A/N: Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I'm only making her characters do my bidding for a little while. The plot and original characters of Longing do belong to me, however. Jasper as the God of War and Peter "just knowing shit" are ideas that belong to Idreamofeddy.
Thank you to my wonderful beta/prereader/sister, Shelljayz, my beta and friend, Laurie Whitlock, and my prereader and friend juliangelus. I love you guys with all of my heart.
Thank you to everyone that has followed, favorited and reviewed. You are wonderful and I cannot even tell you what your support means.
Alright, everyone. I thought it would be fun to delve into the mind of an honest-to-God human for this outtake. I have dug around inside the heads of vampires, genetically-engineered soldiers and wolves, but no 100% humans ... until now. Here is what Angela had to say.
oOo
Dress Shopping with the Cullens
Sunday, December 6th, 2080
Angela POV
Ben said yes.
Ben said yes!
That was the only coherent thought that had been running through my head since yesterday afternoon when I'd asked Ben Cheney, my crush since eighth grade, to be my date to the Winter Formal … and he'd said yes! To me! And I had Bella to thank for it. She was the one who had suggested and encouraged it, and she was right. Ben said yes! He liked me too!
Whereas Jessica and Lauren had always made me feel inferior and self-conscious, Bella made me feel strong and empowered, more comfortable in my own skin. I felt like I could be me when I was with her, like I could show her sides of me no one else had ever seen. I didn't feel that way around anyone else, not even Ben because my feelings for him made me too shy for that. But not Bella. It was nice to have that, and I wished I could give her a sense of comfort. She was no doubt comfortable in her own skin, but she had been through a lot and it had seriously affected her views on people and relationships. I wished I could fix that for her somehow because it was so sad and so unfortunate, and whether she was willing to let me in enough to be her friend or not, she was still mine, and I cared. I knew she wouldn't let me fix anything for her though, even if I could somehow figure out a way to do it.
And so here I was in Seattle at Neiman Marcus on a Sunday, dress shopping with Bella and the other girls of the Cullen family. Only none of them were actually Cullens in the sense that they bore that last name. They were Rosalie Hale, Charlotte Sawyer and Alice McCarty.
This shopping trip had been a hard sell to my father. It wasn't the trip itself that bothered him. It was that it was on a Sunday, and I would be missing church in favor of perusing racks of dresses for a dance he wasn't entirely thrilled I was attending in the first place. It wasn't unexpected given that he was the reverend of Forks' only church.
Mom had come to my rescue, of course. She always did.
"One missed Sunday sermon isn't going to destroy our daughter's faith," she'd said coaxingly. "Lets let our girl have a little fun, Chris. Angie is such a good kid. She should have this."
And as he always did, dad caved to the charms of Laurel Weber, which always worked out well for me. By the time Winter Formal rolled around, he wouldn't even remember he'd had any reservations about it. My mom was that good. I loved her so much, and she was right. One missed day of church could never shake my faith in God. Something pretty huge and tragic would have to occur for that to happen, and even then, it wouldn't destroy my faith. It would merely test it.
She had also given me two hundred dollars to spend on my dress for the dance. She had taken it out of her private savings that she stashed in a mason jar and hid under a loose floorboard in the spare bedroom. She didn't keep its existence a secret from dad for nefarious reasons. Mom just thought knowing she had something no one else knew about made life a little more exciting. She also believed every woman should squirrel away some "me" money just to have, making sure I knew it was better to have a store of cash than a secret credit card. You got into less trouble that way. My mom was a smart and practical woman and had chosen to reveal her secret to me. Now it was our secret, just for the two of us. Giving me two hundred dollars of her carefully saved money for a dress for a dance I was going to with the guy it felt as though I'd liked forever, had touched me so much it brought tears to my eyes. But even though I wanted desperately to use that money to find the perfect dress, shoes and accessories, I couldn't accept it. That money was mom's.
"Nonsense," she had scoffed. "I've been saving it for both of us, Angela dear. Please take it. I want you to have the perfect dress for the perfect night. You deserve it, so go find one that will make that boy's jaw drop, only please don't give your father a heart attack."
Being in the presence of the Cullens was eerie and surreal, like I was in an episode of that ancient show, The Twilight Zone. I briefly considered pinching myself to determine if I was dreaming but decided against it. They might think I was weird if I yelped for no apparent reason.
It was just … the Cullens were just so, so out of reach, so elevated, so untouchable. Cold even. The only time any true expressions crossed their faces was the rare occurrence when their boyfriends or girlfriends made them smile, and Jasper never smiled at all. His most common expressions were indifference and annoyance, though indifference tipped the scales more often than not. Edward, Emmett, Alice and Rosalie often wore those expressions as well, Edward and Rosalie generally looking more annoyed than Emmett or Alice ever did, but still.
Then Peter and Charlotte showed up in Forks. They also looked annoyed or indifferent a lot of the time, but they also smiled more easily and laughed. It wasn't until they arrived that Jasper ever cracked a smile within the halls of Forks High School, and he was striking when he smiled. My God, striking didn't even begin to cover it. He was downright beautiful. All of the Cullens were in this sickeningly perfect way that had always seemed off to me, like it was too good to be true, but I had seen the rest of them smile before. They kind of always made me forget to breathe every time they did, and Jasper was no different. It was just so much nicer to see it on him than it was on anyone else. Not because he was necessarily more attractive but because of the fact that he literally never had in front of anyone at school before. Heck, the guy didn't even talk! At least no one I knew had heard him speak, but I was a lowly junior, and Jasper was a senior. I did know that if he did talk, it was probably only enough to answer questions when called upon in class. I didn't know him exactly, but that was the vibe I got.
The thing was, ever since Bella started to live with the Cullens, they were much more accessible. Not only that, they seemed to come to life. They never really used to speak much, even amongst each other, except for shared whispers here and there, but now they talked often. Not so much to anyone outside of their family, but there had been a couple of times when one or more of them addressed someone outside of their circle recently. They also smiled and laughed much more now. They were even more expressive than they had been before. It was uncanny actually, the way they went from almost inhuman to human just because of the presence of one person, but Bella had had a similar effect on me, so while it was uncanny, it wasn't surprising.
Those changes didn't diminish my sense of surrealness over my current situation. I had certainly never pictured myself hanging out with any of the Cullens, but here I was, dress shopping of all things. I would have felt much more uncomfortable about it if not for Bella's presence. That didn't entirely ease my discomfort, but it lessened it enough that I was actually having fun.
Alice was filled with a vibrancy I had never noticed before at school. Her smile was bright in a way I had never seen, and she was bouncing. She really liked shopping. I mean really, really liked it. I had known that beforehand because Bella had warned me about it. She'd thought it would be imprudent for me to be unprepared for the smaller girl's fanaticism. I had thought she was exaggerating, but she wasn't. Alice's enthusiasm truly knew no bounds. Once I'd grasped that, I had expected her to hijack my search for a dress, but she didn't. However, I would have preferred it if she did. I had no experience with formal dress shopping, but she seemed to have a lot. She seemed to have a lot of experience with shopping in general.
"So, Angela," she said with a brilliant smile. "What exactly are you looking for in a dress?"
"Uh," I stammered in embarrassment, blushing. "I don't know?"
Alice's smile widened with patience and what looked like fondness, but since all of this—hanging out with the Cullens, seeing them express actual emotions—was so new, I had no idea if I was right.
"Well, you're sweet, so maybe that's the theme you should go for," Rosalie suggested thoughtfully. She sounded almost … kind? She was the one who seemed most cold, so it surprised me. It surprised me that she was offering an opinion at all. "And pretty. Feminine, you know? Ben will probably respond well to something like that since he doesn't seem like a total horndog."
My blush deepened. "I definitely can't get something like that," I said, gesturing to the dresses piled in Rosalie's arms. They were all sexy and revealing. She had the body for them and, thus, could pull them off. I didn't and couldn't. Not to mention … "My dad would kill me!"
Rosalie and Charlotte smirked, clearly amused. It looked good on them. "No," Charlotte contributed to the conversation for the first time. "Probably not. You want to live long enough to actually go to the dance, after all."
"I agree with Rosalie," Bella interjected. "It has to be all those things, but it also has to be hot because it is absolutely necessary for you to knock Ben's socks off."
"Definitely," Alice agreed enthusiastically. There was a glint in her eyes I was not comfortable with. "Now, what colors do you like?"
"Soft colors, I guess," I answered.
"It's winter, so pastels are out," Alice mused. "We just won't find them, but white, gold and silver are possibilities. What do you think of them?"
"I'm open," I said easily. "Do you mind helping me pick out a few styles? I really don't know what I'm doing."
Alice's face lit up, and she started bouncing. She was clearly thrilled with my request, and I let out a breath of relief.
"Are you sure about that?" Bella questioned. Rosalie and Charlotte were regarding me with raised brows, as if I had just gotten myself into something I was not prepared for.
Maybe I wasn't, but I still needed the help. "Yes," I responded firmly. Alice squealed loud enough to make me cringe, but it was a musical sound I liked. "I was hoping all of you might give me some guidance actually."
I wondered if Alice would be irritated by this but she didn't appear to be.
My other three shopping companions smiled at me, seemingly pleased with my request, which pleased me. I found I really enjoyed the company of the three Cullen girls as well as the time I got to spend with Bella. They didn't exactly make me feel the same way she did—more comfortable in my own skin or more confident—but they couldn't, could they? They were ridiculously, almost painfully perfect. It was even more evident now that I was in such close proximity to them.
Their skin was perfectly porcelain white whereas mine was olive-tinted with a few reddish marks from past pimples. It could have been worse, I suppose, and my mom swore to me that it didn't detract from my "beauty," but when compared to Rosalie, Alice and Charlotte, I might as well have been disfigured. My hair was nice and shiny enough, but it was dull when lined up next to theirs, and I had a few split ends. I hadn't looked that close, but I highly doubted any of them had that problem. Each of them was perfectly curvy in all the right places, even Alice, as petite as she was. Her curves were just proportionate for her size. I was tall, thin, not exactly a stick, but I was certainly no 36", 24", 36". My eyes were a nice shade of brown, but they were far from the mesmerizing shade of gold every one of the Cullens possessed, which was strange since only Emmett and Alice and Jasper and Peter were related by blood. Their features were striking and complementary, timelessly gorgeous. I would never be that beautiful. These were things I wasn't typically self-conscious about. I had never cared much about my looks, though I did care about taking care of myself. It was just that I was better suited to simplicity than anything else, but it was impossible not to notice how very different I was when I was actually side by side with these beautiful girls. The funny thing was that I didn't feel inferior around them, but only because they didn't treat me that way. It was another thing that surprised me. I hadn't ever truly thought ill of the Cullens, but it just seemed like something they would do without meaning to. I was so wrong about that.
Then there was Bella. Bella, who was so much different from the girls we were with but also the same in so many ways. My skin was no match for hers, all peaches and cream and flawlessness. Her eyes were a crystal clear, even lovelier shade of brown than mine, and her hair was a much richer, silkier and lustrous brunette hue. Her body was just as perfectly proportioned as Alice, Rosalie and Charlotte's. She filled out her sweaters and jeans in ways that I never would, and she was so, so beautiful. To be honest, it was kind of disturbing, like someone had picked all the most aesthetically pleasing features they could find and threw them together to make the perfect package. It didn't feel quite the same with the Cullen girls, despite their own perfection.
All in all, I would never measure up looks-wise, but Bella had never made me feel like that mattered. She not only made me feel more confident and comfortable in my own skin, she made me feel pretty too. She always had a smile and encouraging words for me, and she really had no idea how much she lifted me up.
Even though I couldn't shake the slight sense of alarm they evoked in me, Alice, Rosalie and Charlotte were more similar to her than I had ever imagined they would be, and that brought me such relief! I hadn't been able to get Bella's and my conversation from our slumber party out of my head, and despite her reassurances, I was worried that the Cullens might not be treating her as well as she claimed. The discomfort I'd been feeling all day had slowly begun to wane because of it as the day progressed, though I highly doubted it would ever completely dissipate. I wasn't sure why I had that suspicion, but I had it nonetheless.
oOo
It was five o'clock in the afternoon. The five of us had been here since eleven, though Bella had told me that Alice wanted to leave for Seattle at six in the morning and had taken it upon herself, with a little help from Edward, to save me from that fate. Apparently, what the smaller girl had really wanted to fly us all to L.A. to do some real shopping but had yet again been talked down from that insane idea by her gorgeous bronze-haired boyfriend. That would not have been a plan my dad would approve of, but Seattle was different, and getting up to leave around six wouldn't have made any difference to me since I generally got up to get ready for church around then. I didn't tell Bella that, and it was nice to sleep in for a bit. She and the others had shown up at my house at quarter after nine, so I'd been allowed the luxury of waking up at eight, which was most certainly better than six.
What I was trying to figure out now was how on earth the four of them were still on their feet after six hours of shopping. I was freaking exhausted, but at least, after much collaboration between Alice, Bella, Charlotte, Rosalie and I and the trying on of many, many dresses, I had found the perfect one. According to Alice, it was a floor length, antique white, organza and silk gown with a pleated, flowing, A-line skirt that had lace godets. The bodice was a bustier with a back lace panel and delicate spaghetti straps, but it was still classy; the neckline was a sweetheart, but I didn't show any cleavage. It was gorgeous, feminine and romantic, and by far the nicest thing I had ever owned in my seventeen years of life. I loved it! It was also at such a reduced price for a designer gown that it actually fit into my budget. I wouldn't have enough money for shoes and accessories, but I wasn't terribly concerned about that. Even with my height, the dress was long enough to cover my feet, so I might be able to get away with wearing my sneakers. Ha! I could picture the looks of horror on Jessica and Lauren's faces if I did. I found the idea of it strangely satisfying, though it truly would have been nice to buy a pair of shoes worthy of my beautiful dress.
Alice let out a barely audible gasp. "Angela, how much money do you have to spend?"
I frowned. "Uh, two hundred dollars. Why?"
"Oh, no." She let out a sigh, and the others gave her looks I didn't understand. She pointedly ignored them. "It's not enough for shoes and accessories! That won't do."
Had Alice read my mind or something?
"It's fine," I assured her. At her dubious look, I said, "Really. I'll figure something out."
"It most certainly is not fine!" she exclaimed. "Will you let me buy those things for you? You have to have the perfect shoes and accessories for that dress, Angela!"
"I-I couldn't," I sputtered, shocked.
"Of course you can," Alice insisted, and then she gave me this puppy dog look that made my heart constrict in my chest. "Consider it a present between friends. Friends get each other presents all the time."
"Is that what we are?" I asked, in even more shock. Alice, Charlotte and Rosalie were all treating me well enough, but I had assumed they were only tolerating my presence because of Bella. "Friends?"
"What else would we be?" she replied. "Any friend of Bella's is a friend of ours."
I guess Alice didn't know that Bella and I weren't exactly friends, even if she had told me I was the closest thing she'd ever had to one. That thought brought on an unwanted wave of melancholy that I resolutely pushed away. Thinking about Bella and why she refused to form attachments broke my heart, and I didn't want that to cast shadows on what was supposed to be a fun day. Ben had said yes, after all. This was kind of like a victory dance.
I expected Charlotte or Rosalie or both to dispute Alice's claim, but neither of them did. Bella's face split in a wide grin I liked seeing on her at that. Maybe if I couldn't break through those reinforced steel walls of hers, they could. As long as she let someone in, it didn't really matter to me who it was.
"Why do I get the feeling you'll get them for me no matter what I say?" I wondered aloud.
Rosalie snickered knowingly. "Because she will."
I sighed in defeat. I really couldn't see the point. Alice's hands were propped on her hips and her jaw was set stubbornly. I knew protesting any further would get me nowhere. "Alright, fine, but please don't go overboard, Alice."
She rolled her eyes and informed me, "I will spend no more and no less than the cost of the most perfect shoes and accessories for that dress, as long as you agree that they're perfect, of course."
I could work with that. I could convince her that the least expensive shoes and accessories were the most perfect ones. I just hoped she didn't pull out the puppy dog face again.
She smirked smugly, but I had no idea why.
Alice, Rosalie and Charlotte had all found their dresses for the dance too. In Alice speak—let's face it, I would never understand fashion the way she did—hers was an emerald green, full-length, one-shoulder gown, the straps of which were pleated. The bodice clung just the right amount, tight but not too tight, and the skirt was subtly pleated and A-line. Alice didn't complain that she would have to hem it because she was so short, and it gave off an elegant vibe. Charlotte's was an understated, glittery champagne-gold with a satin band that hugged from just above her waist to just below her bust, and the neckline was a sweetheart that showed the perfect amount of cleavage, not slutty but not exactly modest either. The silhouette was fitted, and like Alice's, was tight but not too tight; the skirt flared out at the bottom but not a lot. Rosalie's dress, on the other hand, showed no cleavage, but the slit that went all the way to the top of her thigh made up for it. It was black and full-length, like the others, with a scoop neck and cap sleeves. The material was stretchy and clingy from the shoulders down to around the curve of her hips, and I had no idea how she was going to manage wearing it without showing the outlines of her panties and bra. The only way she could get away with it was if she didn't wear any underwear at all! What felt like all my blood rushed to my face and flushed my cheeks crimson with embarrassment as I realized that was probably exactly what she would do, and it only added to the fact that, in essence, her dress was the embodiment of sexy.
Each Cullen girl eyed me carefully after I came to my conclusion about the slim likelihood of Rosalie wearing underwear, and it horrified me to think that my embarrassment was written so clearly in my expression. I just hoped Alice wasn't doing that freaky mind reading thing she'd done earlier and somehow knew why I was currently beet red. Her knowing I was thinking about her sister sans skivvies would only make my face go as bright as a nuclear detonation, and that would be good for no one. They all stared for a moment, and something about them was different, something that made the uneasiness that had practically disappeared over the course of the day flare back up. I just couldn't place what that difference was.
Bella gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze that caught the other girls' attention, and they broke their eyes from my horrified face. As soon as they looked away, the spell was broken. My discomfort began to diminish again, especially at the feel of Bella's hand on me, and my blush faded from my cheeks into nonexistence. The rest of my nervousness disappeared when Alice, Charlotte and Rosalie brought their attention back to me, and I saw that they looked just as friendly as they had only a few moments before. Had I been imagining things?
The only person who hadn't found a dress was Bella.
"What is this shit, Bella?" Rosalie demanded after she wrenched the dresses that had been draped over the brunette's arm into her own and studied them, giving Bella a stony look.
"Well, they're bolts of fabric cut into shapes to make garments suitable for formal occasions," she responded smartly.
The tall blonde rolled her eyes while Alice, Charlotte and I just looked on. "No kidding," she sniped impatiently. Then she practically shoved the dresses in Bella's face before she waved her hand from the top of them to the bottom. "What I'm asking is why the hell do you have an armful of dresses that are not sexy in the least?"
Rosalie was right. All the dresses Bella had picked were very pretty but not overtly sexy. The skirts were loose and flared out at the hips, and the necklines didn't show a lot, if any, cleavage.
Bella's eyebrows puckered but not in confusion. It was more in annoyance as well as amusement. "I didn't realize sexy was a requirement," she remarked dryly.
"Of course it is!" Rosalie exclaimed with impatience, as though Bella had just said the most idiotic thing in the world. Charlotte and Alice murmured in agreement, though without the impatience.
"Um, why?"
"Because," Rosalie reasoned like that was the best possible argument. "You've got a rockin' body, Bella, nearly as hot as mine, and you must show it off. These," she gestured to the dresses again, "do not do that."
The tall, blonde, goddess-like girl was right. Bella had the body to pull off a super sexy dress, and I really had no clue why she wasn't taking advantage of that. Then again, her everyday clothes were only subtly sexy, so I suppose it made sense. Still ...
"I have requirements of my own," Bella informed us all as she crossed her arms over her chest. "And they don't necessarily have anything to do with modesty, but in this case, more coverage and less clingy is mandatory."
Rosalie cocked a brow.
"I specifically told Tyler we were only going to the dance as friends, but he either purposely ignored that directive, misunderstood it or is just plain dumb. I'm not opposed to moderately sexy, but I don't want to give the guy any reason to think I want things between us to be more than it actually is."
"Directive?" Rosalie questioned. "Who talks like that? And I get it ... so moderately sexy. That's doable. Alice, Charlotte, Angela, do you agree?"
"Definitely," Charlotte enthused.
"Absolutely," Alice replied.
"I think so," I added.
"Then lets get to work, ladies," Rosalie said with a smug expression directed solely at Bella.
Bella rolled her eyes.
oOo
A/N: Okay, then, that was a little peek into one of my favorite humans' of the series mind. I wanted to give Angela a voice and try something new, so I hope you liked it.
You will be able to find pictures of the girls dresses on my photobucket page, the link to which is on my profile.
As I promised in the last update, the next chapter checks in on Jasper. Where did he go after his and Bella's fight? What has he been up to? All will be revealed! ;)
Take care! Until next time ...
