Kathryn's unconscious body lay before him, battered, bruised, and bleeding. Her skin had a deathly pallor under the blood and bruises, and she lay very, very still. The aliens had really done a number on her in the two weeks before the crew had managed to track her down and beam her back. The Doctor pushed him aside as he approached the biobed.

"You don't need to be here, Commander," the hologram said.

"Yes, I do," Chakotay said firmly. The woman he loved was close to death if her appearance was anything to go by, and his place was clearly by her side.

"Chakotay, please," Tom said. "You can see her when we're done."

Chakotay pushed his way past the two men and clutched Kathryn's red-stained hand. Her fingers were bent at odd angles and the skin, from what he could see under the blood, was a deep purple.

"Commander!" The Doctor turned him away from the bed roughly. "You cannot be here while my patient is in this state. You can wait in my office, but you need to let me work."

Chakotay nodded dumbly, then took a last glance at his captain's face. The thought that someone could so easily rip the woman he loved away from his side and do these unspeakable things to her was appalling to him. His fists clenched and his vision blurred. Her eyes refused to open. He just wanted her to wake up, to smile at him, to say anything. He wanted her to be okay. He wanted to see her in any way except like this. Anything would be better than this.

"Commander." The Doctor's voice filtered into his consciousness. "Commander!"

Chakotay awoke with a start. "What, Doctor?"

"She's waking up."

He looked immediately to the figure lying on the bed before him and sat up from his chair. Her skin had its normal rosy glow and all her bones were once again intact. There were no external signs of what she had been through, but he knew that the true repercussions would not be known until she awoke.

Her eyelids flickered and she sighed softly.

His hands tightened around her fingers. He held his breath.

Her eyes fluttered open.

"Kathryn?"

She turned her head towards him, and he smiled reassuringly at her.

Suddenly, she bolted upright in bed and ripped her hand away from him.

"It's okay, you're safe," he said softly. "We got you out of there. You're safe now."

She leapt off the biobed and backed away from them, her breathing ragged and her body trembling.

"Kathryn, it's me. Chakotay."

She dropped down to her knees and pressed her body into the corner where one of the biobeds met the bulkhead.

Chakotay approached her slowly. "Kathryn, listen to my voice. No one's going to hurt you. You're safe now." He knelt down to her level and held out a hand to her. "You're going to be okay." He moved towards her again slowly but stopped when she hissed at him in a very cat-like manner.

"Commander," the Doctor interjected, "she's likely to let you closer to her than me, so see if you can get a cortical scan for me." He handed Chakotay a medical tricorder.

Chakotay opened the tricorder and leaned ever-so-slowly closer to the woman in front of him. He moved his hand closer to her head and she swatted it away. He tried again with the same result. The third time, she grabbed his hand, pulled it closer, and sank her teeth into his flesh. He yelped and she shrank back.

"Okay, forget the scan," the Doctor said. "I'd hate to have two patients on my hands."

"Let me try something else," Chakotay said as inspiration struck. He tossed the tricorder back to the Doctor and left the room for a minute, returning with a steaming silver mug. He knelt down again near Kathryn and held the mug out towards her. "Coffee," he said to her. He put the mug down on the floor then stood up and backed away.

Kathryn approached the cup slowly on hands and knees. She picked it up and sniffed it cautiously. As she inhaled the rich aroma, her eyelids slid shut and she brought the cup to her lips and began to drink deeply. She emptied half the mug before she stopped and smiled.

"Commander, a word?" The Doctor pulled Chakotay aside to the other end of the room. They watched Kathryn as she peered around the room in between draining the rest of the coffee. "I think I know what's happening. I had hoped it wouldn't be this bad, but clearly whatever she suffered affected her so badly her mind tried to find whatever way it could to cope. I suspect she has repressed all memories that have to do with the abuse she suffered. And since she doesn't seem to recognize either of us or Voyager, I can only conclude that she has repressed all memories to do with her identity."

"Why?"

"Those aliens who abducted her – they wanted information about Voyager, didn't they? I would assume they would have… 'interrogated' her extensively, thus associating Voyager with everything they inflicted on her."

"So she doesn't even remember that she loves coffee?"

"I'd say she's just learned that fact anew."

They looked over to where Kathryn had tilted her head back to allow the last drops of coffee to fall from the cup onto her tongue.

"So how do we help her get her memory back?" Chakotay asked.

"Reacquaint her with familiar things. But slowly," the Doctor said. "Physically, she's fine, so I can release her to her quarters as long as she has twenty-four-seven supervision. Who knows how well she can take care of herself in her present state?"

"I'll stay with her," Chakotay said. "Somehow, I'll help her find herself again."


The transporter deposited Kathryn sitting cross-legged on the floor in her quarters. As soon as the blue shimmer faded, she jumped up and swung her head wildly around.

"It's okay, Kathryn. It's okay," Chakotay said soothingly. "You're alright." He came towards her with his hands out to reassure her, but she bolted under the dining table and hissed at him again. He stopped and sighed. "Okay, we'll take it slow." He picked up a coffee cup from on top of the table and placed it on the floor in front of her. "Consider this a peace offering. I'm going to keep you safe, okay?" She sniffed at the coffee and picked it up, still eyeing him warily.

An idea struck Chakotay and he disappeared into the bedroom. When he reappeared, he had a bedsheet tucked up in his arms. With a flourish, he spread it over the table so that it fell down to the floor on three sides, leaving one side open where Kathryn peeked out cautiously. "A safe cave," he said. "You don't have to come out if you don't want to." He crossed over to the sofa and sat down.

Kathryn watched him from inside her safety cave. He, in turn, regarded her silently from his place on the couch. He searched her face for absolutely any sign of recognition. Her eyes were wide and scared but betrayed no knowledge of who he was or even where they were. As near as he could tell, the entirety of her consciousness was comprised of the instincts of a wild animal. A little red wildcat, he mused. Afraid and alone, desperately defending herself against everyone who came near her. It would be his job to earn that wildcat's trust.

His thoughts were interrupted by a growl from Kathryn's direction. He looked up in surprise. "What did I do to earn that?" he asked. Then he realized she had wrapped her hands around her midsection and was biting her lip. "Oh, you're hungry," he realized. He walked over to the replicator and stood there, contemplating. He remembered once on New Earth she had mentioned that her favourite meal was roasted chicken and potatoes in gravy, so he began to punch it into the replicator panel.

He approached the den cautiously with the steaming plate. "Here," he said. He placed it carefully down on the carpet as Kathryn shrank back. "Food. And a fork, in case you still remember how to use it." Apparently that was one thing she did still remember because as soon as he backed away from the plate, she pounced on it, snatched up the fork, and began wolfing down the meal.

"Sickbay to Commander Chakotay."

Chakotay tapped his commbadge. "Chakotay here."

"How's our patient, Commander?"

"She seems to be settling in. Sort of. She's eating right now."

"That's good. I'll be round in the morning for a check-up, but for now, I suggest you make sure she gets plenty of food and rest. And not too much caffeine."

"Noted." Chakotay eyed the woman currently gulping down the cup of coffee as if her life depended on it. "Chakotay out."

Chakotay watched from a distance as Kathryn polished off the plate of food and sat back with a satisfied sigh. "Finished?" he asked, coming closer to take the plate. He noted with a smile that Kathryn did not back away when he leaned in to collect the dishes. He recycled them in the replicator then knelt back down beside the hidey cave. "What else will you need?" He regarded her wide blue eyes silently for a moment before he stood up again and went into the bedroom. He returned carrying a pillow and a bedsheet. He lifted up one 'wall' of the 'cave' and arranged the bedding inside. "You'll be more comfortable with this," he said.

Kathryn watched, one eyebrow raised curiously. When Chakotay had backed away again, she went inside to examine his work. The cloth walls fluttered and the sheets inside rustled as she moved about. When all was silent and still, Chakotay peeked around the opening of the makeshift tent. He saw Kathryn snuggled up with the blanket and pillow, all wrapped up in her own little cocoon. "Sleep well," he murmured. "I'll be right here if you need anything."

He rearranged the pillows on the sofa and lay down, ordering the lights to dim. He lay quietly for a while, listening to the sound of Kathryn's even breathing. His mind drifted back to the last time he had seen her before all this had happened. He had lingered after the staff briefing to express his concerns about her going to the alien space station unaccompanied.

"Don't worry," she had said, a smile gracing her features and her hand reaching up to lay on his chest. "I'll be fine." And like a fool, he had believed her. He let her smile convince him and then she went and got herself kidnapped. By the time anyone on Voyager knew about it, the crafty aliens who took her were already light-years away in their own ship. He shuddered to imagine everything they must have put her through, those bastards. He couldn't imagine how much abuse it had to have taken to leave her like this. This broken shell of a person who didn't even remember his name, or her own for all he knew. A part of him wished he had beamed out one of the aliens when they rescued their captain so that he could take out some of his anger on the persons responsible for this mess. If he had laid eyes on them, they would be in broken, bloodied pieces by the time he was done with them.

He grunted and turned onto his side. These thoughts were useless now. The aliens were far behind them. Kathryn was safe again. His anger could wait until he could run a boxing simulation. Right now, his kindness was needed more than his rage. He breathed deeply and evenly, trying to quiet his thoughts of vengeance enough to allow himself to sleep. He pictured Kathryn as she was – all smiles and laughter and radiant beauty. He imagined the touch of her hand and the sound of her voice and felt his body slowly begin to relax.

Suddenly, a new sound penetrated his consciousness. "No, no. No!" Opening his eyes, Chakotay realized it was Kathryn. He sat up and launched himself into the darkness towards the sound of her sobs. "No!" she shrieked.

"Kathryn!" he grasped her shoulder and shook her as sharply as he dared. "Wake up!"

Her arm flew out and smacked him across the face. Her feet began kicking wildly.

Chakotay backed away a step. "Calm down. It was just a dream. Computer, lights." The room lit up and Chakotay took in Kathryn's tousled hair and wild eyes. "See? You're safe on Voyager. I'm here, Kathryn. You're safe." Murmuring soothing words, he crept forwards again towards the now-still figure. He reached out his hand and brushed a lock of hair away from her face. "See? I'm not going to hurt you. You're safe with me." His fingers caressed her cheek and she leaned into the touch. Suddenly, she lunged forward and threw her arms around him, sobbing wildly. He began rubbing her back and trying to sooth her. "Let it all out. You'll be okay. It's going to be okay now."

The two sat for a long time in each other's arms as Kathryn released all the buried pain and fear inside her heart. When her sobs quietened and her breathing evened, Chakotay helped her lay back down and tucked her in under the blanket. He kissed the back of one of her hands and ordered the lights to dim again. Then he stood up to return to the sofa.

He almost missed it. The word was whispered so quietly he wasn't sure he had heard it properly.

"Stay."

He knelt down beside her. "What was that?"

"Stay," she whispered again.

He nodded in the darkness. "Okay."

She shuffled over to make room in her little tent under the table. He lay down gingerly, unsure of how close she wanted him to be, but his fears were assuaged when she threw an arm around him and snuggled in close against his side.

He fell asleep that night with a smile on his face.


Chakotay awoke the next morning to the sensation of feather-light touches on his face. He opened his eyes slowly to see Kathryn's blue eyes hovering right above his own. She blinked in surprise then backed away.

"It's okay," he murmured instinctively.

Slowly, she came closer, her hand stretched out towards his face. Her finger reached out and touched his forehead, then began tracing the lines of his tattoo. Then she traced down the bridge of his nose, then over the cleft of his chin and along the length of his jawline. It was as though she was memorising his face for the first time. He smiled up at her and slowly, the corner of her lips began to move upwards and return the smile.

"Do you remember me now?" he asked hopefully. "Do you remember where you are?"

Her brow furrowed and her lips parted, but she said nothing. She closed and licked her lips then looked at him apologetically.

"Okay. I'll take that as a 'not quite yet'." He sat up and reached out a hand slowly, setting it gently on her shoulder. "Are you feeling alright this morning?" Kathryn nodded. "No more nightmares?" She shook her head. "Good. What would you like for breakfast?" Kathryn thought for a moment then mimed lifting a cup to her lips. Chakotay laughed. "You need something besides coffee. How about my famous buttermilk pancakes? You always loved those on New Earth."

A strange look crossed Kathryn's features. She closed her eyes and frowned in concentration.

"Did that ring a bell?" Chakotay asked. "New Earth? Do you remember it?"

Kathryn opened her eyes and reached out her hands, grasping one of his own. She pressed the palm of her hand against his, entwining their fingers together the way they had done that fateful night years ago. She looked up and held his gaze, as though searching for answers about this half-remembered image in her mind.

"We did this on New Earth," Chakotay told her softly, "when I told you I love you." A broad smile lit up Kathryn's face. "It's still true, you know," he said. "I love you, Kathryn." He reached up and brushed the back of his fingers against her cheek, and she leaned into his touch. "I love you. No matter what happens to us, I'll be here for you."

Kathryn leaned forward and flung her arms around Chakotay, overbalancing both of them and sending them sprawling on the floor.

"Oof!" Chakotay groaned. "Okay, okay. Let's get out from under the table and we can have some breakfast, alright?"

With Kathryn's hand tightly clutching his own, Chakotay crawled out from the tent he had made her and helped her stand up.

"Do you remember how to use the bathroom?" he asked her. At her nod, he said, "You go do that, while I replicate us some pancakes."

By the time Kathryn returned, the bedding from under the table was folded and laid out on the sofa and two plates of steaming pancakes were set out and waiting. Chakotay handed her a cup of coffee and pulled out a chair for her.

"I was thinking that today," he said as she began tucking into the meal before her, "I could help you access your personal logs so you can listen to those. Maybe it will spark some memories for you." She didn't look up from her plate. He reached across and laid a hand on top of her own. "I want you to get well, Kathryn. Will you try, please?" She glanced up and nodded. "Thank you," he said.

When the Doctor arrived two hours later, he found Kathryn curled up on the sofa with a computer monitor, listening to the recordings of her personal logs through earphones. He approached her cautiously and began scanning her.

"Has any of her memory returned?" he asked Chakotay.

"She had a brief flicker of a memory earlier, but it didn't last long. I thought listening to her logs might spark something, but so far no luck."

"Give it time," the Doctor suggested. "She's been through a lot, so it'll take a while most likely for her brain to realize she's safe again."

"I just wish there were something more I can do for her." Chakotay gazed at the figure huddled on the couch. He could tell that under her relaxed demeanour she was keeping a close eye on the hologram at her side, still not trusting anyone enough to relax completely. Her gazed flicked between the Doctor, the screen before her, and Chakotay across the room. His heart ached for the strong, confident woman who was nowhere to be found now.

"You are helping her." The Doctor snapped his tricorder shut and tucked it back into his belt. "By providing a comforting presence that she can rely on, you are exactly what she needs, now more than ever." He turned to leave but paused in front of the door. "The only other thing I can think of is to bring her to familiar, safe surroundings. Perhaps she has a holoprogram of her home on Earth or something."

"I'll look into it," Chakotay promised.

When the door closed after the physician, he turned back to the woman on the sofa. "Do you have a program of Earth that you would remember?" he asked. She looked up at him but did not respond. Then, an idea struck him. "Wait. I might have something." He approached the sofa and motioned for Kathryn to take the earbuds out, then held out his hand to her. "Come with me. I want to show you something."

Her hand tightened around his and she pressed close to his side as they exited her quarters into the wide corridor. He murmured words of encouragement to her as he wrapped his arm around her and walked her towards the turbolift. They rode the 'lift in silence, then began to make their way towards the holodeck. Crewmembers who passed them smiled at seeing their captain again. Chakotay greeted them all cordially but pressed onwards with the frightened woman by his side. When they reached the holodeck, he tapped his program selection into the display panel then opened the doors. "Ladies first." He gestured inside and Kathryn stepped carefully through the doors.

A warm breeze met her as she stepped through the doorway into another world. Sunlight filtered down through branches high above them, and birds sang in the distance. Kathryn gazed around at her new surroundings, then looked at Chakotay questioningly.

"Come on." He held out his hand and she took it, falling into step beside him.

They weaved between the trees until they came upon a clearing where a grey Starfleet shelter stood in the center of the space. Kathryn stopped in her tracks when she saw that, looking around anew.

"Do you remember this now?" Chakotay asked.

Kathryn broke away from him, walking off towards some bushes nearby. She stopped beside the shrubs and looked back at him, a wide grin on her face.

Chakotay approached slowly. "You found the bathtub," he observed. "You remember this place now?"

Kathryn nodded. Her eyes began to glisten, and she stepped close, leaning her head against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back soothingly. "We were happy here. We were safe. And you're safe now." He rubbed circles on her back until she pulled away. "Let's go down to the river," he suggested, taking her hand again. "I have one more thing to show you."

They traipsed through the trees as the sound of running water grew louder, and then they came upon the splashing river. Bobbing along on top of the water, a small wooden boat was tied up to a stake in the ground of the riverbank. "I made the boat," Chakotay said. "After we returned to Voyager, I spent my time making this program and then I built the boat by hand like I said I would. I haven't named it yet, though. I thought I'd leave that honour for you."

Kathryn knelt on the shoreline and ran her hands over the smooth surface of the wooden boat. Then her shoulders began to tremble silently and Chakotay knelt down beside her. "Are you okay?" He tilted her face up and saw a tear trailing down her cheek. He wiped it away with his thumb and wrapped his arms around her. "It's okay. Let's just sit here." He sat down on the riverbank and held her close to him. "Can you tell me what's upsetting you?" Kathryn shook her head. "Is this… happy tears?" She nodded. "Oh, thank God." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and rocked her gently.

The holographic sun moved slowly across the holographic sky as the two sat beside the holographic river, enjoying each other's presence.

Then Kathryn mumbled something ever so quietly.

"What was that?" Chakotay asked, lowering his head to hear her better.

"I love you too," she murmured, lifting her gaze to meet his.

Chakotay's breath caught in his throat. He had hoped for so long to hear her say those words. He cupped her cheek with his hand and leaned down to press a kiss to her lips. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that," he whispered.

"I remember being here with you," Kathryn said softly. "I remember your 'ancient legend'. I wanted to kiss you then, but I didn't feel ready. But I loved you then, and I love you now."

Chakotay lifted one of her hands and pressed a kiss to the back of it gently. "What else do you remember?" he asked.

"Not much. It's still hazy. It's like my brain is stuffed with cotton. Thinking is hard."

"It's okay. Don't push it. We have all the time in the world." He lifted his hand and held it up towards her. She lifted her hand and pressed it against his, lacing their fingers together. "However long it takes, Kathryn, I'll be here for you. We'll find our way forward together." His thumb rubbed comfortingly over the back of her hand and he turned a brilliant smile towards her. "Now that you've said you love me, I won't let you take it back."

"I wouldn't dream of it," she returned with a smile of her own.

"Shall we go explore the river like we had planned to do?" Chakotay gestured to the boat beside them.

Kathryn nodded and slowly rose to her feet. Chakotay held her hand while she carefully stepped into the small boat and sat down, then he leaned down to untie the boat's mooring. He stepped into the boat and picked up the oars and pushed them off into the current. The boat slid smoothly away down the river towards the setting sun, the comfortable silence between them filled with the bird calls overhead and the splashing of the oars in the river below.


Chakotay tapped his fingers on the armrest of his chair and tried not to look back at the turbolift doors for the fifth time in ten minutes. Kathryn had said she would only be a few minutes behind him when he left their quarters that morning to report for duty, but he had been sitting and waiting almost patiently without any sign of her arrival.

With several weeks and a lot of patience, her memories had gradually returned from the deepest darkest recesses of her mind and she was herself again. The Doctor had approved Kathryn's return to duty yesterday and she was very pleased about that. Chakotay had moved back into his own quarters to give her some space. He could still hear her faint sobbing echoing through the bulkheads when she awoke from nightmares at night, but she was determined to regain her self-sufficiency, so he clenched his fists and stayed away. The crew were always delighted whenever they saw their captain out and about on a walk around the ship or eating her lunch in the mess hall. In fact, Chakotay had even heard a rumour that Neelix was planning a party to celebrate the captain's return to duty.

That is, if she ever planned to show up.

Chakotay drummed his fingers on the armrest again and debated whether or not he should go to check on her. She had assured him yesterday that she felt up to this and he believed her, but it was nearing fifteen minutes past the hour now and he was concerned.

Suddenly, he heard the whir of a turbolift arriving and the swish of the doors. He looked up and smiled as the Captain graced the bridge again at long last.

"Captain on the deck," Tuvok announced. Everyone rose to their feet.

"As you were." Kathryn walked around towards the main level and approached her chair. She sat slowly down in her seat and ran her hands along the armrests. "Status."

"All systems are functioning normally, and crew morale is at an all-time high," Chakotay told her.

"Good," she nodded.

Chakotay lowered his voice and leaned in closer to ask, "Are you alright? You took a while to show up."

"I might have had a minor panic attack," she admitted softly. "Finding my captain's mask again was harder than I thought it would be."

Chakotay offered her his hand and she gripped it tightly. "We're all here for you," he assured her. "Every single person here is on your side and will help you in a heartbeat."

"I know," she smiled back. "I know." She squeezed his hand and Chakotay returned the gesture. "I can't change what happened, but I can keep moving forward."

They fell into a comfortable silence then, Kathryn still holding onto Chakotay's hand with no sign of letting go. Eventually, she released his hand and stood up. "Join me for a coffee, Commander?" she asked.

He followed her to the ready room and sat down on the sofa while she replicated their coffees.

"I was thinking last night," she began, handing him a cup, "about… us."

He paused with the cup at his lips. "Oh?" he asked with feigned nonchalance.

"How would you feel about moving back into my quarters?" she asked hesitantly.

"Any particular reason?" he asked.

She paused, sipping her coffee slowly. "I miss you," she said at last. "I slept better in your arms. I enjoyed having breakfast with you. I like being near you."

"I would love nothing more," he said, "but you did say you needed space to find your self-sufficiency again."

"I know." She was silent for a long minute, studying the coffee in her hands. Chakotay mirrored her silence, waiting for her to collect her thoughts. "I just… I guess I…" She heaved a sigh of frustration. "I guess I'm just trying to say I… I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of facing life on my own. And I've come to realize I really like waking up with you by my side. I want to try to find a place that's self-sufficient but not entirely alone. I want to find a way I can live where I can take care of myself without shutting you out entirely."

"Living with someone doesn't necessarily mean being dependent on them," Chakotay pointed out. "I won't let you become dependent on me, if that's what you're worried about. I don't think anything could change that fierce independence you've always had, anyway."

"This experience almost did," Kathryn said softly.

"No." Chakotay shifted closer and wrapped an arm around her. "You trusted me to help you, yes, but I wouldn't say you were dependent in any way. I could see you fighting tooth and claw to come back from where you were. And I know that same tenacity will help you find yourself again and hold onto that."

Kathryn leaned against his warm, strong body and inhaled deeply of the steam rising from the mug in her hands. "I never did thank you for everything you did for me, did I?" she asked.

"You don't have to."

"But I'd like to." She tilted her head up and pressed a kiss against his cheek. "Thank you."

"Anytime." He leaned down to kiss her deeply on the lips. "Are you sure you want me to move in with you?" He asked. She nodded. "Then, if you'll help me, I think I can get moved in tonight."

"Sounds good." With a small sigh of happiness, Kathryn settled back against Chakotay's chest and sipped her coffee.

Chakotay ran his fingers through her short hair. "You're an amazing woman, Kathryn," he murmured, "with an amazing capacity to hold on through everything. And if I'm not saying that to you, know that I'm thinking it." He saw a blush rise to her cheeks. "I mean it."

Kathryn said nothing but set her coffee cup down on the low table before them. Then she turned and straddled Chakotay's lap, cupped his face in her hands, and pressed a lingering kiss to his lips. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too."