A Little Comfort
"He proposed to you. Really? He proposed to you?" Justin asked quietly.
She nodded, tears continuing to stream down her face.
"Do you think there's even a chance that you might love him?"
"I—I love you! I used to love Derek," she rambled, "I—I don't know if I still do."
"Do you want to marry Derek?"
She paused for a moment, thinking. "Justin, I don't want to hurt anyone—by not knowing, I mean."
"Talk to me, Mere. I can take it." He drew her closer.
"I loved him. I didn't think I'd ever love someone again…the way I'd loved him. And then you came along. I realized that kind of love wasn't a once-in-a-lifetime thing, although the feelings for him never completely went away." She sighed, "I haven't encouraged him at all, lately, but I've known that he's still holding on to hope that I'll end up with him. I haven't discouraged it. And, yes, I find it kind of cute that he's still hanging on. It's almost like justice for what he put me through."
"What do you need from me? Do you need me to just wait it out? Wait for it to pass?" His gaze deepened.
"Yeah, that'd be good, I guess," she replied, her voice lowered to a whisper.
"I love you, Meredith. I don't want to pressure you. Of course I don't want you to end up with some other guy. But I want you to really know what you want before making any decisions. And I'll be here for you as you figure it all out."
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"Meredith!" She continued racing down the hallway, chart at her side.
She turned and yelled over her shoulder, "Go away, Derek."
"Meredith, what's wrong?" He continued after her, frantically.
"Leave me alone! Please!"
"Mere," as he caught up with her, he grabbed her shoulders and turned her to face him. "Tell me what you want. Do you want me to give up? Do you want me to give you some time? Tell me what you want."
She spun around and started down the hall at top speed.
"Meredith!" He caught her shoulders, and they found themselves face-to-face once again.
"I don't know what I want, okay? I don't! I have this wonderful boyfriend who is mature enough to tell me that he'll support me as I figure out what I want, even if the choice doesn't end up being him. And then there's you! And you are driving me absolutely—"
He pulled her close, his lips roughly finding hers. She struggled against his embrace, pushing against his chest as he kissed her with all of the pent up tension and emotion that had been building between them for months. Her resistance slowly faded, and he could feel her melt into his arms. Her eyes closed as she tenderly kissed him back. He drew back slightly. She opened her eyes and peered up at him, finding a confident gleam in his eyes. She stepped back, tears welling.
"Is this a game to you, Derek? Do you only want me when you think you can't have me?" Her eyes narrowed, and she went on, bitterly, "Damn you for doing this to me! Go to hell, Derek." She turned and walked away from him, shoulders sagging.
She never saw the devastation in his face, the stricken look as he stood there watching her walk away.
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She quickly grabbed the phone as it neared the last ring. Caller ID said "Justin."
"Hi baby." Her heart skipped a beat. His voice was amazingly sexy over the phone.
"I've missed you so much today." Her voice cracked with exhaustion. She hoped he wouldn't think much of it.
"Are you on your way home?"
"I'm in the locker room changing."
"Wanna meet for dinner?"
"I'm really tired, Justin. How about…no, I'm on-call tomorrow so that won't work."
"That's OK, Mere. We can do something this weekend. I'll call you tomorrow to see how things are going, okay?"
"I love you, Justin."
"Love you too, Mere. Talk to you soon."
"Bye." She closed her eyes as she snapped the phone shut.
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As she entered Joe's, she looked around nervously.
Oh no.
He was sitting at the bar, and he'd turned when he heard someone come through the door. He'd spotted her immediately.
He looks miserable.
She made her way to the bar and sat down beside him.
She looked up at the bartender, "It's a three-shot night, Joe."
"Sorry to hear that, doctor. Three shots comin' up." He dropped the glasses down on the bar and grabbed the Tequila bottle.
Derek turned to her, smiling sadly. "Rough day?"
She smiled weakly, and turned back to the newly poured shots. One by one, she tipped her head back, savoring the stinging liquid as it slid down her throat.
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She rolled over, sleepily, and slapped the snooze button.
"What time is it Mere"?
Oh. My. God. What happened last night?
"Mere. Are we late for rounds?"
