I Don't want to Die Alone
Part 1: I've never wanted to leave
''Why am I like this? Why do I run away in front of everything? Maybe I'm scared to confront everything. It so easy to turn around and run. The problem is that after, I have to live with my regrets and my remorses, I have to sleep with what I've done.
Rory, I've never wanted to leave you or hurt you like I did, but you know me, I always run away. I'd like to give up that habit. The thing is, it's the only thing I know, run away in front of the problems.
If only you knew how ashamed I was. Getting expelled from school and Dean beating me up, all in one day, I think there's nothing more humiliating. On the top of that, I passed my frustration on you and I tried to force you to have sex with me. I'm so sorry! If only you knew! And the jerk I am, I saw only one solution: run away without giving any explanation, without saying anything to anyone. I hate myself for what I am. I wish I could be different.
If only you knew how I love you...yes, I love you Rory. Maybe I've nerver told or proved it to you, but that's the truth. I love since the first time I saw you. I've nerver stopped loving you. Even if I wasn't showing it, I loved all those times that we crossed each other on the street or in the shops, when you were coming to Luke's...I love you to death.
I need you to tell me you love me, or at least that you had loved me, I need you to have faith in me, I need to change, I need a second chance...I need you, Rory. I need you in my life. I need you to help me because I'll never get through this alone. There's only you that count for me. I want you in my life, for the better or the worse. I don't care, as long as I am with you.
I think I know what scares me: loliness. I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. Maybe I was lonely when I was in Stars Hollow, but I hated it. Your presence was refreshing. Now that you're not there anymore, I'm not doing fine. I'm doing awfully bad. I'm bored. I miss you. And Luke. And Stars Hollow. Why Stars Hollow? Because at least, even if I was hated, I had the impression to exist. Now I don't even know if I would appear on a radar because I feel so lonely.
I don't want to die alone...''
There's no expeditor address or signature, but I whose words are these. So much distress could only come from Jess. He needs me, my help...and I need him. How do I tell him I love him, that I want and can help him? I would answer him, but I don't have any address to send the letter...but maybe Luke knows where he is! I have to see Luke...
Rory got up and left. She got in not time to Luke's. When she entered in the diner, he stayed surprised to see that she wasn't with her mother.
Hey Rory, he said. Your mom's not with you?
Huh no, she's at the inn.
What can I get you?
Jess's address.
I beg your pardon?
I want you to give me Jess's address. You know where he is, do you?
Luke looked at her silently for a moment, looking sorry.
I'm sorry Rory but he didn't give me any life sign. But why do want so much to know where Jess is?
Did she have to tell him? After all, she would do anything to find Jess.
I got a letter from him yesterday. There wasn't any address of the expeditor or a signature but I know it's him. He needs my help, Luke. You shoulf have seen what he wrote. I'm all shattered.
She let drop a few tears. Luke felt he had to do something.
Listen Rory. I don't know where Jess is, but his mother probably know it. She lives in New York. I can even drive you there.
Thanks Luke, but his mother's address will do. I know a little New York.
Ok. Hold on, I'll go get it.
Ok.
Luke went upstairs and came back about 5 minutes later with a piece of paper in his hands, which he handed to Rory.
Here you are, he said. Good luck Rory.
Thanks Luke. I owe you one.
No. It's a pleasure to help you.
Ok. See you later!
Bye.
Rory got out of the diner but came back a moment later.
Huh Luke? she said.
Yeah?
Can I ask you to tell my mom, please?
Sure. You can count on me.
Thanks.
Take care.
Promise. Bye!
Bye.
This time, she really left. She got back home, took her backpack ant put some clothes, a book, money and, the most important: Jess's mother address, in it. Then she got out of the house, locking the door behind her and went to the bus stop.
At Luke's, Luke, when Rory left, had taken the phone to call Lorelei, to who he asked to come and see him. He didn't want to tell her on the phone. So Lorelei stepped into the diner about 15 minutes later after Luke's phone call.
Hey Luke! she said. What's going on?
Sit, he answered.
What she did.
You're scaring me, Luke. Tell me what's going on.
Lorelei, Rory left earlier.
So what?
Wait, she left to go to New York.
Why does she go there?
I don't know if you know, but she got a letter yesterday. Without any expeditor address.
Huh...yes. Why?
That letter, it comes from Jess.
What?
You heard. Jess wrote to Rory. He was asking her her help.
Her help? To do what?
I don't know. Rory didn't tell me more.
Rory came to see you? Why?
Yes. She wanted to ask me if I knew where was Jess. I told her I didn't know but I gave her his mother's address, thinking she would know. So that's why Rory went to New York.
Well, ok.
We just have to wait for her to give us news.
I think that's all that's left to do. For now, I'm going back to the inn, Sookie's alone with the contractors and Michel and Idon't really like it.
Ok. See you later then.
Yes, see you later.
And Lorelei left, and Luke got back to work. On Rory's side, she was in the bus that would bring her to Hartford, when she would take a bus that was going to New York. She arrived in Hartford about 30 minutes after she had left Stars Hollow, she bought her ticket, got into another bus and left Hartford. She arrived in New York about 2 hours after she had left Hartford. When she got off of the bus, she reoriented herself, took out the piece of paper with Jess's mother address, thought for a moment and took a direction. She had to ask her way a couple times but she ended at the good place. When she got to the appartment's door, she hesitated a few seconds, then knocked. A few seconds later, a woman about her height and looking a little bohemian opened.
