Chapter Five: Pretty Pretty Princess


"So help me, Ty Lee; if you sing 'California Gurls' one more time, I will seal your lips together with this hot glue gun," orders Azula Shinohai, brandishing dangerous craft supplies.

She, Ty Lee and Mai are in their sculpture class at school, and, out of all ten kids in the class, today is Ty Lee's turn to bring the music. It has been interesting, to say the least.

Azula expected Katy Perry; she did not expect "Ice Ice Baby." On one hand, she does not mind much as she works on her cerulean duct tape dress, but, on the other hand, she only has so much patience for Ty Lee's awful singing voice.

"Fine," Ty Lee agrees with a sigh worthy of Mai. After a few seconds of boredom, she has a thought. "Oh, Mai! Come see Azula's superpower!"

Azula knows what Ty Lee means. She glances at the hot glue gun in her hand and realizes what she is about to do. Mai looks up, along with the three other students in the class.

As they watch, Azula squirts hot glue all along the back of her hand without wincing. It does not even feel hot to her, as she learned during the countless times she spilled it on herself.

"See! She can put hot glue on herself!" Ty Lee gushes, her eyes bright.

Mai pauses for a moment before remarking, "Well, I guess Azula is the most pathetic X-Men I have ever seen."

"It's really cool!" Ty Lee fiercely protests.

Azula pokes at the dried glue on her skin.

It is not very cool once it cools.

[X]

The three girls are bored at a weekend sleepover. Ty Lee tries to convince Mai to seduce Zuko, but Azula does not even have to say a word to establish the fact that that is absolutely not allowed. They wind up in Azula's basement, digging through weird dress-up, movies and games that they forgot about long ago.

Ty Lee shrieks excitedly and holds up an old board game. Azula remembers loving it as a child, but she refuses to look ridiculous by admitting that. Mai can tell by the box art that she will despise every second of playing it.

"It's Pretty Pretty Princess!" Ty Lee chimes, her eyes shut and her smile wide. "I play this with the kids I babysit."

"How do you play?" Mai coldly asks, her arms crossed.

"Are we entertaining this?" Azula inquires, glancing between her two best friends.

"How do you play?" Mai repeats, her eyes boring into Ty Lee's soul.

Ty Lee has to think for a moment before announcing, "You spin the spinner, and you try to collect all the jewelry of the same color and that crown and stuff and then you win. Oh, and put down that black ring, if you're holding it when the game ends you lose."

Okay, Ty Lee might not know how to play the game. She and the kids always just put the jewelry on and act out faerie tales.

"Doesn't the game end when someone wins?" Azula inquires and Ty Lee shrugs, nearly dropping the box. The jewelry inside loudly rattles.

"I don't know," Ty Lee slowly says, narrowing her eyes as she mulls it over.

Once they get up to Azula's room, Mai takes it upon herself to enter Azula's closet and get A Nightmare on Elm Street going while Ty Lee still pushes playing Pretty Pretty Princess. Azula will resist until she dies, no matter how much she secretly wants to play.

"This is not happening," Azula finally says.

Ty Lee sighs, defeated at last. "I'm just gonna put on the jewelry."

She drapes colorful fake gems over herself and toys with the crown as Mai tries to figure out how to turn on this movie. It should be much simpler than Azula's entertainment system insists it should be.

Ty Lee waits for Azula to become absorbed in what she is doing before putting the crown on her head. Azula flinches and it almost falls off; she steadies it with one hand.

"Did I win?" Azula purrs.

"Of course," Ty Lee chirps, a semi-seductive smile slipping onto her lips. "You would've definitely won if we played."

Mai sticks her tongue out behind their backs. Ick.

"Do you have a ring for me too?" Azula inquires and Mai freezes with her finger on the play button.

Is this happening? Are they actually at last going to come clean about their feelings for each other? She never thought she would see the day.

"Yes. I have a bunch of rings for you," Ty Lee says. Her heart races as she slides one onto Azula's finger. Ty Lee tosses one of them aside and tries to think of something to say to detract attention from that very romantic move. "Mai can have the black one. She loses."

Azula examines the plastic ring on her finger and feels a sensation that she despises. It hurts her stomach and makes her heart race.

When she looks up, Ty Lee focuses on furiously skipping the previews of the DVD.

Azula cannot possibly tell if Ty Lee meant that in a romantic way or not.

They do keep making those eyes at each other for the rest of the night.


Chapter Five: Deplorable is a Synonym for Ingenious


In the morning, Ty Lee cannot stop thinking about her wedding.

Mainly, she obsesses over the bitter fact that she is completely unprepared for it, and she and Azula have not even discussed a rough idea of when it will happen, much less thought about themes or cakes or invitations.

She did not know how to start that conversation properly. When she tried to suggest that discussion before, Azula was too busy hiding her altogether from her family to take a wedding seriously. Now that it is out in the open, however, they really should be putting more effort into the occasion.

It is while she is trapped in those thoughts that she answers a call.

Azula walks in halfway through, demanding, "Who are you talking to?" as she leans over the edge of her pristine cerulean sofa.

"Zuko!" Ty Lee cheerily admits, as if that is not an act of high treason. "He Facetimed me."

Azula narrows her eyes at the iPad. "What's wrong with your hair? You look Kylo Ren."

"I look amazing and that was uncalled for," Zuko grunts. She haughtily shrugs.

"Did you do it for your girlfriend?" she mocks with a smug smirk.

"No," Zuko replies, his tone even more brusque. "I did it because I think I look fantastic with long hair."

"Yes, in order to mask your hideous face." Azula sits on the back of the sofa to get a better view. "Clever boy, ZuZu."

"Please shut up." Zuko turns his attention away from her. "Ty Lee, I was trying to tell you a secret."

"Why would you tell her a secret?" Azula incredulously asks, touching two fingers to her lips. "She has some kind of disease that makes her tell everyone."

"That's exactly why I'm telling her. I thought about doing it through text, but last time I broke important news through a text my fiancée married my father, so I mean…"

"What is it?" Ty Lee eagerly asks.

"His girlfriend is pregnant," Azula says and Zuko narrows his eyes.

"Who told you that?" Zuko shouts. The speakers of Ty Lee's iPad make an angry screeching sound.

"You did. Just now. It was a wild guess." Azula shakes her head at him.

Zuko grimaces. "I don't even want to tell you people, but mother and uncle say—"

"You know you don't have to listen to them anymore. You are a grown man," Azula says.

"You are a grown woman," Zuko retorts. "Father invited himself into your home to criticize your relationship and you haven't protested at all. Look who's calling the kettle black."

"That's racist," Ty Lee whispers.

Azula sighs. "So, you told Ty Lee, knowing she would tell everyone you are too afraid to tell on your own. That is one of the smartest things you have ever done. Also one of the most cowardly, but I don't blame you. Have you told grandfather yet, that you're having a child out of wedlock?"

"Don't tell him." Zuko has been wracked with indecision for two days, and he thinks he has changed his mind about this too late.

"Oh, I will. I'm going to tell him when he calls to thank me for my kind greeting card celebrating… I don't know, some vague holiday. I've set up two years of highly personalized and thoughtful ecards that will send automatically to people I see fit to impress for the next two years. Grandfather loves them." Azula smirks smugly at her own brilliance. Zuko and Ty Lee feel sickened by that expression.

Zuko is about to argue about his future child when he realizes what his sister just said. "So, wait, you have convinced people that you're a kind, thoughtful person who remembers their birthdays and sends them nice cards but you really have it set up to automatically send at intervals you decided probably several months ago."

"Good job repeating back what I just said," Azula mocks, making Ty Lee squirm. "Perhaps your child will be part parrot. You could put him in the zoo."

Zuko grits his teeth. "That is deplorable. No—not the parrot comment, but that too—I mean the feigning love and interest in others for your own personal gain."

"Deplorable is just a synonym for ingenious," Azula purrs.

Zuko does not have the energy to continue arguing. "No, no it's not. Goodbye, Ty Lee. Don't tell anyone about Katara."

"Oh, I won't!" Ty Lee blithely lies. She beams at her fiancée.

Azula cocks an eyebrow as Zuko hangs up.

"You will tell everyone about Katara, won't you?" Azula asks and Ty Lee giggles.

She is already taking out her phone to start texting. Azula kisses her on the forehead, and it is not the first time that has happened upside down.

"It's so exciting. Baby, wedding, baby, wedding!" Ty Lee's eyes light up like a kid in a candy shop.

"The catfights will be thrilling," Azula sarcastically remarks.

Ty Lee giggles again. "If Zuko marries Katara, I think you might give him and your dad's fights a run for their money. She hates you."

"And I hate her." Azula suddenly realizes that Katara is now permanently a part of her life. It makes her want to jump off of her balcony into the busy street several stories below. "It is the beginning of a beautiful rivalry. I imagine, however, that she considers marriage to be modern day slavery and will just date my brother for decades."

"I think she's sweet," Ty Lee lies again.

"She is absolutely not," Azula insists before going to locate a cup of coffee.

[X]

Over coffee, Mai reminisces with Azula, which she never thought she would do. Ty Lee being around feels strange, and as Mai watches television and Azula pretends to be working on her laptop, their conversation drifts through old, half-remembered stories.

"You're on Amazon, aren't you?" Mai says, leaning to her side to peer at Azula's computer screen.

Yes, she is. She seems to be truly contemplating purchasing an old board game that she did not remember until mere minutes ago.

"It's only a hundred dollars," Azula remarks, hovering the mouse pointer over the purchase option.

Mai feels the strong urge to stop her. "You're not going to buy that."

"I just did." Pause. "What? I have a daughter. It's justifiable."

"Azula."

Haughtily, Azula taunts, "Are you suggesting that my little girl does not deserve to be a pretty, pretty princess?"

"Azula."

"At least I don't have two grandchildren at twenty-six," Azula snaps, and leans back, startled by Mai's response. It did not take long for that comment to register as odd.

"I—what do you mean two? I get Bunny; you can't stop calling her your own kid. But—Ty Lee's not—you're not? You're—Zuko. Of course, Zuko." Mai swallows her scream of disgust. She has to remind herself to remain calm.

Azula smirks. "I have never seen you flustered before. It entertains me."

"Is he seriously having a kid with that awful hippie?" Mai asks, keeping her tone even despite the way her hear traces.

"Yes. He knocked her up. Zuko told me and Ty Lee this morning."

"He told Ty Lee?" Mai cannot help but look quizzical. In her defense, it is a very toned down version of her confusion.

"Oh, yes. I imagine she has already told half of New York." Azula loves this. She loves it so much.

"What do—" Mai begins but:

"What is this?" interrupts Ozai, who has entered the room with flawless timing.

Azula has never had to fight back a smirk so fiercely. "What is what?"

"This magazine." He tosses it at the coffee table and somehow manages to avoid missing.

"Do you mean the part with me holding Bunny or the part with Zuko's rumored knocking-up-of-Katara? I mean, one of those seems more scandalous than the other." Azula pauses; he is too angry, which means it is the part about Zuko. "I imagine I'll be asked to do interviews soon. I haven't told Ty Lee, since she has never been able to recall the cardinal rules of inter—"

"Your brother did not do what he did."

"I am afraid that I am the bearer of bad news. He did. He told—"

"Her and Ty Lee first," Mai interrupts. "I'm assuming he told Ty Lee so he wouldn't have to tell anyone else."

"Oh, look, my juice-stained outfit is well-received." Azula points at a featured picture within the thin, glossy magazine.

"Oh, look, your brother has no shame," father growls. "Or too much shame. I don't know. Whichever one of those that makes him comfortable with flaunting his pregnant hippie girlfriend."

"He is such a disappointment," Azula purrs, slowly shaking her head. Pausing, she returns her gaze to the page she has open. "I actually put on three coats of nail polish, not two. They are so mistaken about our family."

"You should confront him about it," Mai says with a sparkle in her eyes. "Openly. So that I can easily watch."

"Do you think he managed to tell his mother?" asks Ozai.

"Probably not," Azula replies. "I doubt she would take it very well. Judging by how well you are taking it, father."

"I am calling him." He discards his coat on a chair and walks to the balcony. Zuko is in water hotter than Old Faithful on a hundred-degree day.

"What are the cardinal rules of what?" Mai asks as she cranes her neck and wonders how close she can get without anyone noticing.

"The cardinal rules of interviews. If you don't have to answer a question; deflect it. If you have to answer a question; lie about it. Ty Lee does not do very well at interviews, despite being such a pretty little social butterfly."

Mai does not have a response to that, so she walks off to open a nearby window and listen in.

Azula stares after her and wonders when her life became so bizarre.

It always has been, she decides.