Ch 17: Ruminations on Darwin
Rory Gilmore didn't like to think of herself as prudish or a goody -goody, she liked to think that she was just as wild and crazy as the next 20-year-old coed. She knew that was the fatal flaw that had allowed Logan to so easily get under her skin.
He represented the forbidden, that dangerous world of wealth, privilege and a sort of devil may care attitude that said that the rules just didn't apply to you. It was a world that she had always looked in on from the outside. Perhaps because her mom had made such a spectacularly scandalous break from its confines she had felt duty bound to be the good kid, the one who followed all the rules and colored inside the lines. Maybe she just didn't have her mom's courageous spirit. She had always wondered in her heart if she would have had the guts to do what her mom had done to escape an unhappy prison. That was probably why she was sitting on this plane right now headed to god knew where, feeling sort of like Neil Armstrong about to set foot on the moon. She had crossed into a strange new land and the rules of her nice little life back in Stars Hollow or even the regimented world at Yale didn't apply here.
As she read the list for the Life and Death Brigade Scavenger Hunt her palms began to sweat and she could feel the blood draining from her face. She cursed her own susceptibility to the lure of adventure. What was wrong with being a good girl anyway? It had always worked for her in the past, why reinvent the wheel now?
She raised her head to look at Logan with the panic rising in her throat. Her voice came out shakier than she had hoped. It was his self-satisfied smirk and the challenging light in his eyes when he answered with a taunting lilt to his voice that had her hackles rising. He had expected her reaction, in fact he relished it and that just irritated her. She might be a naive small town girl but she knew a set up when she saw one. She didn't like being a foregone conclusion.
Gathering her scattered wits she borrowed a little from Emily's condescending stare and a little from her mother's meet what the world throws at you head on attitude as she straightened her shoulders and met his eyes dead on. She was a Gilmore; it would take a lot more than a little challenge to beat her.
"You know that whole "its one less minute that you haven't lived" stuff doesn't really sound as inspirational when its one less minute you don't live in jail. "
Logan gave her a admiring look tinged with surprise at her quick recovery, she had more grit than he had given her credit for. " Don't worry Ace, we'll go easy on you since it's your first time dabbling in a life of crime."
She gave him a hard look "Don't do me any favors Huntzberger. As you so proficiently pointed out on our last outing If I'm going to earn my mettle as a journalist I have to prove I'm up to the challenge, get in the trenches so to speak and get my hands dirty. Besides frankly I'm not sure that I want to owe you any more favors. Don't worry about me, we Gilmore's are made of tough stuff, it takes a lot to break us."
"How very Katie Couric of you."
She looked thoughtful "I like to think its more Christine Amanpour, you know exploring foreign cultures, bringing the unknown world back to the living rooms of normal people. "
"So we are a foreign civilization now?" he asked teasing.
She shrugged, still with that contemplative look "Well aren't you? I mean you have your own laws and your own version of the social contract, there is a hierarchy despite what Tinker bell says only its determined by how close to the Mayflower your ancestors got, what your father owns...and maybe by how far out on that limb of social mischief you are willing to go without flinching. Its like one big game of chicken with you all, a constant need to prove who has the biggest death wish." She trailed off and picked up her little notebook again to scribble down some thought that had just occurred to her.
He watched her amused by her inquisitive mind. He had figured it would require a great deal more alcohol and a few inspirational pep talks to get her to agree to participate in this event but she seemed to have already passed that barrier. He admired her wit and he found himself enjoying her spirit more with every passing minute. He sobered at that thought; this was dangerous territory his mind was wandering in. He had already admitted to himself that she intrigued him, made him want to delve deeper into the riddle she presented. He liked her and enjoyed their little tiffs but he had to be very careful how close he skirted that line that separated fun from pure foolishness.
He noticed that the plane had started to taxi and gladly changed the subject. "Here's your last chance to change your mind Ace," When she just shook her head he continued. " Fasten your seatbelt. It's going to be a bumpy night."
Apparently she caught the double entendre because she cast him an assessing glance as they felt the wheels of the small aircraft lift off the ground. "So, now that there is no safe way for me to escape this ill-conceived venture, are you going to tell me our destination?"
"Details of this little escapade are strictly on a need to know basis, and right now you don't need to know. It will be at least an half an hour though so feel free to take a cat nap if you want to."
"Oh, there is no way I could sleep now, the adrenaline has hit my brain, and it's like a shot of Ritalin. "
"Your prerogative" he said with a shrug.
A few minutes later they were at their cruising elevation and the captain told them that they were free to move around. Rory looked absorbed in her writing so Logan ambled over to the group on the other side of the aisle and quickly fell into conversation with Colin, strategizing the steps necessary to complete their tasks in the next two days.
Rory watched them surreptitiously out of the corner of her eye. She couldn't quite grasp what made Logan tick. When they had first met she had thought that she knew his type but in their encounters he had surprised her. He was cocky, arrogant, self-assured and privileged but he was also smart. Although he played at being the wealthy miscreant she had seen too many little glimpses of his vulnerability to unequivocally believe the facade that he presented to the world. In some ways he reminded her of her mom, they both had a protective coating that withstood most normal scrutiny it was only when you cracked that brittle surface that you saw the human side, the hurt and insecurity and frailty that made them real people. She wondered idly if she would have developed the same defensive shield had she grown up in that world of wealth and appearances. She had discovered from her mom that the glamour was only skin deep in that particular reality.
Recent events in her life had made her contemplate choices and consequences. The experiences with her grandparents had shown her a side of the glittering world of wealth that was deadly, that grabbed the weak by the throat and thought nothing of making them into mincemeat or pawns in some grand scheme. She was ashamed to think that she might be one of the weak. Although she and her mom didn't always agree on everything she had gained a new respect for her mom in the last couple of months. Lorelai had been a scared teenager when she had walked away from the only world she had ever known and set out to make it on her own. She had mistakes like anyone would but she had given Rory the choice, the guidance to be who ever she wanted to be. Lorelai might disagree with the amount of influence that she let her grandparents have in her life but she ultimately allowed her to make her own choices, good and bad. Rory, by choice, had always been the good girl, the A student, the one who just wanted everyone to be happy and get along, the one with the perfect boyfriend and the charming small town life.
Her presence on this plane was proof positive that it was time for a change, after 20 years of life in that role she was beginning to question if that was really who she was or who she wanted to be. Would she look back on her life someday and regret not taking chances, not standing up for what she really wanted. She had already made that mistake with the whole Dean debacle because underneath it all she was still a scared little girl who hated to fail. Growing up with a mom like Lorelai who had made it her life's ambition to be her own person, to never compromise who she was or what she believed in had made it easier in some ways for Rory to be complacent. She had a champion who she knew without a shadow of a doubt would always come to her rescue, unfortunately that left her as a twenty year old woman with no idea how to pick her own battles or fight them for herself.
Maybe Logan was just a catalyst to a greater transformation that was a necessary part of finding herself.
As she watched him laugh and talk to the others she felt a budding curiosity. There was something about him that tugged at her interest. Logan seemed to enjoy his role as King Bee or maybe he just enjoyed life, but she would like to delve beneath that carefree surface to see what really made him tick, she had a suspicion that there was more to him than met the eye.
Although he would never admit it what he was took guts. If she were in his position she wondered if she would be able to cast aside social mores the way this group seemed to or would she always be the good girl? It was a nature or nurture type of argument. Were people like her mom and Logan just naturally that daring, willing to challenge the world on an even playing field or were they made that way by the pressure of an environment that had polished their survival instincts to a diamond hard finish. The more she had seen of the world of wealth and privilege the more she had begun to understand that it was a culture based on the most Darwinian of principles. Though to the outside world these privileged children had the world at their feet in reality they had limited options, play the role that their birth decreed, insulate their spirit and escape to protect their individuality or ultimately be broken by the pressure of expectations. She wondered which Logan had chosen.
Logan appeared to be deep into a conversation with Colin and Finn but he kept half an eye on Rory, curious to see her reaction to the situation. When she suddenly seemed to drift into her own thoughts he saw her blue eyes became unfocused and knew she was staring into some far off land that only she could see. He found himself struggling not to wonder what it was that had put that wistful look on her face. Up until now, aside from the few unintentionally vulnerable moments that they had shared their interactions had been comprised mostly of witty banter and angry confrontations. He didn't really know the real Rory Gilmore that lived and breathed behind that girl next-door face and sharp wit. He didn't know what had made her the woman she was and for once he found himself curious to learn more.
Colin broke his concentration with a question and he quickly snapped back to the conversation on hand. Once the plans were made for the course of action after they landed he found himself wandering back to the seat next to Rory who now looked absorbed in her notebook again.
"So, what's on your mind Ace?" he asked as nonchalantly as he could.
She looked up from her notebook with a surprised look on her face. "Oh, I was just recording some thoughts about the beginning of the evening.... you know journalist stuff...nothing you need to worry about. No names, I promise." She held her hand up like a boy scout.
He grabbed her hand impulsively and brought it back down to her lap. They both shivered a little at the touch but he made light of it. "I trust you to follow the aforementioned conditionts Ace, otherwise you wouldn't be here a second time."
She turned her body towards him now with a serious look on her face. "Why am I here Logan? I mean I know the first time was a big favor but I didn't even ask for this story, you just handed it to me. Not that I am the expert on all things clandestine but it seems kind of unusual for a secret society to grant an outsider access even once, much less twice."
He hedged unwilling to give away his real reason for bringing her along. "You know what they say about looking a gift horse in the mouth, doesn't seem like a good game plan to me."
She was surprised by the defensive tone but she let the topic go for the moment. They heard the pilot instruct everyone to return to their seats. Apparently they were nearing their first destination. She looked out the window and saw the brilliant glitter of city lights. Logan leaned towards her until she could feel the heat radiating onto her back and said with a soft challenge in his voice. "Welcome to the Big Apple Ace, I hope you are ready to take a big bite out of life. "
