Chapter Eight: Leave Room for Jesus


"I don't visit people," Azula says as she and her brother enter the hospital. "She will be discharged tomorrow. I can see her then."

"I don't want to be here either," Zuko says, glancing around. He hates hospitals. "Buy her a stuffed animal or something."

"Why?" Azula demands, cocking an eyebrow. He examines her expression and deeply sighs.

"Because she'll like it. Doing nice things can be rewarding," Zuko replies and Azula shrugs.

She supposes it will make her look like a caring and magnificent person if she gets some fluffy pink animal to keep Ty Lee company. It will not remedy the fact that Ty Lee let Azula fall down the stairs and douse herself in Monster, but it will make Ty Lee feel terrible about her brutal act of betrayal.

Once Azula has the gift in hand, they walk halfheartedly to the hospital room. Ty Lee looks dazed as she colors in a Barbie coloring book. Her family seems to have abandoned her. It pleases Azula to know that Ty Lee has been left alone in misery.

"Azula!" Ty Lee exclaims, dropping her dull crayon onto the spotless floor. "I'm so happy to see you!"

"Have this," Azula says, shoving the pink bear into Ty Lee's arms.

Ty Lee hugs and squeezes it. She moves to hug and squeeze Azula, but Azula successfully dodges.

Now they have to wait. Marvelous.

[X]

Azula has left to explore the hospital after pretending to listen to Ty Lee for twenty minutes. Zuko now sits alone with his sister's best friend and tries to ignore how awkward it is.

Ty Lee pipes up out of nowhere, "Zuko, invite Mai to the Valentine's Dance."

"I'm leaving tomorrow and stuff…" Zuko says. Then he remembers that Azula is coming with him when he leaves. Oh God, this is worse than he thought.

"Yeah, but you're gonna come back every month," Ty Lee says, brightly smiling. She could not be more excited to make friends with Zuko. "You have such a chance with her! All you have to do is fill out some paperwork and then you can take her to the dance and stuff!"

"Why are you so insistent about me and Mai getting together?" Zuko asks, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Because it's my dream." It is also her dream to date Azula, but that is more complicated than setting up Mai and Zuko.

"That's a really depressing dream," Zuko says.

"Yeah? Well, what's your dream then?"

"To be a rock star," Zuko earnestly says and Ty Lee giggles behind her hand. He rolls his golden eyes.

"That's way more depressing. But you're in a band, right? Mai likes guys in bands, probably. I mean, I never asked, but she seems like the kind of person who does," Ty Lee eagerly says.

Azula reenters the room with an excuse to leave, saving Zuko from further discomfort.

[X]

Zuko stands with Mai in his house and tries to think of words. She is beautiful, and what he would call his type, but he is not extremely enthusiastic about Ty Lee's plans.

"Did you ask me here for anything interesting or do you just want to bore me to tears?" Mai asks.

Zuko rubs his neck. Mai likes boys in bands, or so Ty Lee said. He thinks that might just work.

"Do you want to see my dad's guitars?" he offers, despite knowing that it is a death sentence if Ozai finds out.

"Are you allowed to show me them?" Mai inquires.

"… no."

That is the first truly hot thing Zuko has ever said to her. "Show them to me."

Maybe I have a chance, Zuko thinks.

Zuko takes her to one of the rooms deep in the house. She looks around and sees guitars, records, other unexpected things to be owned by a man who perpetually wears a suit.

Mai thumbs through things that Zuko hopes she doesn't wreck, and sees a quite impressive collection of good music. She does not have much time to be startled, because Zuko grabs one of the acoustic guitars. There are twenty different types that Mai cannot imagine Ozai ever playing in his life, but everyone is young once, she supposes.

"So, I will play you a song now," Zuko says, feeling awkward. Mai sits down an amp and Zuko tries not to cringe; she is so pretty and she might sleep with him and he is willing to suffer his father's wrath to potentially have sex with her.

"I figured. Most people play songs with guitars."

"Alright, I'm going for something more original. It's by my band."

"Your what?" Mai interrupts Zuko as his fingers touch the strings.

"My band," Zuko proudly replies. She purses her lips for a moment.

"What kind of band is it?" she dryly asks.

"Grunge," Zuko says. His pride does not waver despite Mai's unimpressed expression.

"What are you called?" she asks.

"You've Never Heard of It."

"What?" Mai doesn't know where this kid even comes from.

"We're called You've Never Heard of It. So when someone asks, like, what's your favorite band or something, they would have to say 'You've Never Heard of It' and it's hilarious."

"That's actually kind of funny." Silence. Very, very awkward silence. "You can play the song now."

"Awesome," Zuko says, launching into it. Filling the room with music is far better than trying to make conversation.

Zuko can play guitar, Mai will admit.

"Do you want to go to your school's Valentine's Dance with me?" Zuko asks the moment the song ends.

"Whatever. Sure." Mai shrugs. "But it won't be very sexy. I will not have sex with you before or after, and we can't dance too close to each other, or grind like normal people, because the chaperone teachers will put a ruler between us and say that we have to leave room for Jesus."

"That raises the uncomfortable question of why Jesus is supposed to be between two dancing teenagers."

"I have no idea. They don't do it when two girls dance close or grind," Mai comments. Oh, Ty Lee teaching Azula how to do that and failing so hard at asking her out.

"That's sexist," Zuko remarks, as if he is the first person who ever noticed that.

"Or something. I don't know if that's sexist."

Silence. Very, very awkward silence.

"So, can you show me how far apart you have to dance?" Zuko asks, hoping it works.

Mai stares at him for a moment. "That's pathetic. That's really pathetic."

Zuko coughs. "No, I'm just curious about how much room Jesus needs."

Mai sighs. "Fine. I'll show you."

She stands up, and so does he.

[X]

Azula throws all of her belongings into the medium gym bag she will take to Portland. To stay with her mother. Azula has not stayed with her mother since before her parents divorced. Why? The world is too cruel to Azula. What did she ever do to deserve this.

Someone taps on her window as she hurls a set of heels into the stuffed bag.

Welcoming the distraction, Azula opens the window and lets Ty Lee shimmy inside.

"You can jump between roofs, I see. With two casts," Azula says. She successfully hides how impressed she is. Ty Lee does not care either way.

"Well, when I want something enough, it happens," Ty Lee says, smiling. Azula does not smile back, not even slightly. "I wanna know why you're so mad at me."

"I am not mad at you," Azula lies.

"Is it about the hallway?" Ty Lee whispers, her eyes sparkling like a begging puppy.

"Yes. Of course it is. I refuse to forgive that," Azula says.

Ty Lee desperately wants to explain why she did it, but she cannot. Azula makes her either tongue-tied or talking-too-fast. There is no in between, and there is no way to express her true feelings.

"Can I make it up to you?" Ty Lee asks, hoping that it will not be terrible.

"Pack my suitcase," Azula orders, sitting down on her bed.

Ty Lee looks at the mess Azula has angrily made and begins to sort it out. She always kind of liked folding clothes, at least.

"I'm really sorry. You're still my best friend ever. And I really obviously can't dance while I'm all banged up like this, so I won't be able to see you too often, and I'll miss you so much, and we'll lose weekends together because of your mom and…" Ty Lee runs out of breath.

"I know," Azula says, because all of that is true.

She turns on music to drown the discomfort.


Chapter Eight: If a Prom Cat Had Nine Lives


Ty Lee decides to ignore what Azula said this morning. She focuses on wedding preparations and lets Azula have all the space she needs. It might just be too tense.

Azula walks into the living room and sees that the coffee table has been buried beneath invitations.

"I told my mom we're getting married," Ty Lee says, playing with the wedding invitations she has been filling out. She currently is pretending that Azula's comments earlier this morning did not happen. "She said that Dr. Phil says that when you marry for money you earn every cent."

"That seems accurate," Azula replies. She sets her thumb on one invitation and pulls it to face her. The lavender is pretty and the font is decent. "Is she coming?"

"Of course. My whole family is. Including a lot of people I haven't seen since I was a little kid. You haven't really said anybody you wanna invite. You have said a lot of people you don't want to invite, but we have to invite them because they're like your mom and stuff."

"If you are tolerating your mother, I will tolerate mine. I do not want to think about this," Azula says, sighing. She hates every second she has to think about the mistake she probably is making.

Ty Lee wants to ask more, but she does not want to give Azula more doubts.

"Bunny is going to her friend's birthday party, so I was planning on going to Bloomingdale's to get some springtime shoes and maybe look at accessories and dresses for some wedding inspiration," Ty Lee rapidly says, tripping over her words.

"You want me to come?" Azula asks, but she knows the answer already.

"Of course!"

"Fine," Azula says. "It can't be torture."

Ty Lee smiles.

[X]

Ty Lee gawks at all of the ideas for her wedding. There are so many perfect ideas around her that she can barely keep track of them all.

"There are so many dresses because it's like April!" Ty Lee says, running over to the prettiest purple ones and starting to sift through them.

"I know. It's prom season," Azula says, standing amongst the many racks.

"God, you make that sound scarier than 'winter is coming.'" Ty Lee laughs.

"I hate prom season. There's just something about it that pains me. Maybe it was my prom date," Azula says, smirking at Ty Lee.

"Which one?" asks Ty Lee.

"Both were terrible people."

"Hey!" Ty Lee snaps, returning a dress to the rack and wandering off to find another.

"Both tried to put their tongue in my mouth. Neither succeeded," Azula comments. Ty Lee glowers.

Then a thought occurs to her: "Wait, is the only reason you hate prom season because I tried to French kiss you?"

"Clearly, yes," Azula lies. Ty Lee pouts and then shrugs. She finds the cutest hair accessory. It is a little too sweet-sixteen and not wedding enough for her, but cute nonetheless.

"Mphm. I tried that more than once, and it still doesn't work." Pause. "But you lost your virginity on prom night!"

Azula groans. She cannot believe she is marrying this woman. "Why did you exclaim that in the middle of Bloomingdales?"

"I just get excited sometimes! I even remember exactly where and when and how."

"Yes. I was there, and you have no need to rehash—"

"It was in the Regal Cinemas bathroom at one in the morning, because we had no idea what Star Trek was about and so we just… did it." Ty Lee looks dreamy about one of the most awkward and uncomfortable things Azula has ever done in her life.

It was not exactly as magical as the movies make it out to be.

"We are done discussing losing our virginity in a movie theatre bathroom during the premier of Star Trek because luckily I had forgotten most of that and now I remember." Pause. "Didn't you go to all four proms?"

"I went to five proms. If a prom cat had nine lives, I'd have ten of them." Ty Lee laughs again and spins around with a tiara in her hair. She discards it after deciding that it is not glamorous enough.

"I went to three, which is more than anyone needs," Azula says. They were not so bad, but she will not let Ty Lee know that. Not in a million years. Good relationships are built on secrets and lies.

"And you only went to two with me. Do you know how sad that is?" Ty Lee faux frowns before smiling at the sexiest lavender dress there.

"Well, that's two thirds of my proms; I've been to two fifths of yours," Azula says.

"Well, yeah, but the fifth one doesn't even count because I only went because my friend got rejected by like four girls and I was so much hotter than them." Ty Lee smiles at the memory of their faces when she walked in wearing that sparkly and skimpy dress.

"Our after prom adventures were not terrible." Pause. She recalls another painful memory of the night she lost her virginity. "Did you ever figure out what that movie was about? I already didn't understand it and we did sneak out halfway through."

"No. I don't even remember why we went." Ty Lee returns the dress. It is way too pink.

She grabs Azula by the hand and pulls her towards sunglasses. They sparkle so brightly and Ty Lee cannot resist buying ten. Even though it is basically winter.

"You went because I was going," Azula says as they walk across the smooth, slippery floor, "and I went because that preachy bitch I hated wasn't invited and I wanted to watch her misery as we all left prom together and she was alone forever."

"Wait, you mean Anna?" Ty Lee asks, releasing her fiancée.

"Yes. I still hate her. I will always hate her."

"She was nice," Ty Lee stupidly says. She quickly remembers how dumb that was. Azula is already having doubts about her. Remembering that makes Ty Lee feel sick.

"She was a horrible person and you will agree with me about that."

"Yeah, she totally didn't shave. Oh, look at this pair!" Ty Lee slides the Prada sunglasses on as the man working the desk stares blankly.

"Did I ever tell you about my parents' wedding?" asks Azula, the old story coming to mind after being forgotten for a long time.

"No," Ty Lee replies, pressing a dress to her chest. "You don't really talk about your mom."

Azula takes a deep breath and begins, "My parents got engaged on the 21st of August, and set the date for the 24th of August. They were in California but their wedding was going to be in New York because my grandparents were living there at the time. My grandmother promised to plan it and make it happen before they arrived on the 23rd.

"They went to Saks and my mom needed bridesmaid dresses. She had four of them. The shop, of course, said that they don't do sets of dresses with a one day notice. But, as fate would have it, a wedding cancelled and all of the bridesmaid dresses fit."

"Like the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants!" Ty Lee exclaims, shoving an ugly purple dress back onto the rack.

"Yes, but don't interrupt. So my parents went to the church and the priest said he couldn't marry them because my mother wasn't Catholic. They went to another church and the priest asked if they loved each other. They said yes, and he said he would do it.

"They threw together a big wedding. My grandmother's taste was apparently horrible, according to my parents, but the photos aren't half bad. It was all very red. My father's friends weren't there. They were about to start the wedding when they heard the screeching of tires and they arrived mostly drunk in one car.

"It was a very odd wedding," Azula finishes.

Ty Lee coos. "That's so sweet. It's almost like they were destined to be but they obviously weren't because their marriage was terrible."

"Oh, you thought I was trying to tell a sweet story? No, I was trying to give evidence of why this planning is so unnecessary."

[X]

Ty Lee answers her phone as she and Azula sit silently in front of the television.

"Hi, Azula's grandma," Ty Lee says and Azula sits up in a split second. "Grandmother. I meant grandmother! I forget sometimes that her family likes detached pronouns. It's just really abnormal. But abnormal is good. I love abnormal stuff."

'What does she want?' Azula mouths.

Ty Lee puts a finger to her lips. "Oh, no, I really don't need that." Pause. "I could have it; I just don't have a place to keep it and I really don't like them very much."

"What does she want?" Azula hisses.

"I, yes, yes, you can talk to Azula. Of course. She's already reaching for the phone," Ty Lee sweetly says, passing the phone away before Azula rips her arm off.

"How are you? Did you like my eCard?" Azula purrs. She had sounded so tired after putting Bunny to bed, and she didn't want to talk to Ty Lee, but she sounds energetic and happy when talking to her grandmother.

"Yes. I thought your wedding invitation was tacky, however. It was fine. I'm happy for you and your girlfriend. Isn't it wonderful how progressive…"

Not this again. No.

"Yes. I love that. I love being able to marry my wife and Bernie Sanders and fuck Wall Street. What is that my girlfriend who is a girl like I am a girl was telling you she didn't want?"

"I was asking about a wedding gift. I asked if she wanted a pony. Every little girl wants a pony."

"That… is a gender stereotype, grandmother. Surely you don't mean it."

"Fine. Everyone wants a damned pony, Azula. Except for you and your ungrateful brother and ungrateful girlfriend."

"So, you didn't say ungrateful before my name. Does that mean I am grateful?"

"It was a very nice eCard."

"Thank you," Azula says.

"Grandfather wants to talk to you."

Brief silence.

"Hello, grandfather." Azula seems even sweeter now. Smoother. Slick as an oil spill on an iceberg and twice as toxic.

"Your wedding invitation was classy. Did you girl pick it out?"

"Yes. Did you like your eCard?"

"I enjoyed it. You are the only one of my offspring that cares."

"So I get all of your money?" Her eyes are hopeful.

Azulon laughs. "And you're funny too."

Azula looks crushed for a moment, but she collects herself.

"Thank you," she says.

"Is the little one actually named Bunny? It was cute until I realized it will have Shinohai attached to it."

"Yes. I can legally change it if you would like me too."

"Do that. Will you be Mitsuko's dad or mom?"

"Who's Mi—oh, you mean Bunny…"

"No, Ilah, that's not offensive or outdated!" Azulon shouts at his wife.

"I don't think it's offensive or outdated," Azula says.

"People these days and…"

"Yes. Self-righteous millennials are the worst, Ronald Reagan, fuck free healthcare."

"You're a good kid. Say hello to your beautiful fiancée. This is our RSVP. Goodnight, princess."

Azula hangs up and breathes a sigh of relief.

"Your grandparents are weird," Ty Lee says. "I'm so amazed they've been married for so long when they're so crazy."

"My entire family is literally insane. I am using that word properly. Look, my grandmother found her passion in her life when she quit her job and bought seven horses. Does that explain enough about her?"

"No. That explains literally nothing. I'm using that word properly," Ty Lee says, tapping her lower lip with her manicured finger.

"She thinks that everyone agrees with her and anyone who doesn't agree with her is a terrible person. My grandfather feels the same way except he disagrees with her on absolutely everything. They both are hypocrites about their beliefs and they both are incredible close-minded people. They live in harmony because he likes fishing and she likes horses. The only thing they ever agreed on was buying five summer homes in locations with good fishing and room for horses. She rides her horses; he goes fishing."

"Wait, what was your grandmother's job?" asks Ty Lee.

"Yes. She was a cop, first in Virginia, then in New York. Her friends are all Wall Street brokers and successful entrepreneurs however. Now they all go on lavish vacations and ride horses all day," Azula says.

"Why a cop?" Ty Lee asks, bewildered.

"She got a job as a cop to spite my grandfather, actually. He said that women joining the police force would be the downfall of America, so she joined the police force."

"Is that why she collects swords?" asks Ty Lee.

"No. She collects swords because her father was a swordsmith in Japan."

"And your grandfather collects various weapons because…"

"Because he can, probably." Azula shrugs.

"They're worse than your parents."

"I know." Azula lies down. "But we have to make them happy at all costs, do you understand?"

"Yes," Ty Lee says, nodding. "Oh, uhm, on the topic of marriage. Do you want to talk about this morning and your, uh, second thoughts?"'

"No."

"Oh… okay then."

Later, Ty Lee thinks. We'll discuss it later.