Gilmore Girls
These Things I Know
A/N: So, now the story is moving along but I'm afraid it's becoming all a little too convenient. No, Rory isn't pregnant. I did consider it but I'm just not up for that kind of melodrama or predictability... Honestly, I think this might be heading into melodrama as it is but oh, how I love it! Happy reading! Genevra.
Summary: You might finally have what you thought you always wanted but the truth is this- you don't know what you've got 'til its gone.
Disclaimer: I do not own nor am I affiliated with Gilmore Girls in anyway.
Chapter Six: Stupid
The time dragged on, slowly first. Two days went by and became three, three days became a week then two. Mitchum's lawyer never contacted her and she was spared having to make the most horrible decision of her life. She supposed, all in all, she had Finn to thank for that.
Life went on and life moved on. The week turned into more weeks and the weeks into a month. Rory attempted to heal, attempted to push Logan out of her mind and slowly, very slowly, she succeeded. The day came when she reached out her hand, conscious of the fact it was going to be Dean's shaggy hair she was touching and not Logan's shorter spikes. They day came when she stopped hoping it would be Logan everytime the phone rang. The day came when she stopped seeing Logan and imagining it was Logan everytime she and Dean made love… Well, most of the time anyway. There were still flashes of thoughts and memories but she put them aside as quickly as possible. The morning did come, however, when she happily leant over and woke Dean with a kiss, a full hour before his alarm.
"Morning," she whispered, smiling.
"Morning," Dean replied sleepily. He kissed her again. "What time is it?"
"Early enough," she replied huskily. She placed her head on his bare chest.
"I see," he murmured back, raising an eyebrow. "Early enough for what?"
"I think you know," she replied, her hands trailing down his chest.
"Oh, do I?" he asked.
"Oh, you do," she answered.
"I think I do too," he replied, a smile spreading across his face. "In fact, I know I do."
The time passed quickly and as Dean went to shower, Rory felt something other than dirty. She felt strong, empowered, mad and lucid. Her Logan hadn't fought for her. He had never fought for her but Dean. Dean had fought for her from the beginning. Since the day she got married to the day she had left Logan, he had fought for her. And now, here she was, where was supposed to be and for awhile, it was good."
-
Pain ate at him from every side and every angle. Questions that would never be answered plagued him and assaulted him. Another tear, certainly not the first or last of many, dripped down his face and furiously, he wiped it away. How many times had he cried? How many times had he wept? And then, how many times had she cried? How many times had she wept? She probably hadn't even thought about him since he'd sent her the flowers. She really had moved in.
Overwhelmed with feelings of despair, Logan found himself gasping for breath. She couldn't really be over him, she couldn't have moved on. It wasn't possible.
The phone was in his hand before he could even stop it. These long-distance calls were going to be the death of him and his fortune but none of it seemed relevant when faced with his dilemna.
-
"Rory?" the voice croaked across the phone.
"Logan?" she asked, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. The body in bed next to her groaned and rolled over as Rory switched on the bedside lamp. "Logan, hang up. This is getting pathetic. And it's past two am in the morning."
"Rory, come home," he pleaded, his voice cracking. "I need you. I'm dying without you."
"Logan," she sighed, sick and tired of listening to him plead for her. "I can't take this anymore. I'm not coming home and no amount of calling me is going to change that."
"But you don't understand," he whimpered, beginning to choke out sobs. "I love you. I'm going crazy without you."
"Logan," she pleaded, tears springing to her own eyes. As much as she hated him right now, she hated hearing him cry. It tore her apart. Part of her wanted to yell at him and tell him to grow up, to stop being a baby but the rational, saner part of her understood exactly why he was acting this way. She had had her heartbroken too. She sighed again. "Logan, go get some sleep. I'll call you in the morning. Where are you?"
"I'm still in Europe," he admitted. "And you can't call me. Carpenter cant afford it even if you can."
"Logan," she said, her voice like a shot. "I have to go."
"Rory, don't go," he tried one last time. She inhaled and he knew he was close to breaking her. She exhaled and paused for a second.
"Good night, Logan," she said, hanging up the phone. She wiped the tears from her eyes quickly and discreetly before lying down. It wasn't long before she felt the body roll over and hands place themselves on her silky nightgown.
"Everything okay?" Dean asked.
"Yeah," Rory said, rolling over to look at him. She pasted on a brave face. "Logan just cant… get it into his head that we're over."
"Are you sure you're over it?" Dean asked, scrutinizing her face. She looked away and then she looked back.
"Of course I'm over it," she whispered. "It's just that we we're married, Dean. You know what it's like to go through a divorce, it's awful. I loved him, you know. We had a life. I swore to love him and only him 'til death do us part."
"That's where you went wrong," Dean said, turning away from her. "You should have married me."
"Well, I would have but you know, you married Lindsay," Rory said. "Slight problem there."
"You didn't have to marry Huntzberger and become part of his precocious family," Dean spat.
"Well, I did," Rory shot back. "And I was happy okay and now I'm not so drop it. you won, Dean. You got me. What more do you want?"
"Rory, what's going on here?" he asked.
"Nothing," she said, rolling over. "Let's get some sleep."
More time passed and things became normal again but as the days went on, Rory felt something stir in her spirit. Something wasn't right. Something was oh-so wrong and she had a feeling she knew exactly what is was.
-
"Rory? I'm home," Dean yelled, letting himself in.
"In the lounge room," she called from where she sat, fire blazing, blanket over her knees and book in her hands. Her eyes hadn't touched the novel, her thoughts were far, far away.
"Hey," Dean said, leaning over and kissing her.
"Hey yourself," Rory murmured. "How was your day?"
"Long," he said, sinking down onto the lounge. "Exhausting. Yours."
"Enlightening," she said, bravely. She stood up. "Can I get you something to eat?"
"You can't cook," Dean replied, matter of factly.
"I know," she snapped. "You keep bringing that up but I'm trying and how am I supposed to learn if you never ever let me?"
"I ran into your friend Finn today," Dean said suddenly. Rory's face paled and her body slacked. Her arms crashed to her side and she swallowed, hard.
"And?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
"He said he meant to call you about a week ago but he wasn't sure you could keep your promise," Dean answered, curiously. "What did he mean?"
Rory knew that it was crunch time. Logan was back from Europe and decision time was now. She could chose to obey Finn's wishes and keep her promise or she could spill and tell Dean everything which she would inevitably do anyway but she knew, it was better to keep Dean out of this, better for him not to know.
"Rory?" Dean asked, prompting her out of her head. "You want to tell me what this is all about?"
She swallowed and frowned, biting her lip nervously. Dean looked at her like a little puppy dog and she felt her resolve melt.
"Nothing," Rory sighed, looking away sadly. She quickly pasted on a smile. "You know what Finn's like."
'No, I don't know what Finn's like," Dean said.
"Well," was all she could bring herself to say. How much more of this could she take? How much more could she handle? Damn, she wanted to see Logan, wanted to hold him. She and Dean had been getting along fine and she had been beginning to remember why she was with him in the first place but know she felt so stupid. Logan was the only one who could make this okay, was the only one she wanted to be with.
"Are you okay?" Dean asked.
"Hmm?" Rory replied, vaguely. She looked at Dean, not really seeing him and sighed. "I'm fine but there's something we need to talk about."
"What?" he asked. "Can it wait until after dinner because I'm starving?"
"What do you mean can it…" Rory started, her voice raised. She trailed off and frowned. "Sure. Of course it can wait. When it comes to me, we can wait for anything."
"You saw Logan, didn't you?" Dean asked.
"I cannot believe you would even think that," Rory spat, her eyes flashing.
"Well, right now, I don't know what to think. Finn made you promise to stay away, didn't he? When you went to your house about six weeks ago, it wasn't Logan you saw, it was Finn."
"You were spying on me?" Rory asked, looking like the wind had been knocked out of her.
"I followed you," he replied, with steely resolve.
"Why in Heavens name would you do that?" she asked. "Do you trust me that little?"
"Should I?" he asked. "I just wanted to know what you did all day, stuck in this little house."
"Nothing!" she screamed. "I am so bored. Dean, I clean the house and I see my mum and I read and there is nothing else I can do because when I left Logan, I left my whole entire life and I lost everything."
"What about what you gained?" Dean asked.
"What I gained?" she gasped, stepping backwards. "What I gained? I got you and I got a house that's smaller than my bedroom. I have my husband's best friends telling me to stay away and my father in-law pressuring me to do something I cant do."
"What cant you do, Rory?" Dean asked, his face blazing. "What cant you do?"
"Oh, I have been so stupid," she said, ignoring him. She sank onto the couch and lowered her head into her hands. "What have I done?"
"Rory," Dean repeated, his voice low and threatening. "What cant you do?"
"Divorce him," she whispered, not looking up. "I cant divorce him. and why would I want too? You're cheating on me. I should have known you would. You cheated on Lindsay and now, you're cheating on me. I have been so stupid."
Dean watched her stand up and walk into the kitchen. She began to cry heart-wrenching sobs as she banged pots and pans around. He walked into the kitchen as she stuck some leftovers into the microwave.
"What do you mean I'm cheating on you?" he asked.
"You know exactly what I mean," she said, wiping her eyes and fiddling with the knobs on the microwave. "The blonde. I saw you with her. Once or twice a week. It was Lindsay, wasn't it?"
"What do you want to do now?" he asked, refusing to answer her.
"I don't know," she answered.
"Huh," Dean said, impassively. His face was pinched and full of anger. He grabbed a plate off the table and threw it at the fridge, narrowly missing Rory's head. She screamed and jumped forward as shards flew across the room and landed on the floor. She covered her head and sunk to the floor as another plate followed. "Damnit, Rory!"
"I'm sorry," she cried, not once knowing why she was apologizing. He sank to the floor and began to crawl towards her. She screamed and jumped up. "Don't you touch me! Stay away from me!"
"But Rory, I love you," he pleaded. "I'm sorry. I am. Don't leave here like I know you're going too."
"My bags are already packed," she admitted. She was pale and drawn. "That's the first time you've said that in two years. And now I can see you don't mean t. you never loved me. This was all about someone else having me and you couldn't handle it."
"No, Rory. It wasn't. I've always loved you," he said standing up.
"Is that why you cheated on me?" she hissed. He grabbed her hand and she wrenched her whole body away. "Don't touch me. You make me sick."
She walked to the bedroom and pulled her coat off the bed, putting it on. She rummaged around the pockets for the keys.
"Where will you go?" Dean asked, watching her from the doorway.
"I don't know," she said, her eyes red and stinging. "Away from you."
"You don't have to go," Dean suggested. "I kind of like having a girl around."
"Maybe you should find someone who isn't already married and isn't already in love with someone else. She'll have to be smart because I wasn't. I was stupid to think you ever loved me. I was stupid to think you could give me anything that Logan couldn't. I was stupid to think you wouldn't cheat on me too. I see that now. You never cared about me just as long as there was someone to keep the house clean and your bed warm, you didn't care who it was."
"Are you going to go back to your husband?" Dean asked, snickering.
"You know he won't have me," she said, fumbling with her key-ring as she stormed outside. She pulled two keys off and threw them at him. "But I know that's my fault."
"Now you know how it feels," Dean said. "To be cheated on and to be left."
"I want to blame you for this," she said, crying. "And I already hate you but I cant. This was all my fault and all my stupidity. I have no-one to blame but myself. I made my bed and now I have to sleep in it."
"You could stay," Dean offered. "At least Lindsay can cook now and you can have some company. You wont be so bored."
"Screw you," Rory said, getting into the car and turning it on. "I regret ever having loved you and I will never love you again."
"Shame," Dean yelled over the roaring car as she pulled away. "You were always my favourite girl."
