Dear Mr. pen pal,

It's been one hell of an interesting week, but alas I haven't heard from you after such a good start... You're not sick of me already are you? It seems everyone else is.

Jeez their laying the work on nice and thick aren't they? I don't think I'll be able to cope with much more, but I suppose I say that every year and some how manage.

I realized something today, that I'm one of those in-between people… I know what your thinking " what the fuck?" but let me explain before you let loose with the profanities and insanity pleas thank you very much.

You know how there are those people who are so nice that you want to protect them from the world? And then how there are people who are just generally bitchy and horrible and you just want to slap them. Then there are people who seem to never shut up and others who hardly say a word. And then those who are so confident and cocky nothing anyone says could bring them down…and others who can barely stand to look at themselves in the mirror. I feel like I'm in between all of those things. Like I can't really decide whether I want to be one way or another. Sometimes I want to scream forever and others I never want to talk again. Maybe that's what they mean by being human.

I'm going to tell you something that I have never told anyone before… but because I don't know you I have no reason not to trust you. If you never reply I won't think any worse of you… actually I will but I won't send threatening letters or anything.

I even feel in-between with my sexuality. Instead of love boys or girls I love necks, hipbones, chests, thighs, collarbones, lips. Anything that makes a person beautiful and unique rather then what makes them male or female. I feel like a freak on the inside and that my mind is trying to destroy itself from the inside out.

Any way, it is late and I'm afraid if I go on much longer it will just lead to the ravings of a mad man.

Hope all is well… and that you reply…

Me

Harry let the quill fall from his hand to the table, spattering the bottom of the parchment with ink. He didn't know what made him write this to a perfect stranger, these things he was hardly able to tell himself or his closest friends… not that he really had any left.

Sighing, Harry covered himself in the invisibility cloak and dragged himself up to the owlery. It was almost 2:30am and he just couldn't get to sleep, deciding that when he got back he would take a little more of Fred and George's gift, though he swore to himself that he wouldn't. Harry reasoned this breaking of promises that if he took it during a period were he was usually asleep; he would sleep through the hour of excruciating come down. He knew this was bullshit, but it's surprisingly easy to lie to yourself.

Harry returned from the owlery and re-entered the Room of Requirement. His trunk still sat at the end of the bed where he left it. He wondered what would happen is someone else needed the Room of Requirement. Would his things disappear until he came back or would the room just mould around them? Harry shook his head. He always got this way when he was over tired, contemplating meaningless and stupid things. Plonking on the edge of the bed, Harry fished around inside his trunk for the bag of green powder. Burrowing through his underwear and spare robes until he finally struck gold.

Harry contemplated different methods of ingestion before deciding on mixing it with his seemingly endless cup of hot chocolate. He knew the twins had said any way would work but the drug was still new to him and he already had experience this way.

Harry pinched three little heads into the warm drink before swirling it around in the mug making sure not to spill any. Harry lied back on the bed and took 5 huge gulps, burning his throat slightly, before replacing the cup on the bedside table. He drew the curtains of his bed around and lied in the darkness, waiting for it to kick in.

The feeling first started in his stomach. It was almost like the hot chocolate had started to bubble and fizz. He could feel it entering his blood stream and branching out, filling him with a feeling of security, wellbeing and supreme happiness. He felt it like a lump slowly moving towards his heart, once it reached its destination, his heartbeat slowed dramatically and Harry finally felt the muscles in his body relax, like the drug had squeezed out all the tension and angst he'd been feeling over the past month since returning to Hogwarts and replacing it instead with happy, joyous feelings.

Then the hallucinations started to kick in. the curtains of his bed suddenly parted and there stood his mother in a beautiful blue summer dress.

"Mum? Mum is that you?" Harry's voice sounded slightly slurred and shaky.

" Shh," his mother replied, smoothing back his hair and pulling the blankets up around him.

His mother then opened up her lips and began to sing a lullaby. He had visions of himself as a tiny baby in his mother's arms and her singing the same song she was singing now. He could feel his eyelids droop. He was getting so sleepy but he kept a tight hold on his mother's hand, not wanting to let her get away.

Harry woke the next morning and searched the room for his mother.

" She wouldn't leave me, she wouldn't, she has to be here somewhere," Harry kept muttering to himself. He pulled the room apart searching for her before leaving the room and sprinting down the hallway, screaming for his mother.

"She has to be here somewhere," Harry kept muttering, opening the door to the classrooms he passed, and searching them thoroughly. He had been searching for almost half an hour when he spotted someone with brilliant blonde hair staring out the window in one of the classrooms. It was Draco Malfoy.

His eyes where incredibly bloodshot and his tear stained cheeks gave away that Harry had come across him in a moment of misery and despair.

"Draco, Draco have you seen my mum? She was in my room singing to me and I fell asleep and I woke up and she was gone! Have you seen her?" Harry placed his hands on Draco's shoulders and began shaking him violently.

" Harry… what are you on about? Your mums dead." Draco pushed Harry away from him and backed away. Harry looked as though he was possessed. His eyes where so blank and he couldn't keep still, constantly wringing his hands, a desperate look on his face.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?" Harry screamed, launching himself and Malfoy and throwing punches at him wildly. Draco fumbled for his wand, trying to avoid Harry's fists until he was able to put Harry in a complete body bind.

"Fuck, what have you taken?" Draco pushed Harry's frozen body of him and rolled Harry onto his back, staring down at his constantly moving pupils.

Draco looked down at his watch. 5am. If he didn't move Harry now, they would be caught by Filch on his morning stalk of the school. Draco levitated Harry and directed him down the hallway to a room he had heard about and hopefully existed.

After some wrong turns and a few close calls with wandering teachers Draco finally found the corridor he once caught Harry fleeing down, trying to get away from Umbridge. He began checking the doors until he found one that led into a bedroom. Next to the four-poster bed on the bedside table, Draco found 4 vials of potions, assuming because this was, after all, the Room of Requirement, that they were only help Harry. He placed Harry on the bed and tied him down before lifting the spell.

He was instantly met with a string of profanities and threats.

" Calm yourself Harry, or I'll put the spell back on you and some how pry your jaw open to get these potions down," Draco said wearily. He had hardly gotten any sleep and was steadily loosing patients with the drug fucked Harry.

Harry was hysterical, screaming and crying. Begging to let him go so he could find his mother.

"Harry if you take these potions I'll show you were your mum is." Draco opened each of the vials and waited for Harry to open his mouth, which he did reluctantly.

Tipping the solution down Harry's throat, Draco prayed it would work, otherwise he would be forced to see Madam Pomfrey and explain what had happened…meaning when Harry came down off whatever he was on, he would no longer give a shit about keeping Draco's secret.

Draco sat beside Harry on the bed and watched him calm down. His muscles relaxed, his eyes stopped flickering constantly and the profanities and threats ceased. Harry's eyes began to droop and within half an hour he was fast asleep. Leaving Harry tied up incase it was a mere sleeping potion rather then a cure, Draco went back to his dorm room to collect his school things before heading down to breakfast. He would return for Harry after school was over.

Harry woke with an incredibly itchy nose and tried to scratch it before realizing his hand was bound. Looking around he fund himself in the Room of Requirement, but couldn't remember how he had gotten back here after posting his letter in the owlery or how he had become bound to the bed.

After raking through his brain to try and work out what was going on, it started to flood back to him, his mother singing to him, hunting through the castle to try and find her and running into Malfoy, how Malfoy had brought him back here, dosed him up with potions and bound him so he couldn't cause any more damage.

Harry groaned loudly. Why did it have to be Malfoy to find him, why couldn't it have been any one but Malfoy? He supposed Draco had left to tell Snape all about what happened.

What the hell had the Weasley's given him? It wasn't the same stuff he had sampled at their joke shop. He was going to fucking kill them; they had given him some bad stuff and made him completely trip out on it. There had been one plus side; He had seen his mother again even if it was just a drugged mind fuck. He felt less lonely than he had before hand, like seeing her had re-energized him or something, Harry tried to relax and wait until someone came to find him.

Draco returned an hour later. It was now 6:30 and he had decided to bring up a plate of food with him incase Harry was hungry. When he entered the Room of Requirement, Harry was still tied to the bed where he left him.

" You could sex him and he couldn't stop you," A filthy, cheeky little voice whispered in his ear. Draco entertained the thought for a few seconds before pushing it from his mind; he refused to lower his standards that far.

" Hello Malfoy, and I thought you'd never return. I knew you were gay but I never thought you were a kinky fuck," Harry said, trying to look as cool as you can tied fully clothed to a bed.

" Shut up potter or I won't give you any pie," Draco placed the dish on the bedside table and undid Harry's hands then feet. Harry rubbed his wrists, which had severe rope burn on them, his muscles had seized up from having to keep his arms above his head for so long.

"Who says I want your pie… you probably drugged it."

" You don't need my drugs to fuck you up Potter. You're lucky none of the teachers found out. " Draco turned to leave but only got halfway when Harry called out his name.

" Draco… thanks."

A/n this is the longest chapter I've ever written ever ever ever. I better get some major reviews for this effort peoples… tell me if you like the story so far and what you'd like to see happen! Much love, Emma

P.s thank you to my beta Sarah for letting me steal your line ( can't remember which) and for making my story readable!