Here, as promised, super angst...:is sad:
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It was night. The cool breeze blew across the face of the cliff, and the sea crashed against the rocks below. A woman sat alone on the balcony of a large house, looking up at the darkened sky. The moonlight fell upon her face, making her skin appear even paler than it already was, and making her large dark eyes shimmer.
The stars twinkled in the black velvet of the night sky, and the distant hourglass shapes of the PLANTS were clearly visible.
A man sat just inside the house, watching the woman with a sad expression on his scarred face. In the silver light of the moon, Captain Ramius looked almost translucent, ethereal.
Since she had agreed to come and live with him, Andrew Bartfeld had kept a close eye on the young captain. He had asked her to come and live in this house with him both because it was too big for one person to live in by themselves, and because he didn't want her to be alone.
She was so different from the person he had met a few months ago. Outwardly, nothing seemed to have changed, but to those who knew her, like Kira and the other former Archangel personnel, she was like another person. Andrew was beginning to see what they meant. Captain Ramius smiled still, but the expression seemed fixed, like a mask. The smiles never once reached those dark marigold eyes, never once replaced the look of pain that had been in them since Jachin Due.
Her friends knew that she was hiding how much pain she was really in. She never wanted people to worry about her, never wanted to display what she percieved as weakness to others. So she kept her emotions bottled up, not letting go of the iron grip she had on her own heart.
But this couldn't last forever. The struggle of keeping everything in was taking it's toll on her already delicate frame. She was much thinner than she had been when she'd first moved into the house, and she was more tired than she should be. Eventually, if she didn't let her feelings out, something would snap.
Getting up off the stone seat on the balcony, Murrue walked inside out of the breeze. She smiled at Commander Bartfeld, and made her way to her room. She slept more than she should, but in sleep, she was freed from the endless cycle of thoughts that plagued her throughout the day.
My sleep is usually dreamless. And I welcome that...
But tonight was different. She was standing on a beach, in her old Alliance uniform. It was sunset, and the sea was hues of orange, pink, and red. The place was deserted, except for a figure that stood just ahead, looking out at the ocean.
The sunlight cascaded through his golden hair, and reflected from his blue eyes. As Murrue stared in shock, the figure turned and smiled at her. Mwu held out his arms to her. "Hey, Murrue!"
Her heart began racing for the first time in two months. Tears built up in her eyes, and she bolted across the sand towards him. Surely this was real, the last weeks of her life had all been a painful dream, a nightmare... "Mwu!"
Murrue closed her eyes, prepared for the enveloping warmth of her beloved's arms, but instead...there was nothing. Opening her eyes, she looked around in confusion. Mwu wasn't there. Turning back, she saw that he was looking down at himself in bewilderment. He looked up at her, and held out his hand. She was about to reach out and take it, but then...
The smooth, tanned skin of Mwu's hand began to turn red and blistered, burned. The burns spread down his arm and across his body, and blood began to drip from open wounds. His blue eyes, normally so full of love and happiness, filled with pain and shock. As Murrue watched in horror, he slowly faded from sight.
She couldn't take it anymore. Sinking to her knees, she began to cry, softly at first, then, as the pain in her heart got worse, the volume of her weeping increased.
"Please...please come back to me...please...Mwu!" The last word was almost a scream, filled with grief and loss.
The next thing Murrue knew, she was sitting bolt upright in her bed, in the house, alone. Her hands were shaking, and she was icy cold.
"Captain Ramius! Are you all right?" Commander Bartfeld burst through the door, and rushed to her side.
"You were calling out for...for Mwu. Did you have a nightmare?"
The details of the dream came rushing back, and her eyes filled with tears. Burying her face in her hands, she began to cry again, her body shaking with the strength of her sobs. Commander Bartfeld put a hand on her thin shoulder, then pulled her into a comforting hug.
Her defences are finally down...as sad as she may be, this is what she needed.
He let her rest her head on his shoulder as she wept, the tears soaking through his shirt. Her breath came in gasps, the force of her crying making it hard for her to take in air. He stayed with her, his arms around her, until her crying stopped.
Leading her downstairs, he made her a cup of herbal tea, as she sat on the sofa, still shaking.
"I'm...I'm sorry...for all that..."
Andrew smiled, handing her the cup. "Don't apologise. It's all right. I was wondering when this would happen, when you'd finally let yourself grieve for him. You had a bad dream, huh?"
She nodded, tears brimming in her now red-rimmed eyes. "I don't know why it hurts so much. I..I always knew something like that could happen, that I could lose him, just like...like the one before. I never let myself think about it..because it hurt too much."
She began to cry a little again. "Why did it have to happen...why did I have to fall in love with him?"
Andrew smiled sadly. "We can't control our hearts, or decide who we're going to fall in love with. We can't change what happens. If you could, if you could go back and change it so you and Commander La Fllaga didn't fall in love, would you?"
Murrue gasped, startled. "N-no...of course not...I...I...he made me happy. I loved him so much..."
"Well, then, isn't it worth it? Loving someone means that you accept the pain as well as the happiness. Even though you knew what could happen, you still took the chance and gave your heart to him. It must have been the same for him, don't you think? I'm sure he must have been worried about what could happen...but he chose to love you regardless.
I wouldn't have traded the time I spent with Aisha, either. There are many who feel that way."
The woman smiled, but the tears still fell from her eyes. "Sometimes I think..that it would be better if I joined him. It hurts so much..and I miss him so much..."
Andrew shook his head. "I know how it hurts, being the one left behind. But for the sake of the ones we loved, we have to keep going, and live our lives the best way we can. Commander La Fllaga gave his life to save yours. If you gave up that life that he saved to join him, I doubt he'd be happy about it. He wanted you to live...and it's the least you can do for him, don't you think?"
Murrue swallowed the lump in her throat. "Does..does the pain ever go away?"
"No, never. But in time, it'll hurt less, and you'll be able to focus more on the good times than the bad. I promise. And don't forget, you have your friends to help you. They're so worried about you.."
"T-they are?"
"Of course. They all care about you, and want to see you smile again, really smile. And I'm sure Commander La Fllaga would want that too"
Murrue took a sip of the warm herbal tea, and rubbed her eyes sleepily. Looking up at Bartfeld, she smiled, this time the smile reflecting in her marigold eyes.
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( T T. I wanted to write teh angst, but I don't like making Murrue-san sad. So tomorrow...more fluff XD
Please read and review! )
