Gilmore Girls

These Things I Know

A/N: I admit. I'm a sucker for spoilers so I've read what's going to happen in season six and all I can say is OMG! I cannot wait and yet, I have to because the rest of Australia hasn't even seen all of season five. Amen for friends, Amazon and DVD box sets! Happy reading! Genevra.

Summary: You might finally have what you thought you always wanted but the truth is this- you don't know what you've got 'til its gone.

Disclaimer: I do not own nor am I affiliated with Gilmore Girls in anyway.


Chapter Fifteen: Irreparable


"So, where are going, Ace?" Logan asked. "Back to New Haven? To our honeymoon suite?"

"We are going back to my place," she replied. She turned to him and took his hand. "I know my present isn't quite as good as yours but it means a lot to me."

"What the lady wants, the lady shall have," Logan replied, gallantly kissing her hand. He rapped on the partition and Frank lowered it. "To the apartment please, Frank."

-

Rory and Logan managed to get themselves into the apartment without breaking anything or hurting themselves which was amazing considering the face their faces hadn't been apart and their hands hadn't touched anything but each other. Rory pulled herself away and unlocked the door and moved in sideways.

"Where's Marta?" Logan asked between kisses. He pushed her against the doorjamb.

"I gave her the night off," Rory replied breathlessly.

"Good call, my wife," he answered huskily.

"Mmm," she smiled, easing off the doorway and away from him. She walked backwards and beckoned him with her finger.

"The mouse orders and the lion obeys," he said, walking in. He slammed the door behind him without looking and backed her gently into a cabinet. A vase caught on one of her ruffles and crashed to the ground, sending shards of Waterford crystal to the floor.

"Shit," she murmured. Logan placed a finger on her lips.

"It's okay. We can fix it in the morning," he whispered. He ran his hands up her body and back down again. "This thing you have planned. Can it wait?"

"Nope," she replied, pushing him away. She gazed at him, her lips swollen from the constant pressure of his lips on hers. "I wish."

She switched on the stereo and pulled a champagne bottle from the fridge. Skillfully, she popped the cork and took a long sip.

"Champagne?" she offered. He took the bottle and sipped from it, gazing at her in adoration. "What?"

"You," he replied. She blushed and came over to him, kissing the droplets of champagne off his lips.

"What about me?" she asked.

"Everything," he answered. "Have I told you how much I love you?"

"Not tonight," she replied, as 'Moon River' came onto the stereo. He took her into his arms and they began to waltz awkwardly around the room.

"The room spinning yet, Ace?" he asked, as they swayed.

"Shh," she smiled, kissing him. "Do you remember the first time we danced to this?"

"How could I forget?" he moaned. "I felt like such an idiot. I don't think I could have gotten out of my chair any faster. I thought for sure you would know I was in love with you."

"Well, I didn't. I just knew I had to be the one who took action. My dad and I were talking and he said 'who wouldn't want to be kissed by a Gilmore girl?' and he told me that when my mother kissed him for the first time she said 'I just wanted to know what it would be like.' And I, I just wanted to know what it would be like to kiss the boy I had fallen in love with," she told him. She was so nervous, she was actually shaking.

"You're shaking," he whispered, touching her bare shoulder.

"What was it like?" she asked, ignoring him. They had stopped dancing now and stood, their bodies pressing together. She closed her eyes and steadied herself, forcing herself to calm down. "I have waited three years to ask you."

"It was like this," he answered, cupping her chin and kissing her. She bit her lipped and opened her eyes. "Why the tears? It's our anniversary."

"Come," she said, taking his hand and leading him into the bedroom. She went to her old-fashioned vanity and looked in the mirror. He stood behind her and ran his hands from the nape of her neck down her bare arms. "I need help with the buttons."

Logan bent and kissed her shoulder. His fingers worked the row of pearl buttons that lined her back quickly. When he had undone the last button, Rory hauled the sagging dress around and removed Logan's jacket before unbuttoning his shirt. She kissed his Adam's apple and left the shirt hanging loosely on him.

"What was it like?" she whispered. She stepped out of the dress and stood before him.

"It was the defining moment of my life. I was gone for, before your lips even touched mine. At twenty-two, I was gone for. There was your lips and your body pressed against mine but there was nothing else and I knew there would never be anyone but you again," he replied. He took her hand and led her to the bed. "All I wanted was for that feeling, the feeling that there was only us and everything was all right in the world, to last. When I was with you, and when I am with you, everything gets wiped away and there's only you, there's only me, there's only us. I never wanted anything until you. I didn't need too want. But then I met you and all I want is you."

"I'm right here," she spoke, her voice broken. In his eyes, she could still see the hurt that was there, the hurt that she had caused. Tears came into her eyes again.

"No," he said, touching her lip. "Not tonight. There will no tears. Tonight, there's just us."

She crawled onto the bed next to him and kissed him. She kissed his eyes and cried into his hair. He gently pushed her away and took her face in his hands.

"There's only us."

-

Rory rolled over, away from Logan. She looked at the time on her cell-phone and fought the urge to groan. 4.37 am. She was tired and exhausted. To have Logan there with her, his hands on her, his lips on her had been so overwhelmingly perfect but so not the right way to push everything away, to put everything behind them.

She rolled out of bed and grabbed her silk robe and tiptoed into the bathroom and flicked on the light. The place gleamed as light bounced off white tiles and porcelain. Rory took stock of herself in the mirror. Her hair had become a rat's nest and her make-up had smudged horrendously. She sighed and cupped her hands under the running tap. She splashed her face and let the water run down her face and onto her body. The icy streams made her shiver and gasp. Her face looked worse so turned the faucet off, removed her robe and turned on the shower.

The second the water hit her body, she weakened. She slumped against the glass and began to cry. She held herself up for a few moments before sliding to the floor. She pulled her knees up to her chest and sobbed.

Logan rolled over and reached for his wife. She was gone. He checked the time and sighed. 5.17am. He could hear the shower running and on instinct, he entered the ensuite.

He found Rory, knees to chest, on the shower floor watching the water slip into the drain. She covered her face when she realized he was there, watching her.

"Rory?" he asked, concern completely taking over. Her moved to open the door but she cried out.

"No, Logan. Don't. I didn't want you to see me like this," she cried. He ignored her and joined her on the floor.

"Tell me what's wrong, Ace," he prodded.

"I'm sorry. I've ruined your night," she whispered. "Everything was so perfect."

"Hey, it's morning anyway," he joked weakly.

"I know I shouldn't cry but I felt so bad. I missed you so much when I was gone. I was too busy thinking about myself and how much I was hurting that I didn't even stop to think about you and tonight when we were… it just all clicked into place. I wondered what you were doing with me. You could do so much better, at the very least you could find someone who would be faithful but then I knew. You and I, we belong to each other. We could never be happy with anyone else. I own your heart and you own mine and I felt so bad for taking that heart with me and breaking it, especially when I didn't leave my own behind," she choked. "You have no idea how much I love you and you have no idea how sorry I am. I will never stop. Loving you. Or being sorry."

Logan listened to her silently, impassively. There was no emotion in his voice when he replied.

"I hated you. When you did what you did. I hated you and I didn't miss you. A letter would come for you or someone would call. I'd see you hair or your eyes and I wanted to murder the person for reminding me of you because I was so hurt. I was determined not to fight for you, to be done with you but as soon as I began that, everything changed. I knew I couldn't lose you. That would be the end of me, the end of us. We have something worth fighting for. I knew that then and I know that now," he said. His resolve began to break and choked back his own tears. "Rory, I know you're sorry. I know you love me. You don't need to tell me. I see it everywhere. In your eyes, in your face, in the way you move, in the way you talk, in the way you love me. We thought we were in invincible once but now we know we're not but we can work on putting this behind us. We are not irreparable. After this, after tonight, I don't want to talk about it again. I don't want to think about it. I want to move on and I want to start my life with you again. that's what last night was about. Putting the past behind us and moving on."

Rory was quiet as she watched the waterfall from the shower. She pushed her wet, heavy hair out of her face and leaned against the wall.

"That kiss," she whispered. "At Grandma and Grandpa's wedding, that was the lightning bolt moment for me. That was when I knew that that was it. I knew I was never going to love another man the way I did then and it was true. And I want to start again but the past, Logan, it doesn't go away. It can't just be ignored. It sits there like an elephant in the room. It makes its presence known. I agree. I want to put it behind me but I can. It's part of me. I hate that and I'm not proud of it, but I can't change it."

She sat up and moved as far away from Logan as she could. He didn't want to be touched right now, not by her. He looked so despondent that she just wanted to reach out to him, to take it all back but she couldn't. It would be a lie to tell him she was going to forget the past when she couldn't. She wanted to shoot herself for bringing it up there and then. She had ruined a perfect night, one she could never get back, with her tears and the melodramatic flair she had inherited from her mother.

Logan stood up and turned the faucet off. He let himself out of the shower and grabbed a burgundy towel. He tied it around his waist.

"I'll be in bed if you need me," he said bitterly. He left the room and Rory rested her head on her knees.

She stayed there for a grand total of thirty seconds before she realized, if she didn't want her husband to leave, she had to do something and now. She jumped out of the shower and shoved her silk robe on.

"Logan!" she yelled, catching him as he was slipping through the bedroom drawer. She grabbed him and pulled him close. He didn't resist but he didn't hold her either. "Logan, stay. We aren't invincible but we aren't irreparable either. This can be fixed. I know it can. I'll put it all behind me. The past, everything. I'll never bring it up again, not to you. I promise. I will do anything. I just want…"

"What do you want?" he asked. She let go and looked at him, pleading with her eyes.

"I just want you to stay," she begged. She grabbed his hand. "Let me fix this. Please, Logan."

"I love you, Ace," he gave in. "I don't know why but I do. I can't leave you. I could never leave you before and it's not going to change now but you have to promise me, you will understand that I don't understand why you did what you did but I forgive you. You don't have to feel sorry for it anymore."

"Yes, Logan, yes," she replied. "I promise."

"Good," he said, running his hand down her face. "It's still early and I think the bed is calling our name."

"I think you might be right."