+A Weiss Kreuz Fanfiction+
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Happy Family
Chapter Three: Taking Baby Steps in High Heels
(A.K.A Brad, the overprotective Husband/Pain in the ass)
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Author's note: Sorry guys for taking sooooOOo long to put up the next few chapters...JadOo has been screaming about that already, so, please, don't rub it in... I'm working on a website and I hope that all of you will be incredibly friendly and visit it once it's up... (I'm saying "incredibly" cause most people, like me, would just skip the author notes crap and jump straight to the story) It even got a fanfiction section so everyone's invited to post their fanfiction there...ALL RATINGS ACCEPTED. Luv you guys. Please don't report me to the site manager because of my bad spelling and profanities.

(Do you believe that I had no idea what "kiester" meant? I asked my sister and she told me to turn 180 degrees and look down.
I turned around and didn't see anything.
And then she simply threw what she was reading and hit me on the butt.)

I think my stories are just damn corny.

CORNY.
So corny that you could make pink popcorn out of it.

Yech.

Sorry, you only get to see Brad's dad in the next chapter. SPOILER: what do you if you are living with your enemy? (I need replies on this cos I have no idea what to write...)


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Fire Escape

Well, I don't wanna be President

Superman or Clark Kent

I don't wanna walk 'round in their shoes

Cause I don't know who's side I'm on

I don't know my right from wrong

I don't know where I'm going to

I don't know about you

I'll be the rain falling on your fire escape

And I may not be the man you want me to


I can be myself, how 'bout you?

I don't wanna make you mad

I don't wanna meet your dad

I don't wanna be your dream come true

'Cause I don't know what I've just found

I don't know my sky from ground

I don't know where I'm going to

I don't know about you

I'll be the rain falling on your fire escape

And I may not be the man you want me to

I can be myself, how 'bout you?

I'll be the rain falling on your fire escape

And I may not be the man you want me to

I can be myself , how 'bout you?

I can be myself , how 'bout you?

I can be myself

How 'bout you?

_______________FastballAll the Pain Money Can Buy

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Brad Crawford wasn't the happiest man in the world.
Rather, he WAS the happiest--
From the bottom up.

Let's say it was about how his day started.
One--
He had bad coffee.
Two--
He had to wake up a mentally violent, self-inflicting (and others-inflicting), transvestite who was supposed to be his wife, possibly for the rest of his -short- life.
Three-- He now had two giggly Schwarz members running about the house.
Four-- He had just been kissed by a transvestite.Who was supposed to be his wife, possibly for the rest of his -shortened- life. (Whoops, did I mention that already?)

eargh.

Considering that he had to take Farfello to the hairdresser. Just to turn his lovely white hairs to white blond. Not that he'll be able to see any difference, but it's just the reassurance that the colour of his hair is actually --normal. (there were plenty of sharp objects there though, and he'll have a helluva time keeping him away from 'em. Um...Farfie, not Brad....)
Nagi to the kiddie clothes shop. You know, Nagi could look almost normal in Mickey Mouse shirts. Or Minnie Mouse. (he kept insisting on getting J-rock clothes, but Brad said it was either Mickey Mouse or Sailormoon. Nagi immediately opted for the former. All due to Brad having immense foresight to know that nobody wearing leather will be let through customs.)
And keep an eye out for Schuldich who was supposed to whittle his time away having fun/hell with the secretary.(*... transvestite...* Now now Brad, leave dear Schu-schu alone... You'll never know what the German does. Brad never trusted Germans after he walked into a German bar and read the motto "Save Water. Drink Beer." He can even imagine Schuldich in a lingerie store, looking for nice skimpy leather ones...)

Brad slumped onto the black couch and covered his eyes. His suit was slightly crumpled where he sat down. How the heck did he get from being the leader of one of the most elite assasin groups in the world to THIS? The image of Schuldich pressing his face onto his own was horrifying. Far worse than running through a whole building with machine guns at very corner and---
He heard the screech of the car outside as the two (now giggly) women sped off somewhere into the city of Tokyo. His heart sank right through the floor. Brad ran a clean fist cuff where the (EARG) telepath had kissed him; his mouth. He felt like spitting up, throwing up, burning his face off... Not to get the kiss off, but to bash himself into the realisation that he despised it. He hated contact. His face contorted.
He could hear the German smirking like mad. SMIRKSMIRKSMIRK. *--Hate you Schuldich. Don't ever touch me again.* The mental growl went unheard by the telepath far away.
He looked down at his sleeve, which now boasted red lipstick in the shape of a pair of lips. Damn. Just ruined a suit. (Suits 'R Us?)
His precognition didn't help. Fat hope it did. He sat back up from his reclined position.

Sure, it was worth meeting his family again. His real family.

But sometimes-- just sometimes-- he JUST really didn't think so...

Pause.

*ScuhldichkissedkisssSchuldich-etc-etc-etc*

"SCHULDICH YOU EVIL FIEND!!!" Aha, we can all imagine what naughty little Braddy-boy is imagining, tee-hee-hee.


***********

In order to get Souchiro-san to drag Schuldich on the longest day-trip of his, um her, life to a any one shopping district, Braddy-boy had to tell a itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka-dot--

Um, yeah, lie.

As if saying your wife was simply a german supermodel, as if saying that she came over and lost her wardrobe, as if putting on your i-command-you-to-drool-over-me-NOW smile on a poor defenseless little office lady, as if all these little ifs were considered itsy bitsy, teeny weeny, and not to mention, --polka-dotted.

Schuldich personally added this to a list of unforgivable sins that Braddy-boy has to atone for.

" Lingerie? " Schuldich gaped at the store in front of them. A lingerie store; with its store front dominated by pink frilly strips of cloth barely decent enough to be called underwear. When there was actually anything to wear in the first place.

" What's wrong with that?" Souchiro looked puzzled, it was just any normal lingerie store, all designed to attract attention, good or bad. Schuldich was having one of the greatest lows of his life. Her life. The lingerie was frilly and pink. FRILLY and PINK.

To understand why we must all look back at the past; All good little assassins do NOT, I repeat, do NOT wear skimpy lingerie on missions. Or at all ( we all suspect by now that ScuSchu doesn't wear underwear....). You wouldn't want you enemies to drool over you or accidentally shoot themselves in the foot, 'cause you lose all the fun killing them... Although Brad Crawford fighting in skimpy lingerie sounds distinctively unappealling...not.

'Schully' wiped the (coughcoughomygodisthatacoughcough. Nevermind.) image of Braddy out of her head. Then she giggled. Souchiro simply oogled at her.

" Is there anywhere that sells black skimpy leather lingerie?"

***********

The Nut, the Kid and the Husband all sat at the breakfast table.

The other two giggled. Brad sighed. *This is going to take a long time....*

Them Nagi pipped "SCULLY!". And both of them burst out into a fresh round of laughing-till-your-insides-aren't-there-anymore.

*A REALLY long time....*

" You two, we've got to get serious about picking names," Brad's patience went into the negative range. The sheets upon sheets of names began to look distinctively unappealing, especially the first one he picked out for Farfello. It really didn't match their--

"What are we doing today, Daddy?" Nagi spouted with a all-too-innocent-because-I-broke-something-valuable look. Farfie just hyperventilated and nearly toppled off the table, laughing.

Brad took a deep breath.

"WehavetogetthisdonewithinthenextfewsecondsoriwillpersonallyscreamanddancearoundlikeFarfellowithmybuttonfirewhetherornotitwillcausepermanantdamagetoyour-mentalhealthconsideringthatyouhavenonetoworryaboutinthefirstplace."

Farfie and Nagi stared at him. "Wot?"

"Nevermind."

"What does this mean?" Farfie leaned over the breakfast table and stabbed his knife down on and thought the thick stack-o-names, neatly underlining a word. And nearly sliced Brad's fingers off. Brad safely tucked his fingers into fists constantly after that... he looked down.
" Fabien? You don't look like a Fabien..."

"What does it meeeee-eean?"

" It's french for beans."

" I said 'mean'"

" It means beans!"

" No it doesn't! Mean is mean and beans hurt g--"

" Fabien means beans."

"Oh."

"You don't look like beans."

"But I'm French!"

"No you're Irish."

"FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENCH FRENCH FRENCH!"

It all went downhill from there.

********************************

Schu was at least having a better time than Braddy.

Well, AT LEAST. Noting that all the shops that dear old Souchiro-san dragged him/her to were all nice and girly. Please note that our dear SchuSchu has never been nice and girly. And flowery and...yech.

The bright spotlight of the shop was painful to Schuldich who was not used to going into...this kind of shop.

Correction. It wasn't the spotlight. More like the painfully bright yellows and pinks and other otherworldly flamboyant colours. A-ha...

All the other customers were looking on as the mismatched pair stood in the middle of the shop. Schuldich covered his eyes. *I can't believe this...* The saleswomen were looking on enviously at Schuldich. He/she didn't notice. Schuldich, the supposed german supermodel was definitely doing a very convincing act. She ran a hand through the tangle of flame-coloured hair. *Brad that ass--*

A sigh rippled through the shop. All the female parts of the couples punched their male counterparts.

*--hole. Why can't I wear my normal clothes?* His/her thin eyebrow furrowed in frustration. She was already very embarrassed at all the stares he/she had been getting all day. People tend to stare more when you have a chest. And not to mention that his/her feet hurt. ARGH. ........Her thoughts switched to something else...The image of Brad's shocked face as she kissed him ran through her mind. Actually she kinda liked it... Really. After the part where she stole Brad's credit card right out in front of him. Yeah, he liked it ...Brad was such a blind oaf. Blundering, blind oaf. Big, blundering. blind oaf.--

"Schully-san! Try this on, it looks very good on--" Souchiro picked up a dress with a scarf. A nice preferably revealing-- considering Schully-san's figure. Definitely hour-glass. Without the hips. (coughcough). She caught Schully-san looking off into the distance, thoughtfully. AWWWWWWWWWWW......must be thinking of dear Crawfo--

--Seriously, when you think about it, when it comes to working with the same guys years on end, they end up looking better than they did the first time you met them. Nagi wasn't exactly all small cute and squishy anymore. Farfie got better dress clothes. Brad got a better haircut. Of course, that doesn't dismiss the fact that dear Schuschu wants to bash Brad's face in for all the numerous times--

"Schully-san? Are you--" Souchiro waved a hand in front of Schu's face . Schudich immediately snapped back to reality. " Yeah?" he/she gave a reassuring sunny smile. (it hurts to do that, you know, stretching that grin all over your face...). Souchiro shoved the now-a-pile of dresses into her/his hands. " Why don't you go and try these on? I'll go get some more." She tittered and went off again in the quest for more dresses. Toting the little bag of leather ligerie that Schu bought.
Schuldich looked down at the pile of dresses. Dammit. The dress materials were itchy and scratchy and--sigh. What's that most irritating feminine word again..? Oh yeah, icky. She strode to the nearest changing room, a small white-walled booth at the back of the shop, preoccupied, not noticing that a Kitten was drooling at the store window, along with countless other males.

************

Youji stared into the store. *Whoah, did you look at that pair of legs....*. His face was stuck to the window. Drooling.

"Youji-san!" Omi squeezed through the crowd of men to the storefront, must to the disgruntled looks of all the other males.. He tugged at the Kudou's headset to get his attention. "Hello~? I gave the signal for the operation to begin about five times already... Hey, are you listening...?" No reply. Youji stones.

Omi twisted the radio knob on high and blew into the microphone.

" YOUJI-SAN!" A loud burst of static nearly deafened the blond.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAt?!" Youji clapped his hands over his ears.

Omi grabbed his sleeve as dragged him away to another storefront, away from the crowd. A few passerbys looked on. He whispered. "Abyssinian and Siberian are already in place! What do you think you're doing?" Youji sulked. " You know, you sound like Aya more and more each day..."

" You were supposed to monitor our subject!"

"I AM! um--was...?"

" PRECISELY MY POINT!" Omi grinned. " We all know that no respectable Schwarz member goes into shops like that."

" But I just saw Mastermind--" *at least there was this lady that looked like--*

"--somewhere else. Now shoo, go and find him. We got reports of Schwarz heading around somewhere in this direction. You must have imagined it." Omi's expression mock-hardened. " Don't go falling in love with the subject. We're suppose to eliminate them."

" Oh, yeah. Oh, YEAH..." Youji meandered off somewhere again... Looking at that gorgeous blon---

Omi sighed.

*****************

The whole plan was to kill Schwarz in public. The orders came in a few days ago.

Apparently the higher-ups didn't feel that anyone was safe with the four talents running around. Aya looked down from the sunlit roof onto the busy business district of downtown Tokyo. The harsh cold wind blew his hair out of his eyes. His eyes narrowed.

They were murderers, no mercy, no qualms. He believed that they deserved to die. And no, he would not hold back.

He would get them this time.

*************************************

The dress was really tight. Even tighter than the *uh-hem* leather jeans that he/she wore on missions. Schu cursed as she/he squeezed past the tiny waistline of the dress. The clothes that she wore before lay shed on the carpeted floor. Thank god that she missed years upon years of this. She almost dislocated her should trying to zip up the back of the dress. A low-backed dress. A really low-backed dress that wasn't really showing the back. Actually, more of the *coughcough* areas lower down...
She stared at the stunning figure in the mirror. A smart-looking redhead with her hair cascading like fire down her shoulders pouted in the mirror. Dressed in a sleeveless body-wrapping velvet with lovely little trimmings in the wrong places to attract wrong attentions. Nah, he really didn't like this one.... Not revealing enough.... As if baring your butt to the whole world wasn't enough... Schuldich could be running around in his birthday suit for all we know--

He stripped again, with his back to the mirror.

A loud banging on the door heralded the arrival of Souchiro, eager beaver extraordinaire. " Schully-san! I got more dresses!"

Schuldich sighed as she let the next dress slip to the floor. " Souchiro, deary, you don't have to keep calling me Schully-san...(besides, I hate that name. Mulder and Schully sounds like Molder and Scurry.) You can call me Schu."

A pause. "Okay then" The bright voice returned. " I know a very nice place we can get dresses, Schu-san! But....It's very expensive..."

"Don't worry, my husband gave my his credit card..." Schuldich snickered as he looked down at a small bnulge in the back of her pants lying on the floor.

"Really?"

Schu smirked. Another reason why she kissed Braddy-boy this morning. Everyone needs a budget. He picked up the next dress on the pile and looked at the amount of material on it. *Hm... Little enough.... Maybe this one will be fine.* The problem with the dress was that it had so many holes that you wouldn't know which holes to put your arms, legs and head and twenty other supposed limbs that could be put into each of the remaining holes.

Schuldich looked in the mirror. Hardly any bit of skin was not not revealed. teehee...

*I like it.*

"Schu-san, did you say something...?" Souchiro could have sworn that she heard Schu-san say something, but she was pretty sure that she in fact, hadn't said anything at all.... Schuldich winced inside the booth. *Oops, shouldn't have let that thought slip...*

"Um, I was asking whether we could go to that shop later...If you want..."

"OKAY!" * Anything to get outta here!*

*******************

"I'M NOT COMING OUT IN THIS!!!" Schuldich's voice rang out in the classy, expensive but empty interior of the shop. Apparently they only catered to REALLY rich people. Like Schuldich at the moment...

Souchiro waited outside with the manager, grinning in anticipation at how Schuldich was going to look in the---

The store manager, an old man in his fifties with greying hair, and more than slightly perverted expression, sighed. " But madame, it is known that Minimal is Maximal!"

"BUT THERE'S NOTHING TO COME OUT IN!" Apparently our dear old Schuldich finally came across a store that even he couldn't help but choke at all the-- "

"Do you have anything that looks more ...let's say...dangerous? I don't mean more revealing, cause this dress is seriously leaving nothing to the imagination. "

"Dangerous?...Madame...? You mean as in leather?" the manager looked more than a little disapproving.

"Yeah, leather would be fine..." There was a slight oof as Schuldich slipped out of the teeny piece of rag. Farfello could make a better work out of a pice of cloth than some of the things in the shop. Much better in fact. At least it would have been recognisable as cloth.

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Authors notes: Sorry boys and girls, you only get FULL details of Schu's dresses when Brad sees Schu in them...teehee. Or out of them.

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Omi didn't really want to kill Schwarz. He knew that there was some good in them. He could see it in their eyes everytime they fought. They were hollow smiling shells, fighting machines, not even knowing that they were being controlled. The straps of his goggles flapped as he ran through the crowd. Into position.

Ken-kun would understand. They fought each other as only opponents. Not I-have-a-one-goal-which-is-to-kill-you situation as with Aya. They were different.

Nagi never wanted to kill him. He was pretty sure of that.

But.... work was work.

Youji better keep his eyes open.

***********************

Brad opened the door of the house and hustled the other two out of the place. Hellhole. Or whatever-you-call-it. The two newly christened members stepped into the warm sunshine, giggling away. After an hour of argument, Farfello was Fabien (Beans) and Nagi...

--was Nagi. Or Neil. Or Naiose. Or Noise. Or something.

Brad prefered to call him Neil. Nagi wanted to be called Nagi. Farfie called him Noise. Because he made a hell of a racket---

( quite a few minutes ago...you could say a hour.)

" WHAT THE HECK? Neil Armstrong!? NO WAY AM I GOING TO BE NAMED AFTER SOME GUY PRANCING AROUND ON THE MOON!" In addition, Nagi was prancing around the kitchen like some idiot in zero gravity.

" There's nothing wrong with being name after some famous American!" Brad argued across the dining table, his eyes and head tracking Nagi in his less-than- destructive progress around the room.

"CORRECTION; YOUR famous American. All he did was get his butt up there and do the Macarena."

Brad frowned. "He did not do the Marcarena."

" You get what I mean."

"Naiose then," Brad looked down fillipantly at the name sheet. ( please note that Naiose is pronounced nee-sha...)

"HELL NO. THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GIRL'S NAME! EWWWW-"

"NAGI SIT DOWN!" Brad finally lost his patience and yelled at the teenager prancing across the ceiling, proving his point.

"WON'T!"

and so it went on for...quite some time...

(schllonk. Back to the present.)

Brad hustled the noisy members out of the house, down the staircase, across the long~ long~ pavement and into the car.Nagi was pestering him on the kiddie clothes again. Brad sighed as he slipped into the drivers seat.

""But I don't wanna look like some freak that came out of the seventies~!" Nagi wailed again. "Do you know what Minnie Mouse and Sailormoon mean?"

"No. What?" Brad was a little short on a temper. Oh look at the lovely day outside-- He raised the car keys to the ignition.

"Tell him, Farf."

"Minnie Mouse is an overgrown., mutated lab experiment and Sailormoon hurts--"

The car keys slipped from Brad's hand, landing with a soft tinkle of metal, on the car floor.

Nagi and Farfello paused, anticipating some violent outburst from Crawford.

Brad sighed as a vision came again.

~~~~~~~~~It's vision time!~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His vision blurred as a white mist took over his vision. Sometimes it was hard to tell whether you're blacking out or having a vision. Nausea came over him, but disappated as his vision cleared. Let's see what the future holds...

He saw a large mall full of people... Ah, there was Schuldich , his red hair pretty eminent in the crowd. There were some figures following the pair, Souchiro and Schuldich... Hurrying through the crowd, there were dark-clothed figures distinctively moving after them.... They looked like normal people but he knew they were--

**********

Nagi looked at Farfello as both watched the semi-comatose leader daydream. Well, not exactly daydream, but he really did looked as if he stoned and toppled over.

"Did he just mumble something along the lines of 'affaffins'?

"Must've been your imagination. I thought he just snorted."

"Ah..."

**********

He could see the slight apprehension in Schuldich's eyes as he turned around to see them closing in. He tugged Souchiro-san off in another direction. they hurried past some shops into a -what the heck was that written over the shop- further down... The dark figures paused at the entrance of the shop, for some reason unable to go in. Brad smiled approvingly, at least Schuldich didn't use his telepathy.

**********

Nagi snickered. " Oh look, he's grinning..."

**********

The figures moved off, but another group re-congregrated at the entrance of the shop. Four VERY familiar figures... A red-head, a blond and two little--

Weiss...

Oh no, Schuldich was going to-- *wait. The bloody German could deal with them easily...*

His vision blurred again as he sight moved to another time. He was in a room, full of steam, its walls wooden-planked and semi-darkened by moisture. As if floating through mist, he could see a vague shape lying in a pool of water...A familiar shape..red-hair..? Schuldich?!

*It can't be!*

He looked as if he was dead, but there was a slight moan as he moved slightly, his face wrenched up as if in pain. Where the heck was Souchiro-san...? Was she dead? Another figure moved in the steam, a glint of a knife--

************

Farfelo was thinking of tying Brad semi-long frinch into a ribbon when Brad sudden jerked up with a start, panting deeply, as if he'd run a mile long race. A REALLY long race. Schwarz members could all run around 20 km without panting. Which simply means that something must be really wrong...

Brad looked at them for a moment, his eyes wild and unseeing... His pupils refocused on the motley pair in the backseat. "Change of plans, we're going after Schuldich!" He turned back and jammed the car keys backinto the ignition form where he dropped them, revving the engine.

"Eh? Why?" Nagi's vioce was muffled over the roar of the car.

" Schuldich is going to get himeself killed, by a whole lot of assasins, dammit!" The trio sped off down the road, nearly killing a couple of pedestrians.

" Oh, so that's what the 'affaffins' meant...Are you sure? Most of the time you just want to kill Schu..."

" I WANT TO KILL HIM MYSELF!" Brad half-yelled as he swerved around a corner.

*****************

Schuldich was is great pain. Not beacause of anything meagre. It was just because of the bloody high heels that he/she was wearing. Note; it wasn't just high heels, it was stilleto heels. Enough to break the ankles of those wearing it and castrate whoever that person kicked. (winces.)

It didn't really matter though, what really matter was all the stares she was getting, striding down the wide corridors of the skylight mall. Really, really long stares. Souchiro was at her side, grinning as they went from one shop to the next. Our dear German was dressed to kill, literally; a daringingly cut leather dress showed the long expanse of his/her legs, neck and back... It didn't show much of the chest though, one of the reason why he picked out this dress. Best to spring the surprise on Braddy-boy... Her long hair was swept upwards in an elegant/rock sort of way,errant strands simply cascading down, framing his face.

They went pass several stores now, not really buying anything, just simply looking through the displays. It's been a while since Schu had this much fun... She pouted at a guy walking past, with near disasterous effects; the guy literally rammed himself into a pillar, stumbled past a couple of people and tumbled down an escalator. oooo... that gotta hurt.Now all attention turned to the poor guy making his way rather unusually down the perpetual-- Really shouldn't try that again.... NAH.

It piqued Scu's interest for a moment that ceratin persons did not turn their attentions away from her. Must be really interested heh? She turned a stunning smile at one of them. The ordinary looking man simply flushed but did not have any adverse reactions.

Schu turned his attention back to walking in the heels. One-two, one-two....

*wait a moment, that guy didn't do anything self-inflicting* He turned a suspicious eye on the man, whose mind he could still feel trailing them... He slipped into the man's mind for a moment --

*kill---*

-- Shit! A assass-- He could feels all the other minds closing in at the sight of her.

***END CHAPTER THREE***

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Author's notes: Sorry guys, this is such a short chapter.. you were supposed to have gotten to see Schuschu's past around here but it gott a tad long so I'm splitting it off into two chapters. Sigh. I have all the weird ideas and everything but it take bloody long to type it all out. Me type slow.

v

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sigh.

Spoiler: you wanna see how Schwarz deals with Weiss? They don't even have to fight 'em. Just lead them into certain shops and they finish themselves off. Tee hee.

SOMEBODY SHOOT ME. SIGH. COFFEE COFFEE COFFEEE~