice.

"H-hai Nami-swan?", he cooed, oblivious to the lazy look she gave him.

"Oh, nothing , It's just that I wanted to thank you for helping me clean my room", she turned smiling at him.

He blushed looking at her. Her beautiful smiles. He would give his life to see her smile so genuinely at him. He always cherished the moments when she was happy like this. Her happy smiles, only hers to give, when she wanted to.

"Oh, of course! The love-struck cook began, "anything for my Nami-swan!"

She ignored the last comment, like she always did, and returned to sorting the navigational charts, and assorted instruments, and pens on her small, wooden desk. He smiled to himself as he worked beside her, just happy to be in the same room as her. He thought to himself. For a girl, Nami was incredibly messy. Her room was always a jungle of parchment, pens, spilled inks, and different cups and plates he had brought down for her while she was working. He had always thought women to be tidy, and efficient. She however, seemed to thrive in the mess, knowing were everything was. He had watched her one-day while bringing her a snack. Her brow furrowed in silent concentration, little pink tongue sticking out. She was so cute. He was awakened from his fantasy, when his hand bumped against something metallic, and smooth. He dragged it out. It was a purple metal box, with italic letters written on the top. "Nami" it said. He felt her presence behind him. And slightly jumped at the delighted squeal that escaped her lips.

"Oh wow, you found it, you found it!", she cried happily.

He looked curiously at her, and then the box. He moved down to a sitting position as she knelt beside him. He held the box up to eye level, studying it.

"F-found what?", he stammered.

She squealed again, snatching the box out of his grasp, hugging it tightly to her, squishing it to her face.

"Why my stash of course!", the metal rubbed against her cheek.

"N-nami-swan?", came his voice in a worried tone, "d-don't tell me that that's a stash of drugs!"

She turned sharply, obviously shocked.

"W-whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!"

"Oh no, my poor Nami-swan, what are you on? Shrooms, weed, speed? Oh the horror! Those awful things intoxicating my poor Nami-swan's little body! D-don't worry we'll get you help! Yes the best help available! A-and we-", he was cut short by a smack to the head.

"Sanji-kun?" She cooed.

"Y-yes my dove?"

She smacked him again. Hard "This isn't drugs you lunatic!" She started glaring at him.

"These," the box was put on the floor gently, her slender fingers, wrapping around the lid.

"These are chocolates! The finest German chocolates money could buy! I really wouldn't be able to get through a day without one of these babies!"

He looked at her curiously.

"Ne, Sanji-kun? Don't you know?" His look was pitiful, utterly clueless.

She suddenly advanced, closing the gap between them. Her hands reached his shoulders as she whispered into his ear seductively.

"Do you get sexual desires Sanji-kun? Ne?"

He gulped. Was she trying to seduce him! If so, it was working!

She moaned into his ear "Because I do."

His shallow breathing turned into panting .

Her fingers ran through his hair "And do you want to know how I deal with those...urges?"

His hand made its way to the top of her thigh, to find it was no longer there, his eyes flashed open, only to be greeted by a chuckling Nami.

"N-nami-swan?", he whimpered, his hands instinctively pulling down on his black jacket to hide his obvious arousal.

"You're hilarious Sanji-kun!" She laughed, tears streaming down her face from the sheer effort.

"Anyway " She began wiping the happy tears from her eyes, "we have to be professional on this ship! We can't just be having one-night stands in whatever village or port we visit! Right?"

"Right" He said, lying.

"Exactly! So I've trained myself, they say chocolate is the next best thing to sex! Ne Sanji-kun?"

He was shocked. The sheer idea of Nami, his Nami-swan, not being a virgin was, well shocking. He looked at the floor, head and shoulders dropping. To tell the truth, he was ashamed. Sure he boasted about being able to please a woman. But to tell the truth, all of his sexual encounters had been purely out of impulse, one night stands, meaningless. He had only had sex, he had never made love. And for that he was ashamed.

"I-I wouldn't know...Nami-swan" It was better if she didn't know.

"Sanji-kun, y-you mean?" He nodded.

"Well " She started , a new found respect forming for her love-cook, "I guess you need these more than me." She handed the small tin box to him. She stood smiling at him, offering her hand. He took it, standing.

Of course, he thought to himself, it was completely logical that Nami wasn't a virgin. She was a beautiful, independent woman able to make her own decisions, including sexual ones. She wasn't a little girl, she wasn't pure. He liked that, she wasn't pure, just like him. She was dirty, a dirty girl, he smiled to himself.

"Oiiiiiiiiiiiiii!", a loud shout interrupted their "moment".

They both turned looking up the wooden steps that led down to the woman's quarters, to see a half-awake, half-asleep Zoro peering suspiciously at the pair.

"What do you want? Huh?" Nami replied sharply.

"Geeez woman, I was only trying to save you from that stupid love-cook raping you, but you know soooooorrrry for caring!", he said in his monotone voice sarcastically.

"Go away you jack-ass!"

"yawn, No!"

"Look, just leave me alone!"

"Why should I?"

"Go back to hibernating, you ugly bear!"

"Nah, this is more fun."

"You know you just insulted yourself, you idiot!"

"I know you are, but what am I?"

"Huh?"

"Losers say what?"

"What?"

"Hee, hee."

"Gah, I can't believe you!"

Sanji walked past his bickering crewmates carefully. He had learned from experience, that you didn't want to be anywhere near those two when they started to fight, you'd get your head ripped off for just trying to interfere. He however would rather take his frustrations out on his mixing bowl in his kitchen, or Luffy, whatever he met first, either one would do just fine. He turned to stare at the love of his life, and the sleeping idiot that was supposedly the rival of his life. They had resorted to pinching and hitting now, like three-year olds. He turned on his heal in the direction of the kitchen.

"Jeez", he mumbled, "what was eating those two?"

AN: WHEW! The first chapter is finally finished! Whee! Blah. Here is a little chart for you people to refer to:

Suffix index:

-kun: added usually on the end of a boy's name, sometimes younger or just really close. May be used on girls name as well.

-chan: added usually on the end of a girl's name, for considerably younger ages or between lovers, childhood friends. Also used on little boys.

-san: respectful suffix, meaning Mr. and Ms. and Mrs.

-blank: usually when being really close to one person or very disrespectful.

-swan: original to One Piece, Sanji slurs -san and it became -swan. Used only on Nami's name by Sanji. (For all those poor souls who don't watch One Piece... Poor, poor souls... may the power of Christ compel you. Evil spirit, be gone from by my holy water! Oh no, I'm rambling again...)

Bushido-san: Nami and Robin's nickname for Zoro.

Baka: stupid/idiot

Dame: No... it's just NO okay!

Ano, Ano na: Anoum, used by girls (and Sanji), Ano naum, used by guys. (Zoro uses this a lot...)

Mikan: tangerine, Sanji refers Nami as this sometimes.