Chapter Thirty: How Much Is Enough?

Marco

It's Sunday, and we're back at school now. We got back on Tuesday morning, but they let us take all week off of class. There was an announcement and a moment of silence for Rex's death, but after that, no one else spoke of it again.

We have tomorrow off since tonight is New Year's Eve. We're not supposed to leave the school, but the usual people will sneak out and go get drunk. There's a party in the gym, but barely anyone will go because it's actually going to be chaperoned by responsible teachers.

Jesse and I agreed to watch Gracie tonight so Alyssa can get papers and tests graded. She's been acting really depressed in class. I guess that Jeff is divorcing her, and she's still upset over Rex. We all are.

So I guess Jesse and I are a couple now. We've both been helping each other through the hard times we're having right now. That doesn't mean we're having sex, or even making out every time we're alone. We've actually been talking every night, and I sleep in his bed with him. Suddenly his request he made that first night on the train doesn't seem so crazy. I understand now that he can't sleep alone because his sister used to go in his room at night when he was scared. But then she abandoned him after their parents died. And now Rex is gone too. I know that we've both gone through a lot recently, but I think he needs more help than I do getting back on track.

Now the rooms are almost back the way they were originally. Jesse and I are back in the room together, Andrew and Rory are back in their room, Remy's in his room alone, and now that Nate doesn't have a roommate anymore, Craig is in his room. Thomas and Lindsey are still in their room together, as they always have been. So everything's pretty much back to normal.

I still think about Rory. He must be hurting right now. But I can't do anything about that. I'm with Jesse.

I don't feel the way I've ever felt.
I know.
I'm gonna smile and not get worried.
I try but it shows.

Andrew

I hate how weak I've become. I used to be stronger, before Alex died. Now I'm constantly living in fear that it will happen to me, or someone close to me, like Marco. And I cut myself every day, to help get rid of the emotional pain. I hurt myself so I'll stop hurting. How stupid is that? But I can't help it. And I'll probably never stop.

I'm ruining all of my relationships with the people I care about. Remy's still mad at me for not visiting Marco in the hospital. And Rory probably hates me for letting Marco go to Jesse instead of back to him. The person who probably despises me the most is Marco. Right when he needed me the most, I abandoned him. I acted just like his father did when he sent him away to this school. I'm probably the worst thing that ever happened to him. But he's the best thing to happen to me.

I realized that I can't just go after the first guy I think is cute. I need a relationship that's deeper than physical, and I need a boyfriend with more in common than me. He helped me realize that I'm definitely not over Alex. I should have known that before, but thinking Marco was gonna die put me over the edge.

I'm an idiot though. I need to stop hurting everyone. I should only hurt myself. Because I'm not worth it anyway.

It's a lie,a kiss with open eyes.
And he's not breathing back.
Anything but bother me.
(It takes my pain away)
Never mind these are horrid times.
Oh oh oh
I can't let it bother me.

Remy

We're all back at school, and I'm not too happy about that. I have to see Kelly in class every day. He refuses to call on me now if I raise my hand when I know the answer to a question. He even ignores me when I'm the only one who knows! I can't believe how immature he is, especially since he's twenty-five years old.

It's pretty pathetic that he left his wife for me. Of course, I feel bad for her, but I didn't intend for it to happen. And here I am, all alone. If Kelly hadn't been so obsessive and come to my house over winter break, and again to the hospital, I probably would have went back to screwing around with him when I got back to school. Oh well, it's his loss.

Now I just have to find some other boy to have some fun with.

I never thought I'd walk away from you.
I did.
But it's a false sense of accomplishment.
Every time I quit.

Lindsey

I talked to Thomas about the trial. He agreed to help, and I'm hoping that everything goes well. The court date is set for next Wednesday. I'm getting so nervous.

Of course, I agreed to go out drinking with Thomas tonight. We're celebrating New Year's at the same bar we met the twins at, so hopefully nothing too bad happens. I'm definitely not hooking up with anyone tonight.

It takes my pain away

Thomas

Theresa said she had something really important to talk to me about, so she's sneaking out of school to meet me at a restaurant for lunch.

"Hey baby," she said, slipping into the booth across from me.

"I already ordered for us," I told her. "What is this about?"

"Can't I get away from school for awhile to see my boyfriend?" she asked, grasping my hand across the table.

"Well…yeah. But you said you had something to talk about. That's the only reason I asked."

"I do have to tell you something. But promise me you won't get mad, and promise you won't make a scene?" she pleaded.

I was getting really suspicious and nervous. She was probably going to confess that she was cheating on me.

"I promise," I told her.

"Thomas…I…" she trailed off, looking away. I got up and sat next to her, looking her right in the eyes.

"Just tell me," I said, giving her a quick kiss to hopefully help her build her courage.

"I'm pregnant."

I can't let it bother me

Craig

"Why have you been avoiding me all week?" Nate asked me as I came back into our room.

"How have I been avoiding you?" I asked. "How is that possible when we live in the same room?"

"Well, you only talk to me during class, about school stuff. And, when we go to bed at night, you go right to sleep."

He had me there. I was avoiding him. I sighed, and sat down on the bed next to him.

"Nate, we have to talk," I said.

"What is it? What's wrong?" he asked me.

"Well, I should have told you this right when I got back, but I don't want to hurt you," I started.

"I know what this is about. You didn't break up with Manny, did you? You want to have both of us?" he asked, looking like he was going to cry.

"Not exactly…" I trailed off. I didn't want to do this to him, but I couldn't help it.

"Just tell me Craig," he said in an angry tone, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Tonight…I'm going back home."

"What do you mean you're going home?" he asked, raising his voice and tearing up.

"I'm not coming back. I'm sorry Nate, but I can't do this. I'm going back to Manny. I…I'm not gay. I can't be."

"You can't change who you are!" he protested, tears slowly running down his cheeks.

"I have to try."

I stood up, grabbed my bag off of my bed, and left without looking back.

Anyone can see my every flaw.
It isn't hard.
Anyone can say they're above this all.
It takes my pain away.

Jesse

Marco and I offered to watch Gracie for the night. Everything was going well so far. We played with her and changed her diaper. Then she ate some dinner of a bottle filled with formula, and threw up on herself. So, we changed her outfit, and then her diaper again. I almost felt like I had a little family going.

We were sitting on my bed with Gracie between us, watching the little TV that I brought back with us. The countdown to the New Year had just started.

"10…9…8…" Marco and I yelled together. "7…6…5…4…3…2…1…Happy New Year!"

Then, suddenly, Marco leaned in and kissed me. I'd been waiting for the kiss. But my stomach flip flopped. Because I should have been kissing Rex. He should have been there in that moment. He's dead while I'm already moving on. This isn't right.

"Marco…" I was about to voice my opinion when Gracie burst into tears. She wouldn't stop for anything at all. "I'm gonna go get Alyssa," I said, deciding it would be easier to leave for a few minutes.

I went to Alyssa's office and knocked on the door. She didn't answer, so I knocked again and called out her name. After trying this three more times, I turned the knob to see if it was unlocked. I pulled open the door and went inside. I thought I could see her sitting at her desk, but the lights were off.

"Mrs. Skye?" When she didn't answer me, I flipped the lights on, and instantly fell back, emptying the contents of my stomach onto the carpet.

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed 911.

I walked closer to the desk and saw the blood more clearly. She was sitting in her chair, with her head leaning back over the top of it. Then I saw the gun on the floor, and her hand hanging down to the side.

I had to look away, so I looked at the desk. There I saw a letter written to me.

Someone answered the phone on the fifth ring.

"Hello, 911, please state your emergency."

And she's not breathing back.
Anything but bother me.
(It takes my pain away)
Never mind these are horrid times.
I can't let it bother me.

Nate

I felt so empty. Craig just left me. He didn't look back; he didn't explain further…he just left. I don't know if I want to cry or hit something or just feel relieved. Yeah, he did hit me a lot, but I could tell that when he was back this week he was on his meds again. He wasn't going to hurt me…or so I thought.

He just did the worst thing he could possibly do.

I popped four pills in my mouth, and headed down the hall. I was going to see someone who could probably make me feel better. Or at least make me feel good for a little while.

"Nathan, what are you doing here?" he asked when he opened his bedroom door.

"I just thought that maybe you could show me a good time, Kelly."

Anyone can make what I have built.
And better now
Anyone can find the same white pills.
It takes my pain away.

Rory

There's no one in town I know

I got off the bus and looked around. I didn't have much—only a few changes of clothes and about fifty dollars. I'd stolen the money from my latest faster mother, a terrible woman who forced us to do everything for her. Unfortunately for my foster brothers, they decided to stay.

It was early February and still freezing. It was my first trip to New York City, and I instantly fell in love with it. After walking around until I was dead tired, I went into a McDonald's and bought myself some dinner.

After that, I had nowhere to go. I walked some more, and eventually found a few boys hanging out in an alley. I found out that they lived there, and they invited me to joint them, so I did. The first few days and nights of living there were fine. I bought them food for lunch usually, because with all four of us, we had to conserve the money. We begged on the corners during the day, and huddled together at night to keep warm.

We ran into a problem when it started to snow a week later. That's when a blonde haired boy discovered us. He was cute, and despite being miserable from my lack of a home and shelter, I developed an instant crush on him. For that reason, I decided to follow him when he told us he had a better place for us to stay. And my new friends went too.

We found ourselves in an abandoned subway station. It wasn't that large—past the turnstiles, it was just a circular area where people waited for the subway to pick them up. The boy told us that it hadn't been used in five years, so we didn't have to worry about anyone finding us. It was also free of snow, and there were piles of blankets that the boy had brought from home and stolen from stores. He helped us set up beds scattered around the area.

You gave us someplace to go

"I'm Rex," he said, finally introducing himself. The guys—Nick, Jake, and Ryan—shook hands with him and said their names as well. "And you are…?" he asked me, extending his hand.

"Rory," I said, shaking it. He smiled at me then. When he smiled, it was like everything was going to get better.

"I like that name."

I never said thank you for that

That night, I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned on the floor, with my bag under my head as a pillow.

"You okay?" Rex called out from somewhere on my left.

"I can't sleep," I whispered back.

"Come here."

I did as he said, and found my way over to his bed. I squinted my eyes and could just make out his form. He pulled the blankets aside and motioned for me to join him. I lay down on my back, staring up into the darkness. I suddenly felt secure and found myself falling asleep.

"Better?" he asked. I nodded, though he probably couldn't see me.

I felt him grasp my hand as I drifted off.

Now I'll never have a chance


A/N: So there you have it…the end of the story! How was it? Sorry if some people's POVs were kinda pointless…I just wanted to include everyone for the final chapter. The song that's distributed throughout the chapter is "Pain" by Jimmy Eat World and they own it. It's not in order at all, because I had certain parts that went with certain people, and I wanted to keep their POVs in the original order. But you should definitely listen to the whole song…it's really good. If you want the lyrics in the right order, I'll send them to you. (I also changed the chorus from "she's" not breathing back to "he's" in Andrew's POV only because it fits better).

And hopefully this doesn't make things too confusing, but at the end, Rory has his little flashback thing, and a different song for it. His song is "Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World (same as from Rex's funeral) and they own it. I thought I'd put his POV right at the end so I didn't interrupt the first song. Sorry if it was confusing.

Don't worry, there will be a sequel. You have to give me a little while though…possibly a couple of weeks. I want to write up a few chapters, and work on my other fic and hopefully put that up as well. So maybe two or three weeks and the sequel should be back. Of course, if I get a rush of ideas, it'll be quicker than that. Give me some suggestions for the sequel and I might just use them. I'll credit anyone whose idea I use. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Disclaimer: I in no way own McDonald's or anything to do with it. I put it in there because there's a McDonald's just about every block in NYC. I do not own Degrassi or any of its characters.

However, I do own the story line andthe following characters: Rex, Alyssa, Thomas, Nate, Rory, Remy, Andrew, Theresa, Jesse, and Lindsey. Do not use them in any stories or take my story. I've worked very hard on this and I'll find out if you take anything from me.