By Triggerhappy Maniac
+A Weiss Kreuz Fanfiction+
Author's Notes: TO ALL PEOPLE OUT THERE ALIVE: COKE IS A GOOD THING. All Ye,
Hear Ye, Come forth to watch the freak show of SCHWARZ! Watch Schuldich the
Woman, Nagi the Underaged and Farfello the Charming Frenchman. BRADLEY CRAWFORD
WILL NEVER LIVE THIS DOWN!!!
[ps: I LOVE YOU GUYS! My sis just got me a WHOLE pot of mocha. happyhappyhappyhappyhappy.
a BIG THANKEW that all reviewers!No longer Depressed and Down! Soo sorry to
take such a long time to complete this, cause my computer crashed and erased
TWO WHOLE CHAPTERS THAT I WAS GOING TO POST UP THE VERY NEXT DAE! Arg. MochaMochaMocha*]
Chapter Two: Pretty Woman ( a.k.a Brad, I'm Gonna Kill You! )
==Boys and Girls==
Following the Crowd down to Greece
On holiday
Take your Chance
Searching for
Boys who are Girls
And Girls who are boys
Who do Boys like they are Girls
Who do Girls like they are Boys
By Blur.=========
" I'm twelve?", Nagi gaped at the American in front of him. His eyebrow
twitched. Schwarz was gathered in the now clean livingroom.
" Well, it suits you. You are way too small for your age and pretending
to be younger will help you get through to the other adults--"
" I'M FREAKING TWELVE??!!!!" Nagi rose from the couch, screaming at
the brown-haired oracle sitting opposite. " DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT SHIT
MEANS??!! IT MEANS THAT I HAVE TO SPEND THE REST OF MY *SHORT* LIFE BEING DRESSED
UP AND NOOGIED OVER BY *YOUR* FAMILY!!!!" The telekinetic had arrived home
to find the other members gathered where they were. * I had SUCH a bad feeling
about this...* He sighed, his voice spent.
* At least you're not a woman, Naggles* The German was sulking on the couch
beside Brad, his flaming hair draped past his face, hiding what would most likely
be a venomous expression. Farfello was simply resting his elbows against the
couch that the boy was sitting.
" I understand that you may be SLIGHTLY reluctant to embark on this mission--"
* Congrats, Braddy-Boy, THAT was the understatement of the year...*
" Yeah..." Nagi settled back into his seat.
The Farf simply gave an umphf of agreement.
He ignored them, " but this coincides with the need to move our headquarters--"
* Into your parent's attic?*
"--And this would be the perfect cover of our shift."
Nagi shifted to a comfortable spot, " One question, "
" What?"
" Why twelve on the PASSPORT? I don't see why the WHOLE world needs to
know that it's official..." The telekinetic's face was still sour.
Brad sighed as he explained further. " There may be certain authorities
looking out for us. Having a young child with us and travelling as a family
would allow us through most security checks."
" Then what Farfie gonna be?" Nagi looked up at the Irishman hovering
over him.
Farfello blinked his golden eye, his attention caught.
" Um... Farfello would be my brother-in-law..." Brad mused. "
We may have to change his appearance a little...He might scare all the little--"
Farfello stared. If Brad was wise enough, he would have taken this as a hint.
...well, too bad.
" --No religious spoutings, no visible knives and you would have to act
a bit more charming..." Brad, Nagi and Schuldich ( through his hair, because
all hair refuses to get out of the way during bad hair days, BAD HAIR! BAD HAIR!)
watched cautiously ( and tersely ) for the madman's reaction, ready to run if
need be.
The silvered-haired man took a deep breath, as if to scream. ( The others jerked
a little... ) Then he bowed his head a little and let his breath out in a audible
whoosh.
He looked up.
" It would be my pleasure, Moseiur, " His accent changed although
his voice remained essentially the same. A perfect little mocking bow completed
the effect. ( He actually seemed sane although a little out of place.) He grinned
a wide-toothed grin and he was the Farf again.
The others stared wide-eyed at him, Nagi was the first to stutter something
out.
" Farfie.. You're...You're..?"
* FRENCH?* The German gasped.
" Ah, no, dear Sirs, my psyochologist at Esset was French. I had him for
a few years--"
" What happened to him?"
"--the French scream the same as everybody else."
" Oh."
Nagi shuddered while Brad gathered his thoughts.
Sculdich simply complained. *Oh goodie! Now we all know we have a schizo in
the house...Another one.*
"That means that Schuldich and Farfello will have to be adopted... I don't
think people will accept a natural family comprising of German, French or Irish
members....." He looked again at Farfello. He was already having second
thoughts about this. Brad, not Farfie.
" Maybe we'll dye your hair blond, I't'll make you eye less conspicuous."
Farfie muttered something under his breath. Brad pretended not to notice.
"Hmn... Now for family history...We'll all just be from an orphanage, which
will explain why we all don't look alike, and that we have just 'adopted' as
child of age twelve then...."
*You really didn't need to tell us, we all ALREADY know you're adopted. By force.--*
Brad pretended not to hear. And did what he usually did best. Change the topic.
Brad coughed a little before turning to the German beside him. * Schuldich,
I need to talk to you in private...*
* What?* The two other members looked on in interest at the silent thought-conversation
going on between the telepath and the other. Nagi mused that it looked like
some mime movie with color.
* You know that you would have to wear some--*
* Girl clothes, yeah I know,--* An irked voice snapped back.*I'm not even going
to look at pink, you know?*
* No that, I mean, that ,um...* A mental cough.
* WHAT? Spit it out--*
* Um.. you know that females have some PARTS that , um, guys don't...?* mental
cough-cough.* COUGHCOUGHCOUGH.*
*Oh god, you can't mean this--*
* It's already in your room, you have to wear it--*
*SHIT--*
The German shot up suddenly from the couch, slightly intimidating as he towered
over the other occupants of the living room. " I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!!!"
And stormed off.
Nagi mused that they must have been talking about body parts, from the miffed
look on the German's face. It was VERY red.
Cursing mental insults at the bloody world, the stupid household and a @*&#@*Braddy
Crawfish. Brad waited a moment before he heard the door to the telepath's room
slam shut.
_______BAMNM.____________
He winced as he turned back to the dining table. He found Nagi and the madman
staring mercilessly back at him. Nagi still sulked.
" Explain again why I'M twelve..."
For Brad, the night just got a LOT longer...sigh.
***
Schuldich slammed the door behind him.
The window frames rattled. His room was dark as it always was, with micellaneous
items scattered all over the place. The messed sheet on his bed was slightly
depressed as an object rested there. The redhead moved over the floor to the
sleeping pad. The latex prosthesis of a chest stared back at him. He picked
up the rubber thingy and snorted. Of COURSE Braddy Boy wanted a big-chested
partner, but THIS BIG?
He moved over to the cupboard and grabbed a clean towel (not that clean but
clean enough), popping the ridiculously large double d into the wastepaper basket
beside the bathroom door. He shut the semi-transparent door behind himself,
making sure that it was locked. Hmph. Men.
He faced the bathroom mirror.
The flourescent light cast a clean tint to a flame haired elfin figure.
He pulled off the ludricously bright yellow bandana, dropping it into the sink
before him. He shook the full mane of silken hair. And looked up again. The
bandana served it's purpose distracting people from the true face that lay below.
Large deep emerald eyes now dominated the face instead of the bandana, a shock
amid the scarlet hair.Considering that this colouring appeared less frequently
than not... Schuldich sighed as he shook his hair back, shrugging off his ridiculous
green jacket, placing it on a hook on the bathroom wall. He pulled the tank
top over his head, hearing some cracks and pops.
Haven't had a job in a long time. Must be getting stiff. A person listening
would have thought he broke his back.
He watched the figure in the mirror meticulously, the figure now dressed in
only a tight pair of leather pants,---and a chest wrap.
A HA.
Bet Braddy-boy didn't know THAT!
He reached backwards to unclip the metal bits along the wrap, wincing as it
slowly came off. It peeled off, leaving red marks on the suntanned skin.Hmn....Imagine
a Lady in an all-guy assassin group....
Now he watched a fully (and DEFINITELY)FEMALE figure in the mirror, her curves
the kind that any sane woman would die for.The gorgeous woman in the mirror
pouted her already full lips, tapping a finger. *Wouldn't Braddy boy be soOoO
interested....?* The elfin face was delicate under the scarlet flame of hair.
Which didn't match the absolutely evil look on it.
A Mastermind not only by name ...
**********
Brad Crawford was busy explaining to an exasperated Nagi. Before he could
toss him out the window.
" I'm just saying that--"
A mental voice drifted through the house.
*Yo Braddykins~, when we sleep together at your house, do you want me in skimpy
leather lingerie or nothing?*
Brad blanched.
Nagi snickered.
Farfello looked thoughtful.
Brad coughed a little to turn their attention to something else.
************
It was a long story about how Schuldich got to be a girl.Female. Femme Fatal.
WO-man (WHOAH-man.). But the truth is...
He was already female in the first place.
And it was on nights like these that Poor Schus-schu has to go through what
all WO-men have to go through.
Yup, you guessed it. PMS. Not POST-men stress. Not PRE-men stress. It was PRESENT-men
stress. Which also meant that all the men in the household also go through a
LOT of stress.
Unfortunately, with the PMS, Schu also has bad dreams. Very bad dreams. Bad
enough to make you sleepwalk yourself to the toilet and flush your head-- You
get the idea.
" Shit, I'm out of pills." Schuldich rummaged through the bathroom
cupboards, where empty bottles clattered into the sink. Bottles filled with
anesthetic, bottles filled with painkillers (he never used them). And an empty
bottle that was originally filled with sleeping pills specially reserved for
occasions such as this.
If the others knew this secret (all women need secrets), they would have gladly
supplied him with enough sleeping pills to knock him/her out to kingdom come.
Which just goes to show how bad Schu can get sometimes.
He(She) slammed the door-mirror hard enough to jiggle it.
"Shit, Shit, SHIT!" He stormed out of the bathroom, and landed with
a running leap on his bed.It creaked threateningly. So would everything else
if Schu jumped on them.
"SHIIIIIIIT! I FORGOT TO GET THE STUPID PILLS!!!......Wait..." An
idea sprung to his head, he moved off the bed(thank god) and hurried out the
door, maybe Farfie's room would have some... inspiration.
What kind of inspiration we do not want to know.
He hurried down the hallway to the metal door of the Farf. A very nice metal
blast door around 5 inches thick.
Nope he wasn't inside. Good. He could still hear the murmur of conversation
downstairs. With splatterings of shouting.The door creaked as Schuldich pushed
it open, a stale stench greeting him, *Gods Farf! You gotta clean up your room!*
*Eh? What are you doing in my room?* Schuldich caught an image of Brad being
threatened to be thrown out the window by Nagi. Farfie was egging him on.
*I want to borrow something, don't tell Braddy...*
*Tch. Don't touch my knive collection.I added a chopper the other day that--*
*Yech. Like I want to...I don't want to know what's been there.* He/she heard
a bit of conversation. Apparently, Brad could tell when the telepath was talking
to people. Cause the people whom he talks to will start behaving peculiarly.
Like hallucanating or talking to themselves. Like the Farf.
*Brad wants me to tell you that there some former Taketori's secretary coming
over tommorrow to help you to help you with your dresses... Wardrobe...whatever.*
Brad voice rang from the level below. "I DIDN'T SAY--"
*WHAT DRESSES?!*
* He wants you to dress up nice and girly for his parents.*
Brad again. " FARFELLO!!!"
*TELL HIM TO GO PLAY WITH A CONSTIPATED BARBIE DOLL!*
Pause.
*He says that Barbie Dolls(TM) look demonic. And he says when we stay over at
his parents house, he'll be sleeping on the floor, far away from you.*
* Good, I get to hog the whole bed. Hey, I'm stealing your strait jacket for
tonight.*
*Don't get it dirty, I want it back.* Apparently, Farf is not one to ask questions.
It comes with living with everyone too long. Things happen.
*S'Okay.*
Schuldich peered throught the darkness of the room at a pile of strait jackets
on the floor, chains from the ceiling, and a couple of Benga Boys/Toybox/ Dance
Dance Revolution cds on the floor. Farf REALLY knows how to torture himself.
Sculdich winced.
He looked at the pile of strait-jackets.some more practical, some rather fashionable.
He rummaged throught he pile till he came upon a rather sturdy-looking one.
At least he wouldn't break out of that...if he wore it. There was a little stain
in the corner that he didn't want to think about...He wrinkled his nose. Ah
well...(I mean, if you need alot of sleeping pills to keep you from getting
violent, a strait-jacket is the next best thing.)He shut the door behind him
as he hurried back to his room before anybody could see him.
He/she locked his door.
At least nobody would be able to hear what he was doing. The telepath tried
not to think about the inevitable dreams, brought on by the courtesy of pms,
cause it wasn't really healthy to dwell on such things. He shrugged the jacket
over his head, patting it down as it puffed up. Then he made sure that the arms
were tightly tied and tried. He struggled a little to make sure... He sighed
and plopped down on his bed, biting a gag as he snuggled down the covers...He
absolutely hated what he knew was going to happen (but there was nothing he
could do about the dreams anyway)...He paused, reconsidering the alternative
to scram over to the drugstore to get more sleeping pills...
Oh well...Just for tonight.
A few minutes later the redhead was fast asleep,snuggled in the jacket, a nagging
feeling at the back of his mind about the day after and the dangerous lack of
sleeping pills and required medication. He had been off that medication for
about three months...The sleeping pills for one... The busy night noise of Tokyo
drowned out the gentle breathing of a telepath. After all it was only a dream
that he was going through, nothing more, nothing less....
But if it was a dream why would it hurt so much?
Sculdich twitched.
And jerked.
And moaned...
Because not everyone has a past like she did.
A minute later the spasms and screaming started in full, silenced by the strait
jacket and gag, unheard by the trio down below...The figure on the bed tangled
itself up the bedsheets as it twisted. No, she would only remember the past
too clearly in the morning. It was best if no one knew. God know what they would
think.
Tears began to roll down a german's face...
********************
The sun shone brightly throught the megatropolis of Tokyo as morning dawned.
A speeding sports car screamed through the morning traffic as it sped in the
direction of the Scharwz headquarters.
Takeshi Souchiro grinned as she spun round a corner. Today Crawford-san asked
her to come to his house.
YEAH BABY!Crawford-san was always nice to the ladies in the office, even when
Mr Taketori mysteriously resigned. Always brought really nice cakes from REALLY
hard-to-find shops. ABSOULUTELY SEXY MAN. She almost fainted when he asked her
over to his house (to help his wife get a new wardrobe, of course he should
have a wife by now, cause he was SOooOoO GOOD-LOOKING, but that DOESN'T MATTER
AT ALL.....She was just ADMIRING him...) He worked for Mr Taketori but she wasn't
very sure what he did, maybe some important jobs or something....LALALA
She screeched to a halt outside the Scharwz apartment, hopping out of her shining
sports car onto the pavement. She hurried up the steps to the front door and
hammered on the bell, best to be early for a meeting than late, ESPECIALLY with
Crawford-san!
********************
Authors notes: you know, I always thought that working office ladies in animes
always had thoughts like that... One long BUZZ of them.
********************
The breakfast table was already filled at three spots.
One chair filled by Brad. Drinks his coffee calmly, and reads the morning papers.
One chair filled by Nagi. ( there was a little space in between them...)Eating
all the junk that sixteen-year-olds eat.
A one WHOLE side for Farfie. Who ate cereal. With milk. Brad wouldn't let him
eat anything else that used knives. Cause everyone wuld lose their appetites
for breakfast sooner or later.
Crawford was already up and running before the doorbell even rang.(One good
point of having precognition there...)
RINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGIRNINRININIRNIRNIRNIRNIRNIRNIRNRIRIR--.
Nagi and Farfie grimaced.
He moved smoothly to get it, leaving Farfello and Nagi to man the breakfast
table. Farfello was stabbing his food (with a spoon) in an attempt to eat it
in pieces while Nagi's honeyed wafer fell back into his plate after a full orbit
around Crawford, threatening to stain his spotless pressed suit. Crawford glared
for a moment before continuing on his path.
The door opened on his over-eager secretary, who was on the verge of launching
herself at him. He gave a warm smile, " Good Morning, Souchiro-san, thank
you for coming,"
*OOOOOOOOOOOOO HE IS SOOOOOOO CUUUUUUTE!!!*
The breathless woman found herself hustled into the living room where she flopped
onto a plush couch (with some dagger holes but she didn't really notice, cause
all her attention was riveted on...)
"CRAWFORD-SAN!THANK YOU FOR INVITING ME HERE!" (she attempted to glomp
him)
Crawford evaded successfully. Always the unpreturbed gentlemen...He smiled again.
"Coffee?"
"YES!"
Crawford hurried away slowly (is that possible?) to the kitchen, to a safer
place away from the now-rabid secretary. The others looked up as he rushed in.
Crawford gathered his breath.
"Why isn't Schuldich down yet?"
"Cause he's most probably still snoring his ass off somewhere in LaLa Land?"
"Shit!" Crawford prepared to hurry up the stairs. He looked back for
a moment.
"Can I trust you two to deal with her? Nagi, entertain her while I get
Schuldich... "
Nagi looked up, " Well, she can't be worse than your Mom. I'm on."
He got up from his place at the table.
"Hn." A grunt from the Farf.
"No, Farfello, you stay here. Don't scare her away while I go get Schuldich
out of bed."
"Don't climb INTO the bed and make us wait," Farfie and Nagi snickered.
"Have you been reading any R-rated things on that Internet of yours?"
Crawford looked REALLY suspiciously at Nagi who looked innocent.
"Me? Why, I'm just BARELY underaged, how could you suspect dear little--"
"Nevermind."
************************************
Brad sped up the stairs to Schuldich's room, the first on the right.
*Heck, he should be awake by now...* He turned the knob to the room. Hmm...
It was locked. He gave a sigh. Oh well...
__________________BAMN____________________________
He kicked the door in.
************************************
Souchiro was OoOogling over Nagi as he walked into the livingroom, a robotic
smile on his face.
"OOoO you must be Crawford-san's little brother!!!! SO KAWAIIIII!"
Nagi cursed mentally. Stupid Brad... "Actually, nee-chan, I'm his son...."
*WHAT?* That wiped the smile off her face. That would mean that Crawford-san
is REALLY old....
"But I'm adopted." *Who wants to be related to him,,,,*
Souchiro-san's face burst out into a sunny smile again.
Suddenly a loud BANG came from the floor above, echoing through the house.
"WHAT WAS THAT!?" Souchiro's voice raised about a few degrees above
the human hearing...
Nagi winced. He bet that Farfie winced too. "Um, I think that was 'Dad'
waking 'Mom' up...They are a little..--"
"--um...active..."
After saying that, Nagi's brain went into overtime and he turned REALLY red...
Hooo BOY...he was going to have a little trouble thinking straight after this...
************************************
Brad peered cautiously into the room, the darkness permeaded by the faintest
of lights from the window. He could make out the shape of a figure on the bed.
The room was a mess.He sighed as he pushed the door fully open.The splinters
showered down from the doorframe.
He stopped. "Schuldich?" He moved closer to the figure on the bed,
draped with a blanket. He poked it. "Hey."
*I bet that he can sleep through an earthquake...*
"Wake up Sleepyhea--"
A moan greeted him as the figure tried to flip over. Tried to flip over. Tethered
on the edge of the matress for a moment...
And landed with an ungraceful THUMP on carpeted floor.
"OOOOOFFFF!!!WHAT THE $#!+?! #$%^&*()_@$^&^@#&@?!" A german
voice managed to yell out a whole string of profanities as he struggled on the
floor , still covered by the blanket. THUMPTHUMPTHUMP. Brad sighed. He was going
to sleep with a psycho at his parent's house? Bring on the sleeping pills and
bandages, baby...
"Stay still!" Brad pulled off the twisted blanket intertwined in the
struggling body, off the verbally-offensive german.
"For SHIT'S SAKE DONT PULL THE BLANKET--"
Crawford blinked. Add straps and chains and tranquilizer to that list please...
"OMIGOD. What are you doing in that strait-jacket?!"
"WILL YOU SHUT UP?!" Schuldich was having a VERY BAD headache and
loud noises was making his head throb...
"THE SECRETARY'S DOWNSTAIRS ALREADY! GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF THAT!"
"HOW THE SHIT AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MYSELF OUT OF THIS?!"
"THE SAME WAY YOU GOT IN?!"
"WELL I'M SORRY THAT I DIDN"T KNOW THAT THIS JACKET BOASTS A ONE-WAY
TICKET ONLY!"
"THEN WHAT THE SHIT WERE YOU DOING IN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!"
" I WAS VISITING MY MOMMA! NOW SHUT UP BEFORE YOU MAKE MY HEAD WORSE!"
Brad shut up but he directed his thoughts at the german.
*WHAT KIND OF IDIOT STRAPS HIMSELF INTO A LOONEY SUIT FOR FUN?! Hn...with the
exception of Farfello of cours--*
Schuldich's eyes's and head hurt. That stupid dream again...*Shut UP! I can
hear you, you know?*
Brad sighed as he attempted to lift/ease? the German into a sitting position
on the bed," Sit down, I'll help you get out of that."
"Why? I'll get it off myself..."
"Yeah, by ripping your arms out of the socket..."
"Oh, you DO paint a lovely picture of the future..."
"Ah shut up." Brad pulled the tough canvas jacket over Schuldich's
head as he sat down, creasing the already rumpled sheets. He looked down as
he tossed the jacket on the floor.
He turned a bright red as he raised an eyebrow. Schuldich wasn't wearing exactly
anything. NOT EXACTLY. "You sleep with those things on?"
"What things?" Schuldich's sleep-besotted brain wasn't exactly functioning
in the morning...He scratched his head, trying to get rid of the knots in his
hair. Dang, this long hair was REALLY getting to him...
"THOSE things..." Brad's voice was getting a little clinical...a sign
that he was fighting off distraction. Oh, the immense distractions that only
a woman can possess...
Schu looked down.
"What things?...OH, THOSE things...Oh, um..." Schu looked down at
his t-shirt covered chest.
Um, yeah, CHEST.
*OH SHIT.*
And realised that Crawford was staring.*Shit shit shit, forgot to wear the chest bind
last night..*.
*I hope he doesn't look into my waste basket....*He covered his chest as he
realised that ALL he was wearing, was A t-shirt...No pants, no UNDERPANTS (he wore underwear, rather skimpy to be exact...), no
NOTHING. He felt, literally, naked. *OH SHIT--*
Brad, however, was having very different thoughts...He zoned out as Schuldich
made a show of trying to pull the already TINY t-shirt further down to cover
a LITTLE more skin.
*OH GOD*
*STOP LOOKING YOU ASSHOLE! GIVE A GUY(oh shit, i nearly said GIRL) SOME PRIVACY!*
Crawford looked away as Schuldich attempted to pull the tiny t-shirt further
down...A most feminine-like action...
He turned back. And coughed." I see that you were training up on feminine behavior...interesting..."
*Would you like to try?* Schuldich's tone was sweet enough to kill...
*Oh well...the strait-jacket must be for in-flight training...training himself
not to SLEEP all over the other airline passengers I suppose....* He hurriedly
switched the subject. He looked down at Schuldich. NOthing to be ashamed about,
we're all guys in here, and THAT...is just a prosthesis...nothing more or less...
"You know, those things look absolutely real--" He bent over as he
POKED poor Schu in the chest rather clinically...
BIG mistake.
__________SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!!__________
A poor Brad Crawford was sent pinwheeling to the other end of the room rather
quickly. Ouch.
*WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!* Brad clutched at his mortally wounded face with its rather
fancy PERMANANT red handprint complete with fingerprints imprinted hard enough
to be seen. Lucky he thought-yelled. If he did it aurally, we'd hear him on
the other side of the Artic Ocean.
After a most traumatic experience; Schuldich grinned sweetly (more like the
TradeMarked Schu Smirk)."I was just...Cultivating a proper female response...."
(Of course it was a proper female response. We ALL approve of it, don't we?)
His/her hand just moved...all by itself... (natural reaction to all perverts
who can't keep their hands to themselves...)
Brad's hurt expression hardened as he stormed out of the room. His voice was
icy as he moved into the hall, " You better hurry up and get out of bed.
Souchiro-san, the secretary, is waiting for you downstairs." And he huffed
and puffed his way back below...* He didn't HAVE to hit me that hard....*
Schuldich watched the leader stride out of the open door and grumbled as he
moved off the bed(thankfully at last) to his bathroom. That was one of the closest
shaves that he had come across. Schuldich made sure that he/she took her time
in choosing her outfit. Something nice and tight with boots...
Heh. Stupid Crawford. He/she looked at her reflection in the mirror, and gave a murmur of approval. *when one dresses,--*
*--one should dress to kill.* He gave the redhaired beauty in the mirror a wink. She winked right back.
Brad thought-yelled as he stomped down the staircase.* HURRY UP ALREADY!*
*He WANTS me to hurry? I ain't in no hurry to be playing Doll....Barbie Doll...* the telepath grumbled for a moment. Only a moment, before a thought lifted his spirits. Schuldich literally skipped out the room.. Oh, just think of all the men she'd push over the proverbal edge today...Oh, the wonders of being female...
*************************
Nagi was having a nightmare.
In addition to talking to the SCARY lady, he ---
Had his cheeks pinched.
Pinched.
STREEEEEEEETCHED.
And PUUUUUUUUUULLLED.
*This is DEFINITELY not in my CONTRAAA~AAACT!!!!* All the noise from above didn't
help in his embarrassment at all. Not one bit....
He yelped in relief as he spotted Brad coming back down the staircase."
Brad!"
"OoOh, Crawford-san! Your son is just SOOOO ADORABLE!" PinchPinchPinch.
She PUULLED. Crawford winced slightly at the sight. *Sorry, Nagi*
Brad winced as their telepathy network came online with the ritualistic waking
of the local telephone, um, telepath.
*IF YOUR MOM IS WORSE THAN THAT THAT THAT THING OVER THERE, I AM GOING TO KILL
MYSELF--*
He could almosst hear Schuldich laughing now...
Souchiro grinned brightly as she played with such a CUTE little boy.She heard
footsteps THUMP hurriedly down the staircase.*Crawford-san must have gotten
his wife up already..Ah!* She watched a pair of booted feet descend the staircase
behind Crawford-san, "Oh, here she is, Ohayo Crawford-chan....." Her
words died in her throat.
Descending the staircase in slow motion; Hair-tossing wildly in an unseen wind,
shapely limbs moving freely, was the most beautiful woman that she EVER seen...*
OMIGOD, Crawford-san's wife must be a SUPERMODEL.* She already envied the full
lips, the cream coloured skin...everything... The booted feet now rested on
the carpet of the livingroom floor. Envy, envy, envy....
Brad wondered at the peculiar look on the secretay's face. Was the disguise
so obvious...? He winced behind her back as he waited for the worst...
Green eyes blinked their long lashes at her. "Good morning..."
She simply squealed,"SOOOOO PRETTY!!! Crawford-san must be the luckiest
man in the world!!!"
Brad must've thought her mad.
Farfello looked up from the breakfast table as flocks of crows squawked and
flew away in the distance. After taking a glance at a CHESTFUL of german, Farfello
now decided to scramble to his room to clean his eyes out with a knife. EARGH.
Disgusti--
*SHUT UP FARF.* EVERYONE could hear the LOUD mental sulks except for--
"Souchiro-san, please meet my wife--" Brad placed a cautious hand
on Schu's shoulder. Schuldich was practically dripping with mental menace...
Nagi snickered as he scrambled off the couch, away from the MONSTER. Farfello
grinned unseen in the kitchen. Schuldich glared.
*Schu is Brad's wife!*
*wifewifewifewife--*
"--Schully."
Nagi howled with laughter as he made his getaway up the staircase.A spray of
food could be seen in the doorway to the kitchen as Farfie choked on his breakfast.
Schuldich just--
*WHAT KIND OF SHIT NAME IS THAT?!* Schuldich could just barely keep a perfuctionary
smile on his face as he fumed, his hands inching into fists around an imaginary
Braddy neck.
Brad winced.
Souchiro looked surprised as she said,"What? What's so funny?"
*I couldn't think off anything--*
*EXCEPT THE X-FILES?!*
*Well--"
Souchiro pounced forward as the couple gazed lovingly into each other's eyes
(PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS FROM AN ALTERNATE POINT OF VIEW) She clasped 'Schully's'
hands in hers. Schuldich looked down in surprise.
"Nice to meet you, Scully-san!"
Another howl of laughter could be heard from both UPSTAIRS and from the KITCHEN.
(*X-FIlesX-FilesX-Files!!!!!*)
*********************************
Schuldich, um, now "Schully", slammed the front door.
Souchiro winced. Schully-san doesn't seem to be a morning person...
*YOU EVIL SON OF A $%^^%*^%** Schuldich screamed at the unoffending apartment
building. Crawford winced as the thought shot right through the six foot thick
steel walls(which was covered by slightly ketchup-stained flowery wallpaper).
The female pair walked down the stone steps to the side walk. Schuldich didn't
look back.
Brad sighed behind the front door.
*--We got a bullet-proof, sound-proof, rust proof metal walls, but why couldn't
have gotten a thought-proof--*
*I HEARD THAT!*
Ooops. Shouldn't have let that thought slip....
*Goodbye, have a nice shopping trip, dear. See you in the evening...* Brad's
mental voice was heavily sarcastic.
*I'll be sure to bring a lovely little carving knife set for your "brother-in-law",
then I'll set him loose on you...*
Souchiro was thinking as she made her way to the parking lot. *What a nice family...
Wonder why doesn't Schully-san kiss her husband goodbye? * She led 'Schully'
to the sports car glittering in the morning sunlight. * I wonder how they met.....*
She began to break the uneasy silence, " Um, Schully-san, where do you
want to go--"
Schuldich heard the little muse. And grinned hugely. He stopped Souchiro-san.
"Hold on a moment, I forgot something important." He ran back up the
steps to the front door where he started hammering.
Brad sighed as he heard someone banging on the door as he began to walk away.
Schuldich must have forgotten something. He turned back to the door and was
going to twist the handle when a __DON'TOPENTHEDOORORYOU'LLREGRETIT__ sense
of danger came over him. He blinked as the feeling dissapated. He felt should
follow his instincts and leave the door closed, but NOOOOOOOO, he just HAD to
open the door--
A red-haired whirlwind launched itself into his arms, wrapping her/his arms behind Brad's head, forcing it downwards where it met--
--a pair of amazingly warm and soft and impossibly feminie --lips.
Brad froze in as his 'wife' pressed against him, forcing him to stumble back
a step. His mind was a blank. *Wha---*
*This is just one of the many punishments you get for making me your wife, Braddy-Baby,*
The German smirked at his shocked expression. and breathed into his ear.
* then you'll see how bad this can get when we get to your parent's house...*
*********************************************
CHAPTER TWO = END
Authors Notes (I know you all hate this but hear up for a while): I love you guys.Exams are (incredibly) over!My sis commented on a problem with the fic. _WHY DO I ALWAYS REFER TO SCHUSCHU AS A 'HE' /'SHE' WHEN WE ALL KNOW THAT HE IS A SHE?_
Don't get it? Read the sentence carefully.
I mean, when you write, consider Brad point of view.
Brad: *Oh my god, I'll be sleeping with a guy.*
This is because in his mind, Schu is a GUY. ( BRAD! That's DISGUSTING! Enough of messing around with Brad inner voice...)
Then you consider Schu's point of view.
Schu: "MAN, I look GOOD. "
That's because we all know that he has the right organs, body parts....etc...
Oh well, don't wait up for chapter Three. I already wrote the first part of charter four (few thousand words only...) And the whole plot twists from there. It's really complicated after you find out who Brad's dad is. Brad himself doesn't even know it.
Brad* I don't...?*
Brad, I can read your thoughts right off the page. No. You. Don't. That's where it all gets dangerous and the white lie that Braddy-baby here tells his parents gets bigger and bigger. Because Schwarz may all die it they're found out. Sad, isn't it? But it gets funnier. CAUSE CHAPTER THREE IS WHERE THEY ALL GO SHOPPING! Find out a little about Schu's past as well...as far as I know, there are several thousand versions of 'em out there....That's one guy with a lot of past.
Damn. I have to retype the whole of chapter three. ALL Twenty-thousand over words of it....
Review and make me happy, people. If you don't, I won't know either, but for pete's sake, boost my ego will ya?
My ego is the size of a pea. And I don't like peas.
(p.s.: who's pete?)
