A/N: Reviews make me hot. marauders4 – Well, Sirius is a boy and boys can be very stupid sometimes. :) Jenny (Miss JaD) – I know exactly what you mean, sugar. But I don't know if you'll still feel sorry for Sirius after this chapter… Rebellover – Teehee. Well, some people can be a bit daft. And I wouldn't be too sure that Remus' fears aren't founded. James likes things the way he's used to. WhiteRose101 – Why, thanks, m'dear! I'm glad you like.

Disclaimer: Just look at my car. I so obviously do not own Harry Potter. If I did, I'd look into one of those fancy cars that actually start every time you turn the key.

Warning: If you made it past the last scene of the first chapter, I'm not sure much else could shock you…

Rating: T – For boys making out with each other, cursing, etc, etc.

Alright… shortest chapter so far. But it won't disappoint, I promise!

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Chapter Four: Necessary Lies

James was starting to worry about his best friend. They'd been in school for nearly two months and yet, as far as he could tell, Sirius hadn't been on a single date since they arrived. He hadn't woken up to find any half dressed girls slipping out of the room before sunrise or found Sirius sneaking back into the room still dressed from the day before, looking extremely pleased with himself. Even the last Hogsmeade trip, he had spent most of the day hanging around with Remus. Sirius had never hit a dry spell that lasted this long before. In fact, James couldn't remember the last time Sirius had had a dry spell at all. He had to do something.

"Oy! Sirius!" James called out, jogging a bit to catch up with Sirius and Remus as they walked out by the lake.

Sirius and Remus stopped and waited for him to reach them. Remus looked faintly flushed, as if embarrassed about something.

"What's up, mate?" Sirius asked, curious why James was chasing him down.

"I've got great news!" James announced, once he had caught his breath.

"Well, don't keep us in suspense then!" Sirius exclaimed.

"I got you a date with Louise Williams!" James informed him, smiling broadly.

Sirius shot a glance at Remus, a slightly bemused expression on his face. Remus looked as though he might be sick. Sirius cleared his throat. It almost seemed to James as though he was trying not to laugh.

"I asked Louise to go out with me several times last year." He recalled. "She always turned me down. Heard some things about my reputation, apparently. Evans and her big mouth, no doubt."

"Yeah, well, she's always had a soft spot for me," James said smugly, ignoring the jibe at his girlfriend, "and I talked you up a bit as I helped her with her potions assignment the other day."

"Not that I'm not grateful, mate. But why the sudden need to fix me up?" Sirius asked.

"You have to admit you haven't been up to your usual quota." James answered. Taking Sirius' lack of response as hesitation, he turned to Remus for reinforcement. "Come on, Moony. Back me up here. Don't you think he should go out with her? At least one date?"

Remus looked as though he was extremely uncomfortable with this entire conversation. He blinked up at James in surprise at being addressed directly.

"Oh!" He stuttered out after a moment, realizing the question wasn't rhetorical. "I… erm… well, I dunno. I suppose it's up to Sirius."

James rolled his eyes.

"Some help you are, Moony." He offered sarcastically.

Sirius grinned.

"Look, James, I appreciate it, but no thanks." He said, laughing slightly at James' incredulous expression. "I've got other plans in mind for this year. Not everything is about girls, you know."

At this statement, James blanched. He looked at Sirius as though he had just sprouted horns. What was he trying to say? Sirius Black couldn't really be taking a vow of abstinence, could he? That would just be… wrong.

Sirius shook his head, still laughing. He and Remus resumed their stroll, leaving James standing by the lake, wondering what the hell had happened to his best friend.

He wandered back to the common room and found Lily studying, several books strewn out over the table in front of her. He took a seat beside her with a heavy sigh.

"I don't get it." He muttered sullenly.

"Don't get what?" Lily asked.

She didn't even glance up from the book that she was in the process of both highlighting and color coding.

"Sirius!" James exclaimed. "He hasn't been on a date in over two months and when I go to great trouble to get him a date he turns it down! I actually spent two hours istudying/i with Louise to get her to the point where she was even open to the idea! But do I get a thank you? No!"

"Oh honestly, James!" Lily burst out in frustration, snapping the book closed and gathering it up with the rest of her things. "Sometimes I think you are the most dimwitted fool I have ever met!"

With that she stomped off to the girls' dorms, leaving James with a rather startled expression etched across his features.

"Wait, Lily!" He called out to her in utter confusion. "What did I say?"

Meanwhile, Remus and Sirius were still enjoying the late afternoon down on the grounds.

"Poor Prongs," Sirius laughed, "asking you to convince me to go out with Louise without even realizing the irony! You know how he loves good irony."

Remus managed a half-grin in reply.

They had just passed a large old oak tree and before Remus knew what was happening, Sirius had grabbed him by the collar and pushed him up against the trunk, kissing him fiercely.

"Too bad I'm already seeing someone." He whispered huskily, before returning to the kiss.

A twig snapped somewhere behind them, jolting Remus back to reality. He pushed Sirius off of him rather harshly, glancing around the tree in a panic.

"It's just a squirrel, Moony." Sirius said with a laugh.

"What were you doing?" Remus demanded, apparently not finding the situation quite as humorous as Sirius.

"I thought that was pretty obvious." Sirius replied softly, playfully. He desperately wanted to keep this from turning into another fight.

"Anyone could have seen us!" Remus hissed, clearly upset.

Sirius sighed.

"Sorry," he muttered, rather sarcastically, "sorry I tried to kiss you. Let's just forget it, okay?"

"You don't care if anyone sees us, do you?" Remus accused.

"You know what? No. I don't." Sirius admitted, resigning himself to the fact that this was going to turn into a fight at this point no matter what he said.

"Well, that's just great." Remus muttered sarcastically.

"Well, I'm sick of this shit!" Sirius exclaimed in frustration. "I'm never allowed to touch you unless we're behind closed doors where no one could possibly see us. I mean, God, Remus, we haven't had sex since we got back to school!"

"I know." Remus said quietly, his gaze fixed on the ground.

After a moment, he lifted his gaze to Sirius'.

"What do you want from me?" He asked, the pain evident in his voice. "Do you think it's easy for me, not being with you? That I didn't want to kiss you just then? That it doesn't drive me crazy sitting next to you in class every day, sleeping in the same room with you at night?"

He took a breath, pacing the short space in front of the tree as he spoke.

"You're to one who started this, Sirius!" He found himself ranting. "You did this to me! I was fine with the way things were. For the first time in my life I had friends. I was happy. I felt like I belonged. And then you just come in and turn everything around. I mean, what do you want from me? What do you want from me, Sirius!"

Sirius took an involuntary step back during Remus' outburst, not believing what he was hearing.

He was ruining Remus' life. The realization hit him like a heavy blow to the chest. Remus' accusation, "You did this to me!" echoed in his head, over and over, like a broken record.

When Sirius looked back up at Remus, his countenance was completely changed. His jaw was set, his face expressionless, and he'd decided what he needed to do to fix everything.

"This isn't working for me anymore." He said flatly.

Remus blinked up at him in surprise.

"What are you trying to say?" He asked, a soft tremor in his voice.

"Look, it was fun for awhile," Sirius answered coldly, "but let's not make this into something it's not. It was just an experiment – a summer fling. I just wanted to try something new. The only reason I kept it going this long is that you're my friend and I didn't want to hurt you. But now that I know this situation isn't working out for you either, I can finally tell you the truth."

Remus looked on the verge of tears.

"You can't mean that!" He said desperately. "I mean… we… you, you said you loved me."

"Well, I lied." Sirius said softly, not meeting his eye. "Come on, Moony. How many girls do you think I've whispered that to before? It's just something you say. It doesn't mean anything."

Remus choked back a sob, listening to Sirius' harsh words.

"I should go." Sirius said, turning his back on Remus and walking back up to the castle.

"Wait!" Remus called out, but Sirius ignored him.

He closed his eyes to try to block out the image of the pain etched across Remus' face, but that only made the sounds of his quiet sobs more clear.

Somehow, he made it back to the Gryffindor common room. He was planning to head straight to the dorm, but he saw James sitting in the corner and suddenly an idea came to him. He made his way over to where his best friend was seated.

"Listen, mate," James said when he saw him approaching, "I don't know if you and Lily both had the same crazy potion poured into your pumpkin juice this morning, but…"

"I'll do it." Sirius cut him off, before he could continue.

"What?" James asked, not realizing what Sirius was referring to.

"The date." Sirius clarified. "With Louise. I'll do it."

James brightened at once.

"Excellent!" He replied cheerfully. "I'll get it all set up!"

Sirius nodded and continued out of the common room and up to the dorm. As soon as he entered the room, with the door closed behind him, he couldn't hold himself together anymore. He slumped down against the wall and burst into silent tears.

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Well, that's chapter four! You know, I used to know this guy, Jimmy, who would read fics all the time but never review. He got hit by a bus. I'm just saying.

Chapter five… Greasy!Snivellus finally makes an appearance! And Moronic!Sirius digs himself into an even deeper hole…