Rory saw visions of handcuffs and flashing lights, and not in a good way, as they advanced towards the doors of the club and a rather humongous bouncer who looked a little like Dog the Bounty Hunter.
He was the gatekeeper to the den of iniquity they were about to wheedle their way into.
Finn and Stephanie handed over their ids and Rory followed suit trying to act nonchalant. The effort was a complete failure as her eyes darted nervously and her hands twitched. She was sure that the bouncer could all but read the word LIAR blazoned on her forehead in scarlet. His beady eyes sized her up and clearly found her lacking in...well something that would have made her look worldy and 28 as her "id" read.
"What's your sign Mabel?" he asked in a suspicious voice. Rory looked at her two companions before she realized with a jolt that they were expectantly looking at her...oh, right, SHE was Mabel. Evidently this whole fake identity thing took some practice.
"Uh' she managed on a strangled voice wracking her brains for the birth date that she had glimpsed on the license. May, she recalled vaguely. Now what was the horoscope for May? She took a stab in the dark "Taurus?" She breathed a sigh of relief when he accepted her answer but it didn't seem to have diminished his supsicions one whit. He was about to say something else, something she was sure would involve policeman and background checks when Finn smoothly stepped in, she was awed at the skillful way he conned the bouncer into letting them in, but then the fifty dollar bill he slipped him might have helped a little as well. Apparently even bounty hunter look-a-likes had a price.
She couldn't question the success of his methods as they were allowed entrance to the wailing jungle that lay beyond. She stopped dead in her tracks about five feet into the cavernous warehouse style club. The wave of sound hit her with an almost palpable blast that nearly knocked her over. She heard the ominous thud as the heavy doors shut behind them and felt a little like Indiana Jones trapped in some rapidly shrinking space with rats or snakes or whatever other horror lie in store for the intrepid adventurer. The dance floor was a writhing mass of bodies, human she supposed although it was difficult to tell among the fur, faux leather and zebra stripes a la Animal Kingdom. She spied the objects of their quest across the room, on the four corners of the space hung from the ceilings on heavy metal chains were metal boxes that looked sort of like huge birdcages. The only problem, well , okay not the ONLY problem, but the only one she cared to dwell on at that particular moment, was that they were some fifteen feet off the floor and they seemed to be occupied by gargantuan no doubt steroid laden men in gorilla suits who were casting less than amiable looks at the crowd.
She glanced over at her partners in this misbegotten enterprise and felt her stomach knot as she saw them with their heads close together cackling gleefully as they hatched some diabolical scheme. She wasn't sure what her madcap companions had in mind but she suddenly decided that she needed a little fortifying before she even wanted to hear the gameplan. She had a feeling her butt was going to be on the line with these two nuts, then, like a little voice sounded in her mind and she could almost hear Doyle saying "Ass, Gilmore, you are a reporter now you have to learn to say ass." Damn Doyle, she was going to have to find a way to exocsie him from her head soon, it couldn't be healthy to have him there. That little subliminal push was enough to remind her why she was along on this outing in the first place. She was a reporter.... a great reporter wouldn't shy away at the first sight of a little animal fur, what was the worst that could happen? With a renewed courage she turned back to her cohorts.
"Okay, lets hear the plan." Their simultaneous toothy grins made a little shiver creep up Rory's spine. They pulled her closer and Stephanie began describing the scheme.
"So, all we need now is a diversion...that's where you and I come in reporter girl." Her grin was diabolical " I am a master of diversions. Really, all you have to do is hold the whip." Rory reared back from the little powwow and paled abruptly, maybe she wasn't quite ready for primetime after all. She raised her voice over the noise "I NEED A DRINK!"
She must have looked sufficiently like a cat on a hot tin roof to warrant concern because Stephanie took one look at her and pointed towards the bar. "Go." She screamed, "I'm right behind you."
She wasn't sure how they ever got there through the mass of humanity that stood between them and their destination but soon they met the metal edge of the bar. When the bartender finally made his way towards them the tests started again..."Whats your poison doll face?" She was momentarily sidetracked by the cat ears on his head but quickly regained focus. She wasn't much of a drinker aand didn' t have the first idea what to order...all she knew was it better be strong.
Stephanie jumped in quickly throwing a hundred dollar bill on the bar. "We'll have two sex on the beach and two slippery dicks."
Rory choked over the name and her voice came out a squeak "What?" Stephanie gave her a censuring look and then broke into laughter "Don't worry my puritanical friend they are just names of drinks. That look on your face was priceless though, I think you really suspected that I was trying to sell your soul or at least your body to the highest bidder."
"I'm hurt, if anyone around here gets to sell you ladies into sin it should be me." Finn said with a playful leer from behind them and then lifted his glass; something called a Slippery Nipple, in a mock toast. "Technically this is against the rules, there isn't really supposed to be any drinking until the end of the game but I say that we commemorate this occasion the right way. Woodward here needs a proper introduction to our elite society and besides no one is here to tattle on us. When the cats away, the mice will play."
Rory's countered with a droll glance regaining some of her composure "Ah, but you know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men?"
Finn looked mournful "O' ye of little faith. Fortunately you are out numbered two to one and you are just going to have to trust us."
"I make a point of never trusting anyone who uses the phrase 'just trust us' purely on principle."
Stephanie gave her a pitying look; "Sadly for you principle alone is not going to get Finn into that cage. Time to ask what you can do for your confederacy."
Stephanie did have a point there, Rory had held the shovel and dug this hole all by hersel f when she agreed to this undertaking. Rory looked hesitantly at the shot the bartender set in front of her, she sniffed it cautiously but then just shrugged in submission. It had whip cream on it, how bad could it be? She raised it in toast and then downed it in one gulp sputtering as the alcohol hit her stomach. Her eyes watered slightly.
"Was it good for you?" Finn asked curiously
She rolled her eyes at the licentious gleam in his eyes but dutifully licked her lips testing the flavor "Not bad, sort of like a banana split with a kick. What's next? I could get behind this idea of alcohol that tastes like dessert. Where's that sex thing that you ordered?"
Her illustrious companions seemed to find this statement uproariously funny. Finn clapped a hand on Stephanie's shoulder "ByGod Dr. Frankenstein, I think you've created a monster."
Stephanie giggled again "Oh no my dear Igor, I think part of the credit goes to you, or at least that's what I'm going to tell the judge. Logan is going to have our heads for this." This made them both laugh even harder.
While they were amusing themselves with peals of laughter Rory looked over their heads at the bartender and gestured for another round, she wasn't sure how far that 100 dollar bill would go but she was about to find out. When the drinks were placed in front of them Rory gestured to Finn and Stephanie to pick them up and raised her glass again, what the hell she though tossing caution to the wind. If she was going to do this she might as well jump in with both feet. Grinning now she said, "Here's to a successful diversion." Finn and Stephanie knocked glasses with her and exchanged a triumphant glance. This was going to be the game to end all games.
When they were on their fourth in a rapid succession of drinks Rory felt sufficiently brave to face the dance floor again, she turned and considered the cages trying to come up with an alternate solution. The scene was beginning to waver and pulse but she could just make out a rope that tied the cage to one side of the wall and she was struck by a brainstorm.
She turned back to her new partners "I think I can add a twist to your idea." With their heads close together she explained her stroke of genius and then looked up to see the verdict.
Finn gave her an appreciative look. "Who knew that under that good girl mask there lay the Machiavellian brain of a criminal mastermind."?
"If you two ever meet my mom you'll understand. She would put you two to shame when it comes to devious, dirty minded plots. I might not have taken advantage of it but no one grows up with Lorelai Gilmore without learning a few tricks of the trade. now to my other question, Finn, what are you going to do about the outfit?"
Finn grinned cheekily before he unbuttoned the middle button of his shirt and showed her a peek of lace and mesh. "I came prepared. Although I think we need to hurry things along a bit, it's beginning to chafe."
Rory gave him the once over "You are our very own perverted version Superman."
"If I didn't know better I would say you are ridiculing may art. I only sacrifice myself on the altar of humiliation for the sake of my adoring fans." He pouted.
Stephanie gave him an assessing look "Come to think of it you do look sort of like Clark Kent."
"Only more exotic." He said with an arch look of contempt.
Rory shook her head "Finn you are Australian, although that may give you some claim to inheriting the sly wiles of a criminal mind its not like you are from the Timbuktu."
"I knew someone from Timbuktu once, unpleasant little fellow actually."
Rory and Stephanie grabbed their last shot off the bar and held it a loft "Here is to a baptism by fire for our newest player." Stephanie intoned in a grandiose voice and they all drank. It turned out that her words were oddly portentous.
By the time they were escorted, laughing and stumbling out of the club they had lost count of the number of drinks they had downed, Finn was covered head to toe in whip cream, Stephanie only had one shoe and Rory was praying to what ever higher being might be looking in on her that her mother NEVER got a hold of those pictures a puff of smoke followed them out the door.
Rory's head was spinning but she couldn't seem to stop laughing, she had never seen anything as hilarious as Finn standing on the corner hailing a cab, looking every inch the proper haughty young gentleman, except of course for his attire which at this point consisted of one puffy sleeve, mesh tights. leather briefs and globs of whip cream. She was astounded when a cab even stopped but they didn't question providence and quickly piled in.
"The Empire State Building if you please good sir." Finn said in a prim tone and Stephanie and Rory convulsed with silent laughter again as he winked their direction. The cab driver just rolled his eyes and sighed the sound of a man who has long since lost count of the number of drunken college students that he had chauffeured.
---
It was 5:15 and Logan was beginning to get anxious. He hadn't worried too much at first but as the minutes ticked by he began to think over the numerous catastrophes that they had bailed Finn out of over the years and Stephanie was no better. In fact he was fairly certain that the danger of the pair was predicated on some odd synergistic chemical reaction that made their aggregate villainous acumen hit the genius range. He looked at his watch again and swore under his breath when he saw the time, 5:20 and counting.
Colin watched from the steps as Logan paced with increasing agitation. Perhaps there was something to Finn's pet theory about the girl after all, he had rarely seen Logan so discombobulated over a group being a few minutes late.
When Logan's cell phone rang Colin didn't think twice about answering assuming that it was one of the groups calling in to report their whereabouts. "Hello?" He said casually, he was astounded at the banshee that immediately jumped into a frenzied screaming rage at the sound of his voice. He quickly got up and handed off the phone to Logan who had stopped his pacing at its ring "Uh, I think it's for you."
Logan grabbed the phone and asked in a worried voice "Rory?" The silence was deadly and then Logan gasped audibly and paled when the voice continued on the line. After a few moments of listening he gave a clipped "Yes ma'am." and hung up the phone.
He sat down on the steps with a dejected air and flopped his head in his hands. Colin sat gingerly next to him but wisely remained mute. Finally he heard Logan's muffled voice. "Next time I so much as consider bringing a girl that I barely know on an excursion like this please have me committed immediately." He sighed and raised his head. "That was Rory's formidable mother, a lovely woman with a awe-inspiring talent for inventive intimidation. She doesn't mince words but I am almost positive that she wouldn't hesitate to mince me if one hair on her daughter's head is harmed. If Rory doesn't show up soon I had better have a passport handy with an untraceable alias. If Finn and Stephanie get arrested this time I say we leave them there to fend for themselves."
A cab pulled to the curb cutting short his tirade. When the door flew open and Logan recognized its occupants he shot to his feet. He watched with his hands on his hips and his eyes narrowed in a menacing scowl as the three clearly intoxicated inhabitants stumbled out and managed after some fumbling to extricate their possessions. He advanced on them as they stood blinking in the lights with comically foolish grins on their faces. He stopped in front of Rory and looked at her sternly. This shooting daggers look obviously bounced right off the shield of her drunkenness and had no effect whatsoever on her amiable attitude. She gazed up at him earnestly and then said in a slightly slurred but pretentious voice.
"We, the League of Extraordinary Deviants would like to report the successful completion of our task." Her two misfit accomplices crowed at this as she continued her recitation. How in God's name she had ended up the spokeswoman for this motley crew was beyond his imagination to divine. "Thanks to Sir Finney the Marvelous" she gestured imperiously towards Finn "My new knight in shining whip cream we weren't even incarcerated during our quest."
Rory and Stephanie both dissolved into a fit of giggles at this remark and Logan seriously considered the value of homicide. With a murderous intent apparent in his eyes he spun towards Finn with a malevolent glare. What they said about looks that could kill wasn't even close to describing this situation. He took a good look at Finn just now noticing the state of his dress...or lack thereof. "You aren't supposed to get drunk until the end of this little escapade and definitely not with the resident newshound present. What the hell did you do to her?" he asked one of his oldest friends in a threatening hiss.
Finn tried gallantly to look him in the eye but failed miserably when he couldn't manage to get the three Logan heads to line up correctly. After missing once he managed to slap a hand on his comrade's shoulder. "Logan, my friend, you always jumps to such wild conclusions. Maybe you should be asking what she did to us. It was unexpected but for a little thing that girl can sure hold her alcohol like a pro. She looks so sweet and innocent but that is a miscalculation that I would not encourage. She is like quinine, a little goes a long way but its lethal in large doses..." he trailed off and got a far away look in his eye "Hey, do you remember that nanny I had when I was 3, what was her name Helga?"
Logan rolled his eyes at Finn's complete non-sequitor. He shook his head in disgust; Finn was obviously in no shape to reprimand.
"You should never underestimate a Gilmore, that was your fatal mistake.' Rory crowed in a delighted singsong.
He pinned Stephanie with a black look and she just hiccupped in his general direction with a little snigger "Warning sign." She said in a matter of fact tone of voice, as if that explained everything.
He felt like strangling them all. Since when had he become the responsible one around here? "Some one better start filling in the blanks quickly."
The three drunk musketeers all tried to explain at once in an unintelligible babble of words that none of them could even complete without bursting into hysterical laughter.
"And then they threw us out." said Stephanie
"on our collective asses" Rory added, leave it to her to use big words even when she was hammered.
Finn was the last leg "They threatened to arrest us so after some every persuasive acting on the part of yours truly we decided it was probably time to vacate the premises." He finished with an expansive gesture which could have included all of New York for all its specificity "and here we are, only a few minutes late, I think." he peered at his wrist and it took him a good 30 seconds to realize that there was no watch in sight. "Oops, I guess I lost my watch some where in the hubbub."
Logan rolled his eyes... he was beginning to understand the perpetual frustration of the sober masses with the drunken idiot minorities. He held out his hand in am imperious gesture, he was well past the point of politeness. "Let me see the pictures."
Rory stepped forward at that summons with the camera phone in hand. Her eyes were wide and childlike and he groaned inwardly. How could he be angry with her, he was the one who had dragged her into this society of debauchery, a descriptor that he realized he had never used before the advent of one Lorelai Leigh Gilmore. Good god, she was turning him into an overprotective prude. He would just have to forgive and forget this little incident and they could get back on track with their little object lesson about how to live life to the fullest.... his brain short circuited at that thought when he saw the first picture. The look he gave Rory could only be described as flabbergasted but the glance he aimed at Stephanie was hardly as benign. This was war.
Stephanie gave him a sheepish look and shrugged helplessly "We needed a distraction. I admit I might have gotten a little carried away with this one but you know how much I love planning a superb distraction."
"A LITTLE?" Logan almost yelled "Correct me if I'm wrong here but in this picture on the bar I think that Rory is holding a whip and I am almost certain that I see something on fire in the background...who exactly were you trying to distract the entire New York City fire department?"
"The security guards of course but actually you haven't gotten to the best one yet." She grabbed the camera from him and eagerly pushed the forward button before she thrust it back into his hands. Lorelai's last threat echoed through his head in surround sound as he saw just what mommy's little girl had been up to tonight.
"I thought that I gave explicit instructions that you were not to do anything overtly illegal in front of the reporter." Stephanie suddenly became aware that Logan's voice had dropped to a sibilant whisper, his nerves were stretched as taught as piano wire and she had the feeling he was about to snap.
"I.." she stuttered as Logan leaned over her small frame in an intimidating manner. Finn thought that was probably the opportune time to try out their new secret weapon and pushed Rory towards Logan with a whisper. "Its show time babe." He patted her on the shoulder and backed up a step, out of punching range.
Colin was the observer in this little performance and he almost laughed aloud at the inane behavior of the three guilty parties. They were innocuous enough that he saw no harm in their silly antics until he noticed Logan's look of astonishment quickly turn lethal and he feared for all of them. Rory was a pretty girl but he didn't quite get what it was about her that seemed to incite his normally level headed friend to such grand extremes. He stopped his musing as he watched Rory take a step towards Logan and saw the whispered exchange. Now this could be interesting, he noted the calculating looks in the faces of two of his closest friends and suddenly he realized that maybe while he hadn't been watching the balance had shifted. It certainly looked like his best buddies had switched sides.
Logan froze as Rory looked him in the eye and her hand rose to touch his cheek in a strangely intimate gesture. He shivered at the contact and cursed his weakness for this girl, he couldn't figure out what it was about her that destroyed his defenses and reduced him to the level of the incompetent masses. Her eyes were blurry but he couldn't deny the mesmerizing intensity of her sapphire gaze, so compelling, so bewitching, getting lost in those eyes was like drowning one satisfying inch at a time, you knew you were dying but you just couldn't gather the will to care.
"Don't be mad Logan." She whispered in a breathy persuasive voice that felt like a caress as she leaned in to him. For that brief span of time he was suspended, he forgot about the observant eyes around them and only existed in the space of that extended reality, time in slow motion as her lips hovered a hairbreadth from his. His eyes were hypnotic and the unspoken desire vivid. Rory could see that he was caught and for a split second that heady power and the magnetic chemistry between them made her want to complete the motion. She felt her heart accelerating as she sucked in a shaky breath. She was playing with fire and she knew it, she also knew that she would probably regret it the instant the giddy grip of the alcohol wore off.
Deliberately she shifted her weight back and put an inch of space between them. She forced her breath to slow and then she focused her attention back on Stephanie. "Steph and Finn shouldn't take all the blame, it was partly my idea."
Logan was so entranced by her soft lips parting that it took a long second for her words to register. Since when were she and Stephanie so buddy buddy? He didn't like this development one bit. The rest of her sentence suddenly got through to his brain "Your idea?" he was sure that he had heard her wrong. "It was your idea to light the bar on fire?"
She looked sheepishly down at her hands "Well, actually that was kind of an accident...but it did accomplish the goal so I guess alls well that ends well."
He sent his two erstwhile friends a look that would have eviscerated lesser beings; he didn't like the celebratory look they exchanged. They were his best friends but he didn't trust them one lick when it came to playing games.
With military precision he spun on is heel and stalked away his words carrying back over his shoulder. "You had better find a way to sober up quick because we have a long day ahead of us...and don't think for one second that I will forget this little incident."
Finn threw an arm over Rory's shoulder and leaned in to whisper in her ear "Masterful my dear, he'll be waving the white flag before you know it." Rory watched Logan stalk away and felt sobriety returning quickly she had serious doubts about the veracity of that statement and thinking about it was making her head hurt.
Logan got the last word as usual when he spun around about ten feet away and volleyed his parting shot "Oh, by the way Ace, I promised your mom that you would call her, I'd get right on that if I were you, I think there was some mention of calling the CIA."
Rory groaned, this was not going to be a fun conversation...she just knew that victory had been too easy. She looked at Finn "I need coffee post haste...and a phone."
