The Chess Club knew no holiday. On the Sunday before Christmas a Match was scheduled with nearby Jefferson County. Nicole had left only the day before, and chess was the last thing David Gordon had on his mind, but when he missed the Saturday outing in the park, both Tudge and Meryl phoned and urged him not to let down the team. They needed his expertise.
Gordo felt sure he wouldn't be playing up to par, that his mind would be elsewhere, but they each insisted. To Larry he'd said "We'll see." With Meryl, it was a harder to say no, especially when she pleaded, "Come on, Gordon! I'll even have my mom come pick you up. And I'll buy you a strawberry milkshake at Mickey Dee's. Please?"
So now it was Sunday morning, and Gordo found himself sitting on the curb outside the front of the school, sipping a strawberry milkshake while Meryl worked on that traditional holiday favorite, eggnog. They were early, waiting for the others to arrive, including Mr. Dig in the school van, who would drive them all to West Side High in Jefferson County.
Gordo looked across at Meryl and grimaced. "Eggnog?"
She nodded heartily, sucking on the straw.
Gordo shivered. "Ughh…."
That was all they said for quite a while. Any other time, Gordo would have found it nice sitting here with Meryl, but today all his thoughts were with Nicole, who at this moment must be somewhere in the Midwest, in the back seat of her family's SUV, traveling to her new home, her new school, and her new life, which would not include him.
Yesterday had been horrible, and today didn't promise to be much better.
Meryl seemed to understand Gordo was not up to conversation and allowed him the quiet opportunity to work on his milkshake. For this, Gordo was extremely grateful. The air felt cool and thin, and the morning was quiet, save the chirping of some birds in a nearby tree. All of this, though, was lost on Gordo, who could not quiet the sounds of Nicole's sobs in his mind. It had been less than twenty four hours. He really shouldn't be here. He wasn't cried out yet. What if he couldn't make it through this day…?
Gordo's anxious thoughts were interrupted by the loud slurping of Meryl coming to the end of her milkshake, vaccuming the bottom of the cup with the straw. He looked across and she shrugged sheepishly. "Sorry…"
Gordo smiled a little, but said nothing.
"Still working on yours?" Meryl questioned.
Gordo nodded, but still he said nothing.
"Oh, look," Meryl said. "It's Scott and Ricardo. Hey, guys! Over here!"
Their fellow chess players approached, walking in from outside the chain link fence. "Hey," Scott said. "What's up?"
"Oh, you know," Meryl said breezily. "Same old, same old."
She then began to converse amiably, doing everything she could to keep the attention off Gordo, who just sat quietly and listened, amazed that his three friends could enjoy each other's company like normal people whose hearts were not broken.
In a little while, Gordo was able to tune them out. Once again he was thinking of Nicole, and wondering why he insisted on torturing himself like this. He should just go home. He wanted nothing more than to just go home.
And then, as he was about ready to bolt from the scene, Ricardo suddenly turned the conversation by asking, "Hey, Meryl, did Tudge tell you what he found in his locker Friday afternoon?"
Meryl glanced warily at Gordo, then said, "Yeah, I heard about that."
Ricardo laughed and Scott questioned, "What was it? What did he find?"
"Hey, Gordon, did you hear?" Ricardo persisted.
"It's no big deal," Meryl said.
"What was it?" Scott repeated.
Gordo sat paralyzed, knowing what was coming. Ricardo laughed again and said, "A condom! Somebody slipped a condom through the slats of the Tudge-man's locker. A Christmas gift, maybe? Santy Claus looking out for Tudge and Meryl?" he teased.
Under normal circumstances, Gordo would have jumped to Meryl's defense. She was, however, quite capable of defending herself, and so, pulling herself up to her full height of almost five feet one half inch, she smacked Ricardo on the arm. "Shut up, Blanco! That's none of your business!"
"A condom?" Scott asked. "What kind of condom?"
"I don't know!" Ricardo laughed.
"'Ribbed for her pleasure'?" Scott wondered.
"No! Just a normal condom. In a blue package. A Trojan, I think. That's the one in the blue package, right? Hey, Gordon, which is the one in the blue package?"
Gordo buried himself in his milkshake and once again Meryl found her feathers ruffled, placing herself between Gordo and Ricardo. "Leave him alone!" she demanded. "Don't you know? Nicole left only yesterday. He doesn't need any of your shit right now, Blanco."
"Oh, man!" Ricardo exclaimed. "Sorry, dude! I didn't know."
"Sorry, dude," Scott agreed.
"Well, now you know," Meryl said testily.
Thankfully, at that moment, a red station wagon pulled into the parking lot.
"Oh look, it's AnnaBelle," Scott said as they all watched her get out of the car. "Look at her mom," he said in absolute amazement. "Her mom looks so normal, doesn't she?"
Now the topic had shifted, and in a few moments, AnnaBelle joined the small group. The discussion now turned to whether Tudge and Amy would be joining them today, and where could Mr. Dig be?
Gordo sunk back again, reliving the dreadful conversation about the condom. Of course he knew all about it. He had put the damn thing in Tudge's locker, late Friday afternoon, slamming his fists against the metal slats as he fought back tears.
He and Nicole had just had their final parting, right out here on the front steps of the school. Everything was packed up and ready to go, the Hessels would be leaving first thing in the morning. This was it. This was the end of David and Nicole, Nicole and David. They stood on the front steps, they hugged, they kissed, and Nicole sobbed those sobs he could not now get out of his mind, while her dad waited patiently in the SUV at the curb.
Gordo had wanted to cry too, but he wasn't going to let himself do that in front of Mr. Hessel . He wasn't going to give Nicole's dad the satisfaction of knowing that his life had been utterly ruined.
And he was determined to stay strong for Nicole. So he dried her tears, he kissed her eyes, he promised to write and phone, and then he put her in the SUV, still clinging to her hand as much as she clung to his. Then she was taken away from him, ripped out of his life, and he went back into the now empty school, punching lockers, tearing flyers from the wall. He didn't know what to do with himself, he didn't know how to make himself believe this was really over.
Then suddenly he remembered the condom in his wallet. He didn't need it anymore. He and Nicole had not used it, and he felt quite certain he would not have an opportunity to use it any time in the near future. At first he had the idea to perform a ritualistic destruction. Perhaps he should go in the bathroom and burn it? Maybe he could fill it with water and fling it from the roof of the school. Wasn't there a paper shredder in the school office? He should run it through the paper shredder, a symbolic gesture of the absolute shredding of all his hopes and dreams.
But in the end his altruistic spirit won out and he decided to gift it to someone. And who better than his best friends, Tudge and Meryl? He had no idea whether or not they were "doing it." Both insisted this was a highly personal question and shared the details of their sex life with no one, not even their closest friends. Gordo suspected they were. He hoped they were, he hoped somebody was, because he certainly wasn't and didn't see how he ever would.
He pulled the bright blue package from his wallet. Yes, it was a Trojan. He forced himself down the hall to Larry's locker and shoved the package inside, thinking Wear it in good health, buddy.
Now he was somehow in the back of the school van, sitting next to AnnaBelle who was talking incessantly about something or other. He wasn't listening to her, or to anyone, not even to Mr. Dig singing along with the radio. He knew nothing, he saw nothing, until somehow he felt a pair of green eyes upon him. Looking up from his troubled thoughts, he noticed Meryl staring back at him.
Suddenly Gordo's heart bounced off the inside of his chest. Did she know? Did Meryl know? Something about the way she looked at him made him feel certain she knew he had put that condom in Tudge's locker. He knew he should feel more embarrassed than he actually did. After all, nothing clung to him quite so dramatically as the absolute conviction that of all things, he was, most of all, pathetic.
But as pathetic as Gordo felt himself at this moment, he could hardly be bothered to care. He let his eyes pass wearily over Meryl's concerned expression, then shifted in his seat so that he looked out the window of the van, concentrating on nothing more than the white lines of the highway which rushed up with such great commotion, then silently faded away.
