Yo.
I know we all hate AN chapters, but this is, unfortunately, something that really has to be done right now. I'll be putting this up on maybe three or four of my more popular works to get as much coverage as possible, since no one really reads profiles.
A number of you are already aware of the problems I've been having with my eyes, but for the benefit of those who don't, basically, I have arthritis in my eyes. Anterior Uveitis, if you want to be specific about it. And it's been causing me a whole host of problems.
Just under four years ago, I got this issue in my left eye. Due to my horrible depression and anxiety, I didn't get it treated, and within a year, ended up with a cataract in that eye, leaving me basically blind in the left eye. The cataract was caused by chronic inflammation. After suffering through numerous extremely painful flair ups, I finally started getting treatment about a year and a half ago, long after I'd already lost my vision in that eye. I was put on steroid eye drops to lower the inflammation, along with a number of other eye drops for other issues.
About two weeks after starting the treatment, I had my first flare up in my right eye. I went to the ER immediately, as I'd been instructed to do, and was put on the same drops as my other eye.
Though the treatment was going well (and I'm skipping over a lot, like lasers in the eye, a needle in the eye, and an ultrasound of the eye-and man were all of those uncomfortable) , the opthalmologists and rheumatologist were trying to figure out why I had this issue and how and why it had started. I had blood tests done, was checked for TB, got x-rays, and an MRI done, and in the end, they figured it's rheumatoid arthritis, something I most likely inherited from my mum. I have arthritis in multiple places (knees, back, shoulders, ect...), that started when I was still a kid, but I also, unfortunately, got it in my eyes. So this stuff will never actually go away (arthritis is for life), and we're just trying to find a way to manage it. My body's being stubborn, so it's slow going.
The inflammation in my right eye went away in December of 2018, and then came back a month later. It hasn't gone away since, and I've been on steroid eye drops every day for over a year now.
However, there's a bit of a catch-22 here. Long term inflammation causes cataracts, so I use steroid eye drops to lower inflammation. But long term use of these eye drops also causes cataracts, and I've been on these drops almost daily for a year and a half. See the problem?
Since the eye drops alone weren't working, I started taking an immunosuppressant-a medication that would suppress my immune system and cause my body to stop attacking my eyes (my body views my eyes are foreign objects, and is attacking them, which causes inflammation-super basic explanation of arthritis there). If this medication worked, my inflammation would go away and I would be able to get off the steroid eye drops.
I started this medication last June, and started suffering side effects literally the morning after. It was very unpleasant. Beyond a number of physical side effects, the medication also affected my already existing depression and anxiety by making them worse. You might have noticed that after July last year, I sort of just stopped updating. I posted an update for something in September, mostly by forcing it, but that was pretty much it. But switching medications isn't quite as simple when my eyes are at risk.
As it turned out, despite the side effects, that medication didn't seem to be working. There was no decrease in the inflammation after I had been on the medication for about four and a half months (it was supposed to take 3-6 months to start working). So in November I was put on a stronger immunosuppressant, one many people with rheumatoid arthritis take. This particular medication takes around 4-8 months to really start working.
I saw my opthalmologist about a month after I started taking it, and was told it looked like there had been a slight decrease in the inflammation, and he wanted to see me two months later, at which point we could begin discussing cataract surgery for my left eye.
The reason I didn't get the surgery before is because of the inflammation. It's not really good or safe to operate on an already inflammed eye, especially as the surgery will cause inflammation as well. I needed my eyes to be free of inflammation and off all eye drops for three straight months before cataract surgery could even be considered.
I haven't seen my opthalmologist nearly three months now (my next appointment's in a week), and I've been on the new immunosuppressant for nearly four months. Whether it's working or not, I'm not sure. I'll have to wait to see what the doctor says. I'm still on the steroid eye drops though, and here is where we get into why I'm writing this damn novel in the first place.
I've been on the steroid eye drops for longer than expected, and it seems it's beginning to give me a cataract in my right eye. These cataracts aren't the same kind older people get, where they develop slowly over years. These ones are quick. I went basically blind in my left eye over the course of a year, maybe less. My right eye is being affected even faster. It's been maybe two weeks, and I'm already struggling to see. I expect I'll be pretty much blind in a month. It's not permanent, since they're cataracts, but there's no telling when I'll be able to get the surgery to remove them. It could be in the summer (at the earliest), or literally any time after that, but no one can say for sure.
So, while I've been able to work on fics and stuff while blind in one eye, I can't really do the same while blind in both. Nothing's being abandoned, but everything's going to have to be on hiatus until, well, I'm no longer blind. And like I said, I don't know how long that might be.
I expect that'll be very disappointing to many of you, but please understand that this is so much worse for me. My whole life is being forced to change. I can't read (I hate audio books) or write (I can't dictate things to people) or play video games (I was literally in the middle of Dragon Quest 11) anymore. I can't watch tv (I'm going to be sooooo behind on WWE and NJPW, and I was planning a LOTR marathon too) or cook or bake (I even bought ingredients to make cream cheese chocolate truffles) or clean or anything.
I don't know how much longer the vision in my right eye will last-it's worse every day, but I'm hoping this medication is working, so that the inflammation goes way, so I can get the cataract surgery. It's unfortunate my work will have to be on hold (not just fanfics but personal writing as well-I'm writing a fantasy adventure romance novel), and I'll do what I can to record any new ideas or anything I get (I'm probably going to have a whole notebook of wonky blind handwriting to decipher eventually).
I've tried a couple of different apps on my phone to help, but the free ones are shit, and for people who aren't quite as blind as I'm probably going to be. I don't even know what the hell I'm going to do all day once my vision's gone. (If you know any good true crime podcasts like Casefile, let me know. Have a feeling I'm going to be listening to those more).
Please don't be as insensitive as to ask if you can adopt my work (because I just know someone will). I'm not abandoning anything. I'd have deleted my whole damn account if that was the case. I WILL be back, and hopefully before 2021. I'm trying to be optimistic and hopeful and positive about all this, but frankly, I feel like my life is ending. Going blind is my worst nightmare. I'd rather be dead. I'm just trying to keep telling myself that it's not permanent and I'll be able to be see again one day, but it's not really working.
Anyway, I'm sorry you won't be getting any updates for a while, but I'll be back as soon as my eyes heal from cataract surgery...whenever that'll be. If my eyes start cooperating now, that could be as early as summer, but there's no telling anything for sure. Hopefully you all understand and won't hold it against me.
Tl;dr: Got arthritis in my eyes. Developed cataracts. Going blind. Fics on hold until cataract surgery is performed. Don't know when that'll be. Hope to be back in the summer, but possibly and likely won't be until later, hopefully before 2021 Not abandoning any fics. Don't be a dick and steal them. I'll be back when no longer blind.
Fuck arthritis.
