A/N: Ok, this chapter is up much sooner than I had anticipated. I thought maybe a few days, but I just spent about an hour after I finished my homework writing this, so I hope you all like, and thanks so much for the replies. Enjoy! Okay, this chapter has been revised, and I think that I fixed my problem, but if you see the names messed up again, don't hesitate to tell me.
PART THREE
Had I known what an impact Resa would have on my life, she wouldn't have been hurt at all by me, but the facts remain the same, I hadn't known, and believe it or not, I was no nicer to her than Jack or anybody else in school, excluding Carrie, of course, and her friends. They may not have liked Resa much, but she was a friend of Carrie's, and any friend of Carrie's was a friend of theirs. That's how people were back then, friends helped friends, they respected their wishes and accepted their decisions. Which was why I couldn't let Jack down, I had to do what I had to do to make sure I remained loyal, and I wasn't about to allow the Lopez-Fitzgerald girl to ruin everything. I know, I'm making excuses, and to be honest, there is no excuse for what I've done, there is no excuse for a lot of things, and yes, I have many regrets. Anyway, I managed to screw things up big time with just a few simple words. The confrontation from hell, that's what I liked to call it, no other title seemed to fit. She had walked up to me one day, she had been friendly, she had been forgiving, she had been kinder than any of my so-called friends had ever been and I shot her down, I had caused her eyes to well with tears, I had caused her pain, more pain than I had ever wanted to.
"Nicholas," she had said gravely, knowing she was taking a big risk. "Is it alright if we talk?" Her voice had sounded so meek, yet it held a strength I could have never imagined. "I have something I would like to say," at that, I had looked at her strangely, as if she had two heads or something. Why had she wanted to talk to me? Hadn't she been aware of the people I hung around with? Why chance it? Well, she had chanced it, she had taken a risk that not many girls would have done in her position, and that is one of the many reasons I had admired her, still do admire her. "Are you going to say anything?" She had asked, and I'm sure she had been feeling uneasy due to my being non-responsive.
"I really don't have anything to say, Resa, and if I were you, I'd go pray for my soul, because you're talking to somebody almost as sinful as the devil himself," my every word had been laced with cruelty, but as I looked back at Resa, she hadn't moved an inch from where she'd been standing. She was still there, watching me, waiting. Waiting for what, I didn't know, maybe for me to continue, but that hadn't been my intention. What was wrong with this girl? Why wasn't she leaving me alone, especially after how rude I had been? She was still staring expectantly, as if I had something nice to say to her. That wasn't going to happen, especially when we were just outside of the school at lunch, still in ear shot of a few students. "Why are you still here? I have a reputation to keep up and there is no way I'm going to be seen with you for too long, so if you don't mind, please go away," okay, so they weren't the nicest words I could have said, and yes, Resa did look a bit taken aback by them, but her emotionless façade never dropped.
"I wouldn't dream of that," she had replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes at me. She was tiring, here she was, annoying me to no end, and then she rolled her eyes at me. Where had she gotten her nerve? "Look, Nicholas, when I looked at you with your friends, I thought that you were different. You looked different, better, maybe even kinder. I can't believe how wrong I was about you. You're not kind, you're not nice, and you're no better than any of those cruel people you hang with. It's kind of funny," she let out a small laugh, one that I hadn't believed to be real, and continued. "I thought that you were good, compared to all of your friends, I thought that you were good. I didn't see you as being mean, I didn't see you as being heartless, and I never would have seen you as helping to spread rumors about me," she paused for a moment, trying to keep her composure, "what have I ever done to you? Why me, of all people, why me? I never did anything, to any of you, and yet you still don't hesitate to try and make me miserable, and I must admit, you almost succeed, but there's always a brighter side to look at. All I want to know is what I've ever done to you? Please, you at least owe me that much, just tell me what I've done to you or your friends," she stopped, waiting for my answer, and when it hadn't come, she nodded her head as if expecting it and slowly walked the other way. Why couldn't I have just answered? Why couldn't I just tell her what she wanted to know? The answer was simple, really. She hadn't done anything to any of us, but I couldn't have told her that, could I have? What if I had, what would her response have been? Well, I guess we'll never know now because I hadn't said that, I hadn't said anything. Maybe I should have ran after her, maybe I should have called out her name to get her attention, but eyes had been on me, and my reputation had been at stake.
The next day at lunch, instead of going outside like the previous day, my friends and I stayed in the cafeteria. Resa must have had the same idea, because as we walked in, she was sitting there with friends of Carrie's. Surprisingly, Carrie hadn't showed up at school that day, therefore Resa really hadn't had anybody to back her up. She hadn't had anybody to defend her, to stand by her, to take her humiliation and put it on somebody else, such as Carrie would have done. As I had walked by her with my lunch, my grip had accidentally loosened, and…well, I'm sure I don't have tell you what had happened. My tray had dropped, splattering all over Resa, all over her hair, her clothes, her shoes, everywhere. Still a little taken aback and stunned, she had looked up at me, allowing me to see her glittering eyes that were wide open with surprise. I could tell that her emotions were about to get the best of her and that calm façade was about to fade away, but surprisingly, it didn't. I hadn't expected her next words to resemble a mixture of disbelief and distain, but sure enough, they did. "Why on earth did you just do that?" She had asked, locking eyes with myself. I couldn't answer her. I hadn't known how to answer her. The truth is, I hadn't planned on doing that, it had been an accident. I hadn't meant for it to happen, and what a coincidence that it had happened to Resa, out of all of the people in the cafeteria, it had happened to Resa, the one that we had been nothing but cruel to. Of course, I could have told her I hadn't meant it, I could have told her it had been an accident, but she wouldn't have believed me. Knowing what I had been capable of, Resa wouldn't have believed a single word I said. Of course, I also could have offered to help her clean her clothes off, or I could have offered to buy her a new outfit, but would she have accepted? I highly doubt it.
"Resa, I really didn't…" my sentence had been left unfinished as her hand rose to stop my flow of words. She stood there, not saying anything, not making any move, she just stood there. I knew that she had been trying to keep her composure, but it looked like she was about to lose it, it looked like she wanted to strangle me. I watched the different emotions cross over her features, but still, she just stood. I had tried to read her expression, to figure out what she'd been thinking, but her face was blank. She had obviously had enough control to hide her feelings, well, at least until she had spoken.
"Save it." She had said quietly, calmly. There was nothing threatening about her tone, it was the way she had said it that sounded menacing to myself. Maybe it was just how calm she had acted, but something made me feel very insecure about her. "I don't want to hear your excuses, I don't want to hear anything you have to say." The entire room had erupted into a fit of giggles, which had made me feel worse about what I'd done than Resa herself made me feel. Now, don't get me wrong, it's not like we were friends or anything, it's not like I even liked her then, yes, I may have felt guilty, but I still hadn't liked her. Now, I know that sounds unkind, but it's true, as bad as I had felt for what I'd done, I still didn't take a liking to her. Maybe my friends had brainwashed me, but she was just an outsider in my book, and at the time, I hadn't expected her to ever become anything more. "I was wrong about you from the beginning. I had believed you to be better than your friends, to actually care about other's feelings, I had believed you to be a good person, and then yesterday, after the cruel things you had said, I had felt differently," she paused, but I knew she still had more she had wanted to say, so I let her continue. "Then, after I'd had time to think about it all, I had decided that I'd just caught you at the wrong time, you were upset, and you took it out on me. That's what I had thought. I had even considered the possibility that you had been so cruel because people were watching, but I was wrong, and I admit I was wrong. You're not thing good, kind-hearted person I had believed you to be. You are just as cold and calculative as your so-called friends, maybe even worse," as she was about to walk out of the room, she turned to face me once more. "I never expected this from you, Nicholas, never in a million years. I really did have faith in you, I really did believe you to be a good soul, how very wrong I was. What could have possibly driven you to do something so heartless, I'll never know," and as her last words slipped out of her mouth, I had noticed a lone tear escape from the corner of her eye, going unnoticed by everyone except myself, who watched as she quickly wiped it away, walking out of the room.
At the time, I suppose I may have had mixed feelings for Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald, but what I knew for sure was I couldn't let her leave thinking that I had done that on purpose. So, without thinking clearly, I ran out of the cafeteria after her, knowing that I had many pairs of eyes watching my every move. Now, you may be thinking that I go find her, fix things, and everything's alright between us, maybe even good, but that wasn't the case. That was too easy, and back then, nothing like this was ever easy. So, after a moment, I caught up with her and grabbed her arm. I hadn't expected her to whirl around as fast as she had, or for myself to jump back like I had. Although I had never told anybody before, in that moment, she had intimidated me, and that didn't happen often. She glared at me for a few seconds, and then gave me a questioning glance. Well, I was new to this apology thing, therefore my words came out a jumbled mess. "Resa, I…I came to tell you…I just wanted to say…I really didn't…" As I'm sure you could guess, apologizing wasn't my thing, and to be honest, I really didn't know how to go about it.
"Look, Nicholas, unless this is important, I'd rather be home cleaning myself up," she had said more harshly than intended, and I could tell that she had been just as taken aback as myself. Okay, so I deserved that, but I still had something I had to say. However, Resa was hard-headed, and didn't seem to want to listen to a word I said, not that I could blame her. Before I had said anything more, she was already walking away, leaving me there looking dumbfounded. After a moment, it finally registered, and yet again, I ran after her, calling her name the entire way. Finally she stopped, crossing her arms over her chest. She had raised an eye brow, expecting me to say what was on my mind, but I hadn't. I had just stood there, not doing anything. In fact, I wasn't even sure what I was supposed to say.
Resa shook her head, a sarcastic smile playing on her lips. "Look Nicholas, you have a reputation to keep, and talking, or rather, not talking and just standing with me will look bad for you. That's not what you want." Her tone had sounded bitter, and I couldn't even blame her for it. She had wanted me to deny it, but I didn't. And when she realized that I still wasn't going to say anything, she walked away from me, this time swifter than before, as if warning me not to follow, not that I would have anyway. I had too much on my mind to try to talk things out with her too. Now, you may think that after this I was nicer, even friendlier to her, but that wasn't the case either. If anything, I had turned more cruel toward her, maybe because I was trying to prove to everybody that I didn't like her, or maybe because her words had gotten to me and I hadn't wanted to face them. Whatever the reason, I had turned on her. Not only that, but it seemed as if she had turned on me too. It had seemed as if she had turned colder to me, maybe even more harsh than she had been before. Of course, I did deserve it.
I knew, however, that I would regret my actions when Carrie came back, if Resa decided to tell her. But, the only thing that seemed on Resa's mind was why Carrie wasn't there, she was always there, always had perfect attendance, so why wasn't she there now? I knew that Resa had wondered the same thing as myself, and when we received the answer, both of our lives would change, forever.
A/N: Feedback is appreciated and constructive crytisicm is welcomed. Thanks.
Denise
