AN: I don't usually do these author's notes, but I want to apologize for how insanely long this update took me and how long my other updates are taking. I was almost done with a lot of new chapters back in June, but my grandfather who raised me passed away and I lost all drive to write and creative inspiration to the grief. But I finally have this finished, edited and I'm looking forward to sharing it and returning to fanfic. Thank y'all so much for your patience.
CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE: First Fight
The morning after the exceptionally eventful homecoming dance, Azula sits on her bed while Ty Lee listens as intently as she can while contorted into a strange position on her girlfriend's impeccable carpet.
A sleepover of Azula violently ranting about Mai and her brother and how she so hates them both exhausted both young women. But thankfully, after a few hours of semi-peaceful sleep snuggled in the same bed side by side and a few cups of Azula's coffee (which sates her but always gives Ty Lee the shakes), Azula and her loyal girlfriend have been chatting about happier things.
"Are you still upset?" Ty Lee asks after Azula falls silent for a little too long.
Azula sighs dramatically. "Every day I become more certain that I committed a horrific sin in my past life and the Universe has responded by placing you and Mai into my life as the eagle that repeatedly rips out my liver."
"What did I do?" shrilly asks Ty Lee, her already protuberant eyes flashing open even wider.
"Um, I'm obviously still forgiving you for cheating on me with my own brother while I was in an asylum. Not to mention I know you still like Mai. I would probably kill you both if I didn't have to go through the effort of burying your bodies."
"Thanks," huffs Ty Lee, waiting until Azula briefly looks away to grimace and roll her eyes.
"Don't be pissed at me. We wouldn't have this problem if you would just make up your mind about choosing me or them."
"Don't you know by now I'll always choose you? I'd choose you over breathing." Ty Lee gazes at Azula with a level of true love and genuine admiration that it even amazes Azula herself.
She takes a sharp breath and changes the mushy mood by cracking a dark joke. "And one day you may have to."
Ty Lee laughs and beams. "That's not scary at all."
A crash and the sound of Zuko and Ozai cursing at each other suddenly interrupts their conversation. With wide eyes and her signature half smile, Azula gracefully leaps to her feet and drags a baffled Ty Lee up after her.
"Get your glorious tits in gear," commands Azula, tugging on Ty Lee, "It's time to enjoy some family drama."
They scurry out of the bedroom and hide on the balcony just above the stairs to watch the carnage.
"Did you get her pregnant or something?" snarls Ozai. "I knew you were an idiot but I can't think of any other reason you would be that stupid!"
"Mai's Fiacchi may be knock offs but she's too classy to get knocked up at seventeen!"
"There's a rule in this house, in this family. If you besmirch the family name by doing something like proposing to a teenager, you're out."
Zuko glares at Ozai. "This family has more fucking rules than Yahtzee!"
"That's not an excuse to ignore them!"
"I wish you weren't my father!"
"So do I!"
"You want me out, I'm out!"
"I'm trying to avoid cutting you off! Just break it off so I don't have to kick you out and deal with your bitch whore of a mother whining about my parenting style!"
"She has every right to! You're a terrible parent!"
"I am not a terrible parent! I am trying to stop you from making a horrible mistake! You are out of your depth!"
"You're always telling me I'm out of my depth! You're wrong!"
"I'm never wrong when I say that! You would be out of your depth in a parking lot puddle!"
"You jealous or something?"
Ozai's eyes briefly flicker wide as he wonders for a moment if his son discovered that shameful act committed mere months ago. "Excuse me?"
"I'm in love, I'm marrying her. You're just a man with a broken marriage who goes through women like tissues. Jealous that it didn't work out with mother, and so you're taking it out on me."
"If you think it will work out with her, you are sorely mistaken. You have three days to either change your mind or pack your shit."
Zuko storms off. Ozai punches a hole in the wall.
Azula turns to Ty Lee and smiles.
[X]
Zuko sits forlornly on the swingset after the fight. The southern California sky is fittingly overcast. The occasional wave of sun forces its way through the clouds, but only in uneven ripples of light cast beneath the grim weather.
Watching him through the bay window, Azula sucks on a cherry lollipop.
After a few minutes, she sighs to herself and opens the back door to stride over and join her brother. Zuko glances at her and then looks away as she takes the swing beside him.
"Here to rub salt in my wounds and sink your fangs in like a lime after a tequila shot?"
"No. I'm just here to talk. I kind of get your situation."
"No, you don't. Our parents love you. Even mom."
"Yeah, yeah. That doesn't mean I want you cut off and living in a motel until mother and uncle come home six months from now."
"What do you want me to do?" Zuko sighs, digging his foot frustratedly into the dehydrated dirt.
Azula pops her lollipop out of her mouth with a loud smack. "Just break it off with Mai and go back to banging public school girls who wear K-Mart bras and get pregnant in sixth grade."
Zuko stiffens and snarls, "I have never banged a girl who wears a K-Mart bra! You take that back!"
Azula mockingly snickers. "Whatever."
"You don't want to help me. You just want to hurt Mai because you're mad at her."
"Why can't I do both?"
"What happened between you guys anyway? Is it all because I proposed to her?"
"It's not at all because you proposed to her. I have a life outside of you, ZuZu. She told me she wasl sick of me and said things I refuse to forgive. Mai and I are over, and if you have a shred of sense you should be over her too."
"I don't know why you care. You've wanted me out of here since I arrived."
"I love the idea of you scrubbing motel toilets. Trust me. But she'll chew you up and spit you out. I'm warning you out of some familial obligation. Do what you want. The field where I grow my fucks about you is barren. But we've been through a lot together and I wanted to give you a chance to reconsider before I tell the tabloids you proposed to a seventeen year old goth heiress. Like you said after my suicide attempt: we may be a family who would slit each other's throats over a slice of pizza even if we weren't hungry, but we're still a family."
"Yeah. I'm marrying her. Get out of my business."
Azula shrugs, slips her lollipop back into her mouth and returns to the house.
[X]
Later that afternoon, Ty Lee knocks on the window. Azula rises from her work to let her girlfriend hop down inside of her bedroom.
Ty Lee stretches and smiles as she looks at the notebook filled with color coded ink and flawless handwriting. It looks like phone numbers, not homework.
"What are you up to?"
"Looking up and writing down as many of the numbers of tabloids as I can."
"Why do you need to call tabloids?"
Azula melodramatically sighs while rolling her neck and making Ty Lee feel remarkably small. "To ruin my brother and Mai's lives."
Undeterred as always, Ty Lee chirps, "Oh. Okay. Can I help?"
"Yes. Grab some paper from my desk and start writing down more numbers while I call the ones I have."
Ty Lee eagerly grins and gets to work as Azula smoothly continues without acknowledging her further. Although, as the minutes tick by on Azula's antique ruby-studded clock, they both — even the reluctant Azula — see they do in fact make a good team, even in silence.
The beauty of the afternoon breaks abruptly when Azula hangs up on another obnoxious secretary and glances at her girlfriend.
"Why the Hell are you huffing my nail polish?" demands Azula.
"It keeps me focused," hums Ty Lee with a messy yet somehow glamorous bat of her false eyelashes.
"Jesus Christ, just snort Adderall like a normal wealthy teenager."
"Okay, y'know cute Jack?"
"You mean the inexplicably well-liked douche bag who looks like the word lacrosse Jack?"
"Last month he got expelled for that and now he works at the 7/11."
Azula shakes her head and asks with a partially disgusted expression, "Why do you care?"
"Unlike you, I have awful grades and I'm not a Shinohai. And I would rather die than go to public school with my sisters."
"That does sound like five or six of my literal nightmares. But once you're a Shinohai you will be able to get away with whatever you want."
"Once I'm a Shinohai?" Ty Lee flashes a small, playful smile.
Azula rolls her eyes and groans. She cannot believe she let such a stupid thing leave her lips. It will just go to Ty Lee's head and Azula does not have the time nor the patience to deal with that.
"Just get to work," huffily snaps Azula.
But Azula cannot stop herself from blushing as red as her lips, and Ty Lee cannot stop herself from beaming as brightly as the California sun.
After the brief interruption, Ty Lee happily does her assigned job, albeit with guilt simmering in her stomach. She wishes she could still be friends with Mai, and she misses Mai more than she could ever express.
But she loves Azula.
Azula is her dream.
And therefore she will help Azula destroy her enemy, even if that enemy is Ty Lee's best friend.
Azula smirks as a receptionist answers her call.
"Yes," she purrs. "I have an inside scoop about the Shinohai family."
Ty Lee conceals her concern with a smile.
[X]
Azula and Ty Lee have their first fight as a couple tonight. While Azula had wanted a night in, Ty Lee convinced her to go stargazing in the desert. The drive is long, but they find it rather pleasant, listening to Azula's playlists and talking.
But then the car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. Azula has never experienced this situation and cannot admit but must acknowledge that she actual does not know what to do other than call her father. Or rather a towing company of some kind since she only just was released from her house arrest from damaging another favorite vehicle of his.
Ty Lee stands outside with a furrowed brow, examining what she can.
Azula looks at her phone after struggling to get it from wedged in the side of her seat and leans out of the window to get her girlfriend's attention. "There's no service out here!"
Ty Lee straightens up. "I wish I had my phone. Damn it!"
"Perhaps we could build a time machine and stop you from dropping yours in possibly the only puddle in Southern California earlier. Or better yet, stop us from choosing your idea for date night."
Ty Lee does not let the words wound her even remotely. Growing up with Azula, Mai and a house full of sisters, it takes a great deal to get under her skin or spark her temper.
Yet, tonight she starts grinding her teeth before calming down and suggesting, "Let's just leave the car and walk a while until we get reception."
Azula scoffs. "I didn't sell my soul to corporate America at the moment of my birth and stayed loyal all of my life to clomp around in the streets like a goddamned hippie. I should have servants for this."
Ty Lee cannot force herself to put on any charm as she begs wearily, "Azula, please. We need to get help."
Azula nearly rips the car door from its hinges as she opens it and steps out onto the cracked, nearly abandoned road.
"For you, I suppose. But you'll owe me."
"I know," relents Ty Lee. She supposes she has become quite accustomed to owing Azula.
They get out of the car and start to walk down the side of the highway, occasionally checking their phones for service and finding one. Azula does not stop ranting and raving at Ty Lee to the point where even Ty Lee's best tactics for tuning the sometimes insufferable sexy angel of a dream girl out stop being effective.
"… and I told you stargazing in the desert was a terrible idea. So help me, I am never listening to what you want for date night ever again." Azula stomps her foot.
Ty Lee takes a deep, yogic breath. Breathe in peace and love, breathe out desire to put her girlfriend in a headlock.
She says, a little hoarsely from the walking and consistent deep breathing to restrain violent thoughts, "Yeah. This isn't cool."
"Thank you, Ty Lee," snaps Azula with a lethal dose of condescension and sarcasm. "For pointing out an uncool situation. That helps."
"I just think—"
Azula swiftly cuts her off by snarling, "Your job is not to think. Your job is to follow me and keep me safe from cars, rattlesnakes and the poors while I check my phone and get us out of this mess that you and only you caused."
Ty Lee frowns, but obeys.
They do reluctantly hold hands, and maintain their composure, despite bubbling anger in both of their chests. Astoundingly, the two girls manage to make it a mile before the aching in their feet and incredible impatience bring them to a state of mutual agitation that stops them in their tracks.
Azula removes her bag of chips from her purse. Ty Lee removes her heels while wincing and cursing. She will need one Hell of a pedicure after this.
Ty Lee groans and rolls her sore shoulders. Every part of her body hurts. "Can I have a chip, please?"
"I asked you if you wanted chips at the store and you said no."
"That was before we got stranded."
"I asked you if you wanted chips and you said no! You cannot have any of my goddamned chips!"
"I need the energy! Give me a chip!"
"No! The chips are off the table! If you wanted a goddamned chip you should have gotten them at the goddamned store when I asked if you wanted them!"
"Give me a fucking chip!"
Azula immediately shoves all of the remaining chips into her mouth and throws the bag into the street while she chokes and chews to swallow them all. Ty Lee stands there, genuinely agape at the scene.
Azula swallows. Ty Lee scowls.
"Can you stop being a total fascist for five minutes?"
Azula pivots and points her finger in Ty Lee's face.
"Fascists get things done."
"If we don't get service after a while, we could try to flag down a car."
"Did anyone ever tell you that you have the survival instincts of a giant panda bear?"
"It's just a suggestion."
"Well, I personally don't want my mangled corpse floating in a river by morning so we're going to stick with Plan A."
"I'm trying to help, not to disappoint you, okay?"
"It's time to do more than try."
"Maybe Mai was right about you."
"Excuse me?"
"I said maybe Mai was right about you."
"How dare you!"
"You're always telling people what to do and making demands and being mean to me! And we always do what you want to do! You would do anything to get your way and that's not the kind of person who can have a healthy relationship."
"Then why did you start one with me?"
"Because I love you. You're a liar and a cheat and you're cruel but I overlook that because of how much I love you. But you need to start treating me better if you want me to stay!"
"You're acting like I'm the only one with issues! You're not an angel! If you think you're any better than me you should try looking in the mirror!"
"I have flaws! I know that! But you have more issues than Vogue and you're so averse to being self aware that you don't even read the articles!"
"Go ahead. Keep talking. You can join Mai and Zuko at the top of my shit list."
"Maybe I'm okay with that! Sometimes I feel like you don't even love me! Like I'm just around to do your dirty work and worship you!"
"I love you! I love you like I've never loved anyone before! You can question me or whatever you're doing right now, but never question that I love you!"
Ty Lee is left agape and speechless at the tears in Azula's eyes as she screams that livid profession of love into the empty night.
But before they can come to true resolution, Zuko's car pulls up beside them and he rolls down the window.
"Need a lift, ladies?"
"ZuZu? How did you find us?"
"Dad has tracked your phone since you ran off to New York last year. When he lost you he freaked out and told me to find you before he disowned me. Get in, okay?"
The girls comply, albeit still scowling at each other.
Zuko glances back at them as he starts to drive and asks after a moment, "Were you two fighting?"
"I don't see how that's any of your business," huffs Azula.
"Fights in a relationship are important. They help you understand and love each other better. Name a great love that never was tested."
The girls ignore him for the rest of the ride.
But even Azula knows he is right for once.
Every great love needs to be tested.
And so they silently forgive each other.
At least for now.
[X]
At school the next day, Mai corners Ty Lee in the ladies room during their shared free period sans Azula (whom is stuck in her International Business Relations class).
Ty Lee takes Mai into a tight but utterly unreciprocated embrace in which Mai goes completely limp but Ty Lee fiercely cuddles her anyway.
"I'm super happy to see you…" Ty Lee's bright smile quickly turns into a thoughtful frown. "… but also I think I'm not supposed to talk to you."
Mai just crosses her arms and maintains her cold expression. "It's important. I know what you two were doing yesterday. What did she put in the tabloids?"
"Just dumb shit about Zuko proposing to a frumpy high school girl. But I've, like, never seen you so worked up. Did you and Zuko do something even more scandalous than that?"
"I can't exactly trust you with my secrets when you're dating the girl who is completely dead set on destroying my life."
"Even though Azula is my girlfriend, you're still my best friend. I love her but I love you too. I'd never betray my bestie since birth just to make my girlfriend happy. I'd do basically anything for Azula, but I draw the line if she asks me to sacrifice you."
It is true and genuine. Ty Lee means it from the core of her soul and bottom of her heart, and Mai knows her well enough to see that.
So, after a moment grinding her teeth and an actual, honest to God sigh, she admits quietly, "When I was having problems with Zuko and Azula was in the nuthouse and you were off the rails without her I… I had sex with Ozai."
Ty Lee, for once in her life, is completely speechless. The look on her face is not unlike the constant expression of a carnival goldfish with a very mild case of pop-eye and a new toy castle in its tank.
Mai continues, now drumming her sharp black fake nails on the marble counter nervously, "And then three more times after that. Ultimately three and a half but I will boil you in a vat of acid if you ask about the half."
"I don't want to ask about any of it! The less I know the better!"
"Right, because you're not going to tell anyone. Especially Azula. Understood?"
"Understood."
Ty Lee means it.
Not only due to her friendship with Mai but also because she thinks she will puke immediately if she ever opens her mouth to talk about it.
[X]
Azula wakes up the morning after her first fight with Ty Lee to Zuko barging into her room and throwing a magazine onto her bed.
"What the fuck is this?"
Azula sits up and ever so slowly yawns and stretches. She sweetly smirks and poorly feigns innocent eyes.
His, on the other hand, could launch a literal scorched earth directive.
"A magazine," Azula purrs as she casually tosses her hair.
Her brother growls through clenched teeth, "Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about."
Azula picks it up and takes her time examining the cover.
"Zuko Shinohai engaged to mystery high school girl. I guess it was stupid to do that in such a damned public setting, filled with greedy nobody teenagers who want to ride on our family's coattails."
"I'm not stupid, Azula!"
"Well then you often seem to do a very good impression of it."
"On the swing set you told me you would tell the tabloids if I didn't break it off for her. I know your life goal seems to be becoming a poorly written Bond villain but you really can't tell people the nasty things you're going to do to them before you do them."
"And yet, despite me telling you the alleged plan, you did nothing to stop me. But I am telling the truth this time; I didn't tell the tabloids to post this."
Zuko shakes his head at her. "Yeah right."
Azula's smirk becomes a full-blown evil smile as she mocks, "I told them Mai's name too. I suppose they must think mystery girl is more interesting than your blob of boring you call your fiancée."
Zuko looks angry enough to start a house fire with only his bare hands. Azula could swear she sees sparks and smoke in his golden eyes.
"How could you do this? After that dumb speech about family! Can you imagine father's reaction?"
"Yeah. That's why I did it. Now get out."
"You don't tell me what to do!"
"Daddy!" cries out Azula.
Zuko snatches the magazines.
"You'll pay for this," he growls.
Zuko storms out before Ozai can make his life even more miserable than it already is.
[X]
Mai lets out an audible groan as she sits on the foyer stairs with Zuko and listens to him very dramatically explain what Azula did and how she treated him and how annoying she is and every single even slightly irritating thing she has done to him in the past sixteen years. She is bored to tears but will admit that the sheer length of the list is somewhat impressive.
"She's baiting you," says Mai when she no longer can pretend to listen while zoning out. "Don't give in and stoop to her level."
"I can't handle her doing this! Things are bad enough as it is!"
"You know Azula's out to torture us," says Mai with a sigh, tired of this already. "It's kind of her thing."
But Zuko frowns, wounded to the core.
"Well, it's working."
He gets to his feet and casts a strange glance at Mai before starting to walk away. He stops in his tracks when he sees the door open, revealing Ursa and Iroh. His mother rushes to him and embraces him.
She kisses his forehead. "It's been so long. I'm sorry for what you're going through with your father. I'm here to help. Where's your sister?"
Azula strides down the steps with the confidence and air of an empress. Or, more accurately, the Blood Countess Bathory receiving unwelcome visitors in the darkest hour of a stormy night.
"I'm here." Azula's eyes flash. Everyone ignores it. "The real question is why you are here. I thought you had planned to be in Europe for six more months."
Ursa exhales and says, "That was before my ex-husband threatened to throw my son out onto the streets."
Azula turns to her brother. "So mommy came to your rescue."
Ozai enters before Ursa can chastise her daughter.
"You didn't tell me you were coming."
"You didn't tell me you were trying to make my son homeless."
"Our son."
Ursa intentionally ignores him and turns to Mai, deciding to make a point by acknowledging her son's fiancée.
"Mai, you look lovely. How are you?"
She does not get the reaction she expected.
"Uh, I have to go. My parents are expecting me." She bolts out faster than Azula has ever seen her bother to move.
Zuko stares at her, wondering why she would be so concerned about his mother, whom he knows is probably happy about his engagement.
He can only assume — as Ursa and Iroh do as well — that Azula's influence led her to not trust her soon-to-be mother in law.
"Ursa, let's speak privately," insists Ozai.
She agrees and follows him into the kitchen.
[X]
Iroh distracts Zuko during the fighting. He catches up with him. It feels good, and helps him through the pain he has gone through lately.
Finally, Ursa walks out.
"You should get packed. You're coming home with us tonight," she says.
"I want to stay with Mai."
"You should come with us. Your father and I agreed you can't live here."
"Uncle. You're always saying I need to be independent, start making my own choices to learn how to make the right ones. Set me up with an apartment. I won't be living with father but I'll be with Mai until she graduates."
Iroh and Ursa look at each other. They communicate a conversation with eyes alone, something she could never do with Ozai.
"Alright. We'll stay in a hotel while we apartment shop."
Zuko cannot help but smile.
Finally, something is going right for him.
[X]
On the other side of the mansion, Azula is lying on the sofa texting Ty Lee with true crime in the background when her mother walks in.
Azula, as always, ignores her.
But Ursa asks, "So, what schools have you applied for? Anything in Oregon? It would be nice to have you nearby."
"Seriously?" Azula snorts.
Ursa sits down on the armchair closest to her daughter, much to Azula's displeasure.
"You smell like cigarettes. I thought you stopped."
"I do what I want. Stay out of my life."
"Zuko told me you sold the story to the tabloids to hurt them. Mai upset you."
"So?"
"It's what I've been telling you since you were little. People aren't dolls you can play with and then put back into the box," says Ursa. "Mai cares about you, and she doesn't seem to care about much. She wouldn't even look at me. She's clearly upset and you shouldn't hurt your friends like this."
Azula stands up. "You think you have a right to tell me what I should or shouldn't do?"
"I'm your mother."
"Seriously? You left me when I was a little kid and I can count on one hand how many times I've seen you since middle school. And you wonder why I'm fucked up? Get Zuko and go home. No one wants you here."
"I'm leaving tomorrow. Look, you don't have to take my advice. You probably won't. But you really need to start thinking about people other than yourself."
Azula glares and snaps, "So do you."
She leaves without another word.
[X]
That evening, after an impressive fiasco of grudges and grimaces, Zuko and Mai are speaking quietly on the porch when Azula opens the door and invites herself into the conversation. They both fall silent and stare at her, waiting for the nonsense to begin.
"So, I hear you're staying," coldly says Azula. She would never bother to hide her displeasure about her brother being in town.
But Zuko finds his footing after the tabloid incident and firmly, confidently declares, "Yeah. I love Mai. Good luck getting between us."
Azula laughs. "Oh, I don't plan to get between you. I just intend to destroy your happiness."
Mai turns to her fiancé. "Zuko, are we happy?"
"Never."
They stand up and walk away while pointedly holding hands.
Azula glares after them, seeming and feeling utterly murderous and ready to slit throats, burn cities and destroy empires.
But instead of hatching a scheme or lashing out with either physical or emotional violence, to her bewilderment, she begins to cry.
And cry.
And cry.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: Fist Fight
Today, Azula is four hours late for work and is wearing her going to jail jeans. She sits on the main sofa in her enormous penthouse, staring at a blank television screen while absentmindedly sipping from a bottle from the drink company owned by a Shinohai operated conglomerate. A conglomerate it seems like she will never own.
She still is tired. So tired. She loves Zoey more than almost anything, but Azula, unlike her wife, has never experienced what it is like to wake up every hour with a newborn. A fussy newborn.
Azula's assistant steps out in one of the million new work appropriate outfits Ty Lee impulse-bought for him and looks his very underdressed and underprepared boss. He tentatively sits beside her on the sofa.
And immediately recognizes that she smells like a distillery.
"Is that water, Azula?" asks Aang.
She takes a sip of vodka from the plastic bottle and dryly replies, "Yes."
"Would you like a mint before work?"
"I'm not going in today. I don't have the patience."
Silence.
Aang at last decides to speak. "So does, uh, the Monster work as an equalizer?"
Azula takes a sip. "That's the idea."
The awkward conversation stops before it begins when a frazzled Ty Lee bursts into the penthouse dragging Bunny with her.
Azula looks up and says, "I thought you'd still be at the spa. And why isn't she at school?"
Ty Lee tears at her hair and screeches through her teeth. "I'm not at the spa because the headmistress called me! Bunny was swearing at school today and pretending to smoke her baby carrots. She got suspended for a day. The nuns didn't approve."
Azula whips her cigarette out of her mouth and demands, "Where the fuck did she learn any of that?"
Ty Lee sighs. "Bunny, go to your room and start on the essay about swearing and the dangers of drugs they assigned you or I'm going to have Grandmother Mai use her witchcraft to turn your liver into fire ants."
Bunny's eyes flash wide and she scurries off to her bedroom in a panic.
"You know, most parents just pretend to be on the phone with Santa Claus," comments Aang.
Ty Lee frowns, not laughing like her wife does, and sinks onto one of the plush chairs.
She asks very severely yet softly, "Azula, are we bad parents?"
"We're better than our own."
"That's not a big accomplishment."
"I'm not done. Ours sucked and we turned out fine. If we're better than them I'm sure Bunny and Zoey will turn out fine with just enough trauma to make them funny but not fucked up. I mean, my dad's idea of parenting was lounging on the sofa with his cigarette and spiced rum, barely watching us, and when we fought all he would do was shout that if he knew we would fight like this he wouldn't have had two of us. We're a Hell of a lot better than that."
Ty Lee smiles meekly. "I guess you're right."
"Alright, I'm going to go to the corner store and pick up groceries, and then I'm going to go to my meeting with the defense department, and this evening we're still on for date night whether you went to the spa or not."
Ty Lee frowns and grabs Azula by the arm to stop her. "What you're going to do, vodka breath, is take a nap before you do something stupid. Aang can cancel your meeting and I can go to the store."
"You and I both know the only stupid thing I have ever done is marry you."
"I know you're in a manic low so I'm not gonna take that personally. Just for me. Come on. It's date night tonight and you stayed up the whole night watching true crime. Princess, get some rest."
"Only because I love you."
Azula staggers off to her bedroom, leaving a very uncomfortable Ty Lee and Aang behind.
[X]
Azula has gotten her act together by the time for date night, and so Ty Lee goes with her to a hip nightclub. They both look drop dead gorgeous and drop dead in love with each other.
They have had several drinks and are wrapped around each other like they are drowning in the ice-cold sea and it is the only way they can survive. They absolutely would have both survived Titanic with Azula's ruthless strength and Ty Lee's exceptional flexibility.
"Having fun?" Ty Lee asks with a bright smile.
Azula smirks and waves her cocktail in the air. "Ask me after five more of these."
"Do you want some food? I'm hungrier than a dingo in a maternity ward," Ty Lee groans, pouting cutely and rubbing her tummy. Azula snorts at the dated joke.
Azula seductively smiles as she nods and takes Ty Lee by the deceptively strong and freshly manicured hand. "Anything but the wings. You eat them like you're trying to kill the bird again and it's embarrassing."
Even though they both laugh and walk towards the counter, they never end up getting their food tonight, because the moment Ty Lee picks up the menu, a man taps on her shoulder. She turns around to see Bunny's father. Azula's martini glass breaks in her hand from her sudden harsh grip.
"This isn't a good time." Ty Lee widens her eyes in warning, but the drunk man misses it. Of course. "You should get out of here."
"Not until you hear me out about Bunny."
Azula approaches before Ty Lee can get him away. And she thinks Azula looks extremely sexy in her tight skimpy dress and fierce, protective aura that threatens to consume his.
She coolly demands, "Did you follow us here, scumbag?"
"Uh, yeah." He hesitates at Azula's deadly glare. "Look, Ty Lee, I just want you to hear me out. I sold Circus, I got clean of drugs. I'm not asking you to get with me or anything. I just want to be a part of my daughter's life."
Ty Lee protests loudly over the music, "She doesn't even know you!"
"I'd like her to."
"Look, I don't trust you, and I also don't want you to confuse Bunny." Ty Lee jabs her thumb towards her wife. "Azula is her father, mother, whatever!"
"And I'm her real father. Azula is just your girl of the week."
"Azula is my wife, and my one true love. I'm never leaving her and I'm never letting you interfere with our family. She's my everything, and you're nothing."
"Yeah, Ty Lee. I would believe you but you've probably had more truckers fall asleep inside you than a Motel 6."
"Repeat that," snarls Azula as she slowly but viciously advances on him.
He laughs and slurs, "What?"
"Repeat what you just said to my wife, and watch what happens."
"I said she's a slut and she's going to drop you like she dropped her clothes on stage. Look, you may be a Shinohai, but you shouldn't test me."
"Oh, do you want a friendly meeting with the Yakuza again?"
"I'm not afraid of you. Now get the fuck out of the way so I can talk to Ty Lee."
Azula gently shoves him backwards as he tries to walk past her.
"She made it clear she doesn't want to talk to you."
"Look, bitch—"
Azula cuts him off with the snarl of, "The next thing you say better be some fucking Mark Twain shit because it's definitely getting chiseled on your tombstone."
"I'm not going to fight a woman."
"Well, that's unfortunate for you." Azula throws a fierce punch directly into his nose and blood spurts out. He screams, curses and doubles over.
He bounces up and hits her back, sending her reeling backwards into the bar.
"I can't believe you made me do that! I'm a feminist!"
"You're a strip club owner!" she snarls as she punches him in the jaw.
He shoves her backwards. "Former strip club owner!"
The bouncers move in and try to pull them apart as the entire section of the club near them gawks at the scene.
Azula takes down two bouncers with a broken bottle, nose punches and swift kicks to the crotch.
The bartender exclaims, "Get off each other before I call the fucking cops!"
"Call them! I'm Azula Shinohai! No one is stupid enough to take me to jail!"
The bartender dashes out to get her cellphone.
Azula throws another punch. He successfully blocks but gets nailed by her following right hook. Ty Lee screams as he stumbles backwards, but he lunges forward and pins Azula to the bar by her arm. He raises his fist and she slides out of the way, leading him to bruise his knuckles on the hard surface. She dives smoothly between his legs and jumps up behind him, hitting him in the back of the neck. He chokes but stands up, ready for more.
Sirens start up in the distance but they pay it no mind. The patrons of the club are starting to clear out into another section rather than get involved.
They continue until Azula twists his arm until she hears a crack, throws him at the bar and picks up a large bottle of Fireball whiskey.
He leans over the bar, gasping and bleeding. He looks up at Azula. "I suppose it's too late for an apology."
"You suppose correctly." Azula swings the fireball bottle directly into his head.
The bottle doesn't crack, but his skull sure does.
The sirens get louder and louder as he bleeds unconscious on the floor. Before she even knows what is happening, the police drag Azula out of the bar in handcuffs.
Ty Lee runs after Azula as the paramedics take her daughter's father into an ambulance.
An officer pushes Azula's head down on the hood of the car to search her.
"Now, now, officer, treat me like that and we're going to have to establish a safe word."
Ty Lee buries her face in her hands. This can't be happening.
[X]
An hour later, after being booked, undressed, degraded, treated like a commoner and thrown in a cell, Azula stands in handcuffs and a shade of orange that she finds terrible for her complexion dialing a number for her one phone call.
It rings three anxiety-inducing times before Ozai at last answers.
"Daddy?"
"Yes, princess?"
"I'm in jail."
"What happened?"
"Bunny's father showed up. I was drunk. I put him in the hospital."
"Did you establish dominance quickly?"
"I do every time I walk into a room."
"Good. Don't cause any trouble. I'm sending Mai to take care of this immediately."
"Does she want to take care of this?"
"No, but if she doesn't, it won't snow for a very long time. Be good. Use your manners with the authorities. I'll make it go away."
Azula sighs, but relents.
[X]
Mai arrives at daybreak, bearing an almost indetectable expression of utter smugness and minor amusement, bearing Monster, Xanax in a small box of Altoid mints, an impressively sized bag of hot tamale candies and an untouched flask of Fireball whiskey disguised as a sunscreen bottle in her purse. She figures the best way to avoid joining the almost murdered sleazebag that landed Azula behind bars is to arrive bearing gifts.
In addition, it does give her extra material to use for gloating.
She sits down in front of Azula and remarks, "I always knew we'd be talking through plexiglass one day."
Azula's current appearance slightly fazes even Mai. Seeing her without makeup and properly styled hair is jarring enough for most, but several of her stiletto acrylic nails are broken and she looks as if she has been both sleepless and crying. Given her freshly bloody knuckles, she has probably been continuing to punch things even after being arrested for it.
"Stop being a smug bitch of a useless gold-digger and get me out of here. I've never been in such a filthy, low class place in my life! It smells like a kennel exclusively for dogs that are poor! I am furious! I am going to burn this city to the ground and then sue them all into further ruin!"
Mai just shrugs, which only fuels Azula's rage. "Yeah, yeah. Your dad gave me the bail money. And he's making some calls. So, can you give me a Hannibal Lecter impression before we get this over with?"
"Fly, fly little Starling and get me the fuck out of this hellhole."
Mai laughs and gets up to go sign the paperwork.
[X]
Azula sits in the limousine feeling ill. She is finally back in her own bloodstained clothes — albeit smelling of sweat and booze — and finally free, but she does not know what will happen when she reunites with Ty Lee.
She decides to distract herself by talking to Mai. "Are you staying? You can."
Mai would be flattered if she were not one of the only two people who can see through Azula like cellophane.
"You want a buffer in case Ty Lee is pissed about you nearly killing her former boy toy, don't you?" dryly asks Mai with a patronizing glance in her step daughter's direction.
"Maybe." Azula leans forward and purrs, "Come on, you're my friend."
"I came to pay your bail as your stepmother, not your friend."
"Then I invite my stepmother to come rest for a day and night before returning to Los Angeles."
"Ugh. Fine."
Mai's phone rings and she is grateful to answer it. She has to admit she usually enjoys awkward situations, but the ride home from bailing Azula out of jail is one she cannot call entertaining in the slightest.
"Hey, babe. I secured the asset and am currently returning her to her penthouse."
"Do you have to talk like we're in a Bond movie?"
"Yes."
Mai hangs up and then turns to Azula. If she was a woman who ever showed her thoughts on her face, Azula figures she would look smug but Mai knows she would look some strange combination of concerned and utterly exasperated.
"So, so you have any excuse for your behavior?"
"I warned him at least twice that I was going to kick his ass. I mean, that essentially makes it his fault."
"You probably want to play that a lot softer with the jury."
"A jury? Oh, please. You know as well as I do that this will never go to trial."
"Well, if it does we can always take you, me, your dad, Ty Lee and the kids to my private island and become a rogue state."
"Don't take this personally but I would rather get a lethal injection."
Mai cannot help but smirk with a barely perceptible gleam in her eyes.
[X]
"Are you angry?" asks Azula the moment she enters the penthouse and sees Ty Lee waiting for her.
Ty Lee does not answer at first; she just throws her arms around her wife and kisses her so many times that it reaches the point of absurdity.
At last, Azula shoves her away, Ty Lee catches her breath and she passionately answers, "No. I think it's incredibly sexy that you would go to jail to defend me. I was just worried about you! And so was Bunny! She was nearly sick freaking out until Aang and Toph calmed her down! Azula, what if your family can't make these charges go away? You put him in the hospital! That's gotta add up to serious prison time!"
"That won't happen. I'll go to court but who's going to win this? A scuzzy guido ex-owner of a strip club or a Shinohai?"
"Yeah." Ty Lee doesn't look convinced.
Azula kisses her forehead. "I'm going to take a shower, pop three Xanax and chain smoke in bed for an hour. Make Mai comfortable. I love you."
"Love you too." Ty Lee blows a kiss as Azula grabs her recently reclaimed purse and vanishes into the master bedroom.
"I'm going to check on Zoey," says Ty Lee. "Toph, Bunny, why don't you make Mai comfortable? Have some food or something. I have great stuff in the fridge!"
Even though the others are supposed to make Mai comfortable, and Mai has never cooked in her life what with chefs and nannies, she manages to slap together instant ramen and serve it to herself, Bunny and Toph. They sit down at the kitchen island.
Mai looks at her surroundings.
And knows she very much needs her purse. She sets the ink black leather bag on the table and reaches in.
"Okay so either you're playing maracas or you have way too much medication in your purse. What are you even trying to find?"
"Painkillers mixed with candy. I call them Mike and Vike's."
"So you're just as bugnuts crazy as Azula and Ty Lee then?"
"Pretty much."
Bunny interrupts, "Are you really a witch?"
"Yeah."
"Can you really turn my liver into fire ants?"
"If I want to. I mean, if you misbehave too much I'll stick needles into your eyes and render your fat into candles for my secret rituals."
Toph snorts and comments sarcastically, "You must be a wonderful mother."
"Mothering is what nannies are for. Haven't you lived with rich people long enough to figure that out? I mean, you're a nanny, aren't you?"
"I'm not a fucking nanny."
"Azula and Ty Lee pay you to watch their kids. You're a nanny."
"And you're a bitch."
"I mean, I know I am but you're still a nanny."
Toph laughs. "I like you."
Ty Lee prances into the room before the conversation can continue into some kind of odd and unexpected friendship, for which Mai and Toph are both deeply grateful.
"Aww, Toph, look at this!"
"Well, it sounds like a piece of paper. But you're probably referring to what's on the piece of paper."
"Oops. You're like so functional I forget you're blind as shit. Bunny drew a picture of herself with you and Aang and Zoey. She captioned it 'us while mom was in jail'."
"Is it good?" asks Toph.
Ty Lee squints at it for a moment. "No. But she's like nine."
"Your kids are going to be so traumatized," says Mai.
"Azula says only traumatized enough to make them funny."
Before Mai can make a snide comment, Azula walks into the room, looking like a disaster and dragging her feet.
"Aww, look, Sleeping Felon is finally awake."
"Fuck you," snaps Azula as she rubs her left eye.
"That's no way to talk to your mother," mocks Mai. "Speaking of your weird family, your dad asked me to tell you that your grandmother wants you to celebrate your birthday at the summer home."
"Another test from my grandfather I imagine."
"Or they're finally getting around to sacrificing you to Satan."
"Excuse me; they would definitely sacrifice someone more expendable before me. Like you. Or Zuko."
"You're the only virgin in the family."
"I'm married. I'm not a virgin."
"It's strictly dickly with the devil."
Azula groans. "Why did she tell him and not me?"
"She didn't. She apparently went on and on about how she wanted that but didn't ask directly. Your dad wants you to call her and ask to do it."
"Why is no one ever clear about their desires in this family?"
"Because maybe the human sacrifice needs to come willingly like in Spellbinder."
"I hate you."
"You're going to hate me even more when I tell you what your dad is doing in three months."
"What is he doing?"
"Caving in to his parents' demand for an elaborate vow renewal. Apparently they asked Zuko and Katara to do it too since they also humiliated the family by eloping. And last I heard from Katara they're doing it. This is your fault for giving Ty Lee her lavish dream wedding. Now Ilah and Azulon say they want to see their children and grandchildren properly married before they die."
"Since when do you and that hippie slut talk?"
"The Halloween after Kya was born. I don't mind her if we don't bring up the environment or politics. And she doesn't have much of her own family or friends to rant at."
"I hate her! We're supposed to hate the same people!"
"It's not high school, Azula."
Toph adds in, "That's half the reason I dropped out. High school is bullshit."
Ty Lee crosses her arm. "I still think you should go back to high school. There are really good schools here and you're still only sixteen."
"It's not like I need it. What do you even use today that you learned in high school?"
"I… uh… I count a lot!"
"Yeah," snarks Azula. "Ty Lee can count to like twelve now."
Everyone laughs.
[X]
On the Sunday night that concludes a weekend wild enough to be in the top twenty of ridiculous Shinohai weekends, everyone retires to their respective bedrooms. The shopping bags are hung in the walk-in closets with care, in hopes retail therapy is somehow more effective than the real thing. The children are nestled like live land mines in their beds, not to be disturbed, as visions of video games dance in their heads. With Ty Lee in her new negligee and Azula in a twenty-four karat golf luxury face mask, they hope for relative normality to return by the time they wake up.
In the midst of a finally somewhat silent night, Mai sits down on her bed and opens her laptop to see her daughter and tell Ozai that Azula is not well. Mai certainly would not describe it as a conversation she is looking forward to.
"Hey, Val," says Mai as her daughter appears on the laptop screen. Mai gives that small smile, the genuine kind, which only those who truly know her both see and understand.
"Mama!" babbles the tiny girl waving at the camera as she sits perched on the arm of her father's antique desk chair.
Ozai is quick to get to the point, yet unclear about it at the same time. "I'm guessing you're not sticking around in New York for the sights and sentimental time with your friends."
Mai faintly grunts. "Never."
"You're worried about Azula, aren't you? It seems like everyone is, but you have impartial eyes on the situation. Are you worried about her?"
"Worried is such a strong word…"
"Mai."
"Yeah, I guess I'm worried. I don't think any of this is going to end well for her. I think she's slipping with Zoey and Azulon and all of it."
"My father called me today. He said he's concerned about what could happen if she gets out of control any further. He said she needed her father and her family to help care for her. I need you to bring her home with you. She can bring Ty Lee and the girls if she wants to but we need to take care of this before she harms herself instead of just others."
"I think that's a good idea. But I'll give her a day or two to recover from jail before I ask."
"Don't ask. Demand. I understand she can be difficult—"
Mai interrupts him by scoffing and showcasing a roll of her eyes he finds incredibly childish.
"Algebra is difficult," she says with an almost inaudible snort. "Azula is AP Trig."
"You've been managing her for two decades."
"But you're her father. The heavy shit like this is your jurisdiction."
"Well, usually when she has problems I throw money at them until they go away."
Both Mai and Ozai think that sounds absolutely perfect yet negligently ineffective.
But Mai has no qualms about half-sarcastically suggesting, "Let's just buy her a shelf of liquor, some therapy sessions, a private spa retreat on my island and an expensive escort. Then we call it a day and don't have do any gushy stuff."
Ozai sighs deeply.
"I am not enabling her blossoming drinking problem, she has in her life made almost twenty therapists give up on her, if she's suicidal I don't want her alone on a private island and most of all, absolutely most of all, seeing as you sickened me even suggesting it, I am not buying my daughter an escort."
"Like you've never paid for it."
"I haven't in almost a decade. But I can't say being married to you is much different from purchasing an escort, except you're several thousand times more expensive and I don't always get what I paid for."
Before Mai can snarkily retort. "Hi, Mr. Shinohai!" chirps Ty Lee, leaping into the bed and draping her arms over Mai from behind.
"Ty Lee says hi," sighs Mai.
"Oh. Oh no. Was I interrupting like, cyber sex or something? Azula's in the shower and the girls are asleep so I just thought I'd pop in."
"Cyber sex. With Valerie present."
"She's too young to know what's going on."
"Tell him that. He threw a fit when I said she could have a Hostel marathon with us."
"Imagine that," says Ozai coldly.
Mai rolls her eyes again.
[X]
An hour after Mai's call to Ozai, Azula and Ty Lee lie side by side in their bed, awake but silent, Ty Lee holding Azula's hand and softly playing with her fingers.
Ty Lee whispers through a soft frown, "You had me scared. Losing you is like my second worst fear."
Azula would be insulted, but it gives her an opportunity to swiftly change the subject away from the bar fight, and so she lets the slight slide. "What's your worst fear?"
"I know it's selfish, but I'm afraid of being forgotten."
"Being forgotten?"
"Yeah. I spend my whole life surrounded by legends. The Shinohai family is never gonna be forgotten. But me? I'll probably be."
"I will build a thousand monuments to you if I have to. I will place your name everywhere in this world it will fit. You won't be forgotten."
Ty Lee kisses Azula and lies in her arms until they both fall asleep.
[X]
At daybreak on Sunday morning, Azula receives a very unexpected call.
"Thanks for answering for once. I was concerned you would be too busy cannibalizing a baby to pick up," says Zuko.
"Did you just call to insult me, ZuZu?"
"No. I want to know what the Hell is going on with you. It's all over the news. Why would you be so stupid? I know you'll get away with it like you always do but you're the conniving type of criminal bitch, not the one who gets in bar brawls."
Ignoring his all-too-accurate statement about his behavior, she airily remarks, "Oh, so I guess they do have the news in Soviet Canada."
"Alaska," he bitterly corrects.
Azula instinctively waves her hand to dismiss her brother despite the fact that he cannot see her. "Whatever. A man stalked and insulted my wife. You would do the same. My life is as perfect as it always has been."
"I, uh, don't doubt that, I guess. It's just, I of all people understand the pressure after grandfather's announcement."
"I have experienced many times wrought with pressure in my life and, honestly, I never seem to feel it."
"Plus you have a newborn baby."
"And if you continue this line of questioning I will fly to Seattle and beat you like the red-headed stepchild of a rented mule."
"I'm pretty sure I can demolish you in a fight."
"Please. You're a vegan now. You're basically made of glass."
"I want to help. We have a shitty relationship and you're the worst person I've ever met, but I'm your brother and I'm always here for you if you're going through something."
"That's Zuko," sharply sighs Azula, rolling her eyes so fiercely that he can practically hear it through the phone. She continues to icily drawl, "The honorable one who always does the right thing. I refuse to participate in degrading and debasing you just to boost your ego."
"Say what you want about me—"
"You are an impotent, pathetic man-boy with severe daddy issues, presumably a micropenis, and an obsession with being seen as a hero so you can keep your false superiority complex and not acknowledge that you are no better than the rest of us."
"Say what you want about me but I come through for you when you really need it and I always have."
"Anything else to whine to me about before I hang up on you?"
"Look, just know that I get you're going through a lot, and I can't understand how hard it must be to struggle with mental illness while raising a family and running a massive corporation. I love you. I'm here if you need to talk and I will help you with whatever with only minimal complaining."
"What was that middle part?"
"Huh?"
"Did you say you love me?"
"Forget about it, Azula."
"You love me. Zuko Shinohai loves me. No, really I'm flattered."
"Fuck you."
"No, don't say that. There's no take backs. You love me. You love me!"
"Okay, it's going to sound like I'm hanging up but…" Click.
Azula smirks to herself.
At least some things never change.
[X]
Shortly after the phone call, Azula finishes the agonizing process of putting baby Zoey in the crib for her nap, Bunny approaches, clutching one of her most expensive and plush stuffed animals and staring intensely at her step-mother. Azula silently nods and holds up a finger as she double checks the baby monitor.
They step outside of Zoey's room and Azula very quietly closes Zoey's door.
"What's going on?" Azula asks, as warmly as she ever can be (about as warm as the center of a microwaved burrito).
"I don't want you to go to jail." Bunny, the usually insatiable chatterbox, does not say more.
Azula's lips contort into a slight frown.
After a moment, she kneels down to be at eye level with her step-daughter.
"This will work out fine. There's nothing to worry about. The scales of justice always tip in the favor of the wealthy. If we throw enough money at this problem it will go away and then I will sue absolutely everyone for defamation and slander."
Ty Lee enters with a bright smile, which, as always with her, could equally be either bad or good.
"I just got off the phone with Cristal—"
"Who is Cristal?"
"An old friend from Circus. Anyway, she says Bunny's dad is going to live."
"Well, then I suppose it's only attempted murder."
"And if we pay his medical expenses that helps, right?"
"Of course. It's honestly just a formality or an act of remarkable kindness. There's no way he can manage any actual legal recourse."
"Are you sure?"
"Please, I'm worth fourteen billion dollars. He's worth like five bucks and a couple of cigarettes. We have nothing to worry about."
Ty Lee smiles and feigns relief. She pecks Azula on the cheek and says, "I'm going clothes shopping with Mai for a couple of hours and then we might have a late lunch. I'm so going to buy like an entire new wardrobe but I can tell you one thing?"
"Yes?"
"Tonight, I'll be wearing nothing but furry pink handcuffs."
Ty Lee kisses Azula deeply, winks and goes to find her childhood best friend.
[X]
After a dull Sunday of recovering from her stint in jail while Ty Lee and Mai enjoyed the city, Azula is back in the office wildly overworked. Therefore, so is her assistant, Aang.
No one mentions why a woman who never takes a sick day was missing from two vital weekend conference calls until Sokka enters for his appointment about hiring new engineers.
"Heard you were in jail Friday night," drawls Katara's incredibly frustrating brother.
Azula rubs her temples with the
tips of her fingers. "From whom?"
Sokka laughs for a brief moment until Azula grits her teeth and narrows her gleaming golden eyes. He turns his amusement into a very unconvincing cough.
"This thing called the news," he casually explains. "It sucks. I get it; when I was in the military I spent way too much time in the brig," says Sokka.
"I want to say that surprises me, but I can't. Although, it does make you slightly more palatable than your sister. I can only imagine her in jail if she hugged a tree too hard."
"She's one of you now. She probably could get away with murder if she wanted to."
"But she doesn't have it in her to kill, and therefore is not one of us." Azula sees him about to defend his sister and cuts it off before it begins.
"Your family does love hard, though, gotta say. I'm pretty protective of Katara so it's good to know you high and mighty Shinohais would go to jail for love or whatever."
"Oh my God."
Sokka quickly tries to change the subject. "Uh, well, I had a pretty interesting weekend too."
Azula eyes him in a dark and terrifying way that reminds Sokka very strongly of an action film antagonist and it stops the rest of his statement in its tracks.
She offers a smile like Splenda and then says sharply, "If I cared about what you did on the weekend, I would take the pistol I keep in my desk, put it in my mouth, and pull the trigger. Now stop discussing my personal life and give me the engineering report. Aang, fetch us coffee while we talk."
"Yes, ma'am." Aang hastily leaves.
Sokka begrudgingly sits down, opens his report, and holds back his desire to fight for his sister's honor.
Azula clears her throat and with a wicked gleam in her eyes coolly purrs, "Here is what I glean from this report. I am truly beset on all sides by mediocrity. My grandfather and I expect an entire line of prototypes to pitch in six months and you and your department are, yet again, behind schedule."
"We have serious problems. I put them in the report," insists Sokka, utterly refusing to be intimidated.
Azula hates that. There is no place in her office for employees with pride and self respect.
"Yes. I saw them. I have plenty of problems but I am never behind schedule."
"Just behind bars."
"Excuse me?" hisses Azula, eyes lighting ablaze with the flames of Hell and determination to send him there.
Sokka coughs into his fist and starts to stand up. "Uh, nothing."
"Good. By tomorrow I want proposals for the solutions to these problems allegedly slowing You down or I will just make it rain pink slips."
Sokka mutters, "Fear is a poor motivator," as he gets up and leaves.
As Sokka steps through the door, Aang stumbles past him with two cups of coffee, just barely avoiding a terrible spill. He skids to a stop in front of his boss slash landlord slash cousin-in-law.
And despite being a generally graceful young man and managing to make it to the finish line, this is the moment when he stumbles and spills coffee all over Azula Shinohai's blood red silk blouse.
She screams.
He screams.
They all scream about the murder about to take place.
But Azula does manage to stop herself from throttling him as she clutches her desk and snarls at the dripping coffee.
Aang licks his lips and dares to say, "I'm so sorry."
"You're sorry? You're sorry? That's all you have? Aang, I'm doing you a favor for the benefit of my wife. Your entire job could be done by a speak-n-spell or a broken pager. Honestly, sometimes I swear you would be more useful to me if I killed you and sewed your skin into a lampshade. Or perhaps a fashionable high end suitcase. I could add my collection."
"Are you saying you have a collection of skin luggage?"
"Obviously I don't! Imagine the smell! You are too much of a useless trailer trash pothead high school dropout to even think about the smell! You idiot!"
As Azula smashes her hand against her desk, Aang takes a deep breath and screws his courage to the sticking post.
Aang uncomfortably clears his throat before finding his peace again, and with it, his overflowing empathy.
He asks calmly and warmly, "Do you wanna talk? Obviously something is going on."
"Even if there is something going on with me, which there is not, why would I talk about it with you?"
"Well, you don't care about me or what I think. I'm just your assistant. There's no better person to vent to."
Silence.
Aang's muscles begin to ache from tension.
Silence.
Azula softly sighs and looks up at him.
"Fine. Why do you think I have something going on in the first place?"
"In my opinion, the only reason you hurt that guy is because you're trying to suppress what's hurting you. Hurt people hurt people."
"My mantra is usually make them cry, make them cry, but I think I like that one. It also applies to the assholes who won't give you the satisfaction of sobbing."
"Uh… yeah." Aang ain't touching that one. "Look, here's what I'm getting at. You're going through a lot. A new baby, trying to win Azulon's estate, all of that—"
"That might cause stress, but I've been fine under worse. That isn't the problem. I'm getting… unzipped again after a long time. And that means I have a lot more to lose than sleep and the family crown."
"I'm lost."
"When my head betrays me, so does everyone else. Of course I beat the shit out of the man trying to tempt my wife into doing it. She's… Ty Lee. Sometimes that free spirit is very attractive but it also means she…"
"She could walk away for something else."
"And she has. I've got a blown fuse in my brain that I am concealing for my children and company and future. But she sees through it and at the first sign of danger she's out. She always is."
"She loves you."
"Obviously."
"Obviously?"
"Obviously!"
Silence smothers the room again until there is no sound but New York traffic and Azula's jagged breathing as she commands her body not to dare shed a tear under any circumstance.
But finally, she admits her worst fear now that the broken biochemistry of her brain has her on the torture rack and is pulling on her limbs.
"Ty Lee always says she would follow me to Hell and back." Azula sighs. "She's wrong. I'm the one who would follow her. I love her. I would die if I lost her."
Aang reaches out and gently touches Azula's shoulder to comfort her. Azula fiercely brushes him away.
"Touch me again and you'll spend your lunch break getting fitted for a prosthetic hand."
And she's back.
[X]
That evening, Azula's lack of resistance to packing up her wife and kids and flying to Los Angeles with her step mother quite honestly shocks both Mai and Ty Lee. She does not inform either of them, but admitting what she has been going through to Aang has made her think visiting home would not be the worst thing in the world for her.
It takes a while due to Bunny and Zoey, but Azula and Ty Lee at last finish packing and settle in for bed.
"This is definitely the craziest week I've had in like forever. Maybe my second craziest week since getting engaged to you?"
"How has this week been better than your first Christmas with my family?"
"There were cookies and presents involved." Ty Lee smiles and bats her lovely long eyelashes.
"I suppose that's a fair point." Azula softly smirks into her pillow.
After a moment of silence that makes both of them feel too heavy and weak, Azula rolls over and crushes her lips fiercely against those of her wife.
Ty Lee closes her eyes and revels in the blissful fact that Azula's lips are kerosene and matches.
They keep at it for some time, engrossed in each other and the blurred palette of watercolor paint their hearts and souls become when connected and void of any dark thoughts.
Ty Lee slowly and slightly breaks away and examines Azula for a brief moment.
"Even if you can't tell anybody else something, you can tell me," quietly insists Ty Lee before planting such a delicate but fiery kiss on Azula's forehead.
It is something somewhat final, closing the passion but opening the intimacy that Azula doubts she will ever be able to fully embrace.
"Maybe eventually I will agree with that."
"You've always been worth waiting for."
"Of course I am. I'm not just worth waiting for, I'm worth lying for, stealing for, dying for…"
Ty Lee cuts her off by pressing one perfectly manicured finger to Azula's lips. Still, it makes Ty Lee smile and smile hard.
"I love you," says Ty Lee. Her voice is a lovely chirp, but at the same time rich and genuine.
"I know," breathes Azula.
They speak no more, and simply sink into a sleepy embrace, illuminated by the flashing lights of the city below the wide window.
Azula's last thought before falling asleep is that under all of her icy elegance, saccharine sadism, unstoppable ambition and hunger for power, she is nothing more than a lovesick lunatic.
And that terrifies her to the core.
